School bullies picking on my son.....any advice??
Replies
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"Defending yourself" and punching someone are different things (though sometimes defending yourself may include punching).When it happened gto my son, I taught him to punch HARD. He only had to land 1 blow and the rest of the group backed off.
I completely agree with this and feel that you did the right thing by teaching your child to defend himself. Everyone, including children, have the right to defend themselves. Period.
Sentiments like the above are little more than restated bullying. We buy into the fanstasy because we've been taught to feel good when the little guy wins and the bad guy gets his comeuppance. We eat that up, fueled by our passion as parents. But I think it's lazy.
Truth is, conflict resolution is hard stuff. Most adults struggle with it. Teaching it to children is arduous and nuanced. Much easier to tell to hit back.
I'm sure there are people that will jump to the "should I just let my child get bullied???!?!?" approach. And of course the answer is no. But far too often I see parents (in real life and in conversations like this these online) immediately jump to the hit back/self-defense answer. And it's usually stated like the above, which is basically the movie fantasy.
I don't take anything away from self-defense classes, or teaching kids martial arts. They can be great for kids to bolster confidence, increase discipline and help with confidence. But if you are throwing your kid into martial arts class solely because he/she was bullied, I wonder what other options you've actually explored.
Yes, my kids have been bullied. And we resolved it. Punching back did not come up. Maybe it would have eventually. But I suspect I would have change schools before that.
When it comes to bullying, I think if we're really being honest as parents, we'll admit to wanting more than just having the behavior stop. We want revenge. And I don't think that's healthy.0 -
To fully deal with school bullies, the school MUST have a ZERO tolerance for bullying. As parents, there is little you can do without the support of the teachers and admins.
Work WITH the teachers and admins, helping to provide solutions, rather than just yelling and accusing. Cooperation goes a long way with getting help for your child.
If you encounter teachers or admins that have the old-school attitude of blowing it off, and thinking the victim just needs to 'toughen-up', then by all means go above their heads til you find someone who is willing to put a stop to the bullying atmosphere.
Bullies continue their behavior because they get away with it. Bullied kids are afraid to speak out, and this fear allows the bullies to continue. Most bullies are often bullied at home by their own parents or older siblings, so it is learned behavior. You will seldom get anywhere confronting their parents, because they will automatically defend their kid, and will most often have the attitude that it is normal child behavior, and the victims deserve it because they are weak.
The world has changed since the days where kids just duked it out in the schoolyard. The 'survival of the fittest' days are over.
No longer do the big and strong kids rule the school while the Math geeks get beat up. But not everyone has received the memo.0 -
Your sister in law threatened to call the cops on a child over "web based teasing" and you are PROUD of it.I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.
Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.
WHAT KIND OF ****ING DISGUSTING MONSTER ARE YOU.
Is there an ignore button on this site? Be assured, if there is I am putting you on it immediately.
edit: you are on my ignore list. Do not try to respond to this, it won't work.
Considering that we have teenagers jumping off of buildings, hanging themselves, etc. because of web-based bullying, I don't find this to be that outrageous.
If this were happening to my child, and the parents/school did nothing, I have NO problems contacting the authorities. There has to be consequences at some point.0 -
No one will protect your child like you will. I would do what your doing by going through the school...but i would report to the police and file assult charges (wouldn't hurt to see where it gets you, it could at least scare the bullies). With all that is in news these days....Bullies are out of control and law enforcement should be notified.
This is usually the beginning of bad behavior when it starts so young.
Good luck!
Go get'em mom! ( i was exactly the same when my children were small)
I'm not sure how scared the bullies will be though if the officers don't take it seriously. Which is a very strong possibility. This may make the child feel less protected and make the bullies feel more at liberty to do as they please. It might be best not to do a "cry wolf" situation and reserve this option for times when you know it's going to be taken seriously. I can't imagine telling a 911 operator to please come in hurry because of a child's hood. (yes, something similar happened to me too actually, but for some reason calling the police was not on my list of things that occured to me to do about it.) Walking near the boys and saying, don't touch or pull on his hood that's "not safe" to quote terms used by the teachers and staff seemed to do the trick. At some ages kids are just doing whatever pops into their little heads and seems fun or funny for whatever reason and considering themselves "friends" they are touchy and grabby. This worked in the moment, but admittedly OP's situation is different so may require informing the school but calling the police...IDK?0 -
if you cant get help from the school admins can you go over their head to the superintendent or school board?0
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what the?
Your sister in law threatened to call the cops on a child over "web based teasing" and you are PROUD of it.I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.
Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.
WHAT KIND OF ****ING DISGUSTING MONSTER ARE YOU.
Is there an ignore button on this site? Be assured, if there is I am putting you on it immediately.
edit: you are on my ignore list. Do not try to respond to this, it won't work.0 -
As someone who works in school admin, talking to the school teacher and principal is the first step. If you feel you're not getting anywhere take it up with Elementary Instruction at the higher levels.0
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Letting him and the bus company know is good but if you want to see changes you need to go to the superintendent and to the school board. Maybe contact the kids parents yourself it continues but sadly it is a learned behavior.0
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Mixed Martial Arts lessons.0
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A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
This ^^^ all the way!0 -
A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.0 -
Hi - hope this doesnt sound controversial but confronting the kids directly will only make it tougher for your kid during the next break. I'm afraid you're going to have to advise your child to man up and fight back.
I'm saying this from personal experience, I was bullied when I was a kid and having parents get involved as in speaking to the kids directly only made it worse in the playground.
PM me if you see fit.0 -
Same advice I gave my son when he was being bullied: "lose your temper and punch them in the face".
The school I attended from age 11 to 16 had an appalling culture of bullying and the acceptance of bullying. Both between the pupils and from some of the teachers towards the children.
The way to make it stop is to be prepared to stand up for yourself and fight back. Bullies much prefer a soft target and it's well worth taking a few knocks along the way to keep your self-respect.0 -
If you really wanna eff it up than get the school administration involved. They make awful decisions 100% of the time.0
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What you need to do is put your son into some type of martial arts so he can defend himself.
I agree with this whole heartedly! The problem with kids today is they are not taught to stand up for themselves.0 -
What you need to do is put your son into some type of martial arts so he can defend himself.
I agree with this whole heartedly! The problem with kids today is they are not taught to stand up for themselves.
Yep... my song just turned 3 and we are signing him up.0 -
A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.
How so? Do you have kids?0 -
A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.
I don't think that sticking up for your child, and sitting them down and explaining things to them leads to entitlement issues. Especially when the OP stated her child was 6.0 -
A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.
How so?
If the parent is always protecting them or their to catch them when they fall, how can they learn to protect themselves or get up and dust themselves off.0 -
Have you ever seen this Youtube video?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isfn4OxCPQs
Not to advocate violence but I wonder if the bully is still a bully0 -
The problem with teaching your child to fight back is that bullies are very good at hiding the abuse they dole out, while a child who defends himself is not. With almost no variance, once a bullied child fights back he's the one to get in trouble while the bully himself gets off Scott Free. Bullies know exactly what they're doing and how to not get caught. If a teacher or principal doesn't believe the child, arm him with a recording device of some kind. Teach him how to use it discretely. Don't let the school deny this is happening.0
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A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.
I don't think that sticking up for your child, and sitting them down and explaining things to them leads to entitlement issues. Especially when the OP stated her child was 6.
Talking to your child is one thing, and yes I read the OP. Protecting/being loud/making waves is another in my opinion.0 -
You wouldn't protect your 6 year old child from bullies? Youd just tell them to "suck it up"?0
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Your sister in law threatened to call the cops on a child over "web based teasing" and you are PROUD of it.I dont' have any children, but I have seen my sister-in-law (she is in high school now) end up having to go through some bullying. My mother-in-law documented and photographed everything (what happened to her was web-based so she printed out all the stuff both in word document and by screen shots) and basically said that if the school wouldnt' do anything then she would be taking it to the police and pressing charges. She was willing to go as far as to the press for help if it came down to that. Luckily it was nipped in the butt, and a lot of other kids came out and were talking about what had happened to them. Needless to say, the child who was doing the bullying was dealt with accordingly.
Just stand your ground on this and be willing to go as far you need to to ensure the safety of your child.
WHAT KIND OF ****ING DISGUSTING MONSTER ARE YOU.
Is there an ignore button on this site? Be assured, if there is I am putting you on it immediately.
edit: you are on my ignore list. Do not try to respond to this, it won't work.
You do know that Cyber-bullying is against the law now, don't you?
Where have you been the last couple of years? Do you not watch the news and see the stories of kids committing suicide over the nasty threats that some of these kids are posting and texting to other kids?
If the school and the parents do not put a stop to it, then taking it to the authorities is sometimes required.
ETA Feel free to put me on ignore as well, and continue to keep your head in the sand.0 -
We had a problem and the school did nothing. So I informed the school he would be taking a Martial Arts and if it happens again he has permission to defend himself and if it continues I would be contacting the news. We never had another issue.
He is now a Senior Brown Belt in Hap Ki Do and I highly suggest some form of Martial Arts.0 -
You wouldn't protect your 6 year old child from bullies? Youd just tell them to "suck it up"?
I think, even from a young age, kids can and should be taught to protect themselves. That doesn't necessarily mean teaching them how to fight.0 -
My niece and nephew were bullied. My niece wont stand up for herself . Sis in law asked my opinion. I told my nephew to knock the bullys damn teeth out if he ever hit him again. I explained that he would be suspended for defending himself for two days. But his teachers and principal pick on him as well (he has aspergers).
I also said on the days he was suspended, i would take him bowling. My mom always taught me not to start a fight, but if someone hit me i had better lay them out.0 -
A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.
I don't think that sticking up for your child, and sitting them down and explaining things to them leads to entitlement issues. Especially when the OP stated her child was 6.
Talking to your child is one thing, and yes I read the OP. Protecting/being loud/making waves is another in my opinion.
So protecting your child, being loud, making waves leads to entitlement... how so?0 -
yep...being loud or making waves will get you nowhere and possibly make it worse for the child.A loud parent is a good parent. Never worry about making waves. Protect your child. While I understand the inclincation to confront the kids who are actually bullying your son, addressing the issue with the school and even requesting that they get the parents to come in to talk together would be your best move.
Lastly, talk to your son. Ask questions. Some kids have incredible resiliency and can shake this kind of stuff off. Others are affected greatly by bullying. Be sure he knows he can talk to you at any time about anything. Do some research about child resiliency and see if there is anything you can learn to help him build his up.
I tend to think that leads to entitlement issues and an expectation that your parents will always come to the rescue. Life isn't nice or caring or fair.
I don't think that sticking up for your child, and sitting them down and explaining things to them leads to entitlement issues. Especially when the OP stated her child was 6.
Talking to your child is one thing, and yes I read the OP. Protecting/being loud/making waves is another in my opinion.0 -
One thing I do know for certain is that if you want your kid to get beat-up then go to the principal. The bully will most definately take out any punishment he receives on your son. Right now the bully has many victims but give him a reason and your son will become his #1 target.
I also agree with the martial arts not because it will teach him to fight but because he will learn self respect. He will learn how to defend himself if he needs to but more importantly the bullies will learn that he is not a victim. They will move on to a weaker target.0
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