Do I tell her she's gaining?

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  • ihammen
    ihammen Posts: 55 Member
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    I'm sure she knows she's gaining weight. Even if she doesn't weigh herself, if you can tell, her clothes must be getting tighter.
  • samanthahix12
    samanthahix12 Posts: 179
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    She doesn't own a scale?
  • splitaces
    splitaces Posts: 141
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    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???
    just tell her in the most subtle way u know of, or ask for some good abs workouts and see if she can do them with u to make sure u do them right
  • sloth3toes
    sloth3toes Posts: 2,212 Member
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    Support does not mean telling someone else when they've gained weight, or even that they are eating a certain thing, or not exercising enough. Support means you are there as a friend giving kudos, accepting them in their journey, treating them as you would any friend or person you love.

    So, basically, support is ALWAYS being positive, and avoiding the truth, if it's negative. Sort of like, how it's supposed to be at MFP ?

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  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
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    People are weird. If I asked someone to tell me if they noticed I was gaining I would actually expect them to do it. Not that I don't notice myself, but sometimes by the time I do it's gotten worse than it needed to and my pants don't fit.
  • KNEBerrett
    KNEBerrett Posts: 15
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    Lol!!!!! That was a good one ;-D
  • KNEBerrett
    KNEBerrett Posts: 15
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    Lol!!!!! That was a good one ;-D
    Oops responded to the wrong thing.. Lol
  • sarahertzberger
    sarahertzberger Posts: 534 Member
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    invite her to join mfp with you, tell her how helpful it is................................................ AFTER you delete this post that is!
  • korygilliam
    korygilliam Posts: 594 Member
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    I am more of a male than female on my opinions and attitudes on stuff, but my opinion:
    She needs to know that it is to the point of being obvious...

    I like my hubby to be honest (tell me if my shirt is too snug or too high-school, etc).
    I think I would take it best if I was told it in a manner like-
    'I know you tried so hard and long to lose your weight and I have noticed that you are having to go back to your old clothes... you still look great, but I was wondering if you decided to not worry about it anymore or do you need some help getting back on track. Remember that you asked me to point it out if it appears that you are sliding off your goals...'

    We can ignore the scale for a very long time...then, when we motivate ourselves, we have backslid a long way. I personally would like a 'hey, it's obvious' alert from a trusted friend or from my hubby.
  • KNEBerrett
    KNEBerrett Posts: 15
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    I have told a bunch of people (I lost track) that if I ever did something, just shoot me. No, I don't actually want to be shot.

    Lol, funny I agree. But she did ask. Blunt honesty may help.
  • ctalimenti
    ctalimenti Posts: 865 Member
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    These are all very good suggestion and thank you!

    I think she was on MFP but didn't take it seriously. She lost weight but didn't stick to the lifestyle change. She went back to her previous ways of eating and not exercising as much.

    I will definitely let you know how it turns out but give me a few days. :)
  • Seesawboomerang
    Seesawboomerang Posts: 296 Member
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    Tell her and offer to work out with her.

    I see you plan to say something, just marking my place to see how it goes.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    I would definitely tell her. It's not so much because she asked but because you agreed to tell her.

    The weird thing about weight is that everyone feels free to say what they like when you're losing and looking better but pretty much everyone clams up when they see you're gaining. Or those that do say something don't usually do it in a nice way so it's not helpful.

    The great thing about your situation is that she asked for the feedback AND you have time to come up with a great way to break it to her. Only you know her personality but I think if you come from a very nice and helpful place, she'll take it well. Let her know you're only saying anything because she asked you to and that you're there to help and support her when she needs it. Even offer to work out together if the idea appeals to you.

    Once you put it out there, leave it be. You've followed through on your promise and at that point, it's up to her. If she continues to gain, I wouldn't bring it up again unless it gets to the point that you're truly concerned about her health.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    I have a family member who lost a lot of weight last year. At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.

    Well, she's gaining again. Do I dare say anything? Doubt she'll take it well and it probably won't change her ways.

    What to do, what to do???

    YES!!!!!!!! If she asked you to tell her, then tell her!
  • JennedyJLD
    JennedyJLD Posts: 123 Member
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    That's a really bizarre request. She's responsible for her own weight management. If you've noticed that she's put on weight, she is certainly capable of stepping on a scale to confirm it.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    Okay, I'm baffled by those replies saying she should tell her friend. Why would it be anyone's responsibility to tell someone else they are gaining weight?

    No offense intended to anyone, but accountability does not mean having someone else tell me I'm goofing up. It means I'm paying enough attention to my own behavior to see when I'm goofing up and take immediate action to remedy the situation if I so choose to.

    Do you not have friends? This is the type of thing that friends do for each other. "Not my problem" might be the right attitude for anyone other than a friend. The OP says the friend specifically asked to be told. You would be a horrible friend to NOT mention it at this point.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    People who are gaining weight back know it.

    Exactly.

    Not necessarily
  • allisonrinkel
    allisonrinkel Posts: 224 Member
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    At that time, she told me to let her know if she started gaining again.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    What she was really asking was for you to tell if her if becomes *obvious* that she's gaining weight - because it's so, so easy to pretend it's not happening or that no one has noticed. Look at how many people on this site admit they were walking around in denial, thinking they somehow "carried it well" or "weren't that fat" until a long-avoided weigh-in or an unflattering photo opened their eyes. She sounds to me like a woman who knows herself well enough to ask for a little tough love.

    EXACTLY!
  • JennedyJLD
    JennedyJLD Posts: 123 Member
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    Removed

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