Horrible experience in the gym tonight
Replies
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Oh my god! Just because there are weights doesn't make it the "men's section". People like you are the problem the OP was having to start with.HOW on this green Earth does this discussion turn into a discussion on assault? Are women really that afraid of men? Not every guy out there is scoping the gym for a victim. Men in the gym hoard equipment because they're too lazy to put it away, not because they don't want females to use it.
If you act assertive but friendly, then you get a lot further in life. That applies to anything, not just getting to the 20 pound dumb bells.
God knows and to be frank most men I know are in awe of woman in the gym lifting heavy and are intimidated themselves because well she might lift more....
This sounds like projection to me.....or PMS.
Holy ****... yeah EVERY man I know is excited about women working out in the men's section, we think it's really great.
And "People like you" should go to Planet Fitness and shut up.
What, for noticing that 'the men's section' is really not the way to phrase it? She doesn't need to shut up or go anywhere. I love Frank, but he phrased that poorly, imho.
Actually, if you bothered to read the three words I quoted, you would see it was for the generalization of "people like you," and not for criticizing the phrasing.0 -
Lori is right. Take no sheeet. I am a guy, but I am not the testosterone fueled power lifter type. I am overweight, and not someone who would typically lift. I ALWAYS get static from these types, and I am a guy. Go over the the Roid Master and ask him for the equipment you want/need. If he says no, take it anyway. And if it turns into a confrontation, then you KNOW you need to find another gym. Make it known plainly (and loudly) to management that you're paying for the "privilege" of harassment and you'd be happy to spend your money elsewhere.
If you come up and take my weights after I politely let you know I'm still using them, I'm going to take them back and then drop them on your face. No offense, but that's pretty d*ck.0 -
You pay the same amount of money to be there as they do. Although crowded gyms suck, they should not be hoarding the equipment. I can't stand it when people sit around talking on the machines. If you want to talk, go outside and talk. Leave the machines and benches for those of us who are there to work, and pay to be there working. I would try asking for the equipment, or saying excuse me for them to get up, but if that didn't work, I'd be saying something to somebody.0
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I'm interested to know what people think about this and what I should do.
I've belonged to my gym for 18 months, been seeing a personal trainer regualrly most of that time aas well as coming in on my own. I have always used the freeweights area as part of my programme which and am lifting fairly decent sized weights. I'm not on Stronglifts or anything like that but I am lifting. I've lost weight, got leaner, can see muscles emerging, feel stronger and gone down nearly 2 dress sizes. All good.
BUT over the time I've been there the gym has progressively got less and less friendly feeling, especially if you are a woman. OK if you want to faff around on some of the machines, run on the treadmills or prance about in Zumba but not when using the weights area. It was always used a lot by big muscly guys admiring themselves in the mirrors and there were never enough weights in the ranges commonly used by women. And they did tend to take up more space than they really needed. But usually they were OK. and made room for you.
But lately it feels like they have got a lot worse. Spreading out everywhere, dominating the area, turning the Tv channel to sports or MTV and putting the volume right up loud, sitting on the benches checking texts between sets, three guys taking over 2-3 machines or the chin up area and rotating amongst themselves so that no one else can get at it for ages. Basically acting as it they own it. The staff, virtually all male, also seem to encourage this, or at least don't discourage it. Not that they leave reception that often.
So tonight .....
I wanted to do some shoulder presses using a weighted bar (I am getting up to 17.5kg, not that heavy matbe but heavy for me). But there is no benches free, and 3 of the weights bars I might use are not on the rack but over with a group of guys, who are not actually using them but placed in a difficult to get to way that makes it clear they have commandeered them. So that is deadlifts out if the question as well. The TV is at max volume on some horrible rap music type channel. There are huge dumb bells and weights bars with massive plates all over the floor. There is lots of joking about and laughter going on but no a lot of actual lifting. I lurk, uncomfortable and unsure. One guy can see I want the bench he is sitting on (not doing anything) but tries to not catch my eye. Another guy makes a big deal of going around me to get some weights, as if I am in his way (I'm not). I I feel unwelcome. There are definitely no other women anywhere near this area.
So I give up and go back to the floor area, thinking I wll do some weighted lunges or glute bridges or dorsal raises, something.... It's crowded as usual. And one guy has collected up virtually all the available equipment - bosu ball, swiss ball, 2 step benches, a range of dumbells, you name it, and is hoarding them in the corner whilst doing his workout in front of them. The message is clear. What he doesn't have in his pile, the personal trainers are using with clients. 2 other guys are boxing (not together) over by the mirrors, taking up loads of floor space. Going over there is out of the question. There is only one girl in the area and she is also looking a bit lost and uncertain. She gives up and I see her head for a treadmill.
So I leave. Fed up and p*d off at the selfish, inconsiderate behaviour and the air of testosterone everywhere I come home and rant here. So am I being over sensitive? I am a professional female over 40 for pete's sake. Why do I feel so unable to stick up for myself? Should I complain to the manager about it? Why do guys do this? Or should i just find another gym...
1 - man up and ask politely to use the equipment
2 - complain to the manager
3 - HOME. GYM.
4 - or find a new gym
But what do I know I'm usually the girl that falls into this category - "OK if you want to faff around on some of the machines, run on the treadmills or prance about in Zumba but not when using the weights area"
Yea respecting others at the gym...some people need to work on that.0 -
Lori is right. Take no sheeet. I am a guy, but I am not the testosterone fueled power lifter type. I am overweight, and not someone who would typically lift. I ALWAYS get static from these types, and I am a guy. Go over the the Roid Master and ask him for the equipment you want/need. If he says no, take it anyway. And if it turns into a confrontation, then you KNOW you need to find another gym. Make it known plainly (and loudly) to management that you're paying for the "privilege" of harassment and you'd be happy to spend your money elsewhere.
I would think you had lost your effing mind if you tried to snatch weights from me when I said I was using them. There are better ways to handle things without acting childish. Wtf?0 -
If you want to do supersets or circuit training, get to the gym at a time when it's not busy.No offense, if I was in the middle of a superset and needed both pieces of equipment, I would say no. Not cause I am mean, but I need and I am using both of them. If I was done, I would give it to you. If you took it from me, I would just take it back. No need to be rude about it man. Maybe the "Roid Master" would need to find a gym where people don't walk up to him and take equipment he is using.
6pm or 7 am on a weekday? You best not be the a-hole that's telling people 'no' because you can't wait the extra 30 seconds to do your superset.0 -
Lori is right. Take no sheeet. I am a guy, but I am not the testosterone fueled power lifter type. I am overweight, and not someone who would typically lift. I ALWAYS get static from these types, and I am a guy. Go over the the Roid Master and ask him for the equipment you want/need. If he says no, take it anyway. And if it turns into a confrontation, then you KNOW you need to find another gym. Make it known plainly (and loudly) to management that you're paying for the "privilege" of harassment and you'd be happy to spend your money elsewhere.
Um, this is pretty confrontational.0 -
If you want to do supersets or circuit training, get to the gym at a time when it's not busy.No offense, if I was in the middle of a superset and needed both pieces of equipment, I would say no. Not cause I am mean, but I need and I am using both of them. If I was done, I would give it to you. If you took it from me, I would just take it back. No need to be rude about it man. Maybe the "Roid Master" would need to find a gym where people don't walk up to him and take equipment he is using.
6pm or 7 am on a weekday? You best not be the a-hole that's telling people 'no' because you can't wait the extra 30 seconds to do your superset.
Circuit training I agree with. Supersets? Not so much, you're only using two pieces of equipment at the time.0 -
Lori is right. Take no sheeet. I am a guy, but I am not the testosterone fueled power lifter type. I am overweight, and not someone who would typically lift. I ALWAYS get static from these types, and I am a guy. Go over the the Roid Master and ask him for the equipment you want/need. If he says no, take it anyway. And if it turns into a confrontation, then you KNOW you need to find another gym. Make it known plainly (and loudly) to management that you're paying for the "privilege" of harassment and you'd be happy to spend your money elsewhere.
If you come up and take my weights after I politely let you know I'm still using them, I'm going to take them back and then drop them on your face. No offense, but that's pretty d*ck.
Truth. If I'm close to the end of a set and someone politely asks me, I generally take that as a sign I need to go up in weight, lol. But if I politely tell them I have a few more sets, I don't dally, and I'd probably get extremely pissed at someone taking my stuff before I was done.
I realize everyone goes to the gym to work out, but if I get to that weight first, the I should be able to use it for the ten minutes I'm going to need it. People should find some alternate exercises for when that happens.0 -
It is rude to not allow others to use a piece of equipment you aren't using, particularly during busy hours. If your answer to 'can I work in' is 'no, I'm supersetting,' while the 2nd piece of equipment is not actually being used, that makes you a douche.
If you want to do supersets or circuit training, get to the gym at a time when it's not busy.No offense, if I was in the middle of a superset and needed both pieces of equipment, I would say no. Not cause I am mean, but I need and I am using both of them. If I was done, I would give it to you. If you took it from me, I would just take it back. No need to be rude about it man. Maybe the "Roid Master" would need to find a gym where people don't walk up to him and take equipment he is using.
6pm or 7 am on a weekday? You best not be the a-hole that's telling people 'no' because you can't wait the extra 30 seconds to do your superset.
Circuit training I agree with. Supersets? Not so much, you're only using two pieces of equipment at the time.0 -
This is why I go to the gym @ 4am. I'm really sorry you had such a horrible experience and my gym sounds really similar. Especially the weight/ball hoarders and guys that take up a ridiculous amount of space for no reason. Also people that stretch (in your face) near the row of treadmills for 30min, start doing planks/jj's right in the middle b/c no room anywhere else. I could go on and on.
I would suggest either standing up for yourself, switching gyms, or going at a different time. There's no reason to go through the same thing, especially b/c you are paying YOUR money every month for the membership.0 -
You should be comfortable asserting your expectation to use the equipment you paid for access to. If not, expect other problems in life.0
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Oh my. I'm so glad the guys at my gym are not like some of you.0
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Reading stuff like this makes me appreciate my gym so much more. The guys in the weight area don't hog the equipment and I never have to fight to get the machines or weights I need. I did used to work out at a gym with guys like that and I'm so glad I don't go there now.0
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It is rude to not allow others to use a piece of equipment you aren't using, particularly during busy hours. If your answer to 'can I work in' is 'no, I'm supersetting,' while the 2nd piece of equipment is not actually being used, that makes you a douche.
If you want to do supersets or circuit training, get to the gym at a time when it's not busy.No offense, if I was in the middle of a superset and needed both pieces of equipment, I would say no. Not cause I am mean, but I need and I am using both of them. If I was done, I would give it to you. If you took it from me, I would just take it back. No need to be rude about it man. Maybe the "Roid Master" would need to find a gym where people don't walk up to him and take equipment he is using.
6pm or 7 am on a weekday? You best not be the a-hole that's telling people 'no' because you can't wait the extra 30 seconds to do your superset.
Circuit training I agree with. Supersets? Not so much, you're only using two pieces of equipment at the time.
Apparently you don't know what superset means...0 -
I empathize with the OP, in that it's annoying to feel like you have to be super assertive in situations that wouldn't exist if people just used a bit of common sense and courtesy. Case in point, my neighbor played really loud music. I'm talking feel the bass under your feet in my apartment at midnight loud. I tried knocking on the door, even wearing ear plugs, contacting my doubebag, lazy SOB manager who did nothing, calling the police (not 911) to file a minor complaint. When none of these had any effect, I had to bang on the door repeatedly with my entire fist like there was an emergency loud, till she opened the door. I was expecting to have a knock down drag out with this person that has cost me days of sleep in recent history, only to have the nicest person with a smile say oops, sorry, I'll turn it down.
Did I like having to do this? Nope. But sometimes the situation warrants it and you just have to put on your big girl britches and handle some cheat. Otherwise I do agree that life's too short and there may be other places that already make an effort to minimize these discomforts. Can always reward those places with your hard earned dough. Suggest ear plugs for too loud rap music or maybe ask them if they wouldn't mind turning it down a bit while you're there. Or change the station to a reality channel if you get your hands on the remote first; that oughta clear the room and make it a girl only area ;-)0 -
I don't know what you should do, but that was beautifully written! ☺0
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I know what it means. It's when you do another set during what would normally be the 'rest' period between sets, usually with an opposing muscle group. Thanks for the inane comment.Apparently you don't know what superset means...
And I will reiterate that if you're sitting there with an 80 lb dumbbell and an EZ bar loaded with 50 lbs so you can preacher curl and do tricep extensions, and you tell someone 'no' when they ask to use one of those thing while you have it layin on the ground because you're not actively using it, you are a douche. Thankfully, I've never encountered anyone who does this in real life, so I'm hoping this is just a stupid hypothetical internet discussion.0 -
I know what it means. It's when you do another set during what would normally be the 'rest' period between sets, usually with an opposing muscle group. Thanks for the inane comment.Apparently you don't know what superset means...
And I will reiterate that if you're sitting there with an 80 lb dumbbell and an EZ bar loaded with 50 lbs so you can preacher curl and do tricep extensions, and you tell someone 'no' when they ask to use one of those thing while you have it layin on the ground because you're not actively using it, you are a douche. Thankfully, I've never encountered anyone who does this in real life, so I'm hoping this is just a stupid hypothetical internet discussion.
So because somebody is going to use a piece of equipment in about 30-45 seconds after the first lift they're a *kitten*? How ridiculous.0 -
OMG you went to a gym and people were using equipment and space, you poor thing! Loud rap music? How did you cope? I mean they should play the music you want on surely? Those bros really should've pre-empt the whole situation, stopped what they're doing, gave you the benches, changed the TV channel. I mean no one could expect you just ask politely could they? That would be much too hard!
Some people, ye gods!0 -
I used to feel uncomfortable in the weight area too, and some of the things the op is talking about are indeed frustrating but I agree that it's a good idea to try talking to the guys, I chat with the guys that are in the lifting area at my gym - which is also a really male dominated gym esp in the weight area- and they're usually pretty nice, just kinda oblivious sometimes....because they're focused on their workouts and well... Because they're young dudes and in my experience with the guys that I've lived with.... Guys can be kinda oblivious in general lol.... I'm sure I'm not the only woman who has found the dirty dishes stacked next to the dirty dishwasher ... And the clothes next to the hamper ... Lol but anyway, I agree that the op should try just talking to the guys to break the ice0
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I know what it means. It's when you do another set during what would normally be the 'rest' period between sets, usually with an opposing muscle group. Thanks for the inane comment.Apparently you don't know what superset means...
And I will reiterate that if you're sitting there with an 80 lb dumbbell and an EZ bar loaded with 50 lbs so you can preacher curl and do tricep extensions, and you tell someone 'no' when they ask to use one of those thing while you have it layin on the ground because you're not actively using it, you are a douche. Thankfully, I've never encountered anyone who does this in real life, so I'm hoping this is just a stupid hypothetical internet discussion.
Hilariously, I superset tricep pushdowns and EZ bar preacher curls. Though I do 60 pounds on the pushdown machine and use a 60 pound EZ bar. You were so close!
And I will tell someone know. If someone is sitting on a bench during their rest period (doing bench presses lets say) would you walk up to them and ask them to use the bench, then lay down and start doing bench presses when he or she says no? Of course you wouldn't because you would be a massive douche, not the guy or gal saying no. It is literally the exact same thing. Just because I am not actively lifting it doesn't mean I am not using it.0 -
I know what it means. It's when you do another set during what would normally be the 'rest' period between sets, usually with an opposing muscle group. Thanks for the inane comment.Apparently you don't know what superset means...
And I will reiterate that if you're sitting there with an 80 lb dumbbell and an EZ bar loaded with 50 lbs so you can preacher curl and do tricep extensions, and you tell someone 'no' when they ask to use one of those thing while you have it layin on the ground because you're not actively using it, you are a douche. Thankfully, I've never encountered anyone who does this in real life, so I'm hoping this is just a stupid hypothetical internet discussion.
Yeah sorry but if I have equipment in front of me and I'm "just sitting there" chances are good I'm resting. If you ask me if you can use the weight I'm going to say no because I'm obviously using it. Just not at this point in time.0 -
I'm so glad I go during old man and SAHM hour. I hate beefcake gyms! Good luck!0
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That's why I lift with headphones - my gym doesn't play loud rap/rock music. :-P And that hardly makes me a thug. It's simply good music for lifting.
There's honestly no need to feel intimidated in the weights section of the gym, guy or girl. A lot of bigger guys look tough because they're busting their *kitten* and pumped up from lifting, but honestly many of those guys are also some of the nicest guys I've met. Odds are if they aren't actively using the equipment and if you ask them (instead of just silently lurking and being intimidated), they will let you use the equipment. Hell, they might even smile at you. Assuming they're sexist ****s and running home to post on the forums, before you even ask to use the equipment, is just silly.0 -
No, they're a *kitten* because they are telling you that they refuse to share the piece of equipment that is sitting on the floor while they're using something else.So because somebody is going to use a piece of equipment in about 30-45 seconds after the first lift they're a *kitten*? How ridiculous.
Like I said, this must be a silly internet phenomenon because I have never encountered someone who is a big enough douche to do this. I (and everyone else who lifts) can easily do a set of whatever it is I'm doing while you are doing the superset with the other piece of equipment.
That is poor gym etiquitte. If someone asks to work in while you are resting between sets, you're supposed to say yes. It's called sharing equipment. I'll even offer you a spot if you need it.Yeah sorry but if I have equipment in front of me and I'm "just sitting there" chances are good I'm resting. If you ask me if you can use the weight I'm going to say no because I'm obviously using it. Just not at this point in time.
First, see above -- I haven't encountered anyone who's enough of an *kitten* to say no to letting someone work in. In fact, I've frequently had people offer if they see I'm waiting to use a power rack, but the reason I didn't ask was because they're doing a different exercise (e.g. they are benching and I want to squat).And I will tell someone know[sic]. If someone is sitting on a bench during their rest period (doing bench presses lets say) would you walk up to them and ask them to use the bench, then lay down and start doing bench presses when he or she says no?
Secondly, if you do say no, you're a douche. I wouldn't just sit down on the bench, though. My next step would be to explain to you that you're being inconsiderate, and if you weren't convinced I would have a talk with the manager.
But thankfully, in real life, everytime I ask to work in is "sure bro no problem" followed by helping me rack weights on the bar or "I only got one last set" with me saying "you need a spot?"0 -
First, see above -- I haven't encountered anyone who's enough of an *kitten* to say no to letting someone work in[sic]. In fact, I've frequently had people offer if they see I'm waiting to use a power rack, but the reason I didn't ask was because they're doing a different exercise (e.g. they are benching and I want to squat).And I will tell someone know[sic]. If someone is sitting on a bench during their rest period (doing bench presses lets say) would you walk up to them and ask them to use the bench, then lay down and start doing bench presses when he or she says no?
Secondly, if you do say no, you're a douche. I wouldn't just sit down on the bench, though. My next step would be to explain to you that you're being inconsiderate, and if you weren't convinced I would have a talk with the manager.
But thankfully, in real life, everytime I ask to work in is "sure bro no problem" followed by helping me rack weights on the bar or "I only got one last set" with me saying "you need a spot?"
You said if they say no to just grab the weight. I can only assume you just sit on the bench if they say no as well, since it's essentially the same thing."I only got one last set" with me saying "you need a spot?"
So in other words someone said no and you DIDN'T just grab their weights and run off like a sociopath?0 -
No, I never said that. Go try to find a post where I did. You can't. I detailed exactly what I would do in the post you quoted.You said if they say no to just grab the weight.
Don't change the subject to back pedal, either.
First, again you're trying to put words in my mouth.So in other words someone said no and you DIDN'T just grab their weights and run off like a sociopath?
What I said is that the only acceptable reasons for declining is: You have one last set and it will take longer to re-rack the weights, or it's an entirely different exercise and you have to spend time setting up the bench and the barbell height that just makes it stupid.
Saying no because you're doing supersets and are afraid someone might disappear with 'your' weight is inconsiderate, and so is saying no because you want to sit on the bench and look at your phone. People aren't dumb -- they don't ask to work in if they're going to take the weight all the way across the gym. And if you're worried about it, there are ways to say 'sure you can work in but don't go far because I'm also doing [exercise] with that" without saying "no, I'm using that dumbbell that's sitting on the floor right now and you can't have it."0 -
May I suggest using noise canceling headphones?0
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This is exactly why I open carry in my gym.
No one's taking my weights when I'm lifting.0
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