Men, how do you feel about SAHM?
Replies
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As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....
Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)
So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.
We're ok with that picture?
If you're going to stir the pot, you need a better analogy.
One that doesn't make you feel as guilty?
No, but one that makes more sense would do nicely, thanks.
Right?!
I will this was the worse "stir the pot" attempt of all time.0 -
LOL All I know is that I absolutely hate everyone in the world who doesn't make the same life decisions I do. Where do you *kitten* get off making decisions about things that make you happy that don't negatively affect others? I fully believe that there should be a guide that instructs all of us on the proper way to think, feel, and desire. It should be written by me. And you should read it, because if you don't, *facepalm* ZOMG! Clearly you won't get it. Why do I bother?
Geesh, I know right? How rude!0 -
As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....
Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)
So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.
We're ok with that picture?
Awful, awful comparison.
Your car doesn't need to be watched while you're away. Most that could happen is someone steals it or something happens to it. It's an object that can be replaced - your kids cannot.
No further argument needed.
No argument needed but someone needs to buy you a clue :laugh:
your comparison was laughable0 -
As always, I like to stir the pot, so.....
Parents elect to place their kids in the care of others while they work. With most people who work, when you get to work your car sits outside unused for 8 hours (again I said MOST PEOPLE, not everyone so don't go there)
So here's the question... .would you let someone use your car while you're at work? The answer for most would be "no". But we'll let others use (raise) our kids.
We're ok with that picture?
Hardly comparable.
I agree. Cars are much more valuable than our kids.
:laugh:
Okay, I'll play, even though it's a terrible comparison.
My kids are in better care with a state certified daycare than some person driving my car. I take my child to day care because he can't sit in the garage all day long like my car can while I'm at work. If my car couldn't take care of itself while I was away, you'd be damned sure I'd place it under proper care with a driver that was certified to handle it properly. :grumble:0 -
First, get stay at home MOM out of your head. Being a stay at home PARENT is not easy. It would certainly be a valid career choice if we paid the person what they are worth. Instead, they get paid with the reward of not paying someone else to raise their child for over half of their waking hours.
As a future career choice, not a great option simply because our society doesn't deem raising your own children as valid. They'd rather subsidize sending them to daycare than pay the parent directly.
I'd rather see my tax money going to pay [a] parent(s) to raise their own kids, but that could just be me.
*Note* My husband is the one with a degree, two actually. I'm the one who brings home the paycheck. We both work full time.0 -
This is an interesting forum to read. I have experience as both a working parent and a stay at home parent, as does my husband. I think that if you find a great licensed daycare that has the values as you then daycare can be very beneficial. My two older kids went to daycare and they loved it as did my husband and I, it was hard to leave after the 5 years they went there. Now, due to a lay off for me, I am a stay at home mom for my younger two kids. I do enjoy it but I never saw myself as a stay at home mom so it was a change. I would love for the younger two to go to daycare because I think it had positive results for my older two, however four kids in daycare during the summer months in unrealistic.0
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This is an interesting forum to read. I have experience as both a working parent and a stay at home parent, as does my husband. I think that if you find a great licensed daycare that has the values as you then daycare can be very beneficial. My two older kids went to daycare and they loved it as did my husband and I, it was hard to leave after the 5 years they went there. Now, due to a lay off for me, I am a stay at home mom for my younger two kids. I do enjoy it but I never saw myself as a stay at home mom so it was a change. I would love for the younger two to go to daycare because I think it had positive results for my older two, however four kids in daycare during the summer months in unrealistic.
I totally agree that daycare has many benefits. My son who went to day care learned many things about playing well with other kids, being in a classroom setting, learning how to wait in line, etc. Now kids can learn these things with a SAH Parent, but it's much easier for them to learn in a classroom setting. I too would like my daughter, who hasn't seen day care yet, to go daycare at least a couple days a week (to at least preschool) before she hits kindergarten.
When she hits full time school (1st grade) I'll likely be working - at least part time - and I'll be looking forward to adult interaction again, lol. That being said, I'd never trade my experience with my children, I'm thankful to have the opportunity.0 -
i just can't stomach a child saying "I want to be a stay at home parent when I grow up". If it happens for the right reasons of nurturing and behavioural development concerns, then awesome. But having it as a goal. Can't stop facepalming.
I can't stomach someone who demeans and devalues others, because her ideals are different then others. As a SAHM, I actually spend an enormous amount of time trying to teach my daughter and my son, to not behave that way. Why? Well, I actually care about the sort of adults my children will turn out to be. Which is why I decided to be their most consistent role model, when I opted to stay home to raise them.
But, that's just me.
I think I
U! 0 -
I think its ok for a women to be a sSAHM but for a male to be a SAHD... that's too beta for me............ go work.
I think that any guy who resorts to calling others 'betas' based on some stupid male hierarchy that really doesn't exist is pretty silly.0 -
I think its ok for a women to be a sSAHM but for a male to be a SAHD... that's too beta for me............ go work.
Life must be really black and white for you, lmao. I guess I should have told my wife to get barefoot and in the kitchen while I worked more hours for about the same amount of pay (now it would be far less because she is awesome).
Maybe you equate Alpha to being a misogynistic *kitten*, I don't know. To me I consider caring for my kids when the circumstances called for it as being "responsible".0 -
wow, i thought this thread would die way faster. As I read through the all the comments I thought:
1) wow, you are all literally dissing me while even quoting a post i made stating 'i just don't get it' and 'the more power to you'. I don't need to apologize for not 'getting it', it was honestly eye opening for me because I literally had no idea how many people think it is awesome to be a sahm.
2) I can have an opinion about people's goals and work in the mental health sector. I don't judge people for the systemic issues/choices/whatever. I do however, and am allowed, to judge behavioural traits. Am I judging people? No. So, **** y'all?
3) Everyone that keeps saying 'being a stay at home mom is a career' and that it is the 'hardest job in the world' made me lol because really, a harder job than that would be being a mom AND working. Just choosing to be a SAHM feels like a crazy goal to me...but I already said that. Everyone that is going on and on about all their accomplishments while staying at home...I already said 'more power to you', so point redundant
4) I'm allowed to have an opinion too, I'm not kicking and screaming that everyone doesn't agree with me, I already knew they didn't because people set up goals to grow up, have kids, and then raise them....goal accomplished. Weird. Yes, I continue to think it is weird. So sue me. Being a SAHM and doing other things then that is great. Life isn't static. Goals shouldn't be (IN MY OPINION!!!! If you guys will allow me that?). Nothing is concrete and conclusive.
5) I don't need to have kids to have an opinion.0 -
I personally wasn't dissing you, but as to your point #5 you can have an opinion- it just isn't as educated as to those who have kids. You can't possibly know what it's like to walk in our shoes and judge us without actually knowing the true challenges of raising kids. Is it he hardest job in the world, nope. Is it challenging (for me harder than other jobs I personally have had - which weren't cake-walks) absolutely. I wouldn't have thought that was the case before raising my kids, but then I became "educated" about it.0
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I personally wasn't dissing you, but as to your point #5 you can have an opinion- it just isn't as educated as to those who have kids. You can't possibly know what it's like to walk in our shoes and judge us without actually knowing the true challenges of raising kids. Is it he hardest job in the world, nope. Is it challenging (for me harder than other jobs I personally have had - which weren't cake-walks) absolutely. I wouldn't have thought that was the case before raising my kids, but then I became "educated" about it.
i was talking to everyone. Apparently if you have a different opinion than everyone you think that the world needs to agree with you (as said by almost everyone...cause yea I go to bed thinking I know EVERYTHING and that EVERYONE thinks the exact same thoughts as me at every second of the day, what is difference?)...which is like a lot of pots calling this kettle black.0 -
It has its place in the bedroom sure, but I believe that a safe word should be established and used. Also, no asphyxiation play.0
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It has its place in the bedroom sure, but I believe that a safe word should be established and used. Also, no asphyxiation play.
bdsm is much more fun than sahm'ng
p.s. that is a joke, so suck it sahm's who are so angry with me0 -
Granted I haven't read the other posts (very lazy I apologise, it's 2am and I'm about to crash), so sorry if this is echo-ing an earlier point but what does it matter what blokes think as a populous. Surely just down to what is best for the kids.
Unless you're doing it to smoke pot or commit credit fraud then I'm probably against it.0 -
It has its place in the bedroom sure, but I believe that a safe word should be established and used. Also, no asphyxiation play.
bdsm is much more fun than sahm'ng
p.s. that is a joke, so suck it sahm's who are so angry with me
Bahahaha! I bet some SAHM's like this
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My thing is this...by the time I was three I was in preschool all day. Before that, I have hardly any solid memories to speak of. So, in my memory it makes no difference whether my mom stayed at home or not because I wouldn't remember that part either way. What would she have done all day while I was in school? I saw both of my parents every evening and weekend, so I'm wondering how exactly it is that anyone can claim they "outsourced" my upbringing more so than a SAHM/SAHD because they worked.
And I can't help but notice that no one gives fathers half as much crap for having goals outside of raising their kids.0 -
My thing is this...by the time I was three I was in preschool all day. Before that, I have hardly any solid memories to speak of. So, in my memory it makes no difference whether my mom stayed at home or not because I wouldn't remember that part either way. What would she have done all day while I was in school? I saw both of my parents every evening and weekend, so I'm wondering how exactly it is that anyone can claim they "outsourced" my upbringing more so than a SAHM/SAHD because they worked.
And I can't help but notice that no one gives fathers half as much crap for having goals outside of raising their kids.
i have never heard a man say 'i want to grow up and raise my own children forever'0 -
My thing is this...by the time I was three I was in preschool all day. Before that, I have hardly any solid memories to speak of. So, in my memory it makes no difference whether my mom stayed at home or not because I wouldn't remember that part either way. What would she have done all day while I was in school? I saw both of my parents every evening and weekend, so I'm wondering how exactly it is that anyone can claim they "outsourced" my upbringing more so than a SAHM/SAHD because they worked.
And I can't help but notice that no one gives fathers half as much crap for having goals outside of raising their kids.
i have never heard a man say 'i want to grow up and raise my own children forever'
No, but I have heard my husband say on many occasions that he wishes he could have been there for more of our kid's stuff. He works 7/7 now, and absolutely cherishes his week home with his son.0 -
My thing is this...by the time I was three I was in preschool all day. Before that, I have hardly any solid memories to speak of. So, in my memory it makes no difference whether my mom stayed at home or not because I wouldn't remember that part either way. What would she have done all day while I was in school? I saw both of my parents every evening and weekend, so I'm wondering how exactly it is that anyone can claim they "outsourced" my upbringing more so than a SAHM/SAHD because they worked.
And I can't help but notice that no one gives fathers half as much crap for having goals outside of raising their kids.
i have never heard a man say 'i want to grow up and raise my own children forever'
We will ignore that fact that you probably haven't spoke to .001% of the male population worldwide.
That doesn't mean a woman saying it is somehow wrong.
Why do you care what other people's goal's are? People who give that make craps about other people's lives really don't have enough going on in their own world.
Srs.0 -
So this is not some kind of vegetarian "ham" substitute?
+10 -
3) Everyone that keeps saying 'being a stay at home mom is a career' and that it is the 'hardest job in the world' made me lol because really, a harder job than that would be being a mom AND working. Just choosing to be a SAHM feels like a crazy goal to me...but I already said that. Everyone that is going on and on about all their accomplishments while staying at home...I already said 'more power to you', so point redundant
How would you know? Unless you've done both, you can't definitively say which is harder, and the answer is going to vary from person to person. Both SAH and being a working outside the home mom have advantages and disadvantages, and are both difficult in their own way. I could actually list out reasons why for each, but I suspect you're not really interested in gaining a better understanding of the complexity of the issue. I suppose if looking down on others for making choices that do not impact your life in any way is your thing, more power to you.0 -
3) Everyone that keeps saying 'being a stay at home mom is a career' and that it is the 'hardest job in the world' made me lol because really, a harder job than that would be being a mom AND working. Just choosing to be a SAHM feels like a crazy goal to me...but I already said that. Everyone that is going on and on about all their accomplishments while staying at home...I already said 'more power to you', so point redundant
How would you know? Unless you've done both, you can't definitively say which is harder, and the answer is going to vary from person to person. Both SAH and being a working outside the home mom have advantages and disadvantages, and are both difficult in their own way. I could actually list out reasons why for each, but I suspect you're not really interested in gaining a better understanding of the complexity of the issue. I suppose if looking down on others for making choices that do not impact your life in any way is your thing, more power to you.
adding responsibilities increases workload leading one to believe it is harder. Logic.0 -
Not sure why you feel the need to attack SAHMs. An attack of hate aimed at women with their children, how incredibly disturbing. It's been a long time since I have seen such hate coming from a person. Wow!
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Not sure why you feel the need to attack SAHMs. An attack of hate aimed at women with their children, how incredibly disturbing. It's been a long time since I have seen such hate coming from a person. Wow!
these memes are jokes....the first one representing irony, the second the nanny is in the background caring for the baby! You people are soft, especially for suck hard working stay-at-homers.0 -
My mom left her engineering career to take care of me when I was a kid while dad worked and I grew up handsome and pretty damn smart.
Now I can easily provide for them with a six figure income. I'd say it was a good investment on their part.
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I don't expect or want my kids to provide for me; it is not their job. They have their own families to feed and their own mortgages to pay. My husband and I can take care of each other; we both worked hard and made sure that our savings help us in our golden years.
I don't consider my children an investment.0 -
and this is my last reply to this stupid thread: everyone 'defending' SAHM while saying bs that puts down the idea of preschools, nannys, babysitters, strangers watching babies, and moms that work that *kitten* off 8 hours a day after getting the kids ready, driving them to their daycare, and then picking them up on the way home, making dinner, doing laundry, bathing, cleaning, helping with learning and developmental issues, taking them to activities, etc....all the while having to spend a huge proportion of your salary on childcare. Well, I would say that that is judgmental because those moms work their *kitten* off. Those moms have been my family members that want the best for their kids, coworkers that have to leave early to pick their children up because their is a sick kid at the daycare. If you want to defend your lifestyle do it without bringing other people down because working moms work their *kitten* off. SAHMs aren't the end all be all of hard work. What a joke. Prehistory women were having and rearing children, they didn't throw a ****ing awards ceremony for it.
And again, though some of you have either a learning disability, can't read, or have a visual impairment, kudos to you for making it work and achieving a ton of other goals if you are a SAHM.0 -
I know....I have an idea. Serious offer here, OP. Friend me, I will interact with you and you can be my online daughter. I'll be a SAHM to you, in an online manner. Manners required, though. And I am serious, I am actually not a sarcastic person.0
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3) Everyone that keeps saying 'being a stay at home mom is a career' and that it is the 'hardest job in the world' made me lol because really, a harder job than that would be being a mom AND working. Just choosing to be a SAHM feels like a crazy goal to me...but I already said that. Everyone that is going on and on about all their accomplishments while staying at home...I already said 'more power to you', so point redundant
How would you know? Unless you've done both, you can't definitively say which is harder, and the answer is going to vary from person to person. Both SAH and being a working outside the home mom have advantages and disadvantages, and are both difficult in their own way. I could actually list out reasons why for each, but I suspect you're not really interested in gaining a better understanding of the complexity of the issue. I suppose if looking down on others for making choices that do not impact your life in any way is your thing, more power to you.
adding responsibilities increases workload leading one to believe it is harder. Logic.
Your logic is flawed. Each has their own unique set of obstacles. SAHMs don't need to worry about deadlines regardless of a sick kid that has kept them up all night and missing work the next day. A working mom can't say "screw it" and take a nap after a rough night. A SAHM doesn't worry about finding time to pump between meetings or a new daycare provider or nanny last minute. A working mother doesn't spend her entire day planning and cleaning up activities. Cleaning paint off the table, making lunch, refereeing fights, enforcing time out, changing diapers, reading books, teaching letters, numbers, and lesson plans etc. the daycare provider is doing that for her while she is working on something else. The absence of a paycheck is not necessarily the absence of work. There are lazy SAHMs just as there are lazy employees. The only difference is you can't fire a SAHM and it's not politically correct to call a truly lazy mother lazy.
Your perception of SAHMs is skewed. I guarantee if you see the schedule I keep and the demands it places on me you would change your way of thinking. And when a mother goes to work, she hands off responsibilities to a daycare provider and replaces them for a different set of responsibilities, temporarily.
But I do agree with you. I don't want my daughters only aspirations to be a SAHM. If she gets married, has children and THEN chooses to be a SAHM, great! But it's not something I would want her to aspire to before she is married and certainly not before she finishes her education.0
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