Marriage vows.. why bother anymore?

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  • smelius22
    smelius22 Posts: 334 Member
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    the most misleading saying i've ever heard is "if it isnt crazy, over the top, insane love, dont waste your time." I think more people would stay married if they realized that lust and falling in love dont last forever. butterflies go away, boundaries go away, date nights and flowers sometimes go away. but what you're hopefully left with is this simple and meaningful love that you know is forever. my fiance and i have been together 7 years and we'll both be the first to admit it our relationship isn't always exciting, and we have both acted completely unlovable and even hurt eachother, but it's a deep connection that we feel to eachother and a complete willingness to make it work no matter what the circumstances. we've experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows and i still cannot imagine another person i would want to spend the rest of my life with!
  • Mborroto25
    Mborroto25 Posts: 79 Member
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    I think Humans by nature are not meant to have only one partner in life, if that was the case our sex organs would be like puzzle pieces meaning there is only one match for you , you cant put a square peg in a round hole kind of thing. But we all are made the same without discussing various sizes there is nothing that says this man can not have sex with every female on the planet and vice versa. I think that is why marriages do not last is after time the sexual boredom is tremendous.

    This is so stupid.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    I'm not necessarily talking about marriage but let me just say this.

    Just because things were done a certain way in the past, does not mean that they were the correct way to do things.

    Yeah, like back when you had to have your wive executed to be free to marry again.
  • bsuew
    bsuew Posts: 628 Member
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    26 years ago I entered into a my marriage. We said forever. Has it always been easy? NO but we were willing to work on our problems. Today after 26 years he is my best friend! I'm glad that we put God in the center of our marriage and we were willing to work to make it work! I wouldn't trade what we have today for anything! I think this day and time too many people dont want to go to the inconvience to make a marriage work. I believe that mine was worth it.
    Other factors may play into a marriage, is each party being faithful, is there abuse involved, that is another ball game. I'd hate to play!
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
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    I was thinking about it and I think this is what kicked this off for me.
    Someone ressurected a post from 2012 about a woman who was married. Her husband got deployed, got injured, and came back with PTSD.
    She couldn't handle it so she left him.

    That struck a nerve with me. This guy came home with a problem. An illness if you will.
    And, instead of trying to help, she bailed.

    She went on to say that she thinks she still loves him but she wants to do what makes HERSELF happy.

    I am not minimizing PTSD in the least little bit however; she saw that there was going to be a challange and she bailed.

    I do believe my OP stems off of that feeling.
  • BusyRaeNOTBusty
    BusyRaeNOTBusty Posts: 7,166 Member
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    I was thinking about it and I think this is what kicked this off for me.
    Someone ressurected a post from 2012 about a woman who was married. Her husband got deployed, got injured, and came back with PTSD.
    She couldn't handle it so she left him.

    That struck a nerve with me. This guy came home with a problem. An illness if you will.
    And, instead of trying to help, she bailed.

    She went on to say that she thinks she still loves him but she wants to do what makes HERSELF happy.

    I am not minimizing PTSD in the least little bit however; she saw that there was going to be a challange and she bailed.

    I do believe my OP stems off of that feeling.

    He asked her for a divorce. And did you notice how young she was? They could have been 18 when they got married. How is this any different from your "starter" marriage?
  • LuLuChick78
    LuLuChick78 Posts: 439 Member
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    I am astounded by the judgement that those in marriages seem to have on those of us whose marriages have ended. You have no idea what some of us have gone through and how hard we did or did not try to make things work. I don't see anyone judging you for being married.

    Just because you work through your issues in your marriage does not mean that we all had the same issues to work through.
  • djeffreys10
    djeffreys10 Posts: 2,312 Member
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    Ever see a criminals neighbors getting interviewed? "I never would have guessed." "He was such a nice guy." Etc, etc. Some people are really good at presenting themselves in only the way they want to be seen. I actually had a woman recently ask me how I could be so stupid as to marry my ex. That stung. A lot. My fault for lowering my gaurd somewhat, and lesson learned. I made some comment about people being fake, but was in no mood to discuss any further lol. But the fact is, you never REALLY know someone. My ex actually admitted later in the marriage that she was good at figuring out what would drive different guys away, and not crossing that point. WTF?!?! What happened to just being yourself?

    You have to trust that a person is actually allowing you to get to know the real them. And sometimes, you get burned. In my case, she was more worried about having my engineers salary to spend if we got married than she was actually building a real relationship. And since she was more worried about money than a real relationship, she worked towards getting me to marry her. Not towards building a relationship that may or may not lead to marriage. There was no way for me to know that I wasn't actually getting to know the real her. Yeah, it started coming out after marriage. And it came out full swing after my son was born. It was too late.

    And even then, I would have and did stay married. For years. But sometimes, salvaging it just isn't in the cards. And accepting that was one of the hardest things I ever had to do.
  • Beckboo0912
    Beckboo0912 Posts: 447 Member
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    Hind sight is always 20/20, just because someone knows what they know now doesn't mean they did before it happened. It's like saying you should have known that person was gonna do that. How? Nobody is in anyone else's head. So yeah there are people that take the vows and at the first sign of trouble divorce but there are others that don't, you can't make a generalization either way, some work hard for it and get screwed, some work hard and it works, and some don't work at all and just give up.


    My edit is for the guy above, kudos to you for trying
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
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    I was thinking about it and I think this is what kicked this off for me.
    Someone ressurected a post from 2012 about a woman who was married. Her husband got deployed, got injured, and came back with PTSD.
    She couldn't handle it so she left him.

    That struck a nerve with me. This guy came home with a problem. An illness if you will.
    And, instead of trying to help, she bailed.

    She went on to say that she thinks she still loves him but she wants to do what makes HERSELF happy.

    I am not minimizing PTSD in the least little bit however; she saw that there was going to be a challange and she bailed.

    I do believe my OP stems off of that feeling.

    I dont know it would be hard to judge unless we were in that situation, and the relationship and person we once knew wasnt that person. I've seen many people with traumatic brain injuries and they become abusive it's difficult for the loved ones often the care and putting on that emotional armor becomes difficult to bear.


    Know nothing about the post just my first thought.

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