A girl who activeley pursues a man with a gf...
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A cheater never changes in my experience. And my cheater almost killed me, just for good measure.
I would never stay with someone who cheated on me, no matter how apologetic they were.0 -
i didn't read all the pages. there are many pages.
in my life, i have embraced one truth: "i can only control what i do."
in my relationships, i can only try to be the person my partner would reject others for. if they don't reject others, then regardless of whether or not it is my fault or her fault, the relationship is a failure, and i will try to do better next time.
this way i don't have to worry about someone coming after my spouse. she controls her own actions, as i control mine. she can reject the suitor if she values me and our relationship, or she cannot and our relationship will fail.
so, it matters not if some woman is targeting people in relationships or not, because it is not her decision for him to sleep with her, it is his. and if he decided that, then he doesn't value the relationship he has with you, because he thinks he can get away with it, and if he can't then it's still a risk he's willing to take.
(i hope that made sense. i am on pain meds and they are making me loopy)
WOW! We should all get on pain meds then b/c that was an amazingly astute response. In this thread OP has made herself less someone to reject others for by kicking the man in question out during arguments. You hit the nail right on the head...so glad you're on my FL.0 -
I am sorry you are going through this. I just want to share the sentiment of a *kitten* woman chasing a taken man. There are a few that chase my boyfriend from his past even though he is CLEARLY with me. And I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested. I am the first public relationship he's been in. We are ALL over each other's FB. We constantly talk about how we love each other. I am the first girlfriend involved in his son's life. There's pictures of all of us and the rest of the family. WE ARE SERIOUS. We talk about babies and marriage on FB. He eventually just deleted all past sex partners from his FB because they swarm like bees. They are freaking psycho. Go find your OWN boyfriend. Oh, wait, one has a boyfriend, and I threatened to contact her boyfriend and tell him about her bull**** if she wants to keep contacting my boyfriend. She promptly stopped. The other problem is that he lives in a TINY town, so he also runs into these women everywhere. And he'll call me after and tell me "Guess who I RAN INTOOOOO" UGH. Can't escape the ****ssss!0
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I have never had any problems like that, whatsoever. When I read things like this it always makes me wonder what's going on with the guy that all these women are supposedly SOO into him and just can't leave him alone?! Seems weird to me...I am sorry you are going through this. I just want to share the sentiment of a *kitten* woman chasing a taken man. There are a few that chase my boyfriend from his past even though he is CLEARLY with me. And I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested. I am the first public relationship he's been in. We are ALL over each other's FB. We constantly talk about how we love each other. I am the first girlfriend involved in his son's life. There's pictures of all of us and the rest of the family. WE ARE SERIOUS. We talk about babies and marriage on FB. He eventually just deleted all past sex partners from his FB because they swarm like bees. They are freaking psycho. Go find your OWN boyfriend. Oh, wait, one has a boyfriend, and I threatened to contact her boyfriend and tell him about her bull**** if she wants to keep contacting my boyfriend. She promptly stopped. The other problem is that he lives in a TINY town, so he also runs into these women everywhere. And he'll call me after and tell me "Guess who I RAN INTOOOOO" UGH. Can't escape the ****ssss!0 -
I have never had any problems like that, whatsoever. When I read things like this it always makes me wonder what's going on with the guy that all these women are supposedly SOO into him and just can't leave him alone?! Seems weird to me...I am sorry you are going through this. I just want to share the sentiment of a *kitten* woman chasing a taken man. There are a few that chase my boyfriend from his past even though he is CLEARLY with me. And I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested. I am the first public relationship he's been in. We are ALL over each other's FB. We constantly talk about how we love each other. I am the first girlfriend involved in his son's life. There's pictures of all of us and the rest of the family. WE ARE SERIOUS. We talk about babies and marriage on FB. He eventually just deleted all past sex partners from his FB because they swarm like bees. They are freaking psycho. Go find your OWN boyfriend. Oh, wait, one has a boyfriend, and I threatened to contact her boyfriend and tell him about her bull**** if she wants to keep contacting my boyfriend. She promptly stopped. The other problem is that he lives in a TINY town, so he also runs into these women everywhere. And he'll call me after and tell me "Guess who I RAN INTOOOOO" UGH. Can't escape the ****ssss!
LOL. Yeah. It is called he was the town *kitten* until me. And I suddenly took him off the market, and these women are in lust love with him.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.0 -
Dump him. Dump him fast. Do not look back. Block his calls so he can't play the same game with you, keeping you on the string.
QFT.
Also...he's just not that into you. He might be saying he is, but no guy who really loves and cares for you would go straight out to some other girl and screw her that night because you kicked him out.
^ *slow clap*0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
I would argue that too. My boyfriend went from town *kitten* to monogamous relationship. I have torn every relationship I've had in two from trust issues, and I trust him 100%. I've never NOT had trust issues, but I fully trust him.
People change. For the right reasons.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
i was just crafting a response, but i think this covers it.
people change all the time - lifestyles, values and hairstyles :-)0 -
I'm confused as to why the chick is being blamed here.
The guy is a cheating, lying douche.
Dump him, move on.
Problem solved.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.
changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I try to tell that it this preacher all the time, just cause you accept some dude into your heart, you don't magically become a better person!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
Oh please. If he truly meant no, it would not have happened. The simple fact that he was texting her every day tells you everything you need to know. He wanted this, plain and simple. He will only change WHEN HE WANTS TO and not a moment before. He will not change because you threaten, cajole, guilt him or fake a pregnancy. He will not change simply because you forgive him. Thank her for showing you who he truly is, cut bait, and move on.0
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oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
i was just crafting a response, but i think this covers it.
people change all the time - lifestyles, values and hairstyles :-)
reality doesn't change…it is people's perception of reality that changes0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.0 -
nd I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested.
What are you in charge of this?
I'll keep my mouth shut about people who are disgustingly lovey-dovey on FB, though. You don't want to hear it.0 -
I have never had any problems like that, whatsoever. When I read things like this it always makes me wonder what's going on with the guy that all these women are supposedly SOO into him and just can't leave him alone?! Seems weird to me...I am sorry you are going through this. I just want to share the sentiment of a *kitten* woman chasing a taken man. There are a few that chase my boyfriend from his past even though he is CLEARLY with me. And I have had conversation with them to stop contacting him because he is not interested. I am the first public relationship he's been in. We are ALL over each other's FB. We constantly talk about how we love each other. I am the first girlfriend involved in his son's life. There's pictures of all of us and the rest of the family. WE ARE SERIOUS. We talk about babies and marriage on FB. He eventually just deleted all past sex partners from his FB because they swarm like bees. They are freaking psycho. Go find your OWN boyfriend. Oh, wait, one has a boyfriend, and I threatened to contact her boyfriend and tell him about her bull**** if she wants to keep contacting my boyfriend. She promptly stopped. The other problem is that he lives in a TINY town, so he also runs into these women everywhere. And he'll call me after and tell me "Guess who I RAN INTOOOOO" UGH. Can't escape the ****ssss!
Yeah ... There are all sorts of red flags in that little write-up.
OK. Zipping lips now.0 -
a view from an OLD woman.
The girl is a non-issue in this. What she did, has no effect on your or your relationship. She took care of herself and that is what she is supposed to do.
Your issue, should COMPLETELY lay with your dude. Why he allows himself to drink so much, why you two argue, and why he allows himself to get so drunk that he sleeps with someone that he obviously wants to sleep with when he is sober, yet he is SUPPOSED to be in a relationship. No matter what you saw in those texts, you dont' know what he is saying to her, when he is laying in her bed and that could be why she is going crazy.
And your other issue is: why do you allow someone to treat you that way.
When you get to the point of TRULY loving yourself, you will no longer allow that type of behavior within a relationship.
WE all have choices in life. He made a choice to cheat.. period. You have to decide if this behavior is something you are willing to put up with, because IF you take him back w/o any type of counseling, you are telling him that, it is okay. And, to be honest, at that point, you can not get angry.. because you made that choice!0 -
Yes, different people have different ideas of cheating. And agreed, as I already said the texting was wrong.
By the definitions you provided (this part specifically "She was after him, and he didn't shut her down") QuietBloom, that's like saying if a dude ever complimented you and you didn't rebuff him, you'd be cheating. That's... a bit intense and a super high standard. But *shrug* whatever.
Again OP... you guys should probably just break up.
Please. The two situations are not even remotely similar. And in any case, I always thank the complimenter and MOVE ON. It's really very simple.
Ok.
Not sure why I'm getting jumped on now, lol. I'm not saying the boyfriend was right to be texting the girl nor am I saying guys should be excused for that type of behavior.
We clearly have different definitions of what constitutes cheating.
In any case, OP already said a few posts up that she'll likely be breaking up with him. So, yeah. /thread
Um...pretty sure you threw the first punch here.0 -
oh, and for the record - people change all the time, this whole site is about people changing.
you just can't force them to change or mold them into something you want.changing bad eating habits is not the same as changing your moral (or lack thereof) values
I'd argue that adopting a healthy lifestyle is all about changing your values.
by this logic then all fit people are moral, reliable, trustworthy and committed. Generous, selfless and humble…etc…
well that's not true at all. that's not even close. you are tying all positive traits to being healthy, and that's not what was said. people modify, alter, change, facets of their value structure depending on a variety of things.
People's moral (or lack thereof) values do not change. Otherwise, there would be not cheaters. Working out does not mean higher moral values. As in anything, there are exceptions, but let's not make a general statement here and say cheaters can change.0
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