Men, how do you feel about SAHM?

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Replies

  • Siege_Tank
    Siege_Tank Posts: 781 Member
    But, having it as a goal? Can't stop facepalming.

    This is making me lol over and over.
  • dabucks
    dabucks Posts: 82 Member
    My wife and I both worked before we had kids, she had the steady 10-7 job I worked 55+ hours that included many nights and all weekends. When we had our first child he went to daycare for the first two years and his grandma would watch him until one of us got home. Obviously this sucked as we basically became parents who saw our kid to put him to bed and wake him up - I only saw him on the weekends after I was done working.

    The decision was made that one of us should stay home and logistically I was the best choice. My income was commission based and with those awful hours we'd see each other and our child a lot more if I was to stay home. Now, 4 years later we have a second child (now 2) and I can easily and honestly say - being a stay at home parent is far more involved and difficult than any work I've ever done. Is it mentally challenging - sometimes, but that's because I constantly have to find ways to educate, entertain, and keep my kids happy and well.

    It was never my intention to be a SAHD, but I'll say this, it's easily the most rewarding - and challenging - job I've ever had. Despite having to live with a much leaner budget, my kids, wife, and I am far better off with this lifestyle.
  • I would love to be stay-at-home-mum when I have my children, but I do not think it would be very affordable for us. It will be lucky for us that my parents can look after our children (when we have them - hopefully soon!) and I can still work. Right now my husband has good job, his job pay for all our expenses and bills and our dinner dates we like. My job we save the money, in case something happen to him or to me, we can't work, and for our children when we have them, they can go to good schools and do many sports and music, these things... I think too that children will be expensive, so for now my husbands job is very good finanically for us, but with children this may change very quickly. Also, here in Ukraine maternity leave is only 126 days fully paid, and if I quit and not work anymore, then want to go to work again it is difficult, because mostly workplace does not like to higher woman older than 35, and for woman retirement age is 55, so it is become difficult to stop work then come to work again. Of course I could find a part-time job if my children are in school, like something in retail shop or restaurant maybe, but I spend my time and money to get masters degree, so I would not like to waste it either. It is good too, because I am a teacher, so my work hours would be the same as my childrens time in school, so mostly I would be there before and after school and weekends.
    I am jealous that I do not think I will be able to be stay-at-home-mum for my children, at least for the first few years. I want that. I want to be with them every step, but it probably will not be very affordable. I think it is great: if it is affordable for you and you and your partner likes it and are happy, and the children are happy, then do it!
    *Edited trying to fix some spelling: English is not my first language, sorry*
  • doughnutwretch
    doughnutwretch Posts: 498 Member
    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    Awful, awful comparison.

    Your car doesn't need to be watched while you're away. Most that could happen is someone steals it or something happens to it. It's an object that can be replaced - your kids cannot.

    No further argument needed.
  • Your gripe sounds like a personal issue. It also seems as though you don't have children. Yes, a career outside of the home is nice. It isn't always the best option when you have children. If you have more than one child who is not of school age, childcare costs can be way more than your income. And having it as a goal? What the hell does it matter to you? You think that SAH parents are lazy slobs who do not work because they don't feel like it. It takes one hell of a person to sacrifice their goals/lives to be a parent as their career. I guess you probably hate day care providers, school teachers, etc. because why would you have a life goal of taking care of OTHER people's children. Okay, that was a far stretch, but who knows.

    I do have a problem with your definition of stay at home mom. You told someone that they are not a stay at home mom because she goes to school/work while her children are in school. How is that not a stay at home parent? If your children are of school age, you have that time period to take care of your needs. However, whenever the children get home you have to tend to homework, studying, meal preparations, housework, etc. It makes a big difference if you get home at 2:30 with the children as opposed to 6:00 and try to accomplish all of those things. Have you ever thought about WHY someone may want to be a stay at home parent? Maybe their parents had to work two jobs to make ends meet. Whatever the reason, it is their business. I don't give a rats *kitten* if someone has the plan to be a stay at home mom. I don't like when people intentionally get pregnant for just anyone for the sole purpose of not having to work. But that is not specific to your complaint.

    I believe that being a stay at home parent does not make you any less of a person than having a career outside of the home makes you a better person. I have an education. I have worked jobs with 70 hour work weeks and I traveled for a good bit of the time. Did I like it? Of course. But when you make the decision to bring a child into the world you are committing yourself to take care of this person. They are a priority. Not for them to just merely be a part off what YOU want in life. Like many others on here, I now own my own business, which I run from my home. I work my *kitten* off, but when my kiddo needs me I am in momma mode.

    Do you want to know who I feel MORE sorry for? The women who would love nothing more than to spend a year or two at home with their children but cannot due to having to work. You truly miss out on so much. And I feel sorry for people like you. The ones who think that it is "cool" to come on here and start a thread directed towards MEN asking them how they feel about SAH moms. That didn't exactly go as you planned, did it?

    Kudos to the men who respect their wives and what they do for their households, whether that is in the home or out. And Kudos to the men who are stay at home dads. The whole "dads can't do it like women" thing pisses me off even more, lol. I respect the hell out of people who spend time nurturing their kids and teaching them. So many people depend on teachers and care providers to do this (exclusively). My child went to day care when he was of that age. We didn't have a choice at that time. There several kids in my son's class who don't get help at home because their parents don't have time, won't make time, or can't make time. Whatever the reason, they are the ones who are suffering.
  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    I think it's interesting that people think they can hire or pay someone to take the place/role of a parent.

    If I said I was going to hire/pay someone to be a sibling to my kids, I'd be laughed out of the room.

    My daycare provider is NOT taking over my role as a parent.
    So when your kid(s) is at daycare and wants to cuddle up with, or falls and wants someone to kiss their owie, or hits or is hit by another kid, or needs 'sharing' explained to them, you come over and do that?

    No, but I also wouldn't do that when they are at school either.
    I wouldn't expect a 12 year old to asphyxiate themselves with a dry cleaning bag, so does that mean all kids should be left to play with them? Of course not, because a three year old doesn't have the same needs as a school-age kid.
    I'm okay with my daycare provider or a teacher, or school nurse comforting my children when I'm away. That doesn't make them their parent.
    I agree that it doesn't make them your kid's parent.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    face-plant-o.gif

    If you're going to stir the pot, you need a better analogy.
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
    My wife has been a SAHM for the past 12 years. It works for us and our children. We have been blessed to not need the other income. Believe me when I tell you that the kids will be better for it if you are able to do it.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    face-plant-o.gif

    If you're going to stir the pot, you need a better analogy.

    One that doesn't make you feel as guilty?

    No, but one that makes more sense would do nicely, thanks.
  • Hangnbang
    Hangnbang Posts: 141 Member
    I love sahms first album ,but the second was to preachy .:smile:
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.

    I can't stomach someone who demeans and devalues others, because her ideals are different then others. As a SAHM, I actually spend an enormous amount of time trying to teach my daughter and my son, to not behave that way. Why? Well, I actually care about the sort of adults my children will turn out to be. Which is why I decided to be their most consistent role model, when I opted to stay home to raise them.

    But, that's just me.
  • NARudy
    NARudy Posts: 33 Member
    First, the way you wrote this is confusing. Who knows what SAHM means with no context?

    But beyond that, why would anyone have an issue with it? Or a SAHD?

    I think we need to stop thinking that it's a benefit that everyone has to have a job out of the home working for someone else. Why should we all have to get jobs with paychecks?

    I've started to think of my family and home as a household, where we all work to the benefit of the group of us. While both my wife and I work outside the home for pay, if we could afford it I'd love to have one of us stay home. We could be more involved with my daughter's school, volunteering the community, have more downtime in the evenings and on weekends, etc. It's like an office -- someone is the secretary, someone is the media relations person, someone is the sales person, someone is the HR person, etc. -- and together all the work gets done.

    So why not have one parent stay at home and do most of the house stuff so that in the evenings and weekends when the family is together the cleaning and cooking and phone calls and bill paying is done and the family can be a family. It would sure reduce stress levels for everyone.

    In addition, it it were more possible to have one income families then non-profits and local communities would benefit. Fire departments and rescue squads and recreation programs are suffering from lack of volunteers because evreryone is exhausted and busy all the time.

    So, yeah, I have no problem with one parent (or even one spouse if there are no kids) taking care of the home and the other bringing in the revenue.

    And I'm an extremely liberal Democrat.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    face-plant-o.gif

    If you're going to stir the pot, you need a better analogy.

    One that doesn't make you feel as guilty?

    No, but one that makes more sense would do nicely, thanks.

    Right?!

    I will this was the worse "stir the pot" attempt of all time.
  • MrsG31
    MrsG31 Posts: 364 Member
    LOL All I know is that I absolutely hate everyone in the world who doesn't make the same life decisions I do. Where do you *kitten* get off making decisions about things that make you happy that don't negatively affect others? I fully believe that there should be a guide that instructs all of us on the proper way to think, feel, and desire. It should be written by me. And you should read it, because if you don't, *facepalm* ZOMG! Clearly you won't get it. Why do I bother?

    Geesh, I know right? How rude!
  • Rage_Phish
    Rage_Phish Posts: 1,507 Member
    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    Awful, awful comparison.

    Your car doesn't need to be watched while you're away. Most that could happen is someone steals it or something happens to it. It's an object that can be replaced - your kids cannot.

    No further argument needed.

    No argument needed but someone needs to buy you a clue :laugh:

    your comparison was laughable
  • Holly_Roman_Empire
    Holly_Roman_Empire Posts: 4,440 Member
    As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....

    Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)

    So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.

    We're ok with that picture?

    Hardly comparable.

    I agree. Cars are much more valuable than our kids.

    :laugh:

    Okay, I'll play, even though it's a terrible comparison.

    My kids are in better care with a state certified daycare than some person driving my car. I take my child to day care because he can't sit in the garage all day long like my car can while I'm at work. If my car couldn't take care of itself while I was away, you'd be damned sure I'd place it under proper care with a driver that was certified to handle it properly. :grumble:
  • ZombieSlayer
    ZombieSlayer Posts: 369 Member
    First, get stay at home MOM out of your head. Being a stay at home PARENT is not easy. It would certainly be a valid career choice if we paid the person what they are worth. Instead, they get paid with the reward of not paying someone else to raise their child for over half of their waking hours.

    As a future career choice, not a great option simply because our society doesn't deem raising your own children as valid. They'd rather subsidize sending them to daycare than pay the parent directly.

    I'd rather see my tax money going to pay [a] parent(s) to raise their own kids, but that could just be me.

    *Note* My husband is the one with a degree, two actually. I'm the one who brings home the paycheck. We both work full time.
  • phuckingbadasscutie
    phuckingbadasscutie Posts: 1,619 Member
    This is an interesting forum to read. I have experience as both a working parent and a stay at home parent, as does my husband. I think that if you find a great licensed daycare that has the values as you then daycare can be very beneficial. My two older kids went to daycare and they loved it as did my husband and I, it was hard to leave after the 5 years they went there. Now, due to a lay off for me, I am a stay at home mom for my younger two kids. I do enjoy it but I never saw myself as a stay at home mom so it was a change. I would love for the younger two to go to daycare because I think it had positive results for my older two, however four kids in daycare during the summer months in unrealistic.
  • dabucks
    dabucks Posts: 82 Member
    This is an interesting forum to read. I have experience as both a working parent and a stay at home parent, as does my husband. I think that if you find a great licensed daycare that has the values as you then daycare can be very beneficial. My two older kids went to daycare and they loved it as did my husband and I, it was hard to leave after the 5 years they went there. Now, due to a lay off for me, I am a stay at home mom for my younger two kids. I do enjoy it but I never saw myself as a stay at home mom so it was a change. I would love for the younger two to go to daycare because I think it had positive results for my older two, however four kids in daycare during the summer months in unrealistic.

    I totally agree that daycare has many benefits. My son who went to day care learned many things about playing well with other kids, being in a classroom setting, learning how to wait in line, etc. Now kids can learn these things with a SAH Parent, but it's much easier for them to learn in a classroom setting. I too would like my daughter, who hasn't seen day care yet, to go daycare at least a couple days a week (to at least preschool) before she hits kindergarten.

    When she hits full time school (1st grade) I'll likely be working - at least part time - and I'll be looking forward to adult interaction again, lol. That being said, I'd never trade my experience with my children, I'm thankful to have the opportunity.