Men, how do you feel about SAHM?

i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.

The thing that irritated me the most when I chose to stay home with my kids was the people saying "but it's such a waste … you're so smart (etc) that you could be <fill in the blank here>" I am successful just as I am. I don't need a career to make me successful (but I have several somethings to fall back on, if the need arises). And I would never discourage a child from having SAHP as a career goal … but again would remind them to have several options.



ETA: It's ironic, OP, that you bemoaned "I forgot I was asking on an internet forum" but you're the only one really trying to stir the pot.

I honestly just don't get it. Clearly I am alone. And that's ok. More power to you guys I guess. But I really don't get it. I especially don't get you saying 'SAHM as a career goal', that sentence makes zero sense to me. Because then saying 'a mom who has a career' would no longer make sense. It messes with my brain. lol.

Clearly.

There is nothing wrong with working or staying at home. No need to insult either one here.

Whats up with the SAHM bashing around here! Its a good life!!!:drinker:
All day i hear how much ppl hate working, their boss , their coworkers!! No thanks! :huh:

Only just spotted this thread, you actually hate us enough to make a whole new thread? Lmao

If it helps whenever I've spoken of going to work my partner has not been keen at all.

Honestly, a lot of SAHM's might not like me saying this, but I agree with you. I think it's a pretty easy job. No complaining coming from here. But my husband wouldn't want me to go to work if I wanted to (of course he would support it!).

i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.

The thing that irritated me the most when I chose to stay home with my kids was the people saying "but it's such a waste … you're so smart (etc) that you could be <fill in the blank here>" I am successful just as I am. I don't need a career to make me successful (but I have several somethings to fall back on, if the need arises). And I would never discourage a child from having SAHP as a career goal … but again would remind them to have several options.



ETA: It's ironic, OP, that you bemoaned "I forgot I was asking on an internet forum" but you're the only one really trying to stir the pot.

I honestly just don't get it. Clearly I am alone. And that's ok. More power to you guys I guess. But I really don't get it. I especially don't get you saying 'SAHM as a career goal', that sentence makes zero sense to me. Because then saying 'a mom who has a career' would no longer make sense. It messes with my brain. lol.

Am I correct in assuming you don't have a child? It is difficult to explain to a non-mom how becoming a mom can sometimes change your world view and often, your plans. Some women have a child, choose to continue with their career, and everything goes exactly how they thought. That's great!

Some women *planned* to continue to have a career after giving birth, but are surprised by new feelings that come with having a kid and can't bear the thought of missing 10 hours a day of their new baby's life.

Other women find that the career they planned to go back to isn't feasible given their new circumstances (cost of childcare, having a child with special needs, weird work schedule that makes arranging childcare difficult, too much travel, etc)

Still others can't find affordable/safe/reliable/nearby/convenient/flexible/fill-in-the-blank childcare. This is a huge problem in America.

Still others plan to stay home for a few years while the kids are young but plan to re-enter the workforce later.

I don't think you could box up a tidy explanation, there are probably a million reasons someone might choose to be a SAHM, and just because you don't understand or it wouldn't work for you doesn't make other women's reasons nonsensical or absurd.

I had degree and a good career in the medical field when I started my family. Five days a week, I'd wake up my beautiful little red-headed baby boy at 6:30 in the morning to drop him off at daycare. Every morning he'd cry when I woke him out of his bed, he was so cozy and fast asleep. It broke my heart. Every morning. In the year he was in daycare, he never got comfortable enough to nap more then in short bursts, so by the time I'd pick him up at 5, he'd be so exhausted, he'd fall asleep in the car on the way home. We'd wake him to feed him dinner, and then he'd immediately fall back asleep for the entire night. So essentially, five days a week, I'd make him cry in the morning by waking him up before dawn, and then I'd have the pleasure of watching him drowsily eat his dinner before he'd pass out for the night. That added up to about an hour a day of "quality time" during the work week. Oh, and did I mention the perpetual daycare cold? I don't think his nose stopped running for two years straight.

This is not why I had a baby, so I could see him for one or two hours 5 days a week and "enjoy" him on the weekends. And then I got pregnant again. I *sure* wasn't doing this to two babies. My "career" wasn't worth it. My kids came first, career second. If that makes me a sellout, so be it.

That red-headed baby boy is 15 now and has 3 siblings. I haven't had a paying job in 13 years. If a kid is sick, no last minute scrambles for the parent who misses work. If a kid is getting an award at school or has a mid-day performance or needs a parent chaperone for a field trip, I don't have to tell my kid "I'll ask my boss" if I can be there. We don't have to make childcare arrangements for summers or school holidays or sick kids or dentist appointments .. or anything. When we're figuring out family vacations, we don't have to finagle two work schedules. It really makes the logistics of parenthood so.much.easier.

And all that aside, I LOVE not having a j.o.b. I make my own schedule, I do what I want to do and don't answer to anyone. I go to the gym at 11 a.m. which is awesome. I have a killer garden in the summer, I have a number of hobbies and skills that I can delve deeply into, I have the time to cook almost all of our meals (good healthy food.. woot!), and I can organize everyone's schedules so that our family chaos level is at a minimum. I do a lot of the detail work like the taxes and the meal planning and the appointment making so that evenings and weekends when we're all together, we can do fun stuff.

It's not for everyone and if the description of my lifestyle doesn't appeal to you, don't be a SAHM. Isn't it cool that you and I have choices? I lived the career mom life for two years, and it *sucked* for me. Hated every minute of it and my kid didn't like it much either. As for my husband, he likes that he can provide the money, and I can provide the framework. He hates scheduling, cooking, making appointments, blah blah blah. He also likes not having to worry about his kids' care . ever. There is a lot of peace knowing that your kids are being taken care of by the only other human being on earth that loves them as much as you do.

I said I think staying home with my kids is easy, I didn't say I was lazy! I already responded emphatically to the judgmental poster. I'm not sure what was wrong with what I said. My kids are extremely low maintenance, well-behaved, and help immensely around the house (my 8 and 10 yo children clean their own bathroom even).

I run a peaceful home. For me and the kind of kids I have, I don't think it's difficult. It doesn't mean I think it's easy for everyone. And it has nothing to do with promoting laziness!

Omg this times a million. I run a tight ship and my kids know what to do and when to do it.

actually I am a SAHM because I am here for my children need me

I'm not going to say that being a SAHM is hard work, and I'm not going to say that it is easy. What it is is easier on my spouse who doesn't have to help out around the house or cook half the meals or do yard work because it is done when he gets home from work. It is easier on my kids who never have to worry about hunting me down if they get sick in school. I will be there in a matter of minutes. It is easier on my 3 year old who gets to have a constant parental presence and me to teach her. Do I feel like I wasted my degrees? Not really because I'm more than qualified to teach my kids, and I can still toy with my intellectual pursuits in my spare time. It also helps that I'm intelligent and educated enough to carry on adult conversations with professionals when I am in a social setting. I'm well-rounded like that.

What I don't care about in the slightest is what some judgmental single person with nothing particularly special to offer to the world thinks about me.

i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.

The thing that irritated me the most when I chose to stay home with my kids was the people saying "but it's such a waste … you're so smart (etc) that you could be <fill in the blank here>" I am successful just as I am. I don't need a career to make me successful (but I have several somethings to fall back on, if the need arises). And I would never discourage a child from having SAHP as a career goal … but again would remind them to have several options.



ETA: It's ironic, OP, that you bemoaned "I forgot I was asking on an internet forum" but you're the only one really trying to stir the pot.

I honestly just don't get it. Clearly I am alone. And that's ok. More power to you guys I guess. But I really don't get it. I especially don't get you saying 'SAHM as a career goal', that sentence makes zero sense to me. Because then saying 'a mom who has a career' would no longer make sense. It messes with my brain. lol.

No, you don't get it, because you seem to think your values and view of the world are the only correct ones. You seem to think that because someone is a SAHM or SAHD that their only goal in life was to do that, or that it's only ok in certain approved circumstances. Success is not always measured in salaries and titles.

I'm a SAHM to two kids. I'm also the spouse of an active duty military member who has been gone for the majority of our 10 years of marriage. Having me SAH is the right choice for our family right now, but that doesn't mean I'm going to SAH forever. I have both an undergraduate degree and a master's degree. My oldest daughter wants to be a scientist when she grows up. I'm sure she'll be great at it. And if she decides to have kids and wants to stay at home with them for a few years, I'm sure she'll be great at that, too.

If that is what makes her happy, more power to her, but it should not be expected nor deterred.

"I wish I would have spent more time at work" -- No one ever

The most important thing in our lives are our relationship. No relationship is more critical than that of parent and child.

Potty training sucked, but first words, first steps, first pony ride, first dive of the diving board, etc etc: why would anyone trade any one of those for a temporary "career"?

LOL All I know is that I absolutely hate everyone in the world who doesn't make the same life decisions I do. Where do you *kitten* get off making decisions about things that make you happy that don't negatively affect others? I fully believe that there should be a guide that instructs all of us on the proper way to think, feel, and desire. It should be written by me. And you should read it, because if you don't, *facepalm* ZOMG! Clearly you won't get it. Why do I bother?

Please to send me a copy of your book. I want to make sure I'm not living wrong.

OP, I see in your profile that you work in the "mental health sector". I don't know where you live but I have been involved on a professional level with the "mental health sector" in Texas and the pay is not very high. You are fortunate to live in a state where that is such a financially lucrative field.

LOL All I know is that I absolutely hate everyone in the world who doesn't make the same life decisions I do. Where do you *kitten* get off making decisions about things that make you happy that don't negatively affect others? I fully believe that there should be a guide that instructs all of us on the proper way to think, feel, and desire. It should be written by me. And you should read it, because if you don't, *facepalm* ZOMG! Clearly you won't get it. Why do I bother?

OMG that book would make it SO much easier!! but I should be the one to write it.

i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.

Then don't have kids. The world doesn't need more stage moms.