School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??

BlueBombers
BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
in Chit-Chat
I know this is a fitness site but I really need some opinions. My 6-year-old son was pushed, tripped, sworn at and had his hood from his winter coat thrown away by a couple of 8-year-olds from the same school. They also punched other little kids and caused another boy from his class to bleed. This happened over the three recess breaks they have during the school. From what I could gather from my son...it has happened before and will continue. I am of course livid and I called the school and left a message on their voicemail as the school was closed by the time I got home and found out what had happened. The kids don't have school tomorrow but I will be going to the school first thing Monday morning. I would love nothing more than to confront these kids and give them a piece of my mind. I will be speaking to the school Principal and with my son's teacher as well as these kids' teacher.

Have you ever had to deal with bullies picking on your children at school? What did you do and what was the outcome? I want this solved now and I do not want my son to be scared to go to school because of them. You hear so many tragic stories of bullies making their victim's life hell to the point where they have to change schools to escape.....or something a lot worse. I do not want it to get to that point.

Thanks in advance for listening and any advice you can give me as I have never had a problem like this before.
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Replies

  • michelleLynette
    michelleLynette Posts: 289 Member
    I am so sorry you have had to deal with this. It sounds like your are doing the right thing addressing the teacher and school administation. Does the school have a counsler? Sometimes having one avalible to talk with your son is helpful. You are so wise to take this seriously. No child should be allowed to bully and your son should not have to experience this. Be prepared with Plan B if you are not pleased with the school and the way they handle it. You make have to go to the next level. These bullies need to be punished . My son is in high school and at his school there is zero tolerance to bullying..they nip that in the butt immediately.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    I'm a mother bear taking care of her cubs....no one messes with my kids :angry:
  • michelleLynette
    michelleLynette Posts: 289 Member
    oh I hear ya..Im the same way.Hang in there:) so sorry;(
  • j6o4
    j6o4 Posts: 871 Member
    What you need to do is put your son into some type of martial arts so he can defend himself.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    My daughter had issues at her old school and I could never really put my finger on why. She was just very awkward socially and struggled so much with her school work. I spoke to her teacher so many times about my concerns only to be brushed off. I went has high up as the school board only to be told "the year is almost over. We'll see how she does next year" Ugh! REALLY? Well at the end of the year her class had a field trip to the zoo and suddenly it clicked. The other girls in her class were snooty. No better way of putting it. My daughter was being bullied with words more than with actions (no hitting or pushing). When it came time to break off into groups she was never chosen by the girls she thought were her friends. They told her it was because she her shoes were from Walmart. Later on they were telling her that they were glad she wasn't in their group because she would have slowed them down since she can't read very well.
    My heart was just breaking into pieces! With only 2 weeks left in the year I stood by my daughters side and coached her through each scenario as best I could. The school wouldn't help and her teacher refused to believe that these girls were having an effect on my daughter. I have since transferred her to another school where she is thriving! Her grades are up, she has a ton of friends, and her teacher is absolutely outstanding.
    I will say this though, had I not been able to transfer I would have gone to the news paper and TV stations, whatever I had to do to draw attention to the fact that their whole anti-bully campaign was a fail. I would have also waited at the school like a stalker waiting to find the parents and confront them. We are told not to do this, but I would have if my daughter ended up having to endure another year of it. Thankfully, her life is getting much easier. Good luck to you! I hope it stops for your son.
  • dcarr67
    dcarr67 Posts: 1,403
    My son had a similar issue around that age. I told him to stand up for himself. Make a fist and as hard as you can, punch him right in the nose. He wont mess with you and neither will anyone else if they know you will do something about it. Bullies pick on kids that they can. Of coarse he was young and scared and said he couldn't do that. I called his teacher, explained it to her and said you take care of it or with my blessing, my son will. She took care of it.
  • XianC
    XianC Posts: 93
    I work in suicide prevention and bullying is obviously a HUGE deal. You have the right plan in place. Get to the school and talk to the principal and his teacher. There is no excuse for a school to allow this kind of behavior and my hope for you is that your school is one of the good ones that will actually do something about it. I would also encourage you to attend any kind of PTA meetings your school might have so that this can be discussed in a larger forum. Other parents might be dealing with some of the same things or might even be completely unaware that this is going on.

    A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.

    Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.

    I wish you the best and I sincerely hope the school reacts appropriately to this news.
  • IhScoutII
    IhScoutII Posts: 162 Member
    My son had a similar issue around that age. I told him to stand up for himself. Make a fist and as hard as you can, punch him right in the nose. He wont mess with you and neither will anyone else if they know you will do something about it. Bullies pick on kids that they can. Of coarse he was young and scared and said he couldn't do that. I called his teacher, explained it to her and said you take care of it or with my blessing, my son will. She took care of it.

    I have said this to both my daughter(10) and son(8). I also explained that they would not be in trouble at home as long as they told the other person to stop and/or a teacher about the problem & I would take care of any issues the school had with it.
  • dcarr67
    dcarr67 Posts: 1,403
    Yes, that is what I told mine as well.
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    Sorry you & son are dealing with this..

    My son(10 year old) had same problem. He has always been quiet and good natured and been told not to fight other than to protect himself. He is blind in one eye and I always worry about somebody sucker punching him and swelling his good eye shut for days.

    He is a purple belt in Aikido and actually assists instructing adults lower ranked as the only kid allowed to be in the adult class.

    A couple kids kept picking on him & he finally told me about it. I went in to talk to principal as well as his teacher. They both shook heads and saying they would put a stop to it.

    Long story short. Kids continued to picked on him throwing things and pushing him, and he ended up hurting a couple of them with some submission holds. I got a call the next afternoon and when I went in the principal had my son out of class all day and write a apology letter to each kid without talking to me about it. I had to have my son leave the room as I had a very long talk with principal on what he expected my son to do while being picked on every day by 5-7 kids.

    Its so backwards sometimes.
  • IhScoutII
    IhScoutII Posts: 162 Member
    Yes, that is what I told mine as well.

    It was the same speech my dad gave me when I was little and he was right...
  • spangey13
    spangey13 Posts: 294
    My son had a similar issue around that age. I told him to stand up for himself. Make a fist and as hard as you can, punch him right in the nose. He wont mess with you and neither will anyone else if they know you will do something about it. Bullies pick on kids that they can. Of coarse he was young and scared and said he couldn't do that. I called his teacher, explained it to her and said you take care of it or with my blessing, my son will. She took care of it.

    I have said this to both my daughter(10) and son(8). I also explained that they would not be in trouble at home as long as they told the other person to stop and/or a teacher about the problem & I would take care of any issues the school had with it.

    I don't have kids, but I do agree with this. When I went to school, some silly tart was giving me a hard time. The threat of a broken nose and two black eyes to go with it was enough for her to leave me alone!!
  • liesevanlingen
    liesevanlingen Posts: 508 Member
    I told my daughter the same thing, since her teacher is useless, claiming that if she didn't see it happen, she couldn't actually do anything. So I said to my girl, "Haul off and clobber him one! Your dad and I will support you 100%."

    She hasn't had to do it yet, but she is much more confident about handling it if it becomes an issue.
  • jrbb03092
    jrbb03092 Posts: 198 Member
    When my daughter was being bullied by another child in her class, I spoke to the teacher and then to the principal. I explained (very calmly but very firmly) that this was unacceptable and it was going to stop. I kept a record of each and every time it happened and exactly what happened. I quoted their own anti-bullying rules and pointed out that if they didn't make it stop, I would go to the media and that I was prepared to make as much noise as necessary to ensure it stopped. When they suggested peer mediation, I said that was unacceptable. My daughter did not need to make friends with this child. My daughter did not need to have anything to do with this child. They actually dealt with it fairly quickly after that and the children basically had a no-contact rule going at school. At the end of the year, I wrote a letter to the school and told them I would not stand for my daughter being placed in the same class as this child the following year.

    Our situation resolved very well but either way, because I listened to my daughter and advocated for her, it gave her much more confidence and assurance in handling the situation during the time it was being settled and several years on, I think she's a much stronger kid because she knows she has someone who will stand in her corner and fight for her.

    For the people advocating your kid learn to fight and stand up for themselves, I was bullied as a kid and told this by my father. I fought back like he said and beat the stuffing out of my bully. The only thing that happened as a result was that everyone else wanted to fight me and see if I could beat them. It truly resolved nothing. Now that was just my experience but it's not something I would advise for my own child (although she is currently taking a self-defence course and I see nothing wrong with a child learning to defend themselves as a very last resort).
  • emaren
    emaren Posts: 934 Member
    Judo barely leaves a mark - but the right throw at the right time can complete mess up a bully to the point of broken bones if they persist.

    First Hand experience.
  • MyPureSteez
    MyPureSteez Posts: 265 Member
    Brass Knuckles and an air tight alibi. Will do the trick
  • sjanejack
    sjanejack Posts: 158
    I'm not a parent, but I would say that you should tell your son that if he gets upset about it or if people still keep bullying him, that he should tell someone like an adult.
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    I'm a mother bear taking care of her cubs....no one messes with my kids :angry:
  • j6o4
    j6o4 Posts: 871 Member
    Judo barely leaves a mark - but the right throw at the right time can complete mess up a bully to the point of broken bones if they persist.

    First Hand experience.

    Teach your son judo! He can use the bullys punches as momentum and throw them across the room.
  • mreimer102
    mreimer102 Posts: 28 Member
    I'm a stay-at-home mom, so I home school my 14 yr old daughter. If you can do that, it would be great, if not; you may have to get a little rough around the edges at times. I pulled my daughter out because of bullying, and her begging me. Now she is in a Satellite public school and has great grade, and is much happier.
  • CMB1979
    CMB1979 Posts: 588 Member
    Brass Knuckles and an air tight alibi. Will do the trick

    Plus a secret place to stash the brass knuckles when you're done with them. They're considered a "deadly weapon" in most states and will get your kid 1+ years in juvie lockup.
  • Sparkle_Princess
    Sparkle_Princess Posts: 926
    My son is almost 14 and has been bullied for the last 4 years. He is smaller than all of his peers and sdespite the school saying they will fix the issue nothing was done except counselling for my son. Useless I tell you!!

    It all came to a head earlier this year in PE class when the bully attacked my son, he stole his ball and tormented him. My son asked nicely for his ball and was ignored so he went to grab it back. The bully grabbed hold of him and pinned him to the ground and my son punched him to get him off of him and threw a fist back into the bully's face, resulting in him punching my son twice in the face.

    The school were more worried about my son punching the bully than what actually happened. We took it to the police as this was the last straw for us. Police were happy to speak to the bully and his parents at home, and told them he could be charged with assault.

    My son hasnt had a problem with this jerk since!!

    What schools need to understand is that a child can only be pushed so far and then they will react. Noone should have to sit back and cop that ****. They need to stop micromanaging the victim and deal with the bully!!
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
    The school SHOULD have adopted a zero tolerance policy as was mentioned in an above post. Speak with the principal and the assistant principal. If you don't make any headway with them (which you should, but just in case) tell them that you will have to complain to the authorities. Even though these are children, it is still considered harrassment which needs to be dealt with right away.
    Good luck.
  • King_Of_Juicy
    King_Of_Juicy Posts: 294
    I hate bullies....Ima keep my mouth shut before I get in trouble.

    But by all means neccisary...protect your child. ALL MEANS
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,674 Member
    That's terrible, so sorry! My first thought would be to work through the authority of the school. They will likely take this very, very seriously and would be prepared to deal with the children and their parents. Another question I have is...is your son having any trouble submitting to the authority of you and your husband? Like, is he struggling with his attitude at home, or with obedience?
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
    As others have said previously. The schools aren't always ready to step up to the plate on action. I can remember in my daughters junior school a bullying issue stemming from one particular girl. It turned out her mum was a school governor so that made them pretty reluctant to do anything. Plus talking to the parents can sometimes be a total waste of time. They either don't give a toss, or think their little darling would never bully.
  • hajenkatt
    hajenkatt Posts: 331 Member
    My daughter had an issue with another 2nd grade girl physically hurting her at school--pinching, sctratching, trying to cut her clothes off with scissors. The teacher was aware and dealing with it, but sometimes results don't come fast enough. I told my daughter to use a capoeira (martial arts) block on the girl the next time she tried to lay a hand on her. Sure enough, the next day that girl went after my daughter three different times in class, and my kid blocked her each and every time. The result was my daughter felt more confident knowing she had a strategy in place if this girl messed with her. The bullying girl quickly learned that my daughter was no longer going to put up with her nonesense, and after that my daughter never had a physical issue again. I hope this isn't something we will need to deal with again, but now we have strategies in place and both my kids know I back them 100% in protecting themselves. Good luck with this, and I hope you get it resolved. Bad timing for a Pro-D day, tho. I know it's hard to wait all weekend. :)
  • CookNLift
    CookNLift Posts: 3,660 Member
    i agree with most of the points and speaking to the principal or telling your son to stick up for himself....even if he kicks them in the nuts he's still sticking up for himself. ''Otherwise, have you tried contacting the kids parents directly? sometimes they have no idea how much of an *kitten* their kids really are
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    Whoop em momma bear! Just make sure you video and post it in YouTube so it can go viral. That way you get your 15 minutes of fame via Skype on good morning America :)
  • Clameater
    Clameater Posts: 317
    I got picked on in 6th grade pretty badly. I solved the problem by hitting the bully with a baseball bat in the back, and smashing his face into the asphalt a few times. I never got picked on again after that

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