Self Hate -- Weekend Rant
Replies
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Okay....Few things here.
One, why do you hate other women and assume they hate you? Although to be honest if a girl is only going to talk about her weight, put herself down and hate me on site b/c I happen to be decent looking ( I might hate her/you too)
--- ( I am no longer that twig of girl, I used to be a 2/4 and 4 is my goal I am currently a 6)
--- It sounds like you were making both you and the "other girl" feel insecure and less than pretty...please STOP
NEVER EVER..compete for a guy. Any man who does not want you first and foremost..isnt worth anything.. ( Im not saying don't dress up for your date and laugh at his bad jokes, both are needed) But ..KNOW that you are special and if he doesnt like you, you like you enough that although a disspointment, something better is coming.
You look very nice in your photo, so you are obviously an attractive girl, you just need to work on making sure that bubbly happy person in your pictures comes out in your interactions.0 -
So how hot is J?
Give me his number, i'll uhhmm... call him and see if he's interested. In you, I mean...
OP didn't mention whether or not he footed the bill for all the shots and food. If not, I don't think he's your type.
Ahh. Good point. If he's broke OP can keep him.0 -
My heart broke for you a little bit when I read this. It is clear that, while you have lost some weight, you still have self-esteem issues to work on and need to learn to love yourself.
All of your ire and discomfort with the other girl stems from how you perceive yourself, so remember that before immediately disliking someone when they have done nothing wrong.
*gives you a big hug*0 -
I like your follow up.:flowerforyou:
Work on not putting yourself down in front of others. It is important.
Ask my friends here...I tell them this all of the time.0 -
We went on a cross country trip a few years back...6 adults in a motor home...we had a blast! I one of the ladies on the trip (that I didn't know very well) kept staring at me when she thought I wasn't looking and it made me uncomfortable. At the time, she had just WON a bodybuilding contest...she was freaking built like nothing i had ever seen! Still tan from the contest...eating like a pig becasue she has stripped her weight down so much to compete. I was wearing an 18 - I am only 5'4" - so I resembled a beached whale up against this beautiful woman and i started the self-doubt, the bad self image, etc. I finally got a bit drunk and asked her bluntly WHY was she staring at me...know what she said? "I always thought you were so beautiful and I was trying to figure out what the heck you do with your eye makeup. Now that I have seen you without makeup, I figured out that it is just how beautiful you ARE and I can't stop staring." Needless to say I had to excuse myself and have a nervous breakdown in the bathroom that I barely fit into at my size. You never know what another person's weakness is - she was stunning, thin, blonde, her husband treated her like a princess...everything I wish I was, but SHE was envious of ME!!
What a life lesson...We are still best friends to this day!0 -
He paid for all the drinks and food for HER! I even bought a round for everyone which she did not ... She talked a lot about how often other men buy her the things she wants so I am sure she is used to it. That was strange too because any other time we have gone out I have NEVER paid ... I think he is saying loud and clear that he isnt interested.
Oh Josh is HOT for sure! Smart, funny, a mamas boy, wants kids, successful.
Now there are some GREAT things about me ... name anything besides looks (and after this, my self image) and I am ALLLLL THAT just not so much my body shape and size.0 -
let him go.
he's a ****.
You're better than that- and you're working on self improvement.0 -
He paid for all the drinks and food for HER! I even bought a round for everyone which she did not ... She talked a lot about how often other men buy her the things she wants so I am sure she is used to it. That was strange too because any other time we have gone out I have NEVER paid ... I think he is saying loud and clear that he isnt interested.
Oh Josh is HOT for sure! Smart, funny, a mamas boy, wants kids, successful.
Eff that. Become friends with her, drop him. Don't waste time with a dude who isn't enough of an adult to just say he isn't interested.0 -
He paid for all the drinks and food for HER! I even bought a round for everyone which she did not ... She talked a lot about how often other men buy her the things she wants so I am sure she is used to it. That was strange too because any other time we have gone out I have NEVER paid ... I think he is saying loud and clear that he isnt interested.
Oh Josh is HOT for sure! Smart, funny, a mamas boy, wants kids, successful.
Oh honey, he is not interested. I'm sorry.
Now, I usually just joke around in threads like this (as you probably saw), but I like you. You seem smart (a little crazy, but whatever, so am I), and you are a pretty girl.
Stop putting yourself down in front of others, No one likes that. There are times when I feel like maybe I am not the best looking girl at the table. There are times when guys i am interested in pay more attention to other chicks. There are days when I feel fat. I fake it till I make it.
Now stop sulking about this guy and go find one who'll pay for YOUR drinks.0 -
If all the women you know have been mean to you about your appearance you need some new friends! Good girl friends are indispensable imo (probably more so for me because my husband is Navy and is gone 50% of the time) but you do have to find good ones.
My advice going forward would be to work on positive self-talk (this is something I've been working on for the past few months as well, it can be tough) and to work on giving other women a chance. Not all of us are back-stabbing drama-queens-- I promise. :flowerforyou:
I like the attitude of your follow-up. :flowerforyou:0 -
Aww, it's not often that someone can fearlessly bare their soul and admit their shortcomings, publicly, in a constructive way. I agree whole-heartedly that you shouldn't have torn yourself down in front of other people. I do the same thing, and I've been making an effort, over time, to stop it. It makes other people feel uncomfortable, and it makes me less attractive. At least, you see this and have the courage to face it and work on it. Good for you!0
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He paid for all the drinks and food for HER! I even bought a round for everyone which she did not ... She talked a lot about how often other men buy her the things she wants so I am sure she is used to it. That was strange too because any other time we have gone out I have NEVER paid ... I think he is saying loud and clear that he isnt interested.
Oh Josh is HOT for sure! Smart, funny, a mamas boy, wants kids, successful.
Now there are some GREAT things about me ... name anything besides looks (and after this, my self image) and I am ALLLLL THAT just not so much my body shape and size.
to clarify, you guys got separate checks and he paid for his and hers but not yours? or you're shocked because he paid for all three of your bills? or......there was one check and you offered to put some cash on it and he didn't stop you?0 -
This hit home... real hard. Reading this was like reading into my own life.
I completely disagree with everyone who is making D out to be a victim in the situation. This is just my opinion of course so don't stone me. Her lack of regard for OP's feelings when she said "OMG I need to lose weight," was just her sly way of fishing for compliments. Obviously the guys were already attracted to her and it just sounds like she was trying to rub it in OP's face. I have no pity for attention wh*res regardless if they think they're not doing anything wrong. Some girls are subconsciously attention wh*res... and that's why it's so hard to make lady friends.
(BTW, some of these responses are uncalled for. Only take into consideration what is helpful and ignore those rude people. You deserve better.)
"Be your best and *kitten* the rest." - Me0 -
So how hot is J?
Give me his number, i'll uhhmm... call him and see if he's interested. In you, I mean...
OP didn't mention whether or not he footed the bill for all the shots and food. If not, I don't think he's your type.
Ahh. Good point. If he's broke OP can keep him.
You aint messin' wit no...0 -
He asked for the checks to be seperate ... he paid for hers and his and I paid for mine.
0 -
So how hot is J?
Give me his number, i'll uhhmm... call him and see if he's interested. In you, I mean...
OP didn't mention whether or not he footed the bill for all the shots and food. If not, I don't think he's your type.
Ahh. Good point. If he's broke OP can keep him.
You aint messin' wit no...
#noshameinmygame.0 -
This hit home... real hard. Reading this was like reading into my own life.
I completely disagree with everyone who is making D out to be a victim in the situation. This is just my opinion of course so don't stone me. Her lack of regard for OP's feelings when she said "OMG I need to lose weight," was just her sly way of fishing for compliments. Obviously the guys were already attracted to her and it just sounds like she was trying to rub it in OP's face. I have no pity for attention wh*res regardless if they think they're not doing anything wrong. Some girls are subconsciously attention wh*res... and that's why it's so hard to make lady friends.
(BTW, some of these responses are uncalled for. Only take into consideration what is helpful and ignore those rude people. You deserve better.)
"Be your best and *kitten* the rest." - Me
"OMG I hate attention wh*res even when they aren't trying to be one!"
Followed shortly by:
"Hey guys look at this quote that I made up, you can tell I made it up because I put '-me' at the end of it. I'm so witty!"
:laugh:
Teasing aside, I really don't think "D" did anything wrong. She got asked to hang out. She showed up. OP talked about weight loss/body image a lot, which likely made D uncomfortable. D responded with a comment that was on-topic and that was most likely meant to make OP feel better.0 -
He asked for the checks to be seperate ... he paid for hers and his and I paid for mine.
Well, imo, that's just rude. He invited you both out, so he should pay for both, or neither. Then again, I might be missing something in the equation?0 -
This hit home... real hard. Reading this was like reading into my own life.
I completely disagree with everyone who is making D out to be a victim in the situation. This is just my opinion of course so don't stone me. Her lack of regard for OP's feelings when she said "OMG I need to lose weight," was just her sly way of fishing for compliments. Obviously the guys were already attracted to her and it just sounds like she was trying to rub it in OP's face. I have no pity for attention wh*res regardless if they think they're not doing anything wrong. Some girls are subconsciously attention wh*res... and that's why it's so hard to make lady friends.
(BTW, some of these responses are uncalled for. Only take into consideration what is helpful and ignore those rude people. You deserve better.)
"Be your best and *kitten* the rest." - Me
I disagree that she was automatically fishing for compliments saying she needed to lose weight. It was a shock to me when I got to goal weight and discovered that I still had body image issues, but I did. It's highly likely that this girl really does feel like she needs to lose weight. I've learned that my insecurity can make those around me feel even more insecure so I try to rein it in, but she may just not realize that yet.
I think most people are 100 times more critical of themselves than they are of other people. If I see someone with a body just like mine I'll think it's a gorgeous body and I'll see all the positives about it. But looking at myself I see negatives. It's just as likely to me that she doesn't see herself at all the way the OP described her.0 -
He asked for the checks to be seperate ... he paid for hers and his and I paid for mine.
well damn, what's the question here? i'm sorry you had a bad time and that this "get together" wasn't actually the date you hoped for, but it's perfectly clear where his interests lie. move on, because there's no there there.
0 -
This hit home... real hard. Reading this was like reading into my own life.
I completely disagree with everyone who is making D out to be a victim in the situation. This is just my opinion of course so don't stone me. Her lack of regard for OP's feelings when she said "OMG I need to lose weight," was just her sly way of fishing for compliments. Obviously the guys were already attracted to her and it just sounds like she was trying to rub it in OP's face. I have no pity for attention wh*res regardless if they think they're not doing anything wrong. Some girls are subconsciously attention wh*res... and that's why it's so hard to make lady friends.
(BTW, some of these responses are uncalled for. Only take into consideration what is helpful and ignore those rude people. You deserve better.)
"Be your best and *kitten* the rest." - Me
lol0 -
He asked for the checks to be seperate ... he paid for hers and his and I paid for mine.
Well, imo, that's just rude. He invited you both out, so he should pay for both, or neither. Then again, I might be missing something in the equation?
Well, he did just invite her to watch football. It sounds like this was him meeting a friend to a watch a football game with his date.
OP might just have to let this one go, because he does not seem to be into you the way you are for him. And you might just keep setting yourself up for more hurt feelings.
Give your attention and time to a man that is interested in you.0 -
He asked for the checks to be seperate ... he paid for hers and his and I paid for mine.
well damn, what's the question here? i'm sorry you had a bad time and that this "get together" wasn't actually the date you hoped for, but it's perfectly clear where his interests lie. move on, because there's no there there.
this.0 -
This hit home... real hard. Reading this was like reading into my own life.
I completely disagree with everyone who is making D out to be a victim in the situation. This is just my opinion of course so don't stone me. Her lack of regard for OP's feelings when she said "OMG I need to lose weight," was just her sly way of fishing for compliments. Obviously the guys were already attracted to her and it just sounds like she was trying to rub it in OP's face. I have no pity for attention wh*res regardless if they think they're not doing anything wrong. Some girls are subconsciously attention wh*res... and that's why it's so hard to make lady friends.
You've got serious issues! :noway:0 -
I sooooooo feel you on this. Thanks for sharing your story
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He asked for the checks to be seperate ... he paid for hers and his and I paid for mine.
Well, imo, that's just rude. He invited you both out, so he should pay for both, or neither. Then again, I might be missing something in the equation?
Agreed. What was up with that??? :frown:0 -
4. I am not going to lie I was totally intimidated by her beauty! I got to know her and I really enjoyed her personality, we probably will still be friends and as open as I am I would probably tell her that I was intimidated. She said she doesn’t really have a lot of girlfriends and wanted to hang out again. I wrote her and told her that she was beautiful inside and out, especially since I was acting (like someone wisely put it) CRAZY … I don’t down talk other people DUH just myself
So she was beautiful *and* had a great personality!!!
How dare she!0 -
4. I am not going to lie I was totally intimidated by her beauty! I got to know her and I really enjoyed her personality, we probably will still be friends and as open as I am I would probably tell her that I was intimidated. She said she doesn’t really have a lot of girlfriends and wanted to hang out again. I wrote her and told her that she was beautiful inside and out, especially since I was acting (like someone wisely put it) CRAZY … I don’t down talk other people DUH just myself
So she was beautiful *and* had a great personality!!!
How dare she!
I totally agree!! She sounds awful! In fact, the OP should PM me that girl's number so I can give her a piece of my mind!!!0 -
OP, just go for the hot girl instead of the guy. Easy solution.0
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There will always be someone prettier, slimmer, smarter, funnier, richer, nicer, cooler, etc. etc. etc. The trick is to try and not compete...just enjoy your time out with your friends. Life is short and one day you will be old. You are every bit as good as the other girl....and exceptionally pretty too, by the way.
This all the way.
Nothing you didn't already know, I'm sure, and sometimes easier said than done. That's why ya gotta keep practicing.0
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