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Boyfriend dilemma

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Replies

  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
    I have lived alone since 1995, after my marriage I vowed never to live with a man again and I haven't. I would consider it now but I don't believe the right one has come along since then. Either that or I really like living alone.

    You've answered your own questions.

    You're really just not that into him.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    In for the exciting conclusion

    You must be new.


    Either 1.) OP will disappear and there will be no conclusion or 2.) She hasn't mentioned some huge elephant in the room ...yet.


    Or, she'll come back and continue the same see-sawing

    Or, she'll update us in three years.


    Don't forget the good ol' "you're so mean!!!!!1111oneone, you're all bullies/haters" #ragequit
  • BenRothlisberger
    BenRothlisberger Posts: 3
    so you all have been together since you were 8?

    I don't get it. :huh:

    IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THIS IS A PROBLEM TWELVE YEAR OLDS HAVE
  • Nissi51
    Nissi51 Posts: 381 Member
    I am not sure that classifies as a boyfriend.

    if you'd like more from someone then you need to move on sweetie.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,289 Member
    In for the exciting conclusion

    You must be new.


    Either 1.) OP will disappear and there will be no conclusion or 2.) She hasn't mentioned some huge elephant in the room ...yet.


    Or, she'll come back and continue the same see-sawing

    Or, she'll update us in three years.


    Don't forget the good ol' "you're so mean!!!!!1111oneone, you're all bullies/haters" #ragequit

    I don't think so. She doesn't seem to take offense. There has been quite a bit of brutal honesty here.


    Personally, I think she's a 49 YO woman who is perfectly capable of handling this but she had a slow day at work and was looking for a little entertainment. Always good fun to post a relationship question on MFP.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Those of you who gave great advice and support, thank you

    Those of you thinks he may be cheating, I assure you, he's not.

    Those of you who thinks this is a problem 12 year old's have..... more like an18 year old. I didn't date when I was 12 (or 8).

    We need to both figure out what we want and make it work or move on. I think we're hanging on because it's easier than dating.

    Thank you again. :smile:
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member

    We need to both figure out what we want and make it work or move on. I think we're hanging on because it's easier than dating.

    Thank you again. :smile:

    Sag, no offense intended, but it sounds like you are back at square one. From what you describe, he's not much of a participant in this relationship so how do you expect him to just tell you what he wants? It seems to me he has been showing you what he wants through his behavior.

    When I started reading your original post, I truly thought you were a teenager. I don't get the impression that you really know what you want.

    I advise you to figure out what you want and then take action appropriately, whether you choose to stay or leave.

    Even though I've been with a wonderful man for years now, if he was as closed off as this beau of yours is (from what you describe), I would have left a long time ago. In my book, it's better being alone than being with someone who does not pull their weight.

    And, by the way, I've read through this thread and I think everyone gave fine advice. You did come here asking a question, and just because some people answered in a way you did not like does not mean the advice was bad.

    The best of luck to you.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Thank you SLLRunner. I do appreciate your input and you're right, I don't know what I want, I don't think I have since my divorce and I don't think my SO knows what he wants either. I do know that I like to be acknowledged by my SO.

    When I went back out in the dating world in 2008, I felt like a teenager, it really isn't much different from when I was 18 except men and women are much more independent.

    Thank you again :smile:
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.
  • Mia_RagazzaTosta
    Mia_RagazzaTosta Posts: 4,885 Member
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.

    Answering a question with a question is never a good sign.
  • moosegt35
    moosegt35 Posts: 1,296 Member
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.

    His wife is going to be so pissed.
  • bd0027
    bd0027 Posts: 1,053 Member
    I'm pretty sure you're not the only girl in his life. (and I'm not talking momma/sister/female cousin)
  • kamalelwa
    kamalelwa Posts: 44 Member
    Sounds like he has the best of both worlds....time to move on to a real relationship and not just a part time???
  • Iamnotasenior
    Iamnotasenior Posts: 235 Member
    Just my observations....if he has a child from a previous relationship and he has asked you to spend time with him and his son, he most definitely wants you to be a part of his life. If you have declined repeatedly, then he has gotten the message that you want no part of his child, nor do you want to get to know him. Please understand that if he is a committed father, part of a relationship with him, will include developing a relationship of some kind with his child. If you don't want that, then he has to "compartmentalize" his relationship with you to the time he does not have his son. It seems to me that you have already drawn a line around blocks of your time that are off limits to him, yet you want him to respond to your texts during that time and are unhappy if he does not. My sense is that if you are not already in counseling, that you get to a counselor as soon as possible. I think the current state of the relationship is a result of your boundaries, not his and the fact that you are trying to manipulate his behavior when he is not with you, is a sign that you have some issues that need to be worked out in counseling. I sincerely hope that you do this if you want to continue this relationship especially since a child is involved.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.

    I would tell him that he doesn't have to, but you wish he wanted to. I would tell him you have plans for this weekend that don't include him and would really take the time to figure out if dating is really harder than being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't full fill your needs and appears to have little desire to try.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    Just my observations....if he has a child from a previous relationship and he has asked you to spend time with him and his son, he most definitely wants you to be a part of his life. If you have declined repeatedly, then he has gotten the message that you want no part of his child, nor do you want to get to know him. Please understand that if he is a committed father, part of a relationship with him, will include developing a relationship of some kind with his child. If you don't want that, then he has to "compartmentalize" his relationship with you to the time he does not have his son. It seems to me that you have already drawn a line around blocks of your time that are off limits to him, yet you want him to respond to your texts during that time and are unhappy if he does not. My sense is that if you are not already in counseling, that you get to a counselor as soon as possible. I think the current state of the relationship is a result of your boundaries, not his and the fact that you are trying to manipulate his behavior when he is not with you, is a sign that you have some issues that need to be worked out in counseling. I sincerely hope that you do this if you want to continue this relationship especially since a child is involved.

    His "child" is 27 years old, great guy, we're even FB friends. Has nothing to do with him or wanting to spend time with him. I've gone over it a million times in this thread. I know it's a pain to read the whole thread.

    In short.... It's not going to work between us.
  • Sag2015
    Sag2015 Posts: 88
    I spoke with him and I got my answer.....

    He wants to know why he has to contact me every day. Kinda hurts but whatever.

    I would tell him that he doesn't have to, but you wish he wanted to. I would tell him you have plans for this weekend that don't include him and would really take the time to figure out if dating is really harder than being in a relationship with somebody who doesn't full fill your needs and appears to have little desire to try.

    That's a great response. Thank you.
  • MommaRou56
    MommaRou56 Posts: 68 Member
    My first thought, too -- he's married.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,289 Member
    Just my observations....if he has a child from a previous relationship and he has asked you to spend time with him and his son, he most definitely wants you to be a part of his life. If you have declined repeatedly, then he has gotten the message that you want no part of his child, nor do you want to get to know him. Please understand that if he is a committed father, part of a relationship with him, will include developing a relationship of some kind with his child. If you don't want that, then he has to "compartmentalize" his relationship with you to the time he does not have his son. It seems to me that you have already drawn a line around blocks of your time that are off limits to him, yet you want him to respond to your texts during that time and are unhappy if he does not. My sense is that if you are not already in counseling, that you get to a counselor as soon as possible. I think the current state of the relationship is a result of your boundaries, not his and the fact that you are trying to manipulate his behavior when he is not with you, is a sign that you have some issues that need to be worked out in counseling. I sincerely hope that you do this if you want to continue this relationship especially since a child is involved.

    His "child" is 27 years old, great guy, we're even FB friends. Has nothing to do with him or wanting to spend time with him. I've gone over it a million times in this thread. I know it's a pain to read the whole thread.

    In short.... It's not going to work between us.

    GOOD. Glad we were of help.


    Now, make that statement stick ^^
  • neelia
    neelia Posts: 750 Member
    This isn't a boyfriend. It's a booty call.

    ...he always comes to my house because he works out of his house and likes to get out.

    :huh:

    I would be concerned.

    This.

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