Is he hitting on me??

Ok. The text sounds like he might have sent that to you in error. I have done that numerous times. He might not have realized it because you didn't respond with the normal "Whaaat?" and just asked 'how drunk are you?'

As for the burlesque show, you might have actually been his back up plan in case the hot blond couldn't go with him.

He could also be intentionally pushing the limits on your friendship to see whether or not your relationship with your husband is as good as it seems and maybe there is a little bit of him wanting to see if you'll actually stray. I say bring up the past two incidents with him and tell him you were uncomfortable with it and ask what's going on. If it continues then call him out on it again and tell him that if he keeps it up you're going to have to sever the friendship no questions asked. I would also talk to your husband and just let him know that this friend is making you feel uncomfortable and ask him what he thinks you should do.

And yes, it IS nice to be loved by your husband and admired by other men. There's really no harm in liking attention.

Thank you, that is what I'm going to do. I'm going to bring it up with him and say it's making me uncomfortable.

And I absolutely do NOT enjoy the added attention--I mean girls like to be admired, but NOT from him TRUST me. Just....NO. Let's just get that cleared right up! lol.

The last comment was for those who were basically saying you're an attention wh0re (which it doesn't sound like to me).

With the holidays around the corner sounds like the perfect time to be a little "too busy" to spend time with him. A break is what you need and he does , too. Good luck!

He wants the P.

What is going on?? Is he putting out feelers to make a pass at me?

Yup. Grooming behavior. Keep the compliments flowing and push the innuendo to see how far it will go.

This thread started with Molly asking for second opinions to help her assess her friend's intentions. It seems the consensus offered is that his intentions are not honorable (a consensus with which I strongly agree).

Then some feedback suggested that some mixed messages might have been sent. Seems to me Molly took that in stride, expressed appreciation for those observations, and vowed to make her intentions more clear. Nothing wrong with that whatsoever--friendships where guy secretly likes the girl, whose friendly (and platonic) gestures are misinterpreted are so commonplace as to be a cliche. So Molly is recalibrating. BFD.

But now people are attacking Molly for being secretly into it, Marie Antoinette etc.? Whatever, project much? Later haters, time to close the thread.

I agree. If she was enjoying it she wouldn't have posted here.

I'm going to keep this uncharacteristically brief. It does bother me a bit some of the assumptions being made.

From the op's words, he asked for a pic. Not necessarily a pic of her lady parts. Assumption! I think I family pic is a GREAT idea!
A true "burlesque" show does not automatically mean nudity. Yes, it's sexually suggestive, but it's not necessarily a strip show. Of course, it could be, or perhaps OP chose those words herself. Still...assumption!
OP went into his house, not the other way around. Just correcting one or two peoples interpretation of the original post.

yes, I think he's exploring the boundries. Yes, I think he'd like to get some. Perhaps (and this is mere speculation) the "hot blonde" comment was an attempt to illicit jealousy!?!

For all that, it's entirely possible he's genuinely a friend. Males are driven strongly to mate at the biochemical level. That doesn't lessen the sincerity of the friendship, but it may add an additional layer. I have female friends who I genuinely care about and have adult conversations with....this doesn't stop me from occasionally viewing them as potential mates. To say he ONLY wants to bed you is an...assumption! He may well ALSO want to bed you...but still be friends.

But until he makes an overt pass even that is speculation.

It's ridiculous to say you should cut him out of your life cold turkey. If you consider him a friend and he seems to consider you a friend and your husband gets along with him, there's a good chance you're friends. So TALK to him. True friends can talk about stuff! Ask him straight out! The only reason I see to cut him out of your life is because you either don't trust your ability to keep him at bay (or are unsure you can remain uninterested) or because who somehow determine that his friendly relationship is motivated not by friendship but by the hope of sex. So find out! A true friend will talk honestly about their feelings. And friendships are always worth maintaining.

And you may mean nothing by what you say or do, but try and see it from his point of view so as not to give him the opportunity to misread your intentions. Make it clear, both directly and indirectly that you are a committed wife and not interested in fooling around.

Once the question is out in the open you can grade his response. Until then everyone is speculating and making assumptions about someone we've never met. You know what happens when you make an assumption? You make an *kitten* out of "you" and "umption".

I agree, if I was your husband even if I trusted you I'd be at least keeping an eye on things, and not so "meh". But I've been burned.

tl; dr ver:

he's probably testing the waters
he may still be a genuine friend
friends should be able to talk to each other or they're not friends
so give him the benefit of the doubt, assume he's a friend, and talk to him about the vibe you're getting and that it makes you uncomfortable.
Only when there is reason to do so should you discontinue your friendship.

ps So much for being brief.

Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"

I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.

Absolutely.

He sexts you, and then you just happen to swing by his place late in the evening, without hubby in tow.

That is going to be taken as flirtatious on your part by 99.999% of males.

P.S. Stop being so damn sexy!!

So says the man with his hand on his c***, bwahahaa

He is obviously testing your response.

handle diplomatically, like the other poster said. When he asks you out, respond as a couple. Send couple pics. Dont ever again be alone with him. And slowly distance yourself from him, because no good friend will hit on his married friend especially when he is friends with her husband.

If I was your husband, I'd be going round to have a chat with him by now.

This is what I thought, wtf kinda husband just says "meh" to all this....

Whipped?
Hitting strange on the side?
A quid pro quo type... "You did this, so I shall do this..."
Neutered?
Ign'ant?
Gay?

or he could have a swinger fantasy or at least a voyeur fantasy.

And of course youre an intelligent woman you know the answer from your friend. I'm sure he often fantasizes about you and that night.

Your two choices are you blow it off and tell him you love him like a brother but he needs to back the F off, or you let this relationship die

Wise words. Duly noted.

Of course because it patted you on the head instead of just laying things out there.

Listen, we all finally understand how awesome you are. Your husband lets you do what ever you want, because you're just so amazing and trustworthy... yet, you're basically dating another dude who you've already given the goods to.

Let's be honest here Mrs. Antoinette, who exactly in this story is the cake that shall be eaten?

Hmmm, now I'm really wondering who burned you in a past relationship to make you spew such aggressive vitriol at a complete stranger, who is not, as you claim "full on cake and eat it". I'm not sure where you got the idea that I am "dating" this friend, or that he is "fawning" over me.

I am ALL FOR things being "laid out" for me, as long as they are accurate. You're jumping to all sorts of wild conclusions, like

1. I enjoy the more-than-friendship attention I'm getting from the friend (untrue. It makes my skin crawl, to be perfectly honest)
2. my husband must be gay (hilarious)
3. I am purposely hiding things from my husband. (tell him every detail, the moment it happens)



I'm sorry she was such a b**** to you. I hope you get over her one day and learn to love again.

Hi. I posted a while back about getting rid of this friend. Is it safe to assume from your post above that you told your husband all the details, including the texts? What was his reaction? Does HE think your friend was hitting on you?

Yeah, husband knows everything. We don't do secrets from each other. He's not upset, he's just kind of wondering what is going on. Exact quote from him: "I'm just as puzzled by this recent behavior of his as you are. I want to know why he would choose a married woman over an eligible blond to go to a titty show." He's not mad, he's like wtf, just like me. He suspects he's hitting on me, but he trusts me enough to not let things go any further, and he knows he's" not my type".

And he knows I'm about to drop the hammer on this type of stuff if the friend continues. So he doesn't see anything to be mad about.

I see. I don't know but given that you all hang out together as a threesome I would've thought he'd be pissed at the disrespect shown to him. Another question.. Does the friend know that your husband knows about you sleeping together in the past?