Child support- what do you think?
Replies
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Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
I am glad you said this. As a man I would have been shot for saying it.0 -
She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
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^^^^^ why would you say that? if thats the case he should have been more careful about having an affair without protection then getting a good paying job.. just saying! if he was in the child's life actually being a dad, filing for child support would not even be an option. Heck, she could qualify for welfare if she wanted to but instead she's possibly deciding to make him stand up and be a man and help take care of his child point blank. if she was on welfare we'd be having a whole discussion on how ridiculous she is for using the system. People make mistakes and I am proud of her for owning up to hers! her child is a blessing and regardless if he wants to be a dad or not, he needs to help take care of his child.0 -
The system isn't flawed anymore than your logic on this topic. I can only imagine what the arrears would be on 3 years of unpaid child support.
The money isn't for the "EX _____" it's for the child; and if there is a surplus after all the necessities are met it should go towards that child's future education. Now, I'm aware a lot of people don't do this but that's the purpose behind it.
My logic on the topic is spot on. Generally, the people that benefit from the current system would love it.0 -
She does not want to look bad? Ugh. She can't take care of herself right now, so she needs to quit worrying about her pride and think about her kid. It annoys me when single moms say that they don't need a man, blah blah blah. They're only hurting their kids. She should file ASAP. I'm not really for public assistance, but I know that some ppl fall on hard times. This is one reason that I'm against it. There are lots of single moms who choose not to file child support. There should be a law that the ppl who file for govt assistance should have tried to pursue child support. When there's another working parent out there that can support their own child, they should go in that parent's pockets first, not every other American's! :mad:0
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Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
I am glad you said this. As a man I would have been shot for saying it.
1. he should have been using protection if he did not want children
2. so a single mom with lower income should get an abortion rather than work hard to provide a living for their child
3. it takes 2 to tango and guess what? she's the only one dancing right now because he is no where in sight
4. would you be happier with her living off of the state or making him pay?
5. if he does not want to be a father, he should sign over his rights. until then, he should be held accountable and help provide0 -
He's not writing a cheque for the mother. He's writing a cheque or in most unpaid child support cases having his wages garnished so that HIS child's needs/well being/wants are met. The reality of the situation is it works both ways, there are dead beat mothers out there too. AND!!! If you have joint custody with equal shared access, it's not full support its't he difference between both parties' income and proportionate to income daycare/medical/misc expenses.... Don't make it seem like the dad's are so hard done by... they're not.
You have never been a dad in the system. I am betting by your posts that you have been a mom in the system. If so, it's only natural that you would love it. It is set up entirely in your favor.0 -
Birth Control and Condoms are a lot cheaper....0
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I think that parents should have to financially support their children. However, the system is heavily skewed towards women and decisions are often made on emotion. And the payments are often ridiculously high.
I dont think it takes 10,000 a month to raise a child but heck, the cost of living, food, rent, etc when there are no other sources of income than a part-time job isn't enough. I'd say that a fair amount should be paid.
If the parent with custody cannot afford half the costs of raising a child, then other custody arrangements should be looked at.0 -
She should have been more careful about having a kid if she wasn't ready for the responsibility. If he chooses to do more than the minimum, that's on him.
and he should have been more careful about having an affair without protection then getting a good paying job.. just saying! if he was in the child's life actually being a dad, filing for child support would not even be an option. Heck, she could qualify for welfare if she wanted to but instead she's possibly deciding to make him stand up and be a man and help take care of his child point blank. if she was on welfare we'd be having a whole discussion on how ridiculous she is for using the system. People make mistakes and I am proud of her for owning up to hers! her child is a blessing and regardless if he wants to be a dad or not, he needs to help take care of his child.
As I already said, he should have been more careful. And as such, he should be required to pay 1/2 the cost of raising the child. Him having a well paying job is not relevant in any way.0 -
The PARENTS should both equally support the child. The income level of both should be considered. If one of the parents is living at an upper middle class level, the child should be supported to the same, and yes, that means also paying for the parent with which the child lives most of the time to live in an upper middle class house. No, it doesn't mean buying clothes or personal items for the other parent, but it should include clothes, food and housing for the child. I see where it gets touchy. How do we know the parent receiving the support is using the money for the child and not for themselves? That question, I can't answer. These things would be much easier if both parents could behave like friends and adults but I know that rarely happens.
Sometimes the mother makes more. Sometimes the father gets the majority of the custody. Sometimes the mother has to pay child support. Sometimes it comes out even.0 -
Two adults who understand biology laid down in bed and did the thing you do that has the potential to create another life.
Now there is a child and two people are responsible for that life.
She needs to get child support.0 -
Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
I don't see how missing variables would determine whether or not he should pay child support - unless he was just some sperm donor at a clinic. The govt doesn't care about anything that you mentioned when it comes to child support, and rightfully so. If you sleep w someone, be prepared to deal w the aftermath/responsibilities.0 -
Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
This is definitely says past of what I was thinking but didn't want to get burned on the stake for it. She had options, that is why I said we need more information.0 -
The PARENTS should both equally support the child. The income level of both should be considered. If one of the parents is living at an upper middle class level, the child should be supported to the same, and yes, that means also paying for the parent with which the child lives most of the time to live in an upper middle class house. No, it doesn't mean buying clothes or personal items for the other parent, but it should include clothes, food and housing for the child. I see where it gets touchy. How do we know the parent receiving the support is using the money for the child and not for themselves? That question, I can't answer. These things would be much easier if both parents could behave like friends and adults but I know that rarely happens.
Sometimes the mother makes more. Sometimes the father gets the majority of the custody. Sometimes the mother has to pay child support. Sometimes it comes out even.
Screwing someone with an upper middle class lifestyle does not make a woman deserving of an upper middle class lifestyle. A child deserves to have it's needs met. Period.0 -
She does not want to look bad? Ugh. She can't take care of herself right now, so she needs to quit worrying about her pride and think about her kid. It annoys me when single moms say that they don't need a man, blah blah blah. They're only hurting their kids. She should file ASAP. I'm not really for public assistance, but I know that some ppl fall on hard times. This is one reason that I'm against it. There are lots of single moms who choose not to file child support. There should be a law that the ppl who file for govt assistance should have tried to pursue child support. When there's another working parent out there that can support their own child, they should go in that parent's pockets first, not every other American's! :mad:
TANF does require that. Also, drug tests, FYI.0 -
My ex-husband actually told me that he couldn't buy new shoes or food for his family because he had to pay a whopping $325 a month for TWO kids, not $325 each but total!!!! I told him he could keep his money. I am lucky that I am married to a man who will provide for kids that are not biologically his. I haven't gotten child support in four years. I could have taken him to court and had his pay garnished, license taken away and his tax returns taken but why???? I have the best part of the deal....my kids
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I think that parents should have to financially support their children. However, the system is heavily skewed towards women and decisions are often made on emotion. And the payments are often ridiculously high.
My daughter's father was not forced to pay for EIGHT YEARS even though I filed. The he got let out of a couple thousand in arrears because it wasn't "an enforcable amount" for the state to collect and he ain't offering.
I couldn't afford to go visit my dying grandmother because I'm putting OUR child through college. He's on vacation in Italy rightnow.
Tell me again how women make out so well on the system.0 -
Of course he should pay support. It's his child too, and he should bear part of the responsibility, even if he chooses not to see the child. I work with several young girls who won't go to court to get child support, because they don't want their ex's to see their kids, but WILL take public support. I greatly resent having to work hard and pay taxes for someone else's kid when both parents are able to provide financial support.0
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Too many variables and missing information - did she accidentally get pregnant while on the pill or using condoms? Did he make it clear he did not want children from the start? Were there options for her to choose to not keep the child, knowing he would not be present, and she would be a single parent?
I was a single mom whose partner took off when I became pregnant. He did not want to have the child - I did. I never pursued him for child support because it was not his choice to have the child. I could have had an abortion or given my child up for adoption if I decided I did not want to be a single mom doing it all myself.
Just because "it takes two" to make a baby doesn't mean everyone just has to acquiesce to whatever the woman wants. She has total control of her body and her choices (as she should!), and that means that she has the responsibility to make the right choice for herself and the fetus growing inside her.
I am glad you said this. As a man I would have been shot for saying it.
1. he should have been using protection if he did not want children
2. so a single mom with lower income should get an abortion rather than work hard to provide a living for their child
3. it takes 2 to tango and guess what? she's the only one dancing right now because he is no where in sight
4. would you be happier with her living off of the state or making him pay?
5. if he does not want to be a father, he should sign over his rights. until then, he should be held accountable and help provide
1. As should she have. Furthermore, she had control of the options once pregnant.
2. Who said that? Non sequitor
3. That has been her choice thus far.
4. He should pay.
5. Agreed.0 -
You're right, I am a mom. A mother who is more than fully capable of supporting my child on my own, but I chose to fight tooth and nail for 3 years to get what my child deserves. Determination pays off, my baby girl will have every opportunity to go to university and become an educated woman, just like her mother
I advocate for all parents who do not get the support their child deserves from the other parent.
These children weren't asked to be born, therefore they shouldn't go without on account of the parents' personal circumstances.
There are all sorts of mediation agreements and contracts that can be done outside the court system. They just need to agree to a baseline amount and have it notorized....it doesn't have to go to the extreme, maturity goes a long way in these situations.0 -
She should definitely file for support, hands down. If she doesn't want to use it because of pride or whatever, she should at least stick it away for college. The kid deserves to have the financial support of both parents.0
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.Personal bias admittance: I am a single dad. However, I am not paying child support. I am raising my children. They visit their mom, and I have never sought child support from her.
The whole child support system is skewed. I know how much money I would have to pay if I did not have custody of my kids, and the amount that actually cost is a small fraction of that. What child support then equates to is ex wife/ex gf/ex mistress/ex whatever support. Because it is way above and beyond what is actually needed to help raise kids, assuming the dad has a decent job.
I am of the firm belief that if child support were more in line with 1/2 the actual cost of raising kids (two parents, each should pay 1/2 the cost), you would see more people willingly stepping up to take care of it. There is no reason that child support should be based on salary, because the cost of raising the child is not changed by how much dad earns. No guy wants to be saddled paying a ton of money, of which only a fraction is actually needed to raise the kids. The end result is they are supporting a child AND the childs mother. It is immoral to expect a man to financially support a woman for 18+ years because he had a child with her. The child, yes. The woman, no.
There should be a baseline cost for raising kids, with locality adjustments. When child support is to be paid, the paying parent pays 1/2 that amount. It doesn't matter how much you make, you are equally responsible to support the child. And it should be adjusted to account for visitation. If the dad has the kids 30% of the time, his payment should be reduced to reflect that he is feeding, clothing, and sheltering the child 30% of the time.
That may be true, but the point of child support it to give the child a similar lifestyle as if the parents were together, it has nothing to do with the actual cost of raising or caring for the child.
That said OP, he should be paying, it is his child, and his legal responsibility to pay. though I would take a look at based on that salary how much he should pay, and then ask him to pay it before going the route of the court system.0 -
Personal bias admittance: I am a single dad. However, I am not paying child support. I am raising my children. They visit their mom, and I have never sought child support from her.
The whole child support system is skewed. I know how much money I would have to pay if I did not have custody of my kids, and the amount that actually cost is a small fraction of that. What child support then equates to is ex wife/ex gf/ex mistress/ex whatever support. Because it is way above and beyond what is actually needed to help raise kids, assuming the dad has a decent job.
I am of the firm belief that if child support were more in line with 1/2 the actual cost of raising kids (two parents, each should pay 1/2 the cost), you would see more people willingly stepping up to take care of it. There is no reason that child support should be based on salary, because the cost of raising the child is not changed by how much dad earns. No guy wants to be saddled paying a ton of money, of which only a fraction is actually needed to raise the kids. The end result is they are supporting a child AND the childs mother. It is immoral to expect a man to financially support a woman for 18+ years because he had a child with her. The child, yes. The woman, no.
There should be a baseline cost for raising kids, with locality adjustments. When child support is to be paid, the paying parent pays 1/2 that amount. It doesn't matter how much you make, you are equally responsible to support the child. And it should be adjusted to account for visitation. If the dad has the kids 30% of the time, his payment should be reduced to reflect that he is feeding, clothing, and sheltering the child 30% of the time.
I would agree with this IF every single dad were like you and took care of their children. My ex pays child support for our daughter and actually told her, in front of her brother and sister from his second marriage while they were out shopping, that he would not be purchasing anything for her because that's why he writes me a check every month. He sees her every other weekend, does not get her during the summer (even though its in our order), does not get her during the week, and has NEVER attended a parent teacher conference, school registration day, sporting event (she's in volleyball, basketball, and softball), and has never contributed anything to the raising of her other than that once a month check. She calls my husband Dad and calls her bio dad by his first name.
I definitely think the system is jacked up (and it's different for every state), but I would trade the check in a heartbeat for him to act more like you towards her. just sayin.0 -
She needs to file ASAP!!!!! Child support is for her child like you said to have a better life. She is worried about the wrong thing and what people will think of her. She needs to be thinking about giving her child the best life she can and she did not make the child by herself so she should not be taking care of him by herself.
I am a single mom of two and I waited a long time to file but I eventually did, said part is I still get no help cause he not working but it is adding up and when he does get a job my kids will get what is due to them. I do not condone any parent whether it is father or mother not taking care of their kids.
Good luck to your friend!!!0 -
I think that parents should have to financially support their children. However, the system is heavily skewed towards women and decisions are often made on emotion. And the payments are often ridiculously high.
My daughter's father was not forced to pay for EIGHT YEARS even though I filed. The he got let out of a couple thousand in arrears because it wasn't "an enforcable amount" for the state to collect and he ain't offering.
I couldn't afford to go visit my dying grandmother because I'm putting OUR child through college. He's on vacation in Italy rightnow.
Tell me again how women make out so well on the system.
I am not familiar with what an enforcable amount is, so I wont comment yet.
You CHOOSE to put them through college, some parents who are married choose not to or cannot afford it.0 -
I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TOLERATE DEAD BEAT DADS!
GET WHAT YOU RIGHTFULLY DESERVE!
it takes 2 to make that baby.
PAY UP!
*kitten*!
"LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE" That is how I feel
This!!!! I have TWO kids I am raising alone because their sorry *kitten* daddy don't want to help! She didn't make the child by herself why should she have to pay everything by herself. My oldest started high school this year and my youngest started 8th grade the fees that I am having to pay are outrageous and they are in public school... plus clothes and supplies, lunches all that adds up. I just had my ex in court AGAIN the beginning of this month... thousands of $$$$ behind in support and I got $500... better than nothing I guess but sad thing is I wont get another payment until i take his sorry *kitten* back to court again. And on top of that his excuse is he has another family he is having to support... he has a wife that has 4 kids by 4 different men and she IS getting support every month from their daddies.. ALL OF THEM. My kids are the only kids biologically he has.:explode: :mad:0 -
The PARENTS should both equally support the child. The income level of both should be considered. If one of the parents is living at an upper middle class level, the child should be supported to the same, and yes, that means also paying for the parent with which the child lives most of the time to live in an upper middle class house. No, it doesn't mean buying clothes or personal items for the other parent, but it should include clothes, food and housing for the child. I see where it gets touchy. How do we know the parent receiving the support is using the money for the child and not for themselves? That question, I can't answer. These things would be much easier if both parents could behave like friends and adults but I know that rarely happens.
Sometimes the mother makes more. Sometimes the father gets the majority of the custody. Sometimes the mother has to pay child support. Sometimes it comes out even.
Screwing someone with an upper middle class lifestyle does not make a woman deserving of an upper middle class lifestyle. A child deserves to have it's needs met. Period.
I'm not taking about the woman. I'm talking about the children. I also didn't distinguish man or woman. I make a lot of money. I have children. If I were to divorce and for some reason my husband got custody, I'd contribute enough to pay for the house, quality food, and decent clothing for the children, even if that meant I could only afford an apartment for myself and not another house, etc.
You have children and you make decent money. Would you be okay with your children residing in poor neighborhood with a high crime rate and dressing from goodwill? I know you are saying it should be up to the parent and his personal decision but obviously in such instances as discussed in the OP the man doesn't have the same morals as you do. In these instances the laws need to protect the interests of the child.0 -
Unless she raped him, he should help pay for the child as well. From what you've said, it looks like he should be helping.0
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She has expenses related to having a child, whether or not he wanted a child with her is meaningless . . . if he didn't want a child with her he shouldn't have slept with her. Some decisions have short term outcomes and some have long term outcomes. Her responsiblity isn't to him, her responsibility is to her child, she needs to do the responsible thing for her child and that is to file for child support and file for services.0
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Ultimately it really comes down to keeping your pants on, and/or using GOOD protection if you don't want children, or don't sleep with or marry people you can not trust with your money and your children.0
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