What's going on with the MFP bad attitudes? :(
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There is some rudeness in here but I think there is far more people that are just WAY to sensitive. They want people to "support" their extreme diet, work outs, cleanses, misinformation, fear mongering, short cut or whatever. That is just not going to happen.
Sure some people could more delicate about explaining it to them but from what I have seen they still wouldnt get through to most of them.0 -
I posted something a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble getting dates - the responses I got were SO hurtful. I was told I was too old and guys my age don't want old women - was told to get a cat (or two) - was told that men don't want flabby, unattractive women - was told to cut my hair, color my hair, get contacts vs. glasses, and wear different clothing. I felt even worse about myself then before I had posted. I think you're right - there are a lot of supportive people, but there are also a lot of people who enjoy being mean and nasty just for sport.
That's not what happened at all. I remember your thread, and people tried to help. Then you pull this crap. Little wonder.
Here. I knew I was remembering correctly. Maybe a couple of people made a joke, but those people who tried to offer you advice were sincere. Don't lie about them,
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1118784-can-t-get-a-date0 -
Once again someone has noticed the negativity generated across general boards, i have only been a member for a few weeks but i have to be honest and say that in general i don't ask, i try to find the answers myself either in books or internet. This too comes with much confusion as there are so many varying opinions out there.
The reason i rarely ask is that often i feel the answers some people get are filled with negativity and ridicule. I find this concept strange as most of us here have had weight issues which have not been short term, most have suffered from some kind of bias due to their size, maybe name calling etc. Thick skinned or thin skinned at some point most people have been hurt by someones comment in their life,. Now they decide to take control in their lives and tackle the weight issue that has been a burden for them and they find What They Think .. will be a supportive community only to be made to feel fat, stupid or both.
I wonder how many negative comments one person can take before they crash.. give up hope and give in.. Personally i don't want to be the type of person that makes that someone reach that point, id rather encourage and if possible advise based on my experience.
very few things in life are free .. but good manners still are .. maybe we should all try to remember that one more negative comment on a really bad day for someone can have long term effect .. lets try to be supportive .. without the sarcasm or just plain rudeness. Lets try to make sure we support and maybe .. if you really disagree and think their comment is "stupid"[not that it necessarily is", then sit back and exercise the right to say nothing at all.
Lurking for awhile and recently posting in MFP, I get the sense there are cliquish groups that think very highly of themselves (read: legends in their own minds) and I think enjoy putting people down. I would guess that these same people would never have the balls to say these things in person if they were in a public setting. It is really easy to spot the Neanderthals in any forum and just place them on ignore or block them and then move on.
It is a shame; this website has so much good things going for it and people (especially newbies) should not have to be intimidated by asking a general forum question. Personally, I am here at MFP to lose the weight and get fit regardless of what goes on in the forums.
Good luck in your journey!0 -
I posted something a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble getting dates - the responses I got were SO hurtful. I was told I was too old and guys my age don't want old women - was told to get a cat (or two) - was told that men don't want flabby, unattractive women - was told to cut my hair, color my hair, get contacts vs. glasses, and wear different clothing. I felt even worse about myself then before I had posted. I think you're right - there are a lot of supportive people, but there are also a lot of people who enjoy being mean and nasty just for sport.
That's horrible. It's best to report the rude posts to the mods then put them on 'ignore'.
They'll all get banned, eventually.
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What they get in return is people making fun of grammar, spelling, usage, or giving sarcastic remarks back. This is not a rare occasion, either. I'd say it's what happens the majority of the time.
You lost all credibility right there. I know for a fact that MFP mods tolerate *NO* mocking of grammar, spelling, or usage. Period. Full stop. The end.
To even suggest that these kinds of attacks are allowed to stand in the forums here is laughable.
So I say good day to you, miss.
Good. Day.0 -
Once again someone has noticed the negativity generated across general boards, i have only been a member for a few weeks but i have to be honest and say that in general i don't ask, i try to find the answers myself either in books or internet. This too comes with much confusion as there are so many varying opinions out there.
The reason i rarely ask is that often i feel the answers some people get are filled with negativity and ridicule. I find this concept strange as most of us here have had weight issues which have not been short term, most have suffered from some kind of bias due to their size, maybe name calling etc. Thick skinned or thin skinned at some point most people have been hurt by someones comment in their life,. Now they decide to take control in their lives and tackle the weight issue that has been a burden for them and they find What They Think .. will be a supportive community only to be made to feel fat, stupid or both.
I wonder how many negative comments one person can take before they crash.. give up hope and give in.. Personally i don't want to be the type of person that makes that someone reach that point, id rather encourage and if possible advise based on my experience.
very few things in life are free .. but good manners still are .. maybe we should all try to remember that one more negative comment on a really bad day for someone can have long term effect .. lets try to be supportive .. without the sarcasm or just plain rudeness. Lets try to make sure we support and maybe .. if you really disagree and think their comment is "stupid"[not that it necessarily is", then sit back and exercise the right to say nothing at all.
Lurking for awhile and recently posting in MFP, I get the sense there are cliquish groups that think very highly of themselves and I think enjoy putting people down. I would guess that these same people would never have the balls to say these things in person if they were in a public setting. It is really easy to spot the Neanderthals in any forum and just place them ignore or block them and move on.
It is a shame; this website has so much good things going for it and people (especially newbies) should not have to be intimidated by asking a general forum question. Personally, I am here at MFP to lose the weight and get fit regardless of what goes on it the forums.
Good luck in your journey!
There really are very few truly mean people on MFP, and they rarely last long. I think you should take an honest step back, realize that we all come from different backgrounds, and that you can take (or leave) what you want. It's not like you're stuck in the same room with this crowd. Well, that and the most sarcastic and clownish people on this site are often the most educated. Perhaps because there is nothing for them to prove . . .
I'll also say that calling people Neanderthals seems so very over the top when you are complaining about courtesy.0 -
I posted something a few weeks ago about how I was having trouble getting dates - the responses I got were SO hurtful. I was told I was too old and guys my age don't want old women - was told to get a cat (or two) - was told that men don't want flabby, unattractive women - was told to cut my hair, color my hair, get contacts vs. glasses, and wear different clothing. I felt even worse about myself then before I had posted. I think you're right - there are a lot of supportive people, but there are also a lot of people who enjoy being mean and nasty just for sport.
Link?0 -
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
You were doing pretty well, but you failed to read her profile correctly: she reset her ticker. So you can't really draw an inference from what it says.
There ARE plenty of people on this site who have worked hard (with heavy lifting) to get themselves into shape. They should be justifiably proud of that. I wouldn't assume they were born greek gods and goddesses - I think it safer to assume most people have busted their *kitten* to get in the kind of shape you see from the group you are talking about.
You are right, I didn't know that.
Regardless, even if she, or anyone else, had always been slim, I still consider paying attention to diet and fitness as "busting your *kitten*".
My intention was not to call this group out or denigrate them or anything. It was only to show that there is (at least a perceived) communication disconnect between the season folks and the newbies. You may not see it, as you are also seasoned and "among friends", but new people will often feel it. They come here alone, and having a bunch of people pile on their questions who all seem to be friends with each other can sometimes feel hostile.
Especially if they aren't familiar with Internet forums in general.0 -
There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Lolwut?
She reset her ticker.
I am on her FL, and interact regularly with her. I know a number of people on her FL. It's diverse.
She does cardio as well as strength work.
So, by your reasoning, as I am 40, have lost almost 85lbs, and regularly do cardio (as well as lifting, woops, is that going to count against me?), somehow my posts have more credibility? Does that mean that as I am older than you and have lost more weight, that I am more credible than you are?
Cool.
However, I don't think that measuring ones ability to contribute here by their age or amount of weight lost is a road we really want to go down. It would get ugly, fast, and is quite honestly silly.0 -
Lots and lots of sarcasm on here and not funny sarcasm. I have noticed it and I've only been on here one month. IMO, people who are mean must be miserable with themselves on the inside.
You're not funny, you're just plain mean. Karma can be a b**ch, watch out
^this was a very mean thing to say. Does karma only work for certain mean people?0 -
There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
As with so many posts, you are right on. For someone new, who is not used to this board, or other internet forums (we all don't participate), the boards can be a rude awakening. And it can feel very negative. That is not over-sensitivity, it is the nature of this beast. What insensitivity there is, can be shared all the way around.0 -
There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Lolwut?
She reset her ticker.
I am on her FL, and interact regularly with her. I know a number of people on her FL. It's diverse.
She does cardio as well as strength work.
So, by your reasoning, as I am 40, have lost almost 85lbs, and regularly do cardio (as well as lifting, woops, is that going to count against me?), somehow my posts have more credibility? Does that mean that as I am older than you and have lost more weight, that I am more credible than you are?
Cool.
However, I don't think that measuring ones ability to contribute here by their age or amount of weight lost is a road we really want to go down. It would get ugly, fast, and is quite honestly silly.
"Lolwut" right back. I didn't mean any of that.
To be honest: I didn't know people regularly reset tickers. I stand corrected.
I am NOT saying that one person's opinion is more valid than another's based on external circumstances. I'm not sure where you got that from.
EtA: I also never said that the seasoned ones don't do cardio.
Newbies could learn a lot from you: I IFYM seems to be the most sustainable. Lifting weights is important. And we all want to talk to people who have managed to maintain. There is, often, a communication disconnect though.0 -
It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:0
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I used to hate these threads...But now I'm starting to look forward to them. 4 in about 2 days is not bad.
A friend of mine once said to ingore the haterz and good luck on journey!
It wasn't always this way
There was a time when posters were kind
When their tone was soft
And their words encouraging
There was a time when carbs were fine
And MFP was a song
And MFP friends were inviting
Then it all…went…wrong
I dreamed a dream in bandwidth gone by
When motivation was high
And logging on worth doing
I dreamed the MFP site would never die
I dreamed the Mods would be forgiving
Then I was a noob and unafraid
And strikes were made and used and wasted
There was no reason to be made
No post untrolled
No joke unwasted
But the bullies come at night
With their mean words soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And turn your gurney to shame
MFP filled my days with endless distraction
It took my productivity in real life
But it was gone when I deactivate
And still I dream I’ll recreate
That we’ll live our days online
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are threads we cannot weather
I had a dream my MFP experience would be
So different from this hell I’m logging
So different now from what it seemed
Now your thread has killed
The dream I dreamed
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There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
As with so many posts, you are right on. For someone new, who is not used to this board, or other internet forums (we all don't participate), the boards can be a rude awakening. And it can feel very negative. That is not over-sensitivity, it is the nature of this beast. What insensitivity there is, can be shared all the way around.
I had no idea that our history was so closely scrutinized before deciding if our information is valid or not.
Are you sayin people who fit this profile shouldn't be participating in the forums? I, myself, have learned a lot from people who fit this Profile. (and even the person quoted her admits the same). I've also learned a lot from people who don't.
Are you also implying these people are the rude or negative?0 -
It's ok to be polite and friendly. It's not a sign of weakness. :flowerforyou:
haha, I love this!
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Mr Bingley would disagree with your assertions, and would be disturbed by the conclusions you draw from the data you acquire whilst creeping, my dear.There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal and have a lot of good knowlege to share with us new people.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn to use the search button but quick to make a mean people thread
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young/old and have worked hard to get and remain fit, tend to lift heavy and try to stop people doing stupid fad diets and get them to see that weight loss can be simple.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting. And if you do post keep and open mind about the answers you get as there is normally excellent advice in the replies.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
FIFY
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Good day.
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1 - People are overly sensitive and don't seem to get sarcasm
2 - People post nonsense and people try to correct it with actual science...but the OP insists that they are a special snowflake and not subject to the same science as everyone else...so gifs and memes and a whole lot of sarcasm ensues.
3 - People like yourself tend to dwell on the couple of actual troll posts rather than the helpful posts which generally are in the majority
4 - bluntness and truth =/= rude...
5- a lot of people posts fad diets and other things that could be potentially dangerous for themselves as well as other naive users...homey don't play that and I'll let you know...regardless of whether you think I'm mean or not.0 -
Okay, I creeper your profile:
Under 40, Check
Lifting heavy: check
Only had 11 lb to lose: check
thousands of posts: check
5 out of 6 friends that show all seem to be under 40 and have 1000s of posts and, from what I remember of them, lift heavy.
I understand that there are lost of people on this site from different backgrounds, but there does seem to be an extended group of people with these characteristics who have gotten exceedingly tired of "stupid fad diets".
I don't blame you for this, I have received a lot of useful advice from this group, but I can see how someone new here, who has been told by everybody else that 1200 cals is the proper dieting level for women, that paleo is the way to go and that cardiovascular is what you need may be off put when people fail to answer her questions with patience.
Lolwut?
She reset her ticker.
I am on her FL, and interact regularly with her. I know a number of people on her FL. It's diverse.
She does cardio as well as strength work.
So, by your reasoning, as I am 40, have lost almost 85lbs, and regularly do cardio (as well as lifting, woops, is that going to count against me?), somehow my posts have more credibility? Does that mean that as I am older than you and have lost more weight, that I am more credible than you are?
Cool.
However, I don't think that measuring ones ability to contribute here by their age or amount of weight lost is a road we really want to go down. It would get ugly, fast, and is quite honestly silly.
"Lolwut" right back. I didn't mean any of that.
To be honest: I didn't know people regularly reset tickers. I stand corrected.
I am NOT saying that one person's opinion is more valid than another's based on external circumstances. I'm not sure where you got that from.
I am confused as what exactly you are saying. I've read that post a number of times and I am not quite sure what the point is. I was leaning towards what Otter thought.
*i am not trying to be mean. Your post definitely caught my attention and I genuinely trying to understand what you are saying.0 -
There does seem to be a clique of people who have been here for a while and have long since reached goal or were never overweight to begin with.
I think the problem is that it's hard, psychologically, to remember that each new person who asks about their 1200 calorie diet or the caloric demon of the day is new, really is confused and has been bombarded by sensationalized information regarding nutrition.
It's a conversation that they have had a thousand times before, and they seem to be treating all these people as the same person, who happens to be frustratingly slow to learn.
I understand this, to an extent, as I work in technical support and I have to make a large effort to remember that each new person who has no idea where to begin with their smartphone has not heard the 1000 other conversations I've had on the subject.
Combine this with the fact that they all seem to be friends, see each other's comments and tend to pile on, and you get an environment that seems hostile to newbies.
Also, a lot of them are young and have always been fit, tend to lift heavy and forget that not everyone is like them and that people may have different needs.
The best advice for noobs, including myself, is to do your best to search previous topics before posting.
It's a shame, because we all do like the one on one attention and getting our specific questions answered.
Also, don't be one of those people who posts just to get validation. If you already "know" the answer and you are not going to change your mind, then don't "ask" about it.
yay....what a sensible reply...you will go far in life :-)0
This discussion has been closed.
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