Boyfriend dilemma

Sag2015
Sag2015 Posts: 88
in Chit-Chat
It will be four years in June that we've been together. We see one another only on the weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we're both content with that. No sleep overs on the weekend either. I'm okay with that too. When you live alone for a long time, you kinda enjoy it.

However, I never hear from him during the week. Rarely will he give me a call at lunch, never in the evening. Sometimes we will email or IM but not often. I never get a good morning from him or good night ... even via text. Nothing. I think he would be just fine with not talking to me Monday through Thursday.

I don't contact him anymore either because I am tired of always making the first move.

We've discussed it but he thinks I overreact.

Am I over reacting?
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Replies

  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    Just break up.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
    so you all have been together since you were 8?
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,363 Member
    He's married.
  • QueenBishOTUniverse
    QueenBishOTUniverse Posts: 14,121 Member
    He's married.

    100% honest, that was my first thought.
  • ModernNerd
    ModernNerd Posts: 336 Member
    I think I talk more to myself than it sounds like he talks to you. And I'm a rather sane individual... :flowerforyou:

    A close friend of mine put it this way once, he said your significant other should be everything your friends are to you plus some. People create these double standards for their partners, allowing themselves to be treated dismissively if not altogether poorly in the name of being in a relationship. Decide how you're going to demand to be treated then follow through. Better to end it at 4 years than 5, 6, 7, 29 years...
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.
  • jlshea
    jlshea Posts: 494 Member
    Time for a talk. Maybe he's just "duh" and thinks its not an issue if you haven't mentioned it before.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:
  • shazbox1
    shazbox1 Posts: 175 Member
    Is he married from Monday-Thursday? If not, overreacting.

    Although once I was going out with a girl for 4 months or so and got tired of always contacting her first, so I stopped. We haven't talked since. Now that its ~15 years later.... I think it might be over.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.
    -nodnod-
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.
  • NotSoChubbyFlumpster
    NotSoChubbyFlumpster Posts: 36
    You said boyfriend, but I didn't see anything that indicated one...
  • shazbox1
    shazbox1 Posts: 175 Member
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    Cause only 12 year olds see each other on weekends and use the word sleepover? That is my only guess.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Is this behavior acceptable to you?

    That's really the only question you should be asking. It either works for you or it doesn't. If it doesn't, move on and find something else that does.

    Anything you get out of this thread will be pure speculation and/or people's opinions based on their own needs and bias.
  • WaterBunnie
    WaterBunnie Posts: 1,371 Member
    Time to reassess the relationship, whether it's going anywhere or whether you're both happy to continue how things are. No contact at all seems unusual though.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.
    Just break up.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Is he married from Monday-Thursday? If not, overreacting.

    Although once I was going out with a girl for 4 months or so and got tired of always contacting her first, so I stopped. We haven't talked since. Now that its ~15 years later.... I think it might be over.

    That's funny!! :bigsmile:

    This is 4 years though not 4 months.
  • LishieFruit89
    LishieFruit89 Posts: 1,956 Member
    Break up.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    It will be four years in June that we've been together. We see one another only on the weekend, Friday, Saturday and Sunday and we're both content with that. No sleep overs on the weekend either. I'm okay with that too. When you live alone for a long time, you kinda enjoy it.

    However, I never hear from him during the week. Rarely will he give me a call at lunch, never in the evening. Sometimes we will email or IM but not often. I never get a good morning from him or good night ... even via text. Nothing. I think he would be just fine with not talking to me Monday through Thursday.

    I don't contact him anymore either because I am tired of always making the first move.

    We've discussed it but he thinks I overreact.

    Am I over reacting?

    Depends what you want from your relationship... If you want more contact with your other half you need to tell him that... If he says no, then you decide if you stay with him as things are, or consider finding someone who isn't married....
  • feltlikesound
    feltlikesound Posts: 326 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    ...but you've been to his house before, right?
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    So many variables it's hard to judge. I see my boyfriend only rarely on account of distance and finances, and he's not the most talkative in between times, but that kinda works for us as we're both quite independent and we have each others back when it matters.

    But the lack of any sleepovers? How does that work? My boyfriend will stay the night even if it means he has to leave at 6am because he actually wants to spend time with me.

    Lack of communication can be healthy if you're both down with it. Total absence of sleep overs after FOUR YEARS otoh? Check for a pale band around his finger.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    ...he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out.

    :huh:

    I would be concerned.
  • daniface
    daniface Posts: 338 Member
    Sounds like you are already pretty content with being alone maybe you should just break it off. Also, just because you've been seeing each other for the past 4 years isn't a good enough reason to keep on doing it, if that's the only reason you're hanging on, its time to let go. My 2 cents.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    Cause only 12 year olds see each other on weekends and use the word sleepover? That is my only guess.

    Haha, so true. Should I have said "spend the night" or maybe " pajama party" ? :bigsmile:
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    4 years dealing with this BS? He sounds like he is hiding something.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    He's married.

    QFT
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Sounds a little fishy to me. Probably has another girlfriend or wife. You could just talk to him. If you would like to communicate during the week and he doesn't, then it's probably best to end it. Unless you're ok with booty calls? Nothing wrong with that.

    He's not with anyone else. He doesn't have the time or patience and I wouldn't mind booty calls if we weren't supposedly "exclusive"
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Yeeeah - I'd say you've been put on, honey. Four years, won't contact you, only visits on weekends, won't stay the night, and won't let you come to his house?

    Sorry. :(
  • abuck_13
    abuck_13 Posts: 382 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?

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