Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if.......
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Not one bit.
But if you're together for 6 1/2 years, how did this not come up earlier? Or did they just change their mind?
I didn't really want to get married until about a year ago and same with another kid! Just felt like it was time now, we born older you know!0 -
Why can't you just accept it? You've been with him this long? Why would you want to get married anyways? Seems like it just complicates things. IMO
Something that i ALWAYS WANTED!! Almost.every.woman dream!!0 -
back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:
You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.
Yes, thank you! Perfectly said!!0 -
Not specifically speaking from any sort of experience here, buuut...
I think the big problem is that you're telling us about it and not him?
No he knows, just want to know if.im overreacting0 -
no-just move on... u will be happy later if u did....0
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You only have one life and if you want more kids you could regret not having them for the rest of your life. Leave and find someone who wants the same thing you do while you are still young.
This is what im scared of!0 -
You're only 25. 6 1/2 years seems like a long time but what are your options? Would you really want to be 75, have spent 56 years with him and still not have ever gotten married or had anymore kids? If that thought appalls you then get it fixed or get out now.
Another fear of mines!!!!0 -
back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:
You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.
that is wrong, my husband and I have been together 7 1/2 years and we don't have the same views and fight hard for our marriage. Anything can be saved, but people would rather throw something away like a tantrum then fix what they have. I wanted kids way back then and now I told my husband I didn't want any. He shrugged and said we will get there when we get there. We both will be 27 this year and have been to counseling and have fixed our marriage that was HORRIBLE from the start. So to sit there and say you can't fix a marriage based off of different wants or needs that is so not true. its called COMPROMISE!0 -
It's your life.
Do what makes you happy while causing as little harm as possible to others.
My only advice is BE HONEST!!
People are hurt most by being lied to and deceived.0 -
Also just to say, to listen to others tell you to leave the one you have loved for that long and have a beautiful child with is so wrong. Its alright to have fears, but I would recommend a counselor as everyone now a days will walk out the door if they are told NO to wanting something that their partner doesn't agree to.
Who knows he could change his mind on wanting more kids, it happens. But instead of asking here you should sit down and speak to HIM about this and not others who don't know your life.0 -
Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if they don't want to get married or have anymore kids?
Break down: 6 1/2 years together and 4 1/2 year old
Im 25 (26 in February) he 30
Have you talked about it with him? Maybe he needs an ultimatum... I remember my mother telling me that at one point, she almost left my father before they were married. they'd been together 4 years, and she wanted to move onto the next step, which was marriage. He said he was happy with the way things were, and didn't want to get married (my grandparents had a messed up marriage, and I think that was his hangup). She basically told him she was moving to Wyoming (my uncle lived out there) and as she started planning her move, he realized that a life with her was worth more than whatever reservations he had. They were married 36 years before he passed away.0 -
back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:
You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.
that is wrong, my husband and I have been together 7 1/2 years and we don't have the same views and fight hard for our marriage. Anything can be saved, but people would rather throw something away like a tantrum then fix what they have. I wanted kids way back then and now I told my husband I didn't want any. He shrugged and said we will get there when we get there. We both will be 27 this year and have been to counseling and have fixed out marriage that was HORRIBLE from the start. So to sit there and say you can't fix a marriage based off of different wants or needs that is so wrong. its called COMPROMISE!
I say compromise is great if someone is willing to settle for not having something important, like having kids. I don't think that will work for everyone, and I don't think it means she is throwing something away instead of fixing. That is a big and tough decision to make. I have a friend who made that decision. Now she is almost 40, they have split up and where does that leave her? 40 with no kids and probably a slim chance of having any. Though not impossible, of course.
OP-go with your heart. If you feel this is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then leave. No use waiting to see what happens. In the end, it's it's something you don't feel you could live with, then don't.
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back in the day you didnt throw anything away, you fixed it. It seems a lot of people think that the grass is greener on the other side. Its always green over a septic tank :laugh:
You can't "fix" having completely different values, fundamentally.. It's a pretty huge dealbreaker when one person wants kids, and the other person doesn't.
There's nothing to fix in that situation. If one person bends so the other person gets what they want, they'll end up bitter and resenting him/her for it in the long run.
that is wrong, my husband and I have been together 7 1/2 years and we don't have the same views and fight hard for our marriage. Anything can be saved, but people would rather throw something away like a tantrum then fix what they have. I wanted kids way back then and now I told my husband I didn't want any. He shrugged and said we will get there when we get there. We both will be 27 this year and have been to counseling and have fixed out marriage that was HORRIBLE from the start. So to sit there and say you can't fix a marriage based off of different wants or needs that is so wrong. its called COMPROMISE!
I say compromise is great if someone is willing to settle for not having something important, like having kids. I don't think that will work for everyone, and I don't think it means she is throwing something away instead of fixing. That is a big and tough decision to make. I have a friend who made that decision. Now she is almost 40, they have split up and where does that leave her? 40 with no kids and probably a slim chance of having any. Though not impossible, of course.
OP-go with your heart. If you feel this is not the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then leave. No use waiting to see what happens. In the end, it's it's something you don't feel you could live with, then don't.
Yes but her main focus should be that of her child she has now! that is his/her dad and she is talking about leaving him due to him not wanting more kids. To me that is totally shocking if that is the only issue they are having ( which I am sure it is not). I just know from coming from a broken family at that age and it hurt badly and I blamed myself for a ton of things that went on that obviously wasn't my fault. But as a kid you just think those things.0 -
Nope, that's a pretty great reason to leave if you ask me. Any reason is a good reason, but marriage and kid issues are obvious deal breakers to me. Hugs xxx0
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better question is why would you stay if these thing are very important to you?0
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Like it or not, bringing a child into the world means you have to think about their needs more than your wants. If you are living together and decide to separate, your child will essentially lose his/her father. A divorce/breakup is as painful to a child as experiencing a death in the family, and they usually blame themselves for a breakup. So if the home situation is really as unbearable as that, then move on. This is a big decision and should not be taken lightly.
Maybe ask him what about marriage puts him off. Is it the commitment or the wedding or the formality of names on a paper? Maybe you can figure something out that you both can live with.0 -
Not one bit.
But if you're together for 6 1/2 years, how did this not come up earlier? Or did they just change their mind?
I didn't really want to get married until about a year ago and same with another kid! Just felt like it was time now, we born older you know!
If your mind changed as recently as a year ago perhaps it would be a good idea to sit down and discuss this with your boyfriend. Does he realize how important this is to you? Has he said absolutely not, never? Talk to him to see whether or not there is something to work towards.0 -
So say you were married and he decided he didnt want anymore kids. Would you want to walk away from that too? I think too many people make things so disposable.
You already have the family without that piece of paper - whooopity do! That piece of paper does NOT change anything.0 -
Is it wrong/ok to leave someone if they don't want to get married or have anymore kids?
Break down: 6 1/2 years together and 4 1/2 year old
Im 25 (26 in February) he 30
I'd leave em'.0 -
We can't answer this question for you.
But, the answer would be different if you did not already have a child together. If you are not married and have no kids, then sure go ahead and leave for any reason you want.
If you are incredibly unhappy and can't work it out, then sure it's time to part ways (kids or not).
But, you already have a child and if the only reason you want to leave is because you want more kids then that does not seem like a good reason to me to break up your family. What if one of you was not able to have more kids? I would not leave my partner if he did not want more kids. I don't even know what your partner's reasons are for not wanting more kids. Maybe he has reasons that relate to your life and financial situation. I'm not going to say to you that you should break up your family over this unless there are other, bigger reasons than that. I have two kids and I'm done, I can't imagine my husband leaving me just because he decided he wanted three kids (he hasn't decided that).
You need to decide this for yourself, not ask on a fitness message board.0
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