Boyfriend dilemma

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Replies

  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    So many variables it's hard to judge. I see my boyfriend only rarely on account of distance and finances, and he's not the most talkative in between times, but that kinda works for us as we're both quite independent and we have each others back when it matters.

    But the lack of any sleepovers? How does that work? My boyfriend will stay the night even if it means he has to leave at 6am because he actually wants to spend time with me.

    Lack of communication can be healthy if you're both down with it. Total absence of sleep overs after FOUR YEARS otoh? Check for a pale band around his finger.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    ...he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out.

    :huh:

    I would be concerned.
  • daniface
    daniface Posts: 338 Member
    Sounds like you are already pretty content with being alone maybe you should just break it off. Also, just because you've been seeing each other for the past 4 years isn't a good enough reason to keep on doing it, if that's the only reason you're hanging on, its time to let go. My 2 cents.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    Cause only 12 year olds see each other on weekends and use the word sleepover? That is my only guess.

    Haha, so true. Should I have said "spend the night" or maybe " pajama party" ? :bigsmile:
  • Fenrissa
    Fenrissa Posts: 116
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    4 years dealing with this BS? He sounds like he is hiding something.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    He's married.

    QFT
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Sounds a little fishy to me. Probably has another girlfriend or wife. You could just talk to him. If you would like to communicate during the week and he doesn't, then it's probably best to end it. Unless you're ok with booty calls? Nothing wrong with that.

    He's not with anyone else. He doesn't have the time or patience and I wouldn't mind booty calls if we weren't supposedly "exclusive"
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
    Yeeeah - I'd say you've been put on, honey. Four years, won't contact you, only visits on weekends, won't stay the night, and won't let you come to his house?

    Sorry. :(
  • abuck_13
    abuck_13 Posts: 382 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?
  • JinxRita
    JinxRita Posts: 191 Member
    I don't think so, personally. I've been in a long distance relationship (1,000+ miles) for six years. We have missed contacting each other during the day maybe a handful of times during that entire stretch, and those were typically because of family emergencies or traveling. A good relationship, by my definition, needs communication...it doesn't matter if you're ten or a thousand miles apart.

    Talk it over with him. If you're not feeling right about it, you know what you need to do. You're the best judge of your life.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    I think I talk more to myself than it sounds like he talks to you. And I'm a rather sane individual... :flowerforyou:

    A close friend of mine put it this way once, he said your significant other should be everything your friends are to you plus some. People create these double standards for their partners, allowing themselves to be treated dismissively if not altogether poorly in the name of being in a relationship. Decide how you're going to demand to be treated then follow through. Better to end it at 4 years than 5, 6, 7, 29 years...

    You are so right. I was in a dead end relationship for 10 years and I finally ended it in 2008. You hope things will get better and they never do.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    I am not surprised.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    I only see my boyfriend on the weekends. But we text during the week, and occassionally, talk on the phone. Sometimes though, he is a bit preoccupied and I don't hear from him. Usually, if that happens, I just don't text him. It usually only takes about a day before he is texting me.

    If you don't reach out and he doesn't react to that, then I'm going to go out on a limb and say that he isn't feeling this nearly as much as you are.

    But then again, 4 years is a long time to be together for him to "not be into you" (I hate that expression). You really should sit down with him and explain to him how this makes you feel. If he is not concerned that his lack of interest is bothering you, then he might not be the right one for you.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?

    Yes I've been to his place. No sign of another woman at all. Definitely a bachelor pad.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88

    Are you Facebook friends?

    Yes, I'm even FB friends with his kids and his boss.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    I am not surprised.

    Nice
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88

    But then again, 4 years is a long time to be together for him to "not be into you" (I hate that expression). You really should sit down with him and explain to him how this makes you feel. If he is not concerned that his lack of interest is bothering you, then he might not be the right one for you.

    I have discussed this with him. Things get better for a few months and then back to not contacting me. I kinda feel like I'm forcing him.
  • Achrya
    Achrya Posts: 16,913 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Something is out of sorts - always at your place? Ever been to his place at all?

    Yes I've been to his place. No sign of another woman at all. Definitely a bachelor pad.

    No, that's his second place that he keeps OR his friend's place to show to his girlfriends. Trust me, I know a married guy who uses his brother's apartment to bring his girlfriend's to when they start asking questions. He tells you he lacks the patience for another relationship but that sounds like crap dudes tell their mistress when they start asking questions/making demands on their time.

    I mean. Dude is married/has a number one chick and it sounds like you're the long term side piece. Not being mean and I intend no disrespect, just telling you how it all sounds.
  • PDarrall
    PDarrall Posts: 114 Member
    Over reacting

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