As a guy I wanted to know what it was like as a woman...
on a dating site.
From here: http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1uqy /as_a_guy_i_wanted_to_know_what_it_was_like_to_be/
(And no, the author is not me
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As guess I knew on some level as a man the grass isn't greener on the other side when it comes to online dating but damn....
From here: http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1uqy /as_a_guy_i_wanted_to_know_what_it_was_like_to_be/
(And no, the author is not me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that "girls have it easy on dating sites" etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn't use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn't really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen. So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn't a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn't even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that "girls have it easy"
I finished setting up my profile, used a picture of my friend for the profile pic with her permission, and said I was interested in Long term dating/short term dating and was good to go. I thought I would check on it in about 24 hours. But before I could even close the tab another message was received. It was another guy who seemed nice asking how I was doing and I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean. I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up (also I feel this is a good point to say that my friend would be the first to say she's a pretty average looking girl). I messaged him back, but before I could send, I had gotten a reply from the first guy, so I had to do that, then a reply from the second guy. So fine, people are interested in going out with me. Then I got another message that opened with a line that while not wholly vulgar, kind of came off a little strange. I ignored it and went back to send the message to person three now. Before I could send it, I got a followup message from Mr.4 which was needlessly sexual in nature. I continued to ignore him and finished. I then began to have some small-talk with some guys (remember this is like minute 20 of having the profile up) and all of the conversations kind of get weird. One of the guys becomes super aggressive saying he is competitive and he will treat me right, the other is asking for my phone number telling me he is lying in bed and the conversation (without me steering it) is turning increasingly sexual in nature though I tell him I'm not comfortable with it. Then I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cam, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn't take it too well.
At first I thought it was fun, I thought it was weird but maybe I would mess with them or something and freak them out and tell them I was a guy or something, but as more and more messages came (either replies or new ones I had about 10 different guys message me within 2 hours) the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating. Guys were full-on spamming my inbox with multiple messages before I could reply to even one asking why I wasn't responding and what was wrong. Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn't interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn't want to.
I would be lying if I said it didn't get to me. I thought it would be some fun thing, something where I would do it and worse case scenario say "lol I was a guy I trolle you lulz"etc. but within a 2 hour span it got me really down and I was feeling really uncomfortable with everything. I figured I would get some weird messages here and there, but what I got was an onslaught of people who were, within minutes of saying hello, saying things that made me as a dude who spends most of his time on 4chan uneasy. I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
I came away thinking that women have it so much harder than guys do when it comes to that kind of stuff.
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As guess I knew on some level as a man the grass isn't greener on the other side when it comes to online dating but damn....
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Replies
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That is rough. I would say easier in real life if you are in a decent setting, but online is creep central.0
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That is rough. I would say easier in real life if you are in a decent setting, but online is creep central.
Yep..I agree.. We had rough times ,luckily MFP guys are sweet guys. Basically I am safe and sound here, and still keeping fit and healthy 0 -
That is rough. I would say easier in real life if you are in a decent setting, but online is creep central.
Yep..I agree.. We had rough times ,luckily MFP guys are sweet guys. Basically I am safe and sound here, and still keeping fit and healthy
You just met me. Give it some time0 -
That about sums it up.0
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That is rough. I would say easier in real life if you are in a decent setting, but online is creep central.
Yep..I agree.. We had rough times ,luckily MFP guys are sweet guys. Basically I am safe and sound here, and still keeping fit and healthy
Oh you!0 -
That is rough. I would say easier in real life if you are in a decent setting, but online is creep central.
Yep..I agree.. We had rough times ,luckily MFP guys are sweet guys. Basically I am safe and sound here, and still keeping fit and healthy
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Oh dear, should I weigh in on this or not...................?0
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The guy who faked being a chick is worst than the pervs that wrote to him.0
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I could use this story to rationalize why I don't get responses...but I'm not sure it's the norm.
From the women that I did manage to talk to on these sites it goes like this:
New profile= tons of messages in the first week or so. Creepy guys, normal seeming guys, prospective dating material, etc.
Two week old profile=substantial decrease in messages, creep factor increases, substantial decrease in prospective dating material0 -
I could use this story to rationalize why I don't get responses...but I'm not sure it's the norm.
From the women that I did manage to talk to on these sites it goes like this:
New profile= tons of messages in the first week or so. Creepy guys, normal seeming guys, prospective dating material, etc.
Two week old profile=substantial decrease in messages, creep factor increases, substantial decrease in prospective dating material
100% Correct.
If they aren't creepy, they're dumb as all hell, or they have 6 kids to 6 different women.
I'm just gonna go buy some cats...0 -
Yup, that just about sums it up... I had a POF account for about five days and I was about to delete it due to that kind of sliminess when I got a message that made me laugh instead of cringe. I stayed on for another two days, met the guy for coffee and then deleted my profile. And four years later I married his cute *kitten*. So even though it was a mostly negative experience, I was one of the lucky ones.
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I've heard this from several of my co-workers who have tried online dating. It's just really sad.0
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Eh, it is what you make it. It's no different than MFP. Here, when you put up an even remotely suggestive photo as your avatar, guys are going to send you pervy PMs. If you engage with them at all, even to tell them to stop, they will continue harassing you. On the typical dating sites, even if your profile pic is normal and you claim to be looking for a relationship and not NSA sex, you will get messages from guys who just want to hook up and exchange naked pics like teenagers. If you respond AT ALL, it will get worse.
And honestly, it's the same way in real life if you go out with the intention of meeting single men. Most of them aren't really looking for commitment or monogamy. Some of them pretend they are because they think it's more respectable to lie, and some don't even bother pretending. If you let them buy you drinks and you sit there listening to them describe how awesome they are and how many women they've had, they're going to think you're interested in hearing more, and it's a downward spiral from there.
Women have to stop being so freaking naive and start establishing clear boundaries from the start. Don't tell a guy you're "not comfortable" with a certain topic of conversation. Just stop talking to the *kitten*. Period. And take it from me, the men who are not serious will run as fast as they can when you make it clear they won't be getting sex from you until you're damn good and ready. But I am 100% comfortable being single, so that works well for me.0 -
on a dating site.
From here: http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1uqy /as_a_guy_i_wanted_to_know_what_it_was_like_to_be/
(And no, the author is not me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Last night I was bored and was talking with a friend on skype about her experiences with online dating. I was joking with her that "girls have it easy on dating sites" etc. etc. I had never really done anything in the online dating world but I had set up a real profile a few years back and didn't use it much aside from getting a few nice messages and decided it wasn't really for me. But, as I said, I was bored, so I decided that I would set up a fake profile. Set it up as a gender-swapped version of me essentially see what would happen. So I did the username, and I was up. Before I could even fill out my profile at all, I already had a message in my inbox from a guy. It wasn't a mean message, but I found it odd that I would get a message already. So I sent him a friendly hello back and kind of joked that I hadn't even finished my profile, how could he be interested, but I felt good because I thought I was right that "girls have it easy"
I finished setting up my profile, used a picture of my friend for the profile pic with her permission, and said I was interested in Long term dating/short term dating and was good to go. I thought I would check on it in about 24 hours. But before I could even close the tab another message was received. It was another guy who seemed nice asking how I was doing and I messaged him back staying as neutral and as uninterested as possible without being mean. I was about to leave again, but I was kind of curious now, so I waited another minute, and sure enough, a third message popped up (also I feel this is a good point to say that my friend would be the first to say she's a pretty average looking girl). I messaged him back, but before I could send, I had gotten a reply from the first guy, so I had to do that, then a reply from the second guy. So fine, people are interested in going out with me. Then I got another message that opened with a line that while not wholly vulgar, kind of came off a little strange. I ignored it and went back to send the message to person three now. Before I could send it, I got a followup message from Mr.4 which was needlessly sexual in nature. I continued to ignore him and finished. I then began to have some small-talk with some guys (remember this is like minute 20 of having the profile up) and all of the conversations kind of get weird. One of the guys becomes super aggressive saying he is competitive and he will treat me right, the other is asking for my phone number telling me he is lying in bed and the conversation (without me steering it) is turning increasingly sexual in nature though I tell him I'm not comfortable with it. Then I got the NoStringsAtttached messages, with multiple guys sending me messages asking me to watch them cam, or meeting up with them within the hour, or talk with them on the phone or cyber. I would say no and they usually didn't take it too well.
At first I thought it was fun, I thought it was weird but maybe I would mess with them or something and freak them out and tell them I was a guy or something, but as more and more messages came (either replies or new ones I had about 10 different guys message me within 2 hours) the nature of them continued to get more and more irritating. Guys were full-on spamming my inbox with multiple messages before I could reply to even one asking why I wasn't responding and what was wrong. Guys would become hostile when I told them I wasn't interested in NSA sex, or guys that had started normal and nice quickly turned the conversation into something explicitly sexual in nature. Seemingly nice dudes in quite esteemed careers asking to hook up in 24 hours and sending them naked pics of myself despite multiple times telling them that I didn't want to.
I would be lying if I said it didn't get to me. I thought it would be some fun thing, something where I would do it and worse case scenario say "lol I was a guy I trolle you lulz"etc. but within a 2 hour span it got me really down and I was feeling really uncomfortable with everything. I figured I would get some weird messages here and there, but what I got was an onslaught of people who were, within minutes of saying hello, saying things that made me as a dude who spends most of his time on 4chan uneasy. I ended up deleting my profile at the end of 2 hours and kind of went about the rest of my night with a very bad taste in my mouth.
I came away thinking that women have it so much harder than guys do when it comes to that kind of stuff.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As guess I knew on some level as a man the grass isn't greener on the other side when it comes to online dating but damn....
Objectification. :frown: It's horrible.0 -
I know all about this as my 4 previous exes were all met online... it's called Virtual cohognes lol They troll dating sites rather than sex sites... I'm kind of glad the author felt weird afterwards and didn't find it funny.. A compliment is one thing but those explicit messages when knowing a person for less than 20 minutes is sick... At least you men here on MFP are awesome and sweet 0
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So, is everyone saying men don't get treated like this at all on dating sites or MFP? That men do not get the wool pulled over their eyes at all?0
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Wahhhhhhh!!! Too many guys want to buy me free meals!!!! Life as a woman is soooooooooo difficult. Let's be honest, you ladies have to put literally no effort in to meeting guys. You're basically just waiting for one to hit on you that meets whatever shallow standard you've imposed for looks. You then simply decide if his annoying qualities offset his looks and by how much.0
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Women have to stop being so freaking naive and start establishing clear boundaries from the start. Don't tell a guy you're "not comfortable" with a certain topic of conversation. Just stop talking to the *kitten*. Period. And take it from me, the men who are not serious will run as fast as they can when you make it clear they won't be getting sex from you until you're damn good and ready. But I am 100% comfortable being single, so that works well for me.
Thank you for saying this. Good god, thank you.
Yes, these guys are a-holes. Yes, what they're doing is wrong. It is indicative of a warped society and bizarre, unhealthy gender roles.
But for the love of God, women need to start learning how to deal with it. And this is the way.0
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