A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...

If you're reasonably attractive you'll get hit on regularly, in a relationship or not. That won't change anytime soon.

You're better off picking someone who can actually deal with that fact of life and say "no thanks" if you value monogomy.

He barely remembers the sex, yet felt guilty? Not buying it. If he really was "bothered" by this broad, he would have blocked her number in the first place. The whole professing his love for you to her via text is a sham way to keep you hooked on while he gets his **** wet elsewhere. Cut ties with both of them, get yourself tested and move on with your life. You're better off without them in your life and time heals all wounds.

He was sleeping with her before he even met you. He didn't stop after he met you. He remember the sex and it's good.

"We were on a break!" - Ross

Despite all the claims here that people cannot or do not change, all of that makes no sense if one is committed to MFP. Just drop into the "Success Stories" forum to see how hollow those claims are.

Having said that, do you want to put the time and energy into such a broken relationship? Personally, I would not; but you may have very different thought about it. I am jaded about this, to be sure; I want my time and energy to go into a relationship where my promise to "love, honor and obey" is completely returned. As I said, I would move on.

But having said *that* never believe that people cannot change, that is the path to the dark side.

People change when THEY want to... not when WE want them to.

If she has broken up with him and took him back and broken up with him and taken him back, and this is the behavior he has chosen to react to all of that chaos, then he is not going to feel like he needs to change. It's a cycle, a pattern, that will only continue as long as all three participants continue to behave the same way. One of the three will have to stop the pattern. If the OP puts the responsibility of stopping the behavior on her boyfriend, then she is only choosing to continue the pattern.

People aren't motivated to change until they find "rock-bottom" or lose something that they care about.

If she dumps the guy and doesn't take him back, then it's a possibility that he will change. But the reality is, the trust is gone, and she really can't and shouldn't wait around for him to make the changes that he needs to make AND earn her trust back.

Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are always wondering and second guessing everything?
I wouldn't.

Without a pic of how hot he is...how can you be so sure?

This is going to be harsh, and it's not meant to be aimed at you, but I think you need to look at it for what it is.


If he didn't see you as worthwhile of being faithful to back when this started, or in between the "only two times of sex with another person" ... well, you can see where this is going.

Remove yourself from this place where people don't think you're worth their heart and loyalty and wait for the moment where somebody DOES.

He barely remembers the sex, yet felt guilty? Not buying it. If he really was "bothered" by this broad, he would have blocked her number in the first place. The whole professing his love for you to her via text is a sham way to keep you hooked on while he gets his **** wet elsewhere. Cut ties with both of them, get yourself tested and move on with your life. You're better off without them in your life and time heals all wounds.

I like this and I would add that speaking from personal experience...if your relationship is so bad you've kicked him out twice already in 5 months...MOVE ON BOTH OF YOU. Just sayin

Yes. 5 months into a relationship should still be the lovey dovey, honeymoon period. If you two are already having this level of drama, it's not going to work.

My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.

Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.

But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.

Agree!

Yes, and there were issues. However, she exploited that for her own satisfaction, at the expense of me and my family. Perhaps I would still have ended up divorced. But a decent person would have stayed away when the wife asked.

He barely remembers the sex, yet felt guilty? Not buying it. If he really was "bothered" by this broad, he would have blocked her number in the first place. The whole professing his love for you to her via text is a sham way to keep you hooked on while he gets his **** wet elsewhere. Cut ties with both of them, get yourself tested and move on with your life. You're better off without them in your life and time heals all wounds.

Yeah that part was funny? Why did he feel the need to say he barely remembers it, it's like the opposity thing that liars do.

Not to be a **** but those text messages you read...the ones you said he had ignored...don't you think he is smart enough to go through and filter out/delete his messages that are self incriminating? Kind of make it look like she is crazy and stalking him. You can easily do that on most phones (delete a single message out of a conversation.

and most importantly:

Boyfriends/Girlfriends are made to be fired until they are not. This is 5 months in? I could see you working this out if you have several years of marriage/and/or kids in the picture. BUT 5 months. I mean com'on. How do you REALLY see this playing out for yourself?

This and why did he keep those messages. If she meant nothing to him.........he woud have deleted/blocked.

is not really that nice, BUT
if the man goes,then that man is a **** too.

My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.

Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.

But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.

Agree!

Yes, and there were issues. However, she exploited that for her own satisfaction, at the expense of me and my family. Perhaps I would still have ended up divorced. But a decent person would have stayed away when the wife asked.

^this, I would have. I accidentally found myself involved lightly with a married man whose wife was pregnant. When I found out I excused myself from the situation, BEFORE she had to ask. Why wait for trouble and waste your time on a married guy? He's like 1,000% percent more likely to choose her for like a million reasons. Plus even if you "won" him is he worth having?

A girl who actively pursues a man with a g/f.....is seriously the most pathetic person in the world. I found out three days ago that my boyfriend of 5 months lied to me. He had slept with this girl that I didn't even know he knew.......

but opinions please

my opinion (since opinions were requested)

a man with a girlfriend who actively sleeps with another girl is the most pathetic, followed closely by the girl who keeps forgiving him and taking him back. the chick pursuing him would rank 3rd most pathetic in this list.

my second opinion- just break up

My husband of 19 years was actively pursued by a woman 15 years his junior. She was relentless. I begged her to stay away, so we could figure out if we could get our marriage back on track. We have two kids. She wouldn't back off. This is the second marriage she interfered in.

Yes, my husband made the choice to cheat. But she preyed on someone who was going through a tough time. She didn't have the decency to stay away. Any girl who will go after someone in a relationship is disgusting.

But see again in this case, clearly that door was even so remotely cracked welcoming the attention from another woman....I really think most women wouldn't even bother trying to pursue a taken, or married man if the man in the first place made it very clear there was not even a smidge of hope. Even something a tiny as a flirtatious smile would be enough to encourage a woman that in inclined to go after a married man.

Agree!

Yes, and there were issues. However, she exploited that for her own satisfaction, at the expense of me and my family. Perhaps I would still have ended up divorced. But a decent person would have stayed away when the wife asked.

I'm sorry, I can't imagine how painful that was for you. I probably would have kicked her *kitten*, just because I don't share and I would be more than willing to prove that to her. But I most likely would have kicked his *kitten*, too, if he was encouraging her at all.