FWB ignored me at bar ...
Replies
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Basically, when you allow physical and expect nothing in return you will always just be a booty call. You let him get away with getting what he wanted for months, shelved your own expectations so he probably saw it *kitten* a free ride, pardon the pun. No judgement. He probably saw you and is too gutless to say so.
IMO 'good men' don't use women for booty calls period.....but then perhaps I am old fashioned
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I did express what I wanted and first time I allowed us to continue, but second time I walked away both saying we'd remain friends. After he contacted again, we built it up to where I allowed him back into my "bedroom" ... I definitely shelved my own expectations! I assumed he already knew what I wanted, so after seeing him come back i honestly felt that it would naturally progress into more ... I was naive & just clouded w/ my thougts. I didn't want to be that type that harped and harped on something we've discussed twice already ... my fault!0 -
Wait a minute. I had to look at your profile. You are 39 years old and are acting like some teeny bopper whose ex-pretend boy friend just got caught with Sally at the Malt shop. Seriously. You texted him? Believe it or not, you brought this on yourself. He told you, he didn't want a relationship. What part of that didn't you understand. This man did not disrespect you. He didn't want to deal with the drama. He also didn't want a simple "hello" from him making you think he was madly in love with you again. This man owes you nothing, not even a hello.0
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Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
The easiest, simplest answer is . . . He was just not that into you. He may have enjoyed being physical with you. But that is where it ended for him. He was not interested in having a relationship with you, outside of that.
He didn't say hi, or acknowledge you because he didn't want to talk to you. If he wanted to be with you, he would do everything in his power to make that happen. If he wanted to talk to you, he would have done everything in his power to make that happen.
Anything outside of that doesn't really matter.
My advice, move on. Someone better suited for you is out there. Keep looking.
In the end, especially what happened Friday, I definitely see what I ultimately meant to him and I didn't want to believe it at all! Saying it out load hurts ... but I know moving on and not replying to any contact from him going fwd!!!0 -
In the end, especially what happened Friday, I definitely see what I ultimately meant to him and I didn't want to believe it at all! Saying it out load hurts ... but I know moving on and not replying to any contact from him going fwd!!!
High five!!! It won't hurt forever, I promise 0 -
In the end, especially what happened Friday, I definitely see what I ultimately meant to him and I didn't want to believe it at all! Saying it out load hurts ... but I know moving on and not replying to any contact from him going fwd!!!
High five!!! It won't hurt forever, I promise
I hope for not much longer ... 0 -
So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!0
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So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
I think this is really good advice 0 -
So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
I think this is really good advice
^^ this.0 -
I guess you're right. This is just one side of the story.0
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So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!
It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!
Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in 0 -
The man you were with from what you stated was 100% honest with you. When you initially wanted a "relationship" he told you what he wanted. He didn't lie and say yes you are his gf and then creep around. He let you know what this was. Then when you heard he was with another women(whether it was a platonic dinner or not) YOU GOT "emotional" and told him you wanted nothing to do with him b/c you could not handle your feelings for him. Then after telling him you could not handle your relationship, you are upset that he may have walked past you b/c he did not want to stir up more drama. I do not mean to be harsh with you, but this is entirely your fault. He did not disrespect you in any manner. He was honest from the beginning with what he wanted, and you could not separate your feelings from the reality of your relationship. I would let him go before you end up twisting what is happening in your mind and manufacture things which did not happen to blame him for your being upset. Next time I would consider whether you can handle FWB relationships as not everyone can and that is ok we all have different personalities and I would never say one person's personality is more correct than another. Just look out for yourself and listen to the realities of your relationship. Since he was the only one 100% honest from the beginning I would just let this walking past you thing slide and just not contact him.
I wasn't happy w/ our situation at all and instead of bringing it up one last time, I just went w/ the flow of him contacting me and going from there. I know I made it easy for him cause I didn't put any demands ... I'm not blaming him for this. I didn't want to have drama in that way, so maybe a part of me didn't want to bring up my feelings b/c I knew he didn't feel the same & I didn't want to NOT see him anymore ... does that make sense? I know I can't handle the fwb/casual relationship, so I won;t be going down this road again ... I need to be 100% honest w/in myself!
Thanks for insight 0 -
Stop trying to understand the 'why'. You will never understand why he did what he did or why he wasn't your friend or why this or why that. Even if he told you straight to your face the WHY, you wouldn't be satisfied with the answer anyway. You will either still not understand the motivation to his WHY, or otherwise to try rationalize it all by asking nonsense questions like 'But if we weren't friends or if he didn't care about me, why did he <insert nice thing he did for you once/nice gesture/etc>?' The best thing you can do is look at his actions, take them at face value and move on. FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. Stop asking yourself or anyone else questions like this: "So you think maybe he thought the depth of my friendship was only sexually motivated?". You are trying to selectively analyze his behavior in a way to convince yourself he feels for you more than he does (ie he acted this way because he was mistaken about your motivations). Stop getting excited about the notion that he didn't say anything to you because he was following your directions and letting that make you hopeful that could mean he does actually care for you. You are only hurting yourself. This person is not a person you need in your life (regardless of the argument of whether or not he did anything 'wrong') because having him in your life will only cause you more and more pain. And more importantly, don't take any of his actions/behavior personally (ie being so caught up over him "disrespecting" you). I know it's easier said than done, but the sooner you actively try to move on, the better for your mental and emotional wellbeing.
I have allowed his actions get the best of me cause I do pick & analyze why or why not and it's not getting me anywhere. I have to start thinking that maybe this is who he is, his character and no matter what i've said or done or not said or done, he would've shown the same kind of actions! Honestly, your are so right ... even if i had all of the answers i still wouldn't be satisfied. I'm mad at myself for allowing for so long cause it is now harder to get over him ... life does go on though!
I agree that this guy didn't do anything wrong to you. He didn't promise anything, didn't tell you he was in love with you and etc. he was very straight - sex no strings attached. You were the one who let her emotions take over it. Probably you don't even know this guy so well, your picture was overwhelmed with feelings and butterflies. Maybe his mistake was still having sex with you even when he saw that you were in love and wanted more from him. Maybe he really needed sex.
When he saw that you got angry and emotional about his other connections, and blamed him for something he didn't do, he decided to just stop seeing you at all. It was easier for him and it was better for you too to calm down and realize it was never a relationship, just sex.
I'm sorry you got hurt but we all have been hurt with love and relations. You just learn from this and move on.
Good luck.0 -
So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!
It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!
Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in
See the part I bolded? No. He is not a part of your life now, so let him go. Maybe you can be friends a couple years from now, when your feelings have faded or you've found a new beau. Being available for him even as a friend is to your detriment, because your feelings obviously ran deeper and it will hurt you even when you least expect it. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.0 -
Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
Are you in elementary school or what ? stop the drama already.
Answer to your 1st question: It doesn't matter.
Answer to your 2nd question: It doesn't matter.0 -
So now that you have all these answers, OP, the next step you need to take is to heal yourself. The quicker you start, the sooner you'll get over this dude. The best way is to remove all evidence (if possible) of him being in your life. You are not friends, nor should you be holding on to the hope that you ever will be. People are in and out of our lives for a reason. Some to teach us valuable lessons, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time. Good luck!
Yes I do ... more then I ever imagined when I posted my situation to this site! In a positive way though ... it's all good!
It was totally meant for me to deal w/ what I saw Friday, opened my eyes even more to what's right in front of me! I do need to heal myself, not punish myself for what I chose to allow, learn and grow from this! I do believe that he came into my life for a reason and now he is out of my life ... that reason will be clearer soon! I know that deleting him from my life is the best thing to do, but easier said then done. If he ever needed me as a friend (not physical/sexually at all) I want to be there b/c that's just genuinely who I am at heart, but by no means would I initiate anything at all ... EVER!!!
Thank you for the advice ... I am seriously taking it in
See the part I bolded? No. He is not a part of your life now, so let him go. Maybe you can be friends a couple years from now, when your feelings have faded or you've found a new beau. Being available for him even as a friend is to your detriment, because your feelings obviously ran deeper and it will hurt you even when you least expect it. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be.
You are right ... I am hoping that a friendship is there, but it's not! I am making the choice to have him out of my life completely, will not respond to anything he sends ,,, as long as i still have these feelings for him. I need to heal & totally walking away is only way to do it now! My closure was seeing him literally walk right by me and not say a word ... not worth anymore of my energy!
Time to work out and focus on my goals going fwd 0 -
Are you people still talking about this? This dude, that is supposedly a ****wad, and your drama with him really doesn't need to go on for 12 pages.... andddddd I probably started the 13th! Seriously, stop wasting all this time on someone who obviously doesn't give two ****s about you or how you feel about him... move on.0
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Read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Seriously.
And he doesn't want you. I went through a similiar situation. Had to learn the hard way, even though I knew it already. Finally walked away. Just met a wonderful man who treats me like a princess and is excited to be with me. That's what the right person will be like.0 -
do you have some kind of proof that he ignored you on purpose?
everyone seems to jump to the conclusion that he ignored her when it is just as likely that he ACTUALLY DIDNT SEE HER THERE.0 -
do you have some kind of proof that he ignored you on purpose?
everyone seems to jump to the conclusion that he ignored her when it is just as likely that he ACTUALLY DIDNT SEE HER THERE.
I don't have absolute proof, but where him & his buddies sit, they see everyone coming through the bar. That area has perfect view of where we were sitting, but no not 100%! He had three options to walk out & he chose the one to walk 3feet in front of me ... He said he "honestly" didn't see me & apologized.0 -
do you have some kind of proof that he ignored you on purpose?
everyone seems to jump to the conclusion that he ignored her when it is just as likely that he ACTUALLY DIDNT SEE HER THERE.
We can all keep guessing until the cows come home.
I think the OP should drag him into a court of law, and get the bottom of this !
Hook him up to a lie detector.
And have him tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!
And while you're at it, subpoena the brother-in-law ~ I bet he knows more than he's telling, that darn bro-in-law.0 -
Read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Seriously.
And he doesn't want you. I went through a similiar situation. Had to learn the hard way, even though I knew it already. Finally walked away. Just met a wonderful man who treats me like a princess and is excited to be with me. That's what the right person will be like.
I like Steve Harvey, so it should be a great read ... Thx for suggestion!
I have to accept that b/c if he truly did he would've done so much more to prove otherwise ... Simple actions! How exciting for you to be w/ a man that is excited to be w/ you, so opposite of what's happened right?
I pray I get that soon ... I've been ready for a long time 0 -
do you have some kind of proof that he ignored you on purpose?
everyone seems to jump to the conclusion that he ignored her when it is just as likely that he ACTUALLY DIDNT SEE HER THERE.
We can all keep guessing until the cows come home.
I think the OP should drag him into a court of law, and get the bottom of this !
Hook him up to a lie detector.
And have him tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!
And while you're at it, subpoena the brother-in-law ~ I bet he knows more than he's telling, that darn bro-in-law.
Hmmm ... My bro-n-law could be holding back some info you are so right on! When he found out about him bringing a girl into his work he didn't tell my sis or me & that's cause I asked about him. I was like "why would you wouldn't you divulge this info to me immediately?" They said cause they know how much I care for him ...guess they didn't want to hurt me. I prefer all info & I make my own decisions w/ all the facts!0 -
another 3 minute waste of my life, can't believe i have been reading this whole story
For your questions:
1) Ofcourse he saw you, but you said bye to him, end of chapter
2) he's a big liar!
I guess that's what they meant by "crazy" on here ... Telling him good-bye & I'm ending all, but being butt hurt when he chose not to say hi to that someone who said bye! I guess I wouldn't have minded if he over road my decision ... At least in that moment!0 -
I would not say friendly hi either if i'd been in same situation
Like i said you ended the relation, that's it.
Moving on and that's what he did
You seem to be hurt by the fact he DID move on, but you still CAN'T move on
I think when I ended I was so emotional & didn't realize everything I was coming to terms w/ him. He heard me loud & clear though and I guess actually seeing it play out right in front of me ... Yes it all hit me!
This forum has been so what I needed ... I'm moving in the right direction!0 -
1. He is not into you.
2. You need to put HIM on ignore.
NEVER do friends with benefits if it's not what you really want.
Agreed. You're a booty call. Stop being offended because he won't see you as girlfriend material and find a different guy.0 -
There's really no way of knowing that.2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
This is gonna sound harsh, but from the rest of the stuff you've said, it doesn't really sound like he misses you. It's time to move on and try to stop caring about him. Unless you think you can be JUST friends....but from how you're describing things, that may not be possible - at least not on your end.0 -
What did you do to be treated this way? You let him think his Johnson was dipped in gold and you let him have you and tell you he didn't want you. The problem that women make which took me years to learn is that men pretty much tell you the truth from the beginning and we think we can persuade them or we talk ourselves into thinking we are so fabulous that he will eventually see how great we are and want us. He just wanted the "cookie" as Steve Harvey says and he will keep telling you he didn't mean any harm and he just didn't see you ect ect. He knows the game, you are part of the game whether you want to play or not but you don't know the rules. Stop asking yourself why you are being treated this way. He won't be the last if you don't learn how these guys play the game. I learned and what a difference it took 7 years of my life to learn the game and I have learned to set my standards because my happiness and quality of life is important and I am now very happily married. Here is some advice so you don't spend years getting played. Read Steve Harvey's book, "Act like a lady, think like a man". Trust me you will learn that game these guys play of all ages. It is real and men that play women don't want you to know. I also had a friend that was a true player. He even bought Steve Harvey's book so he could use it to learn what Steve Harvey was teaching women so he knew what to say to keep his game going on women who were getting enlightened by the book. Eventually it gets old because it's hard to keep up a play when the women know and understand the game. Good Luck, don't get used. My husband always says, women can get a nice, good man, Men are not unicorns!0
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Couple of questions:
1. Why woudln't he come up & say hi to me???
2. Do you think he's telling truth that he honestly didn't see me???
Thanks for your time and no judgement please ... just honest advice!
1) Because you are his backup plan...not his main option. He wants to stick it in someone else first. Someone prettier/sexier/with bigger boobs/skinnier/etc. If they are not available then he comes back to you to get it wet.
2) Oh he saw you.....But he is trying to keep you as an option on the side. Wouldn't be likely to get it again if he admitted that....but as long as he says he didn't see you, there is a glimmer of hope and maybe he can get it in again.0 -
This may sound harsh, and perhaps old fashioned, but please understand there's absolutely no judgment here......But if you already disrespected yourself by sleeping with him only a couple weeks in to your "friends with benefits" relationship, what did you honestly think would happen? You forfeited any rights to his respect in return. I am truly sorry if this is painful, but you asked.
Many people will try to argue this as "back in the days" times. But it is what it is, and no amount of arguing will change it. Intimacy is for married couples, it is Biblical, and the way God intended it to be saved for.
Now having said that, you ended things with him, and rightly so, why would you let him get to you, and worse yet, let him know he got to you?
You deserve to find someone whom shares your same values, someone whom will treat you right, and in turn, you treat him right as well. A relationship takes a lot of understanding, communication, and give and take. Hopefully you do things differently next time.
Best Wishes to you.
Let's save the religious preaching for another forum. I don't understand why sleeping with someone means you don't have self respect. Honestly sex is only wrong if the individuals involved are not two consenting adults and as long as they both have the same expectations (which they didn't in the OP's case since the OP wanted more than just physical), there's no harm. How does sleeping with someone define your personality and dictate who you are and whether or not your a good person?0 -
I want a committed relationship with no benefits
OK, this made me laugh!
Its the graveyard most of us end up in anyhow...
So glad this is not true for me. 11 years and going strong. In my experience, the women that stop being physical werent being satisfied to begin with. Although too many women shoot themselves int he foot by faking it anyway....IMHO 0
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