Body Image and Relationships

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  • bridgie101
    bridgie101 Posts: 817 Member
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    We don't live together. My overnight company is required apparently lol

    Maybe it annoys her that you haven't jumped her bones.

    There's a thing... a guy who asks for sex is not allowed it. It's got to be one of the fundamental laws of the universe. If he's so weak he has to beg, he's not a man.

    If she let you in her bed - just go for it. If she slaps you down, get out of the bed and leave. And don't come back.

    That's the rule. What the heck are you in her bed for if you're not bonking? That's absurd.

    I am wondering if you've created your own avalanche - being too sensitive, not daring to just make a move... poking about in her head wanting verbal psychological reassurance when she wants domination and masculinity. Maybe she doesn't even know what is in there, but is on some level annoyed and dissatisfied.

    Basic question: have you kissed her? Has she kissed you back? That's the request. That's the consent. If she doesn't want to kiss you, leave. She doesn't find you attractive. If she kisses you back.. move to level two. Forget your body. Forget your insecurities. Shut your eyes and just go with it.

    And as I say: if she slaps you down, that's goodbye forever. Unless of course she's a virgin waiting for marriage, in which case what are you doing in her bed?
  • kell2116
    kell2116 Posts: 77 Member
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    OP, you look great. Being in a healthy relationship should make you feel better about yourself, not worse. I adore my boyfriend's naked body; he's far from what Men's Health magazine would consider physical perfection, but to me he is absolutely perfect. Because I love him, I love all of him. Everyone deserves to be loved like this, and especially someone like you who has achieved so much through hard work, determination and general awesomeness. You want someone who can't wait to get your kit off and get their hands all over your hot new bod! Good luck!! :-))
  • Allterrain_Lady
    Allterrain_Lady Posts: 421 Member
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    GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!! This person doesn't deserve to be with someone who puts some much effort into getting better.
    YOU, on the other hand deserve WAY MORE THAN THAT!!!
  • catrionaprovan
    catrionaprovan Posts: 26 Member
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    a relationship is supposed to be two people who mutually support each other. and not make one another feel insecure about their looks. I would rethink what you want out of a relationship, because what you want matters as well
  • TheSlorax
    TheSlorax Posts: 2,401 Member
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    OK, forgive me for asking, but your OP and consequent posts have been rather gender-neutral. Is this a guy your with...? Because this totally sounds like some **** a guy would pull.

    bingo

    wow good observation. when OP didn't correct anybody I assumed it was also a girl! it still doesn't change the fact that you need to get the **** away from this person, man or woman. I will say it again - stop being a doormat!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    So why is she still dating you?

    More importantly, why have you waited 4 months and had no sex yet??
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    It's funny that people are still talking "she" and "her" when it's been established at the top of this page that the person he sleeps with every night has a wang.

    Because we haven't read all the posts
  • Glenno33
    Glenno33 Posts: 9
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    Hate to say this man but isn't just you.the relationship I'm in I really don't care about appearance after seeing them for years cause its always the same person but for some reason she has confidence issues in herself and for some reason blaming something else is more easily acceptable.dont worry bro if it wasn't that it would be a head ache I'd rather honesty even if its confidence or just can't be bothered.
  • Jestinia
    Jestinia Posts: 1,153 Member
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    pfft figures. Yeah you could totally do better.

    And you should totally do better. Unless he wants to pay for your skin surgery and recovery time, I suppose. In which case you could consider it, although if I were you I'd just walk away.
  • CantStopWontStop92
    CantStopWontStop92 Posts: 165 Member
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    You deserve a whole lot better. I'm sorry OP:( It seems silly but physical attraction plays a big role in the dynamic of the relationship. If that person is really invested in you, they'll make you feel like the hottest thang since sliced bread. The guy I'm seeing right now looks like a photo shopped, younger, ripped Antonio Banderas. Just about fell over when I met him. This guy could get any girl he wanted, but he is constantly reminding me how pretty he thinks I am, how awesome he thinks my body is, blahblahblah. I'm very much aware that I'm not where I want to be yet physically, but in a relationship I don't need to hear constant critique. Demand better of your partners OP, it's their loss, not yours, if they can't accept you.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    I do not look that bad naked. Yes I have loose skin, but it's not like I am wearing my former belly as a skirt or something. I have NEVER been so unattractive to someone. We have been together for four months and we have yet to have sex.

    Are these kinds of comments normal or ok if pushed for?

    I am in the best shape of my adult life and yet I have the worst self-esteem about my body I have ever had. Caused by you know who.

    Sorry to hear that you feel bad about yourself, having achieved so much.

    BUT - wth was with the pushing? I can understand what was said was hurtful, but YOU said you "pushed & pushed" for it. Why did you not just let it lie?

    If you were dating someone who wore their former belly as a skirt but they "pushed & pushed" for an explanation of why they sensed you were less attracted to them than they could be, what would you say?

    I don't think you should ditch this person, or be concerned about it being 4 months of dating and not banging yet.

    I do think you should chill out and try really hard not to let your insecurity get in the way.

    Or possibly lay off dating until you are in a really confident headspace.
  • RonnieLodge
    RonnieLodge Posts: 665 Member
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    More importantly, why have you waited 4 months and had no sex yet??

    I am finding all the posts where people are saying '4 MONTHS and no SECHS?!?' pretty funny - what happened to getting to know someone outside the bedroom first? Some of the best bedroom experiences I ever had, I knew the person for years previously.
  • mcliff1975
    mcliff1975 Posts: 3 Member
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    Run, Run, Run......... if she's already making you feel less confident at 4 months, imagine having to listen to hear complain about it 20 years from now.
  • aoikirin
    aoikirin Posts: 143
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    *Update*

    I finally ended things. I miss him a lot but it was a necessary step to preserve my dignity and self-respect. How can one be in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to bestow acceptance. I do feel lonely now, and I miss the fun times we had seeing old movies together and just the companionship in general. But clearly I needed to get out of that situation.

    Every day that passes I feel a bit stronger. He had really hurt my self esteem a lot.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I'm glad you left him. Good for you!! :-)

    I hope you will find someone who is not only a great partner but also loves your body!

    btw...this from a woman who was not that physically appealing to her obese ex husband but is like the dream girl of her super hot fit husband who couldn't keep his hands off her, even at the same weight as before. And now, with saggy skin from losing 99 lb.

    It can happen!! :-)
  • Jennvandemark
    Jennvandemark Posts: 179 Member
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    I am glad you stood up for yourself and not letting him hurt you anymore. I am sorry you are lonely :frown: . I hope you find someone soon who will love every part of you. You seem like a very nice guy the next one is going to be darn lucky to catch you. :flowerforyou:
  • FrenchMob
    FrenchMob Posts: 1,167 Member
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    Heck, if my wife of 11 years would have told me something like that I would have told her to GTFO of my life NOW, never mind a 4 month relationship.
  • bf43005
    bf43005 Posts: 287
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    You made the right choice by leaving. That person clearly didn't care about the person you are and only saw the outside. So what happens as you get older and wrinkle. Yes a relationship should have physical attraction but without the emotional connection it wouldn't last, and would you really want it to? Don't let it hurt your self esteem. You clearly have been making great choices in your life and this was just one more of them. I'm sure you will find someone who absolutely loves you with loose skin, saggy butt, or smelly feet LOL! And you will look back on this person and laugh at how you even thought for a second that they could hurt your self esteem!

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