Is he hitting on me??
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Sounds like the one night meant more to him. And now that you are talking, he is testing the waters. Honestly though, calling him, stopping by to watch a show, and get a drink of water, to me you are doing a little flirting yourself, whether intended or not. And sounds like he is trying to see if you are or not.
Absolutely^^
He's just following up on what he sees as a few clear signals of interest. If as you say, he "makes your skin crawl", then I'm really wondering why you stopped by at his house for a drink of water and to watch a show. That's certainly not a move that telegraphs "I think you are a creep."
I don't think he makes you feel as uncomfortable as you claim he does. Your actions toward him certainly don't show that.
Sorry for not being clearer--the idea of getting with him makes my skin crawl. Not him in general. He's a nice guy and we've been friends for a really long time. It would be like getting it on with my brother. :sick:
Didn't you already bang him once? Eww.0 -
And he knows I'm about to drop the hammer on this type of stuff if the friend continues. So he doesn't see anything to be mad about.
So who got hammered?
As for your previous post... I don't think you really understand the concepts of aggression or vitriol, I'd advise thicker skin.
And for you I'd advise some therapy and meds...maybe a puppy to snuggle?0 -
I have a lot of guy friends and I guess this all sounds like typical guy stuff. He's your friend and wants to spend time with you so he asked you to the show first. As for the pic thing, I would have sent back an amazing pic of a toaster or me with my tongue out. But who knows. If you're uncomfortable with it, put some distance on your boundaries with him. Or put him in his place once or twice, it doesn't take much to get through to most dudes.0
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If he send you anouther one I would not respond at all. The next time you go on a run (it should make it less acward) you tell him his text are getting into an area you are not comfortable with. Tell him to stop it because you love your husband.
Also tell your husband about it. He has every right to know about it.0 -
Sounds like the one night meant more to him. And now that you are talking, he is testing the waters. Honestly though, calling him, stopping by to watch a show, and get a drink of water, to me you are doing a little flirting yourself, whether intended or not. And sounds like he is trying to see if you are or not.
Absolutely^^
He's just following up on what he sees as a few clear signals of interest. If as you say, he "makes your skin crawl", then I'm really wondering why you stopped by at his house for a drink of water and to watch a show. That's certainly not a move that telegraphs "I think you are a creep."
I don't think he makes you feel as uncomfortable as you claim he does. Your actions toward him certainly don't show that.
Sorry for not being clearer--the idea of getting with him makes my skin crawl. Not him in general. He's a nice guy and we've been friends for a really long time. It would be like getting it on with my brother. :sick:
Didn't you already bang him once? Eww.
In the very beginning of our friendship, yes. When I was plastered drunk. PLASTERED. P L A S T E R E R D .0 -
TRU DATOk., so I've been "out of the game" for a while, now and maybe I'm picking up things that aren't there, but I'm not sure. Can you guys weigh in?
I've got a friend I've known for about 7 years. We used to work together, he was my supervisor. We've always had a chill, laid back friendship. There's never been anything between us, except ONE time about 6 years ago I got trashy white girl-wasted and slept with him. We both agreed it was a stupid mistake and we decided to forget it and act as though it never happened. (I don't remember much of it, anyway-GAWD I was a skank ) It has never caused weirdness or awkwardness between us.
Now I've been married for three years, and he's still single. My husband knows everything about us, and is cool with it. He knows I never wanted it to happen in the first place, and knows there's no chance at all of anything ever happening again, especially since now I am a teetotaler for deeply religious reasons.
Occasionally the friend will come over to our house and have dinner with me and my husband, because he lives just down the street from us. They get along well. Sometimes the friend and I will go on neighborhood runs together, as we both like to stay in shape to do 5ks. So there's your back story.
About a month ago this friend texted me from a night out at a casino. We were messaging back and forth when when said
"Send me a pic, mamas? Miss you"
This is NOT how he usually speaks to me. He's never sent a text like that. We do not have pet names for each other, and I do not send him pics. I feel that to be super inappropriate and I save things like that for my husband. I didn't want to tell him off though, on the off chance that he didn't mean that text for me, and I sound like a crazy person. SO i just replied something like,
"Lol, how drunk are you?
" and he said
"not drunk at all, I'm driving".
I ended up not answering that one, and it never came up in conversation. Whether he was forgot about it or was embarrassed, or it was meant for someone else, I couldn't say.
(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)
Flash forward to tonight, where he texts me:
"hey I got invited to a burlesque show with some coworkers tonight, you wanna go?"
I told him I couldn't as I have school early the next morning, and if I was tired my workout was going to suffer. His response:
"OK got a smoking hot blonde to go with me! Damn guess I have to stay up late lol"
:huh: :huh: :huh:
What....the hell? Did he just ask me out on a date? WHY would he ask a MARRIED, honest woman to go to a STRIP SHOW, b e f o r e asking a "smoking hot blonde" to go with him?
I have mentioned in passing before that I enjoy having the complete trust of my husband, and I'm glad he's so chill with who I hang out with...could the friend possibly take that to mean that my husband doesn't mind "sharing"? Cuz he is NOT down with that, lol.
What is going on?? Is he putting out feelers to make a pass at me, am I just being paranoid? Am I sending him mixed signals? I have been careful not to, I have zero feelings for him, NONE, but maybe I need to reel it in even more?? Wtf? He's never acted like this before. I'm totally confused.
Feedback would be welcome.
There. Highlighted the relevant parts. That should answer your question.0 -
You are hot and he is a man! So YES YES YES! A man can only truly be friends with a woman that is NOT ATTRACTIVE! Otherwise genetics and basic instincts take over!
The male of every species on this planet has one primary purpose! Procreate his bloodline!0 -
I think you have to decide whether your continued ego boost with your friend is worth upsetting your marriage, or if your marriage is worth ending your friendship.0
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I think you already know the answer to this. Advice? Trust your gut.
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I think you have to decide whether your continued ego boost with your friend is worth upsetting your marriage, or if your marriage is worth ending your friendship.
I understand what you're saying, and I agree, but you are completely missing the point of this thread. (See thread title)0 -
(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)
You don't know if this is relevant? Really?
Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"
I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.
This. Time to stop 'hanging out' with this individual.
If you are truly uncomfortable stop dropping by his place alone.0 -
yep hes a guy and yep you were pretty good^^
either one of two things will stop this, either you set him straight or your husband will, take your pick ^_^0 -
I think you have to decide whether your continued ego boost with your friend is worth upsetting your marriage, or if your marriage is worth ending your friendship.
I understand what you're saying, and I agree, but you are completely missing the point of this thread. (See thread title)
I'm literate, thank you.
And yes. He is. You appear to be very interested in spending time alone with him, so I'm not surprised that he is.0 -
To be perfectly honest I think you like playing this game. You've been with him, and really the oldest excuse in the book is that you were drunk. So you think that makes it ok? excusable? Once you've been with a guy they are ALWAYS going to think about it. Frankly I think you like the attention he gives you and you tell yourself it is innocent because your husband knows. I doubt that you husband really knows the extent of your putting out signals or he wouldn't be so cool with it.
Bottom line if you are uncomfortable STOP playing the little game you got going with him, easy as pie.0 -
To be perfectly honest I think you like playing this game. You've been with him, and really the oldest excuse in the book is that you were drunk. So you think that makes it ok? excusable? Once you've been with a guy they are ALWAYS going to think about it. Frankly I think you like the attention he gives you and you tell yourself it is innocent because your husband knows. I doubt that you husband really knows the extent of your putting out signals or he wouldn't be so cool with it.
Bottom line if you are uncomfortable STOP playing the little game you got going with him, easy as pie.
If I truly liked it, why would I have taken the time to write the novel that was the OP? Why wouldn't I have just let it continue without saying a word?
You have strange reasoning skills. But thank you for your input.0 -
If you're not into him then just cut him off...stop responding to texts, stop running to his house, just stop.
I don't know why it's taking over 100 posts to come to this conclusion.0 -
(I don't know if this is relevant, but also 2 nights ago I was out jogging alone and I finished my run right across the street from his apartment. I called to see if he was home, and I went in to his place and got some water and hung out with him and watched an episode of The Office then he gave me a ride home. My husband was aware of all of this.)
You don't know if this is relevant? Really?
Yes, it's relevant. He probably takes it as a thinly veiled excuse to hang out with him alone. How did that phone conversation go? "Yeah, I just finished my run and it just happens to be in front of your apartment . . . mind if I come in?"
I would definitely take that as heavy flirting on your part.
This. Time to stop 'hanging out' with this individual.
If you are truly uncomfortable stop dropping by his place alone.
this
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He may know that you are not interested and that you are faithful to your husband, but he is trying to put it to the test. You are for sure sending mixed signals (not intentionally I believe but that doesn't change the fact that you aren't exactly acting like a happily married woman), and it doesn't help that when he acts in a suggestive way (whether intentionally or not) rather than being completely clear you either discard it or seem to encourage it. I can guarantee laughing it off or ignoring it makes the guy think "hmm, she didn't send me that pic, but she didn't get mad either. She didn't lay down the law, I think she likes the attention but feels guilty. Maybe this just requires a little more work. If she were completely satisfied at home she wouldn't be coming to see me so much".
Your husband trusts you because he trusts you will enforce whatever boundaries you guys have agreed on. If you are not actually enforcing them with other men, just enjoying the attention, not telling them to stop, and hoping things won't go to far or that you'll be able to handle it when you do you're abusing your husband's trust. You are lucky your husband is so confident, he might be more hurt than you think and just playing it cool. How would you feel if the situations were reversed and a female friend of your husbands were acting this way? Or if your husband had asked towards another woman friend the way your guy friend did? How would you want that situation to play out?
Two things to consider. This guy, if he is trying to make something happen, is a scumbag. He doesn't respect your marriage or your husband. And if you think about it, he isn't really a friend that respects you. He either thinks you are so insecure about yourself that you will cheat or need his attention, or that your morals are so low that you would cheat. Do you really want a "friend" that views you that way? You can do better... the world is full of potential friends. Ditch him, raise your standards, and find someone who is a true friend with some character.
If he has no intentions of making something happen and just accidentally crossed a boundary or said something that was taken the wrong way, it is your job to set the record straight immediately. Even if it doesn't bother you if he asked you for a pic, his intentions need to be known, and you need to make it perfectly clear that any type of behavior like this isn't welcome and will never, ever be returned. Something like "I don't know what you mean, but I'm not sending you any pics ever. Don't ask again, friends don't do that." or "If you want a picture of me you can ask my husband for one. If you meant anything else, it's inappropriate and I don't like it." would be pretty clear that you are serious about it. Once that is done if it ever happens again you know for sure it is intentionally inappropriate (since now he explicitly knows the bounds), and it should be easy to cut him out of your life. He also needs to know that you share everything with your husband (and then you actually have to share everything with your husband, and not hide the stuff you think might make him upset). People tend to get a lot more bold when they believe their actions are in secret.
My general rule is that I should not say or do anything with a woman that I wouldn't say or do in front of my wife, and I expect the same from her. Would your husband be ok if this guy walked into your house and in front of him asked for pics or for you to go to this burlesque show? Or do you think your friend would behave differently? Because a true friend would treat you the same way in front of your husband as he does when you are alone or when he thinks your husband will never see the texts he sends you. If he acts all flirty alone or in texts, but then just acts formal or like a buddy in public or when your husband is around, then he is just behaving himself when he thinks he'll get caught.
^^ Best post I have ever read.
OP, I would not have turned up on said "friends" door for a glass of water and to watch a TV show after the earlier pic/SMS. I think that is absolutely sending a message and it's not one of mere friendship. You have stated he is a player, makes your skin crawl, so I'm not really sure why you are hanging out this guy.
Next time, rather than run to his place for a glass of water and get a lift home, run half way, turn around and run home and have a glass of water in your own home, where your husband and child are. Cherish what you have.0 -
Be upfront and honest with him. If he is a friend he will fix the issue. If he has issues with it, he is not a friend.0
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If you're not into him then just cut him off...stop responding to texts, stop running to his house, just stop.
I don't know why it's taking over 100 posts to come to this conclusion.
Lol, it's not, I promise. I made THAT decision four responses in. 0 -
Yes, he's trying.
And yes, you're sending mixed signals.0 -
He is pushing you to the limit to see if you fall for his games. I suggest stay away from him because he is trying to tempt you to make another mistake with him and ruin your marriage. He is probably getting the wrong idea because you go running with him and you stop by his house to hang out with him when you should be home with your husband instead. I suggest maybe you shouldn't be around him that much anymore and limit your texting with him.0
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On a side note, I really despise it when women refer to themselves as 'skanks' just because they had a one-night stand. :huh:
[/quote]
^^^ THAT ^^^ :grumble:0 -
Update OP? Have u talked to him again?0
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Update OP? Have u talked to him again?
Update:
OP sent the guy another ":p" face after he made an inappropriate comment, again.
OP's friend assumed that meant he was going to get laid, again.
OP's friend shows up at OP's house, OP wasn't as receptive to him as he had planned..
OP's friend asks OP if his new Cologne smells anything like Chloroform..
OP responds: "N...."
OP is carried out of the house through the front door.
OP's husband happens to be coming home, they meet in the drive way as OP is being carried out.
OP's husband asks what's going on.
OP's friend tells OP's husband that OP accidentally came in contact with Chloroform, and he's bringing OP to his house.
OP's husband says.. "Well... Alright" This seems harmless enough...
OP is currently being given a tour of the shrine that was created for OP, in 2006.
OP is not going to be updating this thread.
Stay safe OP.0 -
If I truly liked it, why would I have taken the time to write the novel that was the OP? Why wouldn't I have just let it continue without saying a word?
maybe because you like the drama of him/you/husband dynamics?
maybe because you like the drama & attention of 8+ pages of postings?0 -
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Way overreacting. Asking for a pic means he's hitting on you? May not have been meant for you, and hell, I have pics of my friends. Doesn't mean I'm trying to bang them. Also, as for the hot blonde? How do you know hot blonde wasn't one of the coworkers he was already going with?
If he's such a good friend, why would you not ask him these simple questions, instead of just assuming he's trying to get in your bed? I honestly think you're the one with the issues here, not him.0 -
Way overreacting. Asking for a pic means he's hitting on you? May not have been meant for you, and hell, I have pics of my friends. Doesn't mean I'm trying to bang them. Also, as for the hot blonde? How do you know hot blonde wasn't one of the coworkers he was already going with?
If he's such a good friend, why would you not ask him these simple questions, instead of just assuming he's trying to get in your bed? I honestly think you're the one with the issues here, not him.
looks like OP's friend just found the thread.
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Sounds like the one night meant more to him. And now that you are talking, he is testing the waters. Honestly though, calling him, stopping by to watch a show, and get a drink of water, to me you are doing a little flirting yourself, whether intended or not. And sounds like he is trying to see if you are or not.
Absolutely^^
He's just following up on what he sees as a few clear signals of interest. If as you say, he "makes your skin crawl", then I'm really wondering why you stopped by at his house for a drink of water and to watch a show. That's certainly not a move that telegraphs "I think you are a creep."
I don't think he makes you feel as uncomfortable as you claim he does. Your actions toward him certainly don't show that.
Sorry for not being clearer--the idea of getting with him makes my skin crawl. Not him in general. He's a nice guy and we've been friends for a really long time. It would be like getting it on with my brother. :sick:
Didn't you already bang him once? Eww.
In the very beginning of our friendship, yes. When I was plastered drunk. PLASTERED. P L A S T E R E R D .
Did you ever bang an actual relative when you were similarly P L A S T E R E D? Cause that would really support your argument that you see him like a brother.0
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