FWB ignored me at bar ...

I didn't read this because it was too long but I think the key term here is "friend with benefits." in this case you were an "acquaintance with benefits." sorry, it sucks, but next time make sure you are sleeping with someone who has the same relationship ideals as you do.

HAHA me either... i just read the questions..

Ok, I went back and read it.


OP, you're pretty much crazy.

Okay so here are my thoughts. First of all, I did read all of the posts here and WOW. You seem to have a much thicker skin than I do because some of these posts were pretty mean. However, someone made the comment about this being advice those would usually seek from a close friend and perhaps that person was correct, which is why some people were so hard on you for your question as they are complete strangers. Regardless, I'll answer this as if I were talking to a close friend, or to myself, as I've found myself in a similar situation before.

You could say I've had some FWBs, and then I've had some instances in my life that involved me sleeping with someone I wasn't officially 'exclusive' with, all the while thinking we would eventually call it a relationship. I was always wrong. It never led anywhere, except to me being hurt. I even went through the whole, "He's such a ****ing ***hole!!! Why would someone treat me like this??!?!" Why? Because I let him. And I let it make me CRAZY! I would get SO hurt when I knew he was in town and wanted to see him and he'd finally text me at 2am when the bars were closing. Whether you're 20, 39, or 75, every man and woman has to eventually learn this lesson. If someone wants you in your life, they'll do what they can to put you there. So don't text him anymore, and if he texts you, do the grown up thing and say, "Thanks, what we had was fun, but I'm ready for something more so I'm going to get to that and let you go back to your own thing." I don't even think you owe him a friendly response or a "Hey, hows it going" because you guys aren't friends. If you were, you wouldn't go months without speaking until one of you is bored and calls up the other.

Good luck

TL;DR

FWB is a FWB, they are supposed to ignore you at the bar.

2. You are too easy. I don't say that to be rude but men only appreciate what it takes work to get and keep.

LOL. NO.

Hahahahhahahah, 1940's called they want their archaic, out dated advice back.

I'm not saying make him climb over hot coals. But how many FWB arrangements do you know that turned into meaningful loving relationships. FWB is great if thats all you want......

If you want a meaningful relationship do not giveinto a FWB scenario....

Considering I was born in the late 80's, I don't think its outdated. But WTH do I know. I'm thankfully married and will never have to enter the dating scene again unless something castastrophic happens.

your points on FWB are valid (in that both parties need to have FWB expectations without hope of anything else), however calling a woman "easy" for wanting a relationship solely sexual in nature is pretty ****ed up. and, hey, also outdated. but what do I know....

eta: yes, I know that OP wanted more than sexual relationship which is why this thread exists. but what if I go on a date with someone, we both really like each other/want the relationship to continue, and as a result, we decide to sleep together on the first night? am I "easy"? have I killed all chances of a relationship with someone because I didn't play hard to get? no, I didn't think so.

No you are not. But I wasnt talking about EVERY scenario. Just this one. And the fact that she kept GOING BACK. After he had already made his feelings clear....she kept repeating the scenario and making herself available to only a phsyical relationship when SHE wanted more...

I was talking about emotionally easy. I guess I should have said you made yourself convienant, but I was trying to make it simple.

yeah, she definitely made the mistake of being optimistic that by sleeping with him he would change his intentions. that's why I told her in my very first post here that before sleeping with someone, because she already knows that she CANNOT have sex without emotional attachment, she needs to make sure that the men (or women) she is having sex with have the same relationship ideals as her.

I can sleep with many different men without commitment, however I would have to make sure that they all wanted the same thing as me - that being no strings attached sex. it's not a matter of respect or disrespect, it's a matter of what your expectations are and whether they're the same as your partner's. I don't think he handled the situation this way because she made herself too "easy" or "convenient" - I really think that, as a grown man, OP's fwb decided to not have a relationship with this girl and since she kept going along with it, he thought she wanted the same thing. when she brought up having a relationship with him he peaced out. nothing wrong with that at all because his intentions were clear (to everyone but OP) from the beginning.

...wow this is the most I have said in a long time. I can't believe it was over something so trivial. in my defense work is really slow today, ha!

TL;DR

FWB is a FWB, they are supposed to ignore you at the bar.

HAHAHAHA! I big duh goes out to the OP

As my grandma would say: why buy the cow when you get the milk for free.

Hi OP,
You hurt now, but it won't last that long if you don't let it. You don't need answers to heal, you just need to "buh-bye" the whole thing. You'll be fine soon if you choose to be.

good luck.




edited because i typed stoopid.

Yep... you were a FWB, not a RWB (relationship with benefits).

When a girl sleeps with a guy so quickly, this is what (in my experience) usually happens. You become just a toy, and not something serious. Just my old fashioned opinion.

AGAIN, it has nothing to do with how quickly she slept with him. this guy was pretty clear (and again, to everyone BUT the OP) from the start that he DID NOT want a relationship with her in any form. by sleeping with him without commitment for two years OP sent the message that she was in agreement with the arrangement. when she asked about a relationship, the guy peaced out. if he wanted a relationship with her he would have made it happen, regardless of how soon she slept with him or how long she waited.

why does it always come down to the fact that the girl, god forbid, put out? is it not ok for us womens to want to get laid too?

The whole notion that a man won't respect a woman for having sex with him when he clearly wants her to have sex with him is asinine. What are we supposed to do? Make up some lame 5 date rule? Yeah, news flash, women like sex too! Amazing I know. Oh, wait we are supposed to wait until marriage so he'll respect us? What if I won't respect him unless he puts out immediately? Why is everything dictated by his preferences? Sex is fun. Sex is natural. Quit making it so taboo.

But yes, the OP made a mistake in developing feelings for someone in-spite of the fact that he clearly expressed he did not share the same feelings. I does happen. The correct thing to do was, yes, discuss it when the feelings start, if the other person doesn't feel the same stop all activities. Communication. Open-ness. No games. Having adult relationships really isn't difficult.