FWB ignored me at bar ...
Replies
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He was not a friends with benefits. You were a little fleshlight that he pulled out when ever he wanted to get off and nothing more.
I just googled "fleshlight".... :frown:
ahhh curiosity is killing me now........must go google fleshlight
Hope you're not at work!
*sighing head lowered to desk* I am but that's ok I work at a doc's office and they google crazy **** all the time.............words like micropenis......my first week here I saw them google that and I knew I would fit right in. Oh and one for you guys to google......*kitten*
Whhyyyyyy!?!?!?!!? :sad:
hey now be happy you haven't known what that word meant until now, always look on the bright side. I found out when I was 16..............ONLY because my friend kept calling me a *kitten*-burger. How about that for a visual..YIKES0 -
He was not a friends with benefits. You were a little fleshlight that he pulled out when ever he wanted to get off and nothing more.
I just googled "fleshlight".... :frown:
ahhh curiosity is killing me now........must go google fleshlight
Hope you're not at work!
*sighing head lowered to desk* I am but that's ok I work at a doc's office and they google crazy **** all the time.............words like micropenis......my first week here I saw them google that and I knew I would fit right in. Oh and one for you guys to google......*kitten*
Whhyyyyyy!?!?!?!!? :sad:
OMG. They included an actual PICTURE of it?! That's effin' hilarious!!!0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.0 -
1. He is not into you.
2. You need to put HIM on ignore.
NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.
quoting and emphasizing for the great advice. fo reals.
And this^^^^^^^^^
Yep
Couldn't agree more!
Also, do you think he is spending his time doing this? Wondering and yearning and over analyzing every little detail?
In short, the answer is 'no'.
He'll be 'doing' whatever girl is putting up with his way of life.
Don't spend any more of your time on him. You've already given him enough.0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
your points on FWB are valid (in that both parties need to have FWB expectations without hope of anything else), however calling a woman "easy" for wanting a relationship solely sexual in nature is pretty ****ed up. and, hey, also outdated. but what do I know....
eta: yes, I know that OP wanted more than sexual relationship which is why this thread exists. but what if I go on a date with someone, we both really like each other/want the relationship to continue, and as a result, we decide to sleep together on the first night? am I "easy"? have I killed all chances of a relationship with someone because I didn't play hard to get? no, I didn't think so.0 -
He was not a friends with benefits. You were a little fleshlight that he pulled out when ever he wanted to get off and nothing more.
I just googled "fleshlight".... :frown:
ahhh curiosity is killing me now........must go google fleshlight
Hope you're not at work!
*sighing head lowered to desk* I am but that's ok I work at a doc's office and they google crazy **** all the time.............words like micropenis......my first week here I saw them google that and I knew I would fit right in. Oh and one for you guys to google......*kitten*
Whhyyyyyy!?!?!?!!? :sad:
OMG. They included an actual PICTURE of it?! That's effin' hilarious!!!
I got a nasty rotted penis when I googled...0 -
tagging in to read later0 -
1. Why did you want him to talk to you ( I honestly would be pissed off if he DID talk to me after I was treated like that)
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
Rules to follow:
1. NEVER allow yourself to be treated with less than respect ( bedroom games don't count)
2. If you have to compromise yourself or break your heart - break your heart
3. Don't settle for less than what makes you happy ( that means if you want FWB do it, but don't confuse it with a relationship, if you want a relationship don't engage in FWB)
I guess this situation has become so overwhelming to me emotionally that seeing him walk right past me was the culmination of it all ... Like a slap in my face! I was just shocked & hurt ... sending him that text after was like a "hey don't treat my that way!" I wanted to end on a note w/ him where I can feel good ... that i won't allow his actions to take away my true character.
Honestly I have not seen any evidence where he is a GOOD friend. Let alone worth something more. I think he used you because he could (not evidence of a good friend)
To show him that he can't take anything from you , stop giving him anything: time, attention, thought. He is out of your life and not worth it ( I can't actually come up with a scenario where he deserves a second or is it third chance)0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
I *might* have slept with my husband the first night I met him. We didn't go out on an actual "date" for at least 2 months. We'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary next year.0 -
WALK AWAY. Have no contact with this guy. He doesn't want a relationship with you and he never will. That's why he's ****ing other girls behind your back. I think he wants to let you down gently. He already knows you're in love with him because you asked him about your relationship. He's still not going to go out with you, no matter how long you've been casual for.
He saw you at the bar. He didn't want to talk to you, probably because he feels awkward that he offended you by going to the bar with that other girl.
Do yourself a favor and listen to this advice. The same happened to me. Sure, he'll keep you around as a **** buddy, but he also wants to see other girls. Don't let yourself be the type of person he can click his fingers at and you'll fall into bed.
Be strong and move on from this guy. Don't reply to his texts and DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL otherwise he'll label you as crazy.
Get a guy who wants to take care of you. Get someone who actively WANTS to go out with you! Don't waste time on this guy who doesn't care about you.
Please save yourself some heartache hun.0 -
It's clear you were very attracted to this person and he really hurt you, but you kept going back. Studies show that women are most attracted to men with immune systems most opposite their own. You were drawn in. He felt it and you were attractive enough to sleep with but just not "the one". You have stop looking back. It will not get better. Get out there and find someone else.0
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2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
I think you are assuming that all meaningful relationships have to end in marriage. Or that all/most men are looking to avoid long term relationships in favor of causal ones.
My very best friend and I had a FWB arrangement for several years. Like 6. Did we marry each other? No. But he is still my absolute best friend and he's been absolutely wonderful to my husband and daughter. If somebody is actually your friend with benefits, THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND and they respect you independent of sex.
I don't really care when you were born -- sexism can happen at any age.0 -
I want a committed relationship with no benefits
^^^That's called "Marriage". At least it was in my case until I got the F out of Dodge.
And my response to the OP would be pretty much the same as everyone else's here.0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
I *might* have slept with my husband the first night I met him. We didn't go out on an actual "date" for at least 2 months. We'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary next year.
But would you have been cool with him dating/sleeping with other people? With the understanding that this is not a relationship. Would you have let it go for 2 years without a title? Congrats btw.
Chemistry is great ( I slept with my husband LONG before I married him) I can see the appeal of FWB , but only for short term and physical needs.0 -
1. Why did you want him to talk to you ( I honestly would be pissed off if he DID talk to me after I was treated like that)
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
Rules to follow:
1. NEVER allow yourself to be treated with less than respect ( bedroom games don't count)
2. If you have to compromise yourself or break your heart - break your heart
3. Don't settle for less than what makes you happy ( that means if you want FWB do it, but don't confuse it with a relationship, if you want a relationship don't engage in FWB)
I guess this situation has become so overwhelming to me emotionally that seeing him walk right past me was the culmination of it all ... Like a slap in my face! I was just shocked & hurt ... sending him that text after was like a "hey don't treat my that way!" I wanted to end on a note w/ him where I can feel good ... that i won't allow his actions to take away my true character.
Honestly I have not seen any evidence where he is a GOOD friend. Let alone worth something more. I think he used you because he could (not evidence of a good friend)
To show him that he can't take anything from you , stop giving him anything: time, attention, thought. He is out of your life and not worth it ( I can't actually come up with a scenario where he deserves a second or is it third chance)
How did he use anyone if he was the one abiding by the terms?0 -
I honestly don't klnow what to say cause I can't believe this went on for 7 pages and counting!
Some posts were meaningful, insightful advice, some rude/mean, but I knew putting this out there would get me some of that feedback! I can take it though ... tough 39yr old here! Yes, I am 39 and I am still dealing w/ f'd up issues w/in myself ... and this situation has made me look in a mirror BIGtime!
Okay, okay ,maybe I found this site for a reason ... I am stopping all analyzing w/ regard to him, his actions, etc. Whatever the "plan" is for us, friends or not, we had the best chemistry sexually and for that I have absolutely no regrets!!! I'm in my head a lot and I have to take it for what it is, but I know that i am worthy of the full-package and can't wait to experience so much more!!!
I am actually starting a new workout routine, so I came across this site and it was a win/win!!!0 -
He doesn't like you. He does not want to be your friend - with or without benefits. You misjudged your importance in his life. It happens.0
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I agree with everyone: It is SO hard for most people to remain emotionally unattached when you get physically intimate with someone. I only learned in the past 6 months that I can't do it . It sounds like you wanted more than just sex and he made it clear from the beginning that he was only interested in doing the fun and dirty!
Also, to many others who responded: Why can't you be supportive or just use plain and simple words? Is talking down to the OP really necessary? She's already having a rough time. Let's not make it worse.
OP, I hope you're able to look at this as a lesson. I went through something similiar, in fooling myself thinking that maybe one day he'd be ready to commit. But I stopped feeling special once he was sleeping around with a few other gals on the side and now we're just friends (though it took a week of absolutely no contact on my part to be able to do that much with him). If you want to still have him around as a friend, consider cutting off all contact with him for awhile and then, when you do hang out, only do so in social situations until the temptation to screw each other dissipates. Good luck:flowerforyou:0 -
1. He is not into you.
2. You need to put HIM on ignore.
NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.
quoting and emphasizing for the great advice. fo reals.
And this^^^^^^^^^
Yep
Couldn't agree more!
Also, do you think he is spending his time doing this? Wondering and yearning and over analyzing every little detail?
In short, the answer is 'no'.
He'll be 'doing' whatever girl is putting up with his way of life.
Don't spend any more of your time on him. You've already given him enough.
I know he's not putting in any effort whatsoever ... I have given him too much of my energy for sure!
Done
0 -
Gin,
Okay, now here I go with my own long post.
I am sorry you had this less than romantic experience with this guy. Everyone has had their own bad experiences in dating.
I think the problem here is that gone are the days when all men were expected to be honorable towards women with their actions, as well as the days when many women kept themselves for marriage. So a lot of men go around being "cads" and no one tells them it is wrong to do so. Many women also don't understand why guys do this kind of thing.
Men can easily sleep with women without actually liking them or having that genuine attraction to them. Sometimes they just want to have sex and that is all. A man who actually likes you and wants to be with you will show you through his actions. You won't have to question it at all. But a guy that doesn't actually like you is prone to being cold to downright hurtful, because they don't care about your feelings the way someone who loves you would. So save having sex with someone who wants to be in a relationship with you, and marry you, and makes it known.
If you ever run into a guy like this again -- someone who doesn't want to date you and call your his girlfriend, just walk away. The heartache that comes from these users can sting for years.
In my opinion, sex is treated way too casually, and that is no good. It seems in the last ten years it's gotten really bad. When I was in college and grad school, people just gravitated towards each other and you had a boyfriend or girlfriend before you knew it.
I am glad I am married and out of the dating scene.0 -
Honestly. He's just not that into you. Move on and find someone else. Self respect goes a long way as well. (And I am NOT talking about having a FWB arrangement. I'm talking about the multiple attempts at a relationship with a man that is OBVIOUSLY not interested.)
Never be desperate.0 -
sorry i turned out after coming to the conclusion that HE OWNS YOU.0
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I honestly don't klnow what to say cause I can't believe this went on for 7 pages and counting!
Some posts were meaningful, insightful advice, some rude/mean, but I knew putting this out there would get me some of that feedback! I can take it though ... tough 39yr old here! Yes, I am 39 and I am still dealing w/ f'd up issues w/in myself ... and this situation has made me look in a mirror BIGtime!
Okay, okay ,maybe I found this site for a reason ... I am stopping all analyzing w/ regard to him, his actions, etc. Whatever the "plan" is for us, friends or not, we had the best chemistry sexually and for that I have absolutely no regrets!!! I'm in my head a lot and I have to take it for what it is, but I know that i am worthy of the full-package and can't wait to experience so much more!!!
I am actually starting a new workout routine, so I came across this site and it was a win/win!!!
Good for you. :flowerforyou:0 -
One of the benefits is not having to talk or interact in public.0
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Ok, I didn't read the the other responses but here goes anyway:
I can't believe you're 39!!! Geez girl, have some respect for yourself!
He wasn't a FWB, he was using you for sex only. You were *always* on the back burner.
You got mad at him when you found out he took a date out, chewed him out and said goodbye, yet you were disappointed he didn't text. You obviously didn't mean goodbye.
He ignored you because he's not into you at all. He texted you back that night to be polite.
Forget about the why's, the guy does not like you. He may use you for sex if you give him the chance, but he will never develop romantic feelings for you if it hasn't happened by now. For your own sake, move on.0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
I think you are assuming that all meaningful relationships have to end in marriage. Or that all/most men are looking to avoid long term relationships in favor of causal ones.
My very best friend and I had a FWB arrangement for several years. Like 6. Did we marry each other? No. But he is still my absolute best friend and he's been absolutely wonderful to my husband and daughter. If somebody is actually your friend with benefits, THEY ARE YOUR FRIEND and they respect you independent of sex.
I don't really care when you were born -- sexism can happen at any age.
Don't get how my opinions are sexism. (especially since usually I get accused of wearing the pants in the family)
My understading of FWB relatinship correct me if i'm wrong. Two FRIENDS who agree to have sex to fulfill a phsyical need with the understanding that it is not going to be a relationship.
She wanted a relationship he wanted a f+++ budy. So she gave into one hoping for the other. Not two people agreeing ( which is entirely differnt) Your situation sounds healthy emotionally, hers does not.
I honestly do not think from her post that he deserved the title of friend but that is another post.0 -
2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.
LOL. NO.
Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.
I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......
If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....
Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.
your points on FWB are valid (in that both parties need to have FWB expectations without hope of anything else), however calling a woman "easy" for wanting a relationship solely sexual in nature is pretty ****ed up. and, hey, also outdated. but what do I know....
eta: yes, I know that OP wanted more than sexual relationship which is why this thread exists. but what if I go on a date with someone, we both really like each other/want the relationship to continue, and as a result, we decide to sleep together on the first night? am I "easy"? have I killed all chances of a relationship with someone because I didn't play hard to get? no, I didn't think so.
No you are not. But I wasnt talking about EVERY scenario. Just this one. And the fact that she kept GOING BACK. After he had already made his feelings clear....she kept repeating the scenario and making herself available to only a phsyical relationship when SHE wanted more...
I was talking about emotionally easy. I guess I should have said you made yourself convienant, but I was trying to make it simple.0 -
1. He is not into you.
2. You need to put HIM on ignore.
NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.
quoting and emphasizing for the great advice. fo reals.
And this^^^^^^^^^
Yep
Couldn't agree more!
Also, do you think he is spending his time doing this? Wondering and yearning and over analyzing every little detail?
In short, the answer is 'no'.
He'll be 'doing' whatever girl is putting up with his way of life.
Don't spend any more of your time on him. You've already given him enough.
I know he's not putting in any effort whatsoever ... I have given him too much of my energy for sure!
Done
Awesome! Sometimes you need to sit and think. Other times, you need to put your foot down and move on.
Take a step in the right direction, which is clearly which ever direction is away from him.
That boy doesn't have what you want. Stepping away from him means stepping closer to someone who does have.0 -
I guess this situation has become so overwhelming to me emotionally that seeing him walk right past me was the culmination of it all ... Like a slap in my face! I was just shocked & hurt ... sending him that text after was like a "hey don't treat my that way!" I wanted to end on a note w/ him where I can feel good ... that i won't allow his actions to take away my true character.
There you go again....depending on HIM to make you feel good.
only YOU can make YOU feel good....why does he have to end it on a good note for you?
he owes you NOTHING it was a simple FWB and you wanted more, you entered this hoping it would magically change.....it doesn't work that way....rarely does and usually it's messy if it DOES work that way.
FWB is just sex....that's it....magically hoping does nothing but let you let yourself down.
Stop depending on him to make this better for you.
You had a good run, it's over, pitch your chin up and move on.
Simple.
don't complicate this...and if you HAVE to complicate this, then don't do FWB ever again, you aren't cut out for it.0 -
LOL OP is 39. I seriously thought this was like a 22 year old or something.0
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