Why is this girl doing this to me? (Girll help)

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Replies

  • summertime_girl
    summertime_girl Posts: 3,945 Member
    You can be someone's friend without being used. Just don't pay for things. She obviously does not want a relationship with you, but if she wants to be friends, why not?
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Than my dad's passing away.

    Your priorities and focus are off, making you an easy target.
    I still really care for her but she really hurt me a lot and I kinda feel being used.

    Doesn't seem to me you're confused at all.
  • RosaliaBee
    RosaliaBee Posts: 146 Member
    You can be someone's friend without being used. Just don't pay for things. She obviously does not want a relationship with you, but if she wants to be friends, why not?

    Yeah, he just needs to stop paying for stuff in order to try to 'win' her affections.

    I don't see her doing much that's terribly wrong really. She obviously enjoys his company, talking and socialising with him. It's OK to want to spend time with a friend without wanting to be intimate with them. She's been honest about not wanting a relationship with him - even if she did tell a white lie in order to try to let him down gently. She obviously genuinely really likes him, considers him like a brother and wants to help him to find a proper girlfriend too, so she's not messing with his head in a mean way.

    And as for the focusing on her new boyfriend when they were newly together, doesn't everyone do that? It's what happens.
  • mamadon
    mamadon Posts: 1,422 Member
    The only way to get over her is to cut her out of your life. Tell her she has to find a new place to live. You have got to mentally give up on any hopes you have for a relationship with her. Good luck.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    Why is this girl doing this to me?

    Because she is selfish and immature. She knows that you're doing all of this out of love and she doesn't mind taking advantage of you because it profits her. Hopefully that changes the way you see her.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    This is what white knighting get you..............nothing.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    If a girl is even remotely physically attractive, make your move on her IMMEDIATELY. Never fall into a friend zone with anyone who are physically attracted to. It is best to let women know what you want right away. If they are good with it, so be it. If not, their loss.

    Get her out of your life ASAP.
  • parys1
    parys1 Posts: 2,072 Member
    Did she ask you to do all that for her, or did you volunteer? When she mentioned money woes, did you jump in to help solve them, or did she ask you first?

    You can enjoy deep conversation with someone without wanting to be intimate with them. You can appreciate someone's company without being sexually attracted.

    I think she is immature, and perhaps oblivious. Not evil. What you can try is to be a friend. Stop paying for things, stop doing her running around, and stop being an enthralled audience. Treat her as you would your male friends. Expect friendship from her and see what she does. If she truly values your friendship, and only friendship as she's stated she's NOT into you, she will still be there.

    ETA: This is only if you actually want to be her friend and not her boyfriend. If she only wants your money and time, then good riddance.
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    I don't see her doing much that's terribly wrong really. She obviously enjoys his company, talking and socialising with him.

    Actually neither do I after having read the OP a bit more carefully as I said above.

    It seems they were friends and enjoyed each others company. He developed feelings for her. She declined the relationship. He reacted very badly to this (he felt worse than when did after his Dad passed away. Seriously? I don't even...) which she probably felt bad about. She distanced herself.

    She then probably missed his friendship and got back in contact. He continues to show signs of being very hurt. She therefore talks about her boyfriend to ensure he doesn't live in false hope. She also tries to hook him up with other girls. He continues to mope and creates a thread about it.

    Admittedly some of the things she is doing doesn't sound terribly classy (not paying back the loan promptly) and the way she is handling it sounds a tad crass (talking about the price of condoms.)

    However, I don't think the OP is really a victim here despite that.
  • slimster1970
    slimster1970 Posts: 65 Member
    At least you lost 10lb in the middle :-)

    Always a positive!
  • c8linmarie
    c8linmarie Posts: 358 Member
    Text her to say you've met someone, & you need your cash back to purchase condoms.

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • jlapey
    jlapey Posts: 1,850 Member
    What you ALLOW is what will continue.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    You got used for a Sugar Daddy, minus the perks you're after.

    Move on dude.
  • hannahlclrk
    hannahlclrk Posts: 66 Member
    move on, stop loving her romantically. get your money back. and sort this friendship out
  • abeerdesai
    abeerdesai Posts: 1
    You didn't get played or used. She really appreciates everything you've done for her but the way you acted by giving her everything without a challenge means you hold little sex appeal for her. So you are like a brother to her.

    She will still be your friend even if you stop doing all these extra nice things (and the only reason you would sacrifice so much effort on her is because you are afflicted with a condition called "oneitis").

    If she stops being your friend because you are no longer going the extra extra mile, THEN you can say you got used.

    Until then, its your lack of understanding about the different ways heterosexual men and women approach dating, love, and relationships.

    You must do what you must without expecting the reward. Do an act because you personally want to do an act--not because you think it will make somebody become your girlfriend, or have sex with you.

    You are growing up and I suggest you take her up on her help to find you a girlfriend or go on a few dates.

    Don't let your bitterness ruin what seems to be a very sweet and kind friendship.
  • alittleteapot
    alittleteapot Posts: 25 Member
    she sounds like an emotional vampire and a user...youre not the go to guy to pick up pieces and then get left in the gutter when things improve. Friendship is a two way street.

    This. Took the words right out of my mouth. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and KNOW you deserve better. Losing $100? Forget about it! You're wasting gas money and your valuable time on this piece of work. Don't tell her you don't want to talk to her...just DON'T talk to her! Don't pick up the phone, don't answer the texts, find a new place or kick her out if you have to. Your self-respect is at stake here.
  • tattygun
    tattygun Posts: 447 Member
    She's a d@#k. F%&k her off. Simple.
  • slimster1970
    slimster1970 Posts: 65 Member
    Genuine question for everyone that thinks this girl is a using this guy...

    .....how come she's in the wrong because he thinks she should be putting out just because they get on well at times?

    I've friends (male and female) who I'd help if needed or who would help me, this doesn't mean any of them are more than good friends. Perhaps the OP wants to take a look a whatever it is inside him that thinks he should get what he wants for being a friend!!
  • RosaliaBee
    RosaliaBee Posts: 146 Member
    I like to cook for my friends, including the ones I don't want to sleep with.
    I would definitely help a friend find work if I were in a position to do so, without feeling let down if they didn't then want to sleep with me.
    I've loaned friends money and borrowed money from friends, with no sexual favours included in the agreement.
    I've talked for many hours with friends who I really got along with, with no thought of sleeping with them.
    And on. Granted my friends are mainly female, but it would apply equally with male friends.

    Has she been a cruel heartless *****? No. Has she been a bit insensitive and self centred? Maybe.




    Genuine question for everyone that thinks this girl is a using this guy...

    .....how come she's in the wrong because he thinks she should be putting out just because they get on well at times?

    I've friends (male and female) who I'd help if needed or who would help me, this doesn't mean any of them are more than good friends. Perhaps the OP wants to take a look a whatever it is inside him that thinks he should get what he wants for being a friend!!
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
    She used "friendship" to get food, rides, money, etc. You used "food, rides, money, etc." to try to get a girlfriend.
    Both of you were manipulative whether you realize it or not, and both of you are to blame. You can stop being a doormat in the hopes of snagging some action, and can stop thinking of her as owing you, now. Because she doesn't. She's not a prostitute.

    Cut her out of your life and reevaluate how you approach relationships. You are not responsible for a potential girlfriend's bills, food, or work situation. Next time hold out for someone who can take care of herself and has a basic working in knowledge of a financial plan. And don't get involved with a roommate. If it goes badly, it ends in needing to move. Moving sucks. Avoid it.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member

    I want to block her but she still has my money. Out of $350, $100 is still left.
    [/quote]

    $100 bucks?? ARE YOU FREAKIN SERIOUS??? DUDE YOU GOT OFF CHEAP gimme a break. And if you CLAIM you "cant say no to her" then this will likely repeat itself 100 more x in your life with any chick that pays attention to you. Fix your picker and move on.

    Chalk up the $100 bucks so you'll know what being played feels like next time
    [/quote]

    Excellent post..............100 buks is NOTHING...............Dont walk, RUN like hell and get away from her

    to her, you are a BANK.........Nothing more.....
  • rachelamber_x
    rachelamber_x Posts: 104 Member
    Between the ages of about 11 til 19/20 my best friend was a guy. As far as I was concerned he was just my friend and would never be more because there was zero attraction there.

    When we were about 16 he told me he loved me, and I let him know it would never happen but I still wanted to be his friend.
    After that he constantly tried to get me to change my mind, and afterwards I found out he always spoke about me to our other friends, about how much he wanted to be with me and whatever.

    Basically, he refused to accept what I said and my feelings to the extent that I didn't even feel like I could act friendly to him because he would get the wrong idea.

    When he finally seemed to get it he started being pretty rude and just nasty because I didn't want to sleep with him.
    I don't speak to him any more because it isn't worth it. He only acted friendly when he thought he could get into my pants, and when he accepted that wasn't going to happen he became a douche.

    From the original post I don't think she has done much wrong. She told you she wasn't interested and has tried to make that pretty obvious by talking about her boyfriend to you. Yes, its a bit immature but it sounds like its you with the major issue.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    so did you post this over on bb.com too?

    ask your misc brothers.



    oh, and maybe take pussi off your profile.
  • lloydrt
    lloydrt Posts: 1,121 Member
    Between the ages of about 11 til 19/20 my best friend was a guy. As far as I was concerned he was just my friend and would never be more because there was zero attraction there.

    When we were about 16 he told me he loved me, and I let him know it would never happen but I still wanted to be his friend.
    After that he constantly tried to get me to change my mind, and afterwards I found out he always spoke about me to our other friends, about how much he wanted to be with me and whatever.

    Basically, he refused to accept what I said and my feelings to the extent that I didn't even feel like I could act friendly to him because he would get the wrong idea.

    When he finally seemed to get it he started being pretty rude and just nasty because I didn't want to sleep with him.
    I don't speak to him any more because it isn't worth it. He only acted friendly when he thought he could get into my pants, and when he accepted that wasn't going to happen he became a douche.

    From the original post I don't think she has done much wrong. She told you she wasn't interested and has tried to make that pretty obvious by talking about her boyfriend to you. Yes, its a bit immature but it sounds like its you with the major issue.

    OK, I hear where youre coming from on this..........I have no problems with the way you handed your friend

    but why does she contnue to use this fellow? He spends money on her, takes her to work, buys groceries and going out dinners? If she truly was a real friend, she wouldnt use him financially...........its understandable if she doesnt want a relationship, but WHY does she continue to text him and use him financially?
  • metaphoria
    metaphoria Posts: 1,432 Member
    Between the ages of about 11 til 19/20 my best friend was a guy. As far as I was concerned he was just my friend and would never be more because there was zero attraction there.

    When we were about 16 he told me he loved me, and I let him know it would never happen but I still wanted to be his friend.
    After that he constantly tried to get me to change my mind, and afterwards I found out he always spoke about me to our other friends, about how much he wanted to be with me and whatever.

    Basically, he refused to accept what I said and my feelings to the extent that I didn't even feel like I could act friendly to him because he would get the wrong idea.

    When he finally seemed to get it he started being pretty rude and just nasty because I didn't want to sleep with him.
    I don't speak to him any more because it isn't worth it. He only acted friendly when he thought he could get into my pants, and when he accepted that wasn't going to happen he became a douche.

    From the original post I don't think she has done much wrong. She told you she wasn't interested and has tried to make that pretty obvious by talking about her boyfriend to you. Yes, its a bit immature but it sounds like its you with the major issue.

    OK, I hear where youre coming from on this..........I have no problems with the way you handed your friend

    but why does she contnue to use this fellow? He spends money on her, takes her to work, buys groceries and going out dinners? If she truly was a real friend, she wouldnt use him financially...........its understandable if she doesnt want a relationship, but WHY does she continue to text him and use him financially?

    Because she thought that was part of their friendship, because he continued to allow her to. He is responsible for what he allows, and she is taking advantage of his continued attempts to buy her affection.
  • rachelamber_x
    rachelamber_x Posts: 104 Member
    Between the ages of about 11 til 19/20 my best friend was a guy. As far as I was concerned he was just my friend and would never be more because there was zero attraction there.

    When we were about 16 he told me he loved me, and I let him know it would never happen but I still wanted to be his friend.
    After that he constantly tried to get me to change my mind, and afterwards I found out he always spoke about me to our other friends, about how much he wanted to be with me and whatever.

    Basically, he refused to accept what I said and my feelings to the extent that I didn't even feel like I could act friendly to him because he would get the wrong idea.

    When he finally seemed to get it he started being pretty rude and just nasty because I didn't want to sleep with him.
    I don't speak to him any more because it isn't worth it. He only acted friendly when he thought he could get into my pants, and when he accepted that wasn't going to happen he became a douche.

    From the original post I don't think she has done much wrong. She told you she wasn't interested and has tried to make that pretty obvious by talking about her boyfriend to you. Yes, its a bit immature but it sounds like its you with the major issue.

    OK, I hear where youre coming from on this..........I have no problems with the way you handed your friend

    but why does she contnue to use this fellow? He spends money on her, takes her to work, buys groceries and going out dinners? If she truly was a real friend, she wouldnt use him financially...........its understandable if she doesnt want a relationship, but WHY does she continue to text him and use him financially?

    Well it isn't something I would do, but I've never had a friendship which has been unequal in that way. Me and my friends always split costs and if we lend/borrow money it gets given back asap.
    Maybe that's what their friendship was always like, and just because he says he is paying doesn't mean she is asking him to, he may be offering or not wanting her to pay.
  • Youmirinlol
    Youmirinlol Posts: 122
    This is the definition of being beta... Dont be that nice guy dude
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
    she is a user. Take it from me-next time u two go out, let her pay for her own stuff. U are being taken advantage of....
  • Iron_Lotus
    Iron_Lotus Posts: 2,295 Member




    oh, and maybe take pussi off your profile.


    Ugh! Didn't even see that
  • Walter__
    Walter__ Posts: 518 Member
    This is the definition of being beta... Dont be that nice guy dude

    Came in to say this.

    Stop being a beta white knight.

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