Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?

Options
1235789

Replies

  • aliencheesecake
    aliencheesecake Posts: 570 Member
    Options
    Arguing on the internet...why bother? XD
  • aliencheesecake
    aliencheesecake Posts: 570 Member
    Options
    I know my marriage and my vows will be special. It's a choice and I will make sure someone else truly believes in that choice as well. Therefore, it will mean something to me.

    ^this
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Options
    I see so many posts about people talking about leaving a spouse because "I am not happy anymore".

    Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?

    Taxes! Man the benefits are amazing, all the tax shelters you get for being married.
  • AestheticStar
    AestheticStar Posts: 447 Member
    Options
    That's why I refuse to get married. I've seen people cheat on their wives/husbands, & it seems like marriage is just a joke these days or holds no real value. Plus, I'd rather have less to get out of commitment wise if I ever was with a guy, that way I could just kick his *kitten* out. Lol.
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
    Options
    Here's my opinion. Take with several grains of salt and tequila.


    If your vows say until death? That's what it means. Unless spouse breaks other vows, is unfaithful or violent, or they leave you despite your best efforts, etc, everything else can be overcome if you are willing to work with it.

    If you don't like that vow, don't take it. My entire wedding ceremony, vows included, was written for us specifically and I will not break them, because I PROMISED. (10 years next May, go us) If you want a "unless you piss me off" marriage, then have one. Just don't promise something and then break your promise. That's just lousy.
  • ThePlight
    ThePlight Posts: 3,593 Member
    Options
    1.) You love them. 2.) Tradition 3.) You love them. 4.) If you change your mind, oh well, it's life.
  • sugboog29
    sugboog29 Posts: 630 Member
    Options
    I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. We've been married almost 25 years and have seen the good, the bad, and the very ugly but have managed to be by each others side through it all. Plus I told him the only way he could get rid of me was to kill me....and since that hasn't happened (yet) I guess we are good for at least another 25!!
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,525 Member
    Options
    Heck lots of people these days can't commit to a sensible diet. And the food doesn't argue with you either.:laugh:

    That said, I'm celebrating my 15 year anniversary this year with a yacht date on the SF BAY at the end of the month. How I've stuck to my vow?....................................I conformed.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • LuLuChick78
    LuLuChick78 Posts: 439 Member
    Options
    Here's a question for your question, OP:

    Should promises really mean more than potentially spending the rest of your *one* life completely unhappy, just because you said "I do"?

    Some people probably back out of marriages far too quickly and with too little effort. But once the effort to resolve the issues has been put in, and things still aren't good, then I think they have every right to leave... regardless of the vows. Life is too precious and too short to spend it miserable.

    I agree 100% - from personal experience.
  • sdereski
    sdereski Posts: 3,406 Member
    Options
    Some interesting insights to how people view marriage.

    I read a blog that shed a whole new light on marriage. It was simple and honest and wondered why I never thought of it that way before. Maybe many of you have already read it as it has gone viral, but for those of you that haven't, take a read. It's well worth it. :happy:

    http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/
  • KatrinaWilke
    KatrinaWilke Posts: 372 Member
    Options
    My husband and I are common law married. We signed a document at the county clerks office. We NEVER said any vows! I would never say any vows!! The fact that I said we are married is good enough for me. I like to rub it in his face when he says things like "well you are my wife so you should....." I just look at him and say "I didn't say any vows so you don't know what I should do...."
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Options
    I see so many posts about people talking about leaving a spouse because "I am not happy anymore".

    Do the promises made really mean that little anymore in todays society?

    My vow was forever, and I'm sticking to it!
  • ThePlight
    ThePlight Posts: 3,593 Member
    Options
    My husband and I are common law married. We signed a document at the county clerks office. We NEVER said any vows! I would never say any vows!! The fact that I said we are married is good enough for me. I like to rub it in his face when he says things like "well you are my wife so you should....." I just look at him and say "I didn't say any vows so you don't know what I should do...."
    Hehehehe
    :heart: Your logic!
  • bmqbonnie
    bmqbonnie Posts: 836 Member
    Options
    No. I just think they are more.....uncaring about what others think. Way back when they were just as unhappy, but stayed to save "face".
    This. That and contrary to popular belief, divorce rates are down and the 50% thing is statistically invalid.

    I am getting married in June. I take it seriously. At the same time, I would not want to be miserable for life for the sake of being able to say I didn't divorce like my parents or grandparents. If things went south, I would fight for it but there comes a point where I'd let it go.

    People like my parents brag that they've been married for 40+ years and that draws a lot of congratulations and admiration but to me the REAL question is do you still really love each other after those 40+ years? I do know couples like that and feel sure that we will be one of them :) It takes a lot more than saying some pretty words on a particular day though!
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    Options
    Because they mean something to me. My reasons are based more in religion than anything else. I knew I wanted kids someday, and I was raised in the line of thinking that my children would be the outward symbol of my marriage. A bond between two people that cannot be unbroken, because after all, that is what a child is, isn't it?

    ETA: Besides the traditional vows that we said on our wedding day, we made promises to each other only known to us when he proposed.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    Options
    I was married the first time when I was 18. Not very long into it, I could honestly say that I could not imagine having to be married to him for the rest of my life. No way, no how. We divorced when I was 22.

    I met my current husband when I was 23. He moved in almost immediately and we lived together for 18 months before we got married. The difference is that I could see myself being with him for the rest of my life. He was my best friend and soul mate. He still is 23+ years later. We've had some huge ups and downs, but we've pulled through and are even stronger today because of those ups and downs. I can still look at the future and see him in it always.

    Sometimes we marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. If we're lucky, we'll marry the right person for the right reasons.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Options
    This just made me think of something there is a commercial on I think science channel hosted by james wood.

    Anyways he asks something like can you imagine living forever, and being married to the same person?

    My first answer was No. In a thousand lifetimes I'd probably have a thousand relationships.

    Maybe that's what is happening humans in general are healthier, our life spans have increased, and even the lifetime of our fecundity has increased.

    Is it possible it's not so much people just arent happy, but it's time to move onto the next life path? You grow, change, evolve, and sometimes fall out of love. Maybe it's just a natural progression to an increased life span?

    I can't imagine being with anyone other than my husband. I always say that even in the afterlife, our souls will find each other because there is no other soul that can fill my heart, mind, and spirit as he does.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Options
    Is it possible it's not so much people just arent happy, but it's time to move onto the next life path? You grow, change, evolve, and sometimes fall out of love. Maybe it's just a natural progression to an increased life span?

    Except for one small fact: you cannot know that you loved someone until the end of your life. Love, like other virtues, is predictive, it is an assertion about the future, not a claim about the present.

    Dafuq?
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    Options
    I don't understand this at all. How is love predictive? Love is a feeling, feeling change. Love is not a promise, although promises are made by those in love. I personally think love is all about the present, and if in the present you don't love anymore, then it is a love for the past.

    Brilliant.

    Brilliant? :huh:

    Pass that pipe. You must have something better...
  • rowanwood
    rowanwood Posts: 510 Member
    Options
    I don't understand this at all. How is love predictive? Love is a feeling, feeling change. Love is not a promise, although promises are made by those in love. I personally think love is all about the present, and if in the present you don't love anymore, then it is a love for the past.

    Brilliant.

    Brilliant? :huh:

    Pass that pipe. You must have something better...

    See, but marriage isn't about "love." Marriage is about commitment and family. Sometimes, your spouse will really irritate you and sometimes, you won't want to even look at them. But you committed to them, to you try again and rekindle those feelings by changing your behavior.


    Also "love" is not, in my opinion, a noun. It's a verb. It's something you do, not just something you feel.

Categories