What's the purpose of marriage?

All I know is I am in and stuck. Cheaper to keep him for now. :-(

You can love someone in a monogamous relationship for your entire life without getting married, therefore marriage is not about loving someone in life-long monogamous relationship. Marriage, in practice, has more to do with government, religion, and money than love. Most marriages end in divorce due to financial reasons, because that is the glue that holds it together. When the money disappears, or times get tough, people get ****ty, and then they bail.

Since the beginning of time it was all about money. Arranged marriages? Money. Moving in together too early? Money. Dowry? Money. Kings and Queens? Money and power. Diamond ring? Money. House with white picket fence? Money. Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. Throughout most of history it was a business deal. It's about a stable commitment unified by the common agreement to acquire more material possessions and produce spawn.

Romantic Love is just an evolutionary emotion produced by the body to make you survive and produce spawn. That. Is. All.

YIkes...someone who has never experienced true love...right here. Also, nice generalizations... Using words like "People get $hitty then they bail" and saying that money is what holds ALL marriages together? Really?

Example: My mom passed away last year due to multiple health problems. She didn't work for most of their marriage. She had six kids and stayed home to take care of them. When her health problems started adding up and she didn't leave the house, my dad was her care giver...and he took care of her for many many years when you say that most marriages ought to have fallen apart.

Be careful with such broad generalizations. Not all marriages are doomed from the start...and don't be jealous of those that actually make it.

I never said marriage was a bad thing... and you aren't getting what I meant. Look at the first sentence. I said two people CAN love each other for a lifetime. Marriage, however, is a cultural formality that has historically been related to controlling women and power.

to be married forever. Things end up changing. I guess it is for risk takers who wish to align themselves with a team mate in life that they like to cuddle with.

To spend a lot of money. Makes breaking up more difficult. To take over someones last name. Filing taxes together. Other than that it's like dating. Nothing special.

So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.

That's hard to believe. I don't live in Illinois, so I'm not saying it's impossible, but that's very hard to believe.

What is wic?

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151699110523444&set=a.10150864248473444.432103.24068283443&type=1

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(ok, who knows how to insert a picture!?)

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Visa / passport
Or tax benefits.
The only reasons to get married.

Each of you dying to self and becoming one flesh. It is an external visible sign of an inner invisible grace. I was mentored by some wonderful marriages. My paternal and maternal grandparents were deeply in love until death. My parents and my husband's parents are still in love. The interesting thing is that they all held their marriages as their #1 priority. Nothing and I mean nothing was as important. No parent, no child, no job, no finances. And it was very obvious that their love was carnal as well. I was mortified in high school to realize my parents were enjoying the marital bed 2-3 times a wk. You can't hide this in a small household LOL. My marriage is my number one priority and I can't adequately explain how much grace and happiness I have received from this sacrament. If cancer comes, if poverty comes I know he will be there and he knows that I will do the same. I see couples spending hours watching tv, shopping, going to parties and events. Filling their lives with stuff and activities and I wonder when do they have time to make love? Nothing is more fun than giving yourself unreservedly to your lover and having them do the same. In the afterglow, in the wee small hours when all defenses and masks are put aside, in the naked truth of moonlight you build something that is more than you. Something sacred. I pray love finds you.

Beautifully put!

So now she gets allimony, 401K and Child Support. Because all three are NOT to be reported as a income, she can then collect wellfare, WIC, Food Stamps, etc, etc.

That's hard to believe. I don't live in Illinois, so I'm not saying it's impossible, but that's very hard to believe.

I find it hard to believe as well. There is a huge difference between taxable income for 1040 purposes and income that is reportable to get welfare. In Missouri, all of those things are included as income for welfare applications.

Meh. Dating is effed up. Marriage is pretty awesome.

Why is dating effed up? I really do agree, just want to see your logic. How does the script get flipped?

when all defenses and masks are put aside, in the naked truth of moonlight you build something that is more than you. Something sacred. I pray love finds you.

wins thread. :claps:

what a writer!

I see couples spending hours watching tv, shopping, going to parties and events. Filling their lives with stuff and activities and I wonder when do they have time to make love?

I'm not sure I quite understand this. To me it sounds like you're saying that couples shouldn't be doing these things together and should instead be boinking in the bedroom 24/7. My husband and I spend time doing "stuff" and we manage to fit sexy time into our lives quite often.

us, too. We're kinda cheesy, too. We hold hands while we are watching tv :blushing: Heck, we hold hands A LOT. Just as long as we are touching...it's very important that we keep that connection.

Meh. Dating is effed up. Marriage is pretty awesome.

Why is dating effed up? I really do agree, just want to see your logic. How does the script get flipped?

I don't know about the other poster but for me modern dating is the antithesis of marriage.

Marriage, as I view it, is about authenticity and intimacy. You and your partner working together with shared goals, supporting and loving each other to become better people and succeed in life. It is about co-operation, mutual respect and caring.

Dating it seems is altogether different. You have to play the game. It is more about putting on an artificial front, exerting power and manipulating a situation. If marriage is about honesty, dating is about lies.

Personally, if I ever found myself to be single again there is no way in god's green earth that I would "date."

Meh. Dating is effed up. Marriage is pretty awesome.

Why is dating effed up? I really do agree, just want to see your logic. How does the script get flipped?

Because there's so much drama!

Why didn't he call?

Why did he wait three days to call?

Why is he calling me after I already said yes to someone else?


Why did he say that?

Why did he say it in that way?

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Yes, there are way too many issues that come up. Interesting that you chose the phone as an example. It seems like you've been off the scene for a while. Phone calls are so infrequent now in the early stages of dating, which I think is detrimental because a phone call is a better way of transmitting meaning than a text message. It is taught that only 7% of communication is words. In any text based form of communication (text messages, email, forum posts, written articles), the message originator has to be extremely precise with wording to get the right message across. Even still, there is room for interpretation. With a phone call, there are vocal cues to go along with the words, enhancing meaning. When two people are still generally unfamiliar with each other, the more enhancements to the communication process, the better relationship formation will be. I'm a big believer in only having text messages for arranging logistics of in person get togethers in early stages, not carrying out conversations that have even a modicum of depth. Over reliance on the text message is a big downfall that I think anyone who has dated since the mid to late 2000s has had to deal with.

I don't know about the other poster but for me modern dating is the antithesis of marriage.

Marriage, as I view it, is about authenticity and intimacy. You and your partner working together with shared goals, supporting and loving each other to become better people and succeed in life. It is about co-operation, mutual respect and caring.

Dating it seems is altogether different. You have to play the game. It is more about putting on an artificial front, exerting power and manipulating a situation. If marriage is about honesty, dating is about lies.

Personally, if I ever found myself to be single again there is no way in god's green earth that I would "date."

There's a lot of posturing in the early stages of dating. Both sexes are guilty of this. As people age, the posturing does not go down in my experience, but in a marriage there's still a need to exhibit behaviors in a way that enhances attraction. A lot of couples talk about growing apart over time, and I think an extreme deviation from behaviors that initially brought about the attraction is a part of this.

To me, the sweet spot is between the wretched early stages (first 8 weeks or so) and the stagnancy of a multi year relationship. I do think there is a tendency to show complacency and take the relationship for granted.