Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if.......

ChristinaOrtiz23
ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
in Chit-Chat
Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if they don't want to get married or have anymore kids?


Break down: 6 1/2 years together and 4 1/2 year old


Im 25 (26 in February) he 30
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Replies

  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    nope
  • KenziesFrenzies
    KenziesFrenzies Posts: 1,014 Member
    Not one bit.

    But if you're together for 6 1/2 years, how did this not come up earlier? Or did they just change their mind?
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
    Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if they don't want to get married or have anymore kids?


    Break down: 6 1/2 years together and 4 1/2 year old

    There is no wrong reason to leave someone. If, for any reason what so ever, you do not want to be with a person, then that reason is the right reason to leave them.
  • katbirdinpa
    katbirdinpa Posts: 105
    back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    This is whats knows as having a second, secret family.
  • TheFairyJester
    TheFairyJester Posts: 93
    no, its not wrong,

    cleary you are not wanting the same things
  • born2drum
    born2drum Posts: 731 Member
    Why can't you just accept it? You've been with him this long? Why would you want to get married anyways? Seems like it just complicates things. IMO
  • KenziesFrenzies
    KenziesFrenzies Posts: 1,014 Member
    back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:

    You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
    There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if they don't want to get married or have anymore kids?


    Break down: 6 1/2 years together and 4 1/2 year old


    Im 25 (26 in February) he 30

    I think the most important thing in this scenario is the child.

    And children tend to do better where their parents are separated but on amicable terms rather than together and acrimonious.
  • Tessyloowhoo
    Tessyloowhoo Posts: 504
    i suggest you leave your laptop open to this thread when he is home... things should work themselves out
  • j0705
    j0705 Posts: 185
    its not wrong if you both wanted to take a different path.. you have to learn to compremise and make sacrifices if you love someone , if you loved each other it would'nt make a difference if you married or not or how many children as long as you had each other.

    imo of course (20yrs experience)
  • TheGymGypsy
    TheGymGypsy Posts: 1,023 Member
    If you've been together for that long and marriage is important to you, but he can't make the commitment, leave. By all means, you deserve a man who will do anything to make you happy. :)
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
    If you want to go, go. Sticking around "for the children" usually turns the children into a mess.
  • jollyjoe321
    jollyjoe321 Posts: 529 Member
    Not specifically speaking from any sort of experience here, buuut...

    I think the big problem is that you're telling us about it and not him?
  • ThinLizzie0802
    ThinLizzie0802 Posts: 863 Member
    That's a very personal decision and I don't think anyone else can tell you if it's the right or wrong one for you and your family.
    It sounds like marriage is very important to you, and there is nothing wrong with that. If that is a top priority, then it probably is time to reevaluate your situation. There is a mutual child involved which makes this situation all the more difficult, but you need to have the type of family structure that works for you and makes you happy.
  • Vivian06703188
    Vivian06703188 Posts: 310 Member
    You only have one life and if you want more kids you could regret not having them for the rest of your life. Leave and find someone who wants the same thing you do while you are still young.
  • Vivian06703188
    Vivian06703188 Posts: 310 Member
    back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:

    Don't fall in. I'll go to the other side of the fence.
  • heylookitsval
    heylookitsval Posts: 1,141 Member
    back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:

    You mean you settled.
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
    Doesn't want to get married or have any more kids?

    Not wrong, and definitely don't get pregnant again with this person! Separate, take care of yourself and your child, and move on with life.

    Once you're married I believe you should do everything you can to repair damaged relationships, but without that commitment there is no reason to stay.

    Good luck.
  • Bahet
    Bahet Posts: 1,254 Member
    You're only 25. 6 1/2 years seems like a long time but what are your options? Would you really want to be 75, have spent 56 years with him and still not have ever gotten married or had anymore kids? If that thought appalls you then get it fixed or get out now.
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
    Not one bit.

    But if you're together for 6 1/2 years, how did this not come up earlier? Or did they just change their mind?



    I didn't really want to get married until about a year ago and same with another kid! Just felt like it was time now, we born older you know!
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
    Why can't you just accept it? You've been with him this long? Why would you want to get married anyways? Seems like it just complicates things. IMO



    Something that i ALWAYS WANTED!! Almost.every.woman dream!!
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
    back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:

    You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
    There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.


    Yes, thank you! Perfectly said!!
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
    Not specifically speaking from any sort of experience here, buuut...

    I think the big problem is that you're telling us about it and not him?

    No he knows, just want to know if.im overreacting
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    no-just move on... u will be happy later if u did....
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
    You only have one life and if you want more kids you could regret not having them for the rest of your life. Leave and find someone who wants the same thing you do while you are still young.


    This is what im scared of!
  • ChristinaOrtiz23
    ChristinaOrtiz23 Posts: 1,546 Member
    You're only 25. 6 1/2 years seems like a long time but what are your options? Would you really want to be 75, have spent 56 years with him and still not have ever gotten married or had anymore kids? If that thought appalls you then get it fixed or get out now.


    Another fear of mines!!!!
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
    back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:

    You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
    There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.

    that is wrong, my husband and I have been together 7 1/2 years and we don't have the same views and fight hard for our marriage. Anything can be saved, but people would rather throw something away like a tantrum then fix what they have. I wanted kids way back then and now I told my husband I didn't want any. He shrugged and said we will get there when we get there. We both will be 27 this year and have been to counseling and have fixed our marriage that was HORRIBLE from the start. So to sit there and say you can't fix a marriage based off of different wants or needs that is so not true. its called COMPROMISE!
  • JasonT1973
    JasonT1973 Posts: 229 Member
    It's your life.
    Do what makes you happy while causing as little harm as possible to others.
    My only advice is BE HONEST!!
    People are hurt most by being lied to and deceived.
  • OMGeeeHorses
    OMGeeeHorses Posts: 732 Member
    Also just to say, to listen to others tell you to leave the one you have loved for that long and have a beautiful child with is so wrong. Its alright to have fears, but I would recommend a counselor as everyone now a days will walk out the door if they are told NO to wanting something that their partner doesn't agree to.

    Who knows he could change his mind on wanting more kids, it happens. But instead of asking here you should sit down and speak to HIM about this and not others who don't know your life.

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