Boyfriend dilemma

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  • walterm852
    walterm852 Posts: 409 Member
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    If you aren't happy with it, it may be time to move on. Its hard to change people to shape them the way that you want them, especially since he is more than middle aged.

    Being in a relationship should be something that you enjoy. It shouldn't be something that stresses you out, or makes you worry.
    I think you need a SERIOUS talk with him about it, and if things don't change, then maybe they never will.
    Are you willing to live the rest of your life this way?

    I do not want to live the rest of my life this way.

    Thank you.

    Huge break through, you know you dont want this current arrangement, he hasnt changed in previous attempts, so dont stay there. It doesnt have to be this hard, especially because you are not exactly high maintenance.

    Take action.
  • Nephy07
    Nephy07 Posts: 76 Member
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    I don't want to be rude or anything but after reading all these posts, all I can think of is that you just want someone to tell you that it's okay to see him only on weekends. I get a feeling like you like it this way, you complain about it but you won't do anything about it. You are a grown up person, if you want to fix it, ask him for a dinner and talk about it, you are not a 16 year old girl who can't stop thinking whether you'll text him first or he will. Just go and talk to him like a grown up, discuss that matter. If you find yourself finding excuses for doing so, then half of this forum is right - you like it this way whether you want to confess it or not.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Have you ever considered that this man is just really old-school and doesn't feel proper sleeping over? If he is going to share a bed with you, maybe he just wants it to be "your" bed (meaning yours and his) rather than "your" bed (meaning belonging just to you).

    And I really think the communication during the week is more about him not liking cell phone technology.

    How old are you? Are you both of the same generation? Because I'm seeing the problems in this relationship being more about generational gaps than him lacking interest.

    He's old school and will have sex with her but not sleep beside her? Cell phone technology? He can't call her once a week from a land line? LOL

    Who has a landline anymore? I haven't had a landline in 10 years, and the one that is sitting here on my desk rarely gets used and never for personal phone calls.

    Well, no one that I know of other than older people (like this 59 year old guy) that you have came to the conclusion doesn't like cell phones?
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
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    Since the only problems you seem to have are that he doesn't call you during the week and doesn't spend the night at your place, may I ask if you have actually told him this? It would be really, really niceif men could read our minds, but they just can't.

    I have been telling him this forever it seems. He changes for a few months. I don't expect to be able change someone but I always try and have faith.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
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    Have you ever considered that this man is just really old-school and doesn't feel proper sleeping over? If he is going to share a bed with you, maybe he just wants it to be "your" bed (meaning yours and his) rather than "your" bed (meaning belonging just to you).

    And I really think the communication during the week is more about him not liking cell phone technology.

    How old are you? Are you both of the same generation? Because I'm seeing the problems in this relationship being more about generational gaps than him lacking interest.

    He's old school and will have sex with her but not sleep beside her? Cell phone technology? He can't call her once a week from a land line? LOL

    Who has a landline anymore? I haven't had a landline in 10 years, and the one that is sitting here on my desk rarely gets used and never for personal phone calls.

    So he's old school and that's why he doesn't text but he doesn't have a landline so he can't call either. ...why can't he call from his cell phone? Because old school?

    stop making sense, she doesn't like that.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
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    If you aren't happy with it, it may be time to move on. Its hard to change people to shape them the way that you want them, especially since he is more than middle aged.

    Being in a relationship should be something that you enjoy. It shouldn't be something that stresses you out, or makes you worry.
    I think you need a SERIOUS talk with him about it, and if things don't change, then maybe they never will.
    Are you willing to live the rest of your life this way?

    I do not want to live the rest of my life this way.

    Thank you.

    Huge break through, you know you dont want this current arrangement, he hasnt changed in previous attempts, so dont stay there. It doesnt have to be this hard, especially because you are not exactly high maintenance.

    Take action.

    Thank you Mr. Martin. That was a nice post. I need to take action.
  • abetterbrandi
    abetterbrandi Posts: 131
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    You seem really indecisive. If you arent happy, move on. If you are happy 'enough' as it seems then dont nit pick it.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    I don't think you are overreacting at all. Maybe you want something different then he can provide.

    I agree. I just wish it didn't take so long to realize.

    It appears that this is a reoccuring problem. I believe I read that you had a relationship previous that lasted 10 years before you realized that it wasn't working. After reading through all of this and trying to figure it out, I simply have no advice to give. I am also uncertain why you would ask a public internet forum for advice when you clearly don't want or need it. It seems to me that you should be asking for more from him after 4 years. Maybe... IDK a future, a home, a REAL life together etc. But you don't want that, and like your time alone???

    You don't know what you want, and no one is going to be able to help you until you figure it out. But based on the past, it seems like history is bound to keep repeating itself. Good luck to you.
  • 19TaraLynn84
    19TaraLynn84 Posts: 739 Member
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    Since the only problems you seem to have are that he doesn't call you during the week and doesn't spend the night at your place, may I ask if you have actually told him this? It would be really, really niceif men could read our minds, but they just can't.

    I have been telling him this forever it seems. He changes for a few months. I don't expect to be able change someone but I always try and have faith.

    Okay, so my two suggestions are: either end it, or try giving him what he has asked for. Spend time with him and his son during the week and see how that goes.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
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    Gotta drive home.

    Thank you all for your awesome advice!!!!

    Ciao for now~ :flowerforyou:
  • loon54
    loon54 Posts: 3
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    Do you really need to ask this? You're the other woman. Its no other way to say it. My advice is, get you a guy for during the week and have him on the weekend. Or just dump him and get a normal boyfriend and relationship.
  • suddenbeth
    suddenbeth Posts: 26
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    He's in a relationship with someone else. Can only come to your house, can't stay the night, can only contact you on specific days, makes you feel like you are overreacting when you question the situation, and so on and so forth... If looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, well...
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
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    Yes. You are way too needy and clingy. Why not stop nagging and be happy this dude is around for the weekend. What more do you want?

    This is interesting coming from a 50 year old and I mean that in a good way. Are you in a relationship?

    Honey, like it or not, you are not in a relationship either.
  • lina1131
    lina1131 Posts: 2,246 Member
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    It does sound like he has another relationship and you are the other woman. :indifferent:
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
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    He's married.

    100% honest, that was my first thought.

    Yup. Without a doubt.

    OP, have him followed.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    It's all about what you want out of this relationship. If you want to feel like more than just a weekend girl he comes to for the fun stuff, then he might not be the guy for you. To me it sounds like he is a bit disconnected and does not show you the same devotion that you show him.

    When it comes down to it, it does not matter whether you two live in separate places or if you just see each other on weekends,what matter is that you give 100% of yourselves. For some reason, I have no doubt that this is what you are doing, but from what you describe it seems like he gives very little.

    I don't know this guy but he it would not surprise me if he were living a double life with a wife or other girlfriend.

    Do you know his parents, siblings, friends? Do you socialize with each other's friends? Is he there if you have a family emergency?

    I have been with the same man for nine years. We live about an hour apart, we spend all weekends together, he's here on Monday nights, but we talk almost every single day, and most times we communicate via Facetime. We each have our careers and own our own homes. However, his house is my second home and vice versa. We know each other's families and friends and socialize with both. We are there for each other when it comes to family issues (I had a memorial 250 miles from home this last weekend and he offered to go with me, and I go to memorials with him even if I barely know the person).

    The bottom line might be that, unless you are satisfied with the disconnection issue, you two might not be compatible.
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
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    Yes. You are way too needy and clingy. Why not stop nagging and be happy this dude is around for the weekend. What more do you want?

    This is interesting coming from a 50 year old and I mean that in a good way. Are you in a relationship?

    Honey, like it or not, you are not in a relationship either.

    Maybe that's why she's asking?
  • KatherinesRiver
    KatherinesRiver Posts: 128
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    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    That's what it feels like! We do shop together on the weekend, go out to eat, movies, etc... and he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out. We actually have a nice time but I do feel at times that it's a booty call or I'm a part time girlfriend.

    Booty Call. I've had a long list of experiences in my life with men. You are wanting more. He is very content. Most likely this man is married. Move on honey! Save yourself from any more anxiety over this guy. END IT.
  • SavageAbbey
    SavageAbbey Posts: 79
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    My first thought was he must be Married. Or in another "serious" relationship when he isn't with you. Not communicating is also a big red flag and you seem to know this. No way would I put up with this.
  • FatFreeFrolicking
    FatFreeFrolicking Posts: 4,252 Member
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    Your Fri,Sat, & Sun are booked.......so just sit down and talk with him and tell him you want to see other people Monday-Thursday.

    It's actually me that wants the week days to myself. He has invited me to the movies during the week with him and his son but I usually decline because I think it would be nice for him and his son to spend time together.

    All I'm asking if for a simple text "good morning, have a great day" or something. I'm such an easy going person, the little things make me happy.

    I'm confused…

    You said you want the week days to yourself but then you are mad/upset/frustrated that he doesn't reach out to you during the week. I'm starting to think that you are sending mixed signals and he got tired of you declining so now he doesn't bother anymore.

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