A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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I can't believe you didn't consider the fact that he probably showed your her messages an just erased his responses, making him look innocent. Oldest trick in the book! I also don't see why you put so much blame on her and hardly any of it on him. Unless she is a friend of yours, she probably considers him fair game since you guys are not married. She owes you no favors. Also, your man is clearly giving her damn good reason to think he is into her.
True dat. Every one of her messages also could have been returned with a phone call. I had a guy like that in the past. Any little text I sent him, he right away called me. Did you see his calls too OP?0 -
But having said *that* never believe that people cannot change, that is the path to the dark side.
and the world, that is the real world is a shiny bed of roses0 -
So... how should this girl who is actively pursuing a man with a GF log her calories burned while in pursuit? Would HRMs be the way to go here?
No, b/c they get in the way during motel liasons.0 -
As far as he's concerned, kinda sounds like you were broken up....but then again I just skimmed.0
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Together for just 5mos and he's cheating? Regardless of that other chick... I'd be out the door without even thinking twice about it.0
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Not to be a **** but those text messages you read...the ones you said he had ignored...don't you think he is smart enough to go through and filter out/delete his messages that are self incriminating? Kind of make it look like she is crazy and stalking him. You can easily do that on most phones (delete a single message out of a conversation.
and most importantly:
Boyfriends/Girlfriends are made to be fired until they are not. This is 5 months in? I could see you working this out if you have several years of marriage/and/or kids in the picture. BUT 5 months. I mean com'on. How do you REALLY see this playing out for yourself?
Logic... you have it.
If all these texts that were sent by her were truly unanswered, he wouldn't have run to her for a hook up. If a guy wants nothing to do with you, he will be sure to have nothing to do with you.
Right, he wouldn't have had the option of her if he had been dissing her all along. SHE would have been indignant from all the ignore.0 -
My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.
Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.
But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.
Agree!0 -
I am going to go against the crowd here and say that the issue isn't ALL him. If you are kicking him out and breaking things off, only to change your mind the next day, then you have some issues of your own to work on. It may be that neither of you are mature enough to be in a committed relationship at the moment, or maybe you just aren't right for each other. Either way, strong, healthy relationships are NOT this dramatic.
THIS ^^^^
Lets see if I got this right, your bf of 5 months, who you told to get out and that you were leaving, slept with someone else during the time you were 'not together'.
The answer is really simple:
1. Stop telling him to leave
2. Or mean what the heck you say and kick him to da curb.
Just one old man's opinion.........
And THIS ^^^
In my humble opinion, when you kick your BF out of his home, you get what you get and have no right to ask what happened during that time apart. He left her the first time, he keeps coming back to you as soon as you cool off and invite him back. This is not the other girl's fault. This is on you. Imagine if you were more committed to the relationship to work through the problems instead of kicking him out ... otherwise, if it is not the right relationship, move on and quit leading HIM on. Of course he still has her number, because he has no idea of when you will kick him out again and it is probably pretty cold out on the streets this time of year. Sounds like sex is his currency of choice, instead of paying for a hotel room while you are mad ...
As I see it, this is on you. Decide what you want. If you are committed to the relationship, stop breaking up and work through the problems (coming from someone who has been married 20 years ... you can't kick people out of the house every time you get mad and expect them to still be there when you cool off) ... or it's time to move on and find a healthier, more fulfilling relationship with someone new ...0 -
Too big!
X2
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But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.
exactly….men are tempted, but when they think about their wives/gf etc… they make the choice to not smile back, or politely end a conversation, or politely leave a room where both are alone….it is possible for man, a real man that is0 -
If you're reasonably attractive you'll get hit on regularly, in a relationship or not. That won't change anytime soon.
You're better off picking someone who can actually deal with that fact of life and say "no thanks" if you value monogomy.0 -
tl;dr
♪ blame it on my ADD baby.....♪ \m/0 -
He barely remembers the sex, yet felt guilty? Not buying it. If he really was "bothered" by this broad, he would have blocked her number in the first place. The whole professing his love for you to her via text is a sham way to keep you hooked on while he gets his **** wet elsewhere. Cut ties with both of them, get yourself tested and move on with your life. You're better off without them in your life and time heals all wounds.0
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You need to ask yourself one very important question and if the answer to that question is no, cut your losses and move on or you will be in for a lot of heartache. The question is, will you ever be able to trust him.0
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He was sleeping with her before he even met you. He didn't stop after he met you. He remember the sex and it's good.0
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The fact that he has been in contact with her all this time is a big red flag to me. If it truly was a mistake the first time, he wouldn't have kept talking to her via text.
I don't know you or him, but I think you'll never be able to completely trust him after this. I think this relationship won't work out because without trust, how can you move forward?
A man who lies to you and who talks to another woman behind your back is going to end up causing you nothing but heartache.0 -
"We were on a break!" - Ross0
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My opinion: paragraphs are your friend
*takes 2 tylenol*
put text walls mean more butt hurt!0 -
Despite all the claims here that people cannot or do not change, all of that makes no sense if one is committed to MFP. Just drop into the "Success Stories" forum to see how hollow those claims are.
Having said that, do you want to put the time and energy into such a broken relationship? Personally, I would not; but you may have very different thought about it. I am jaded about this, to be sure; I want my time and energy to go into a relationship where my promise to "love, honor and obey" is completely returned. As I said, I would move on.
But having said *that* never believe that people cannot change, that is the path to the dark side.
People change when THEY want to... not when WE want them to.
If she has broken up with him and took him back and broken up with him and taken him back, and this is the behavior he has chosen to react to all of that chaos, then he is not going to feel like he needs to change. It's a cycle, a pattern, that will only continue as long as all three participants continue to behave the same way. One of the three will have to stop the pattern. If the OP puts the responsibility of stopping the behavior on her boyfriend, then she is only choosing to continue the pattern.
People aren't motivated to change until they find "rock-bottom" or lose something that they care about.
If she dumps the guy and doesn't take him back, then it's a possibility that he will change. But the reality is, the trust is gone, and she really can't and shouldn't wait around for him to make the changes that he needs to make AND earn her trust back.0 -
btw, wanna keep yo man?
Make a sammich, and then do the third input. Often.0
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