Is he hitting on me??
Replies
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If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
Anyway: guy sounds like a dirty rat - steer well clear. Why jeopardise your home arrangements by hanging out with this dude? Time to cut him loose!0 -
If a guy is interested, spending time with him will probably cause him to become more and more interested. Also, the idea of something or someone being "forbidden" can act as an attractant, rather than a deterrent. If you're going to spend time with him, why can't you bring your husband along?
I wouldn't be okay with my wife hanging out alone with any guy, and I would expect her to get upset if I were hanging out alone with any girl. I think girls can separate platonic from romantic better than guys in general. You may well have laid out your boundaries clearly, but the only thing that will convince him to stay away is if you stop meeting with him alone. Again, bring your husband or another friend along.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....0 -
You have a really trusting husband. Either way, I think you need to talk to him because he is disrespecting you and your marriage. From what you've said, he sounds sketchy and is probably using you too. I'd tell him to stop making me feel uncomfortable, and then stay away.
Btw, I still don't get why he gave you a ride home when you said he lives down the block from you?0 -
STOP IT!
I don't normally say things this strongly. This person/friend should not be in your life. Not if you want to remain married to your husband.
Stop the dinners
Stop the texting
Stop running with him
Stop spending time with him
STOP
This is the first time anything's culminated enough to be considered inappropriate, and as soon as it did, I pulled back immediately . Before this he was just any normal regular friend.
Im stupid for having a friend. Lol, ok, got it.0 -
Wow, what an odd story.
To be honest, I have no advice other than talk to your friend - on neutral ground, though.
He's been your friend for years and if he has never acted like this before then I think you should find out his reasons before telling him where to go. If he says anything that makes you feel uncomfortable then tell him so and that if it carries on it will jeopardize your friendship. You are both adults, I'm sure you can sort it out.
On a side note, I really despise it when women refer to themselves as 'skanks' just because they had a one-night stand. :huh:0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Lol, inorite? The kind of husband that is so secure in his marriage that it just doesn't concern him. Yeah I think it's odd, but im not going to TRY to get him upset about it, ha. That wouldn't solve anything. And if he was pissy, he wouldn't be able to discuss the situation objectivity with me, and thats somethinge I really value.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Without reading any of the responses, this is exactly what I thought before I read through some of the reactions.
Trust, honesty, jealousy, attraction, trashy white girl stuff...call it any way you like.
But if you were my wife, I would be having an immediate ~chat~ with said "friend," "old supervisor," again, call him anything you like. I am a one woman man, and totally expect my wife to be a one man woman. Anyone moving in our turf such as this would be politely asked to get dafuq out immediately.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
One that is confident in himself, his marriage and his wife and doesn't have an anger problem. Mine would only get involved if it turned into a serious problem.0 -
Btw, I still don't get why he gave you a ride home when you said he lives down the block from you?
Only because I had finished my run, ending up about three miles from home and it was getting late and kinda cold. Pretty legit reasons, or at least seemed so at the time
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He probably wants to see if there is anything there. You may have seen it as one drunken night of sex that you want to forget and move on from, and he may be pretending he feels the same, but he really wants it again.0
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Btw, I still don't get why he gave you a ride home when you said he lives down the block from you?
Only because I had finished my run, ending up about three miles from home and it was getting late and kinda cold. Pretty legit reasons, or at least seemed so at the time
Hi Molly!
Sorry to say, but I do think there have been some mixed signals along the way.
This last bit strikes me as quite odd. Though it may have been subconscious, and totally innocent, I find myself questioning why your run would end three miles from home & right in front of his apartment.
Either way, you feel like boundaries have been crossed and it needs to be addressed. Whether or not your husband is 100% trusting and nonchalant about the situation, YOU have to be comfortable with it and it doesn't sound like you are.0 -
Only because I had finished my run, ending up about three miles from home and it was getting late and kinda cold. Pretty legit reasons, or at least seemed so at the time
Hold on a minute. Does he live three miles from you or "just down the street" from you like you say in the OP?0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Lol, inorite? The kind of husband that is so secure in his marriage that it just doesn't concern him. Yeah I think it's odd, but im not going to TRY to get him upset about it, ha. That wouldn't solve anything. And if he was pissy, he wouldn't be able to discuss the situation objectivity with me, and thats somethinge I really value.
Dont put words in my mouth. I never said to try to get him upset. How do you know hes not already upset bcuz of your actions, your attitude seems to indicate that you dont think this is a big deal, fine. Then go about your business and dont post this **** in the forums of you dont want honest opinions.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?0 -
He's hitting on you and you're hitting on him....if it's all good with everyone, no need to fret about it0
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Wow, what an odd story.
To be honest, I have no advice other than talk to your friend - on neutral ground, though.
He's been your friend for years and if he has never acted like this before then I think you should find out his reasons before telling him where to go. If he says anything that makes you feel uncomfortable then tell him so and that if it carries on it will jeopardize your friendship. You are both adults, I'm sure you can sort it out.
On a side note, I really despise it when women refer to themselves as 'skanks' just because they had a one-night stand. :huh:
Ok...thanks for sharing. I guess.0 -
Btw, I still don't get why he gave you a ride home when you said he lives down the block from you?
Only because I had finished my run, ending up about three miles from home and it was getting late and kinda cold. Pretty legit reasons, or at least seemed so at the time
Hi Molly!
Sorry to say, but I do think there have been some mixed signals along the way.
This last bit strikes me as quite odd. Though it may have been subconscious, and totally innocent, I find myself questioning why your run would end three miles from home & right in front of his apartment.
Either way, you feel like boundaries have been crossed and it needs to be addressed. Whether or not your husband is 100% trusting and nonchalant about the situation, YOU have to be comfortable with it and it doesn't sound like you are.
I WAS totally comfortable with it, until I started realizing that he might be creeping on me. ZERO problems before. I actually always run in the direction of his apartment. It's well-lit and well-trafficked, safe, and I like the scenery. This was the first ( and ONLY time, believe me) that I ever stopped by. I can totally see how this could be mixed signals if I did stiff like that frequently, but it was a one time thing. I really didn't think he's be THAT dumb to think it meant anything.
Yikes, if he IS that dumb, I just need to never speak to him ever again, cause the thought of him moving in on me totally makes my skin crawl. :noway:0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?
or he could have a swinger fantasy or at least a voyeur fantasy.
And of course youre an intelligent woman you know the answer from your friend. I'm sure he often fantasizes about you and that night.
Your two choices are you blow it off and tell him you love him like a brother but he needs to back the F off, or you let this relationship die0 -
Only because I had finished my run, ending up about three miles from home and it was getting late and kinda cold. Pretty legit reasons, or at least seemed so at the time
Hold on a minute. Does he live three miles from you or "just down the street" from you like you say in the OP?
Both, actually. It IS "just down the street", literally on the same road as us, just 2.7 miles (I GoogleMapped it) away. I usually run about there, then loop back home.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Lol, inorite? The kind of husband that is so secure in his marriage that it just doesn't concern him. Yeah I think it's odd, but im not going to TRY to get him upset about it, ha. That wouldn't solve anything. And if he was pissy, he wouldn't be able to discuss the situation objectivity with me, and thats somethinge I really value.
Dont put words in my mouth. I never said to try to get him upset. How do you know hes not already upset bcuz of your actions, your attitude seems to indicate that you dont think this is a big deal, fine. Then go about your business and dont post this **** in the forums of you dont want honest opinions.
:indifferent:
WOAH....what??
I was actually agreeing with you... I wasn't suggesting you were telling me to get him mad...I mentioned it because I was outlining an alternative to my husband being "meh" about it, and expressing gratitude that he is NOT upset about the situation. What "attitude" are you referring to? Are you upset because I'm making light of the situation? I really do not understand your response, you sound nuts.
Are you hungry or something? :huh: Here's a sandwich.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?
Aaaaaaaand THERE'S the inevitable attack on my husband. I'm actually surprised it took 5 whole pages to get there. Knew it had to happen sooner or later!! Lol, you silly MPF.
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If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?
or he could have a swinger fantasy or at least a voyeur fantasy.
And of course youre an intelligent woman you know the answer from your friend. I'm sure he often fantasizes about you and that night.
Your two choices are you blow it off and tell him you love him like a brother but he needs to back the F off, or you let this relationship die
Wise words. Duly noted.0 -
He's hitting on you and you're hitting on him....if it's all good with everyone, no need to fret about it
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah, NO. I have never done anything that two platonic friends don't normally occasionally do. (Not since getting drunk with him that is, lol) He is the one extending the inappropriate advances.
Thanks for the insightful advice, though, it was...........awesome.0 -
Maybe someone got hold of his cell phone and/or is playing a prank with caller ID spoofing? The latter doesn't explain carrying on a conversation, so access to the phone might have happened. I would just straight up ask him since you're friends -- hey buddy, wth?This is NOT how he usually speaks to me. He's never sent a text like that.
...
I ended up not answering that one, and it never came up in conversation. Whether he was forgot about it or was embarrassed, or it was meant for someone else, I couldn't say.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?
or he could have a swinger fantasy or at least a voyeur fantasy.
And of course youre an intelligent woman you know the answer from your friend. I'm sure he often fantasizes about you and that night.
Your two choices are you blow it off and tell him you love him like a brother but he needs to back the F off, or you let this relationship die
Hahaha, possibly. Or she's just not being honest with him as well.
What I'm really digging is that the OP is full on, cake and eat it. She has one dude fawning all over her, and ready to roll at any time. Plus, she's married, so she already has the Plan A in process.
It's rather clever.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?
or he could have a swinger fantasy or at least a voyeur fantasy.
And of course youre an intelligent woman you know the answer from your friend. I'm sure he often fantasizes about you and that night.
Your two choices are you blow it off and tell him you love him like a brother but he needs to back the F off, or you let this relationship die
Wise words. Duly noted.
Of course because it patted you on the head instead of just laying things out there.
Listen, we all finally understand how awesome you are. Your husband lets you do what ever you want, because you're just so amazing and trustworthy... yet, you're basically dating another dude who you've already given the goods to.
Let's be honest here Mrs. Antoinette, who exactly in this story is the cake that shall be eaten?
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Ok. The text sounds like he might have sent that to you in error. I have done that numerous times. He might not have realized it because you didn't respond with the normal "Whaaat?" and just asked 'how drunk are you?'
As for the burlesque show, you might have actually been his back up plan in case the hot blond couldn't go with him.
He could also be intentionally pushing the limits on your friendship to see whether or not your relationship with your husband is as good as it seems and maybe there is a little bit of him wanting to see if you'll actually stray. I say bring up the past two incidents with him and tell him you were uncomfortable with it and ask what's going on. If it continues then call him out on it again and tell him that if he keeps it up you're going to have to sever the friendship no questions asked. I would also talk to your husband and just let him know that this friend is making you feel uncomfortable and ask him what he thinks you should do.
And yes, it IS nice to be loved by your husband and admired by other men. There's really no harm in liking attention.0 -
If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.
This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....
Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?
or he could have a swinger fantasy or at least a voyeur fantasy.
And of course youre an intelligent woman you know the answer from your friend. I'm sure he often fantasizes about you and that night.
Your two choices are you blow it off and tell him you love him like a brother but he needs to back the F off, or you let this relationship die
Wise words. Duly noted.
Of course because it patted you on the head instead of just laying things out there.
Listen, we all finally understand how awesome you are. Your husband lets you do what ever you want, because you're just so amazing and trustworthy... yet, you're basically dating another dude who you've already given the goods to.
Let's be honest here Mrs. Antoinette, who exactly in this story is the cake that shall be eaten?
Hmmm, now I'm really wondering who burned you in a past relationship to make you spew such aggressive vitriol at a complete stranger, who is not, as you claim "full on cake and eat it". I'm not sure where you got the idea that I am "dating" this friend, or that he is "fawning" over me.
I am ALL FOR things being "laid out" for me, as long as they are accurate. You're jumping to all sorts of wild conclusions, like
1. I enjoy the more-than-friendship attention I'm getting from the friend (untrue. It makes my skin crawl, to be perfectly honest)
2. my husband must be gay (hilarious)
3. I am purposely hiding things from my husband. (tell him every detail, the moment it happens)
I'm sorry she was such a b**** to you. I hope you get over her one day and learn to love again.0 -
Ok. The text sounds like he might have sent that to you in error. I have done that numerous times. He might not have realized it because you didn't respond with the normal "Whaaat?" and just asked 'how drunk are you?'
As for the burlesque show, you might have actually been his back up plan in case the hot blond couldn't go with him.
He could also be intentionally pushing the limits on your friendship to see whether or not your relationship with your husband is as good as it seems and maybe there is a little bit of him wanting to see if you'll actually stray. I say bring up the past two incidents with him and tell him you were uncomfortable with it and ask what's going on. If it continues then call him out on it again and tell him that if he keeps it up you're going to have to sever the friendship no questions asked. I would also talk to your husband and just let him know that this friend is making you feel uncomfortable and ask him what he thinks you should do.
And yes, it IS nice to be loved by your husband and admired by other men. There's really no harm in liking attention.
Thank you, that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to bring it up with him and say it's making me uncomfortable.
And I absolutely do NOT enjoy the added attention--I mean girls like to be admired, but NOT from him TRUST me. Just....NO. Let's just get that cleared right up! lol.0
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