Lose weight or no wedding--- is this right?

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  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,065 Member
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    Honestly you should be losing weight for YOURSELF...not for someone else. And on top of it he will only marry you if you hit 130? Kick his sorry azz to the curb! You don't need someone like that in your life! Put yourself first.
  • CealR
    CealR Posts: 33 Member
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    You're the only person who can make this decision, but since you've asked the opinions of people in a public forum, I feel comfortable putting in my two cents worth.

    ABANDON SHIP! ABANDON SHIP!

    You say you've put weight back on because you've been dealing with a lot of stress in the last four months…and his response is to impose a condition on marriage? Thereby creating more stress? I won't comment about his character because I don't know him, but his actions would imply that this is not a good match for you.

    Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
  • JazmineYoli
    JazmineYoli Posts: 547 Member
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    Don't marry the man. Like someone else said once you reach your goal he will find something else wrong with you.

    **Something about these OP's with 1 post then never heard from again. Doesn't answer any questions and ditches their own thread. I could be wrong. We will see.
  • doctorsookie
    doctorsookie Posts: 1,084 Member
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    I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's easy for us to tell you what to do but only you know the details of your relationship and can make the final decision. That said, I'd drop him like a hot potato. A man who refuses to commit to you until you reach his established goal of the right weight for you isn't worth your time. Just my opinion.

    He's a douche...lose him. You are worth so much more than this. If he's treating you this way now, then how is he going to treat you once you're married? No, sweetie this is NOT (Underscored and italic) right! This is very WRONG! Look at it this way...you will lose (enter fiances weight here) pounds instantly.
  • DamePiglet
    DamePiglet Posts: 3,730 Member
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    Just break up.


    And also your status to "single."
  • Carnivor0us
    Carnivor0us Posts: 1,752 Member
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    Wondering if his demand is cultural....
  • Fishshtick
    Fishshtick Posts: 120 Member
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    I don't know if I'm buying all this on face value. I fully admit I might be wrong, but there are a lot of signs in the OP post of someone who gravitates to extrinsic explanations for personal woes instead of looking inward. Seriously, this post was so clearly meant as a character assassination of the boyfriend it's almost hard to not see that bit as a need to build on tail of woes and play the victim. I can't help but wonder if the original post is more about someone looking for vindication that her life is so tough, that it's not her fault that she regained the weight, and that others are just not being understanding enough.

    Also, I've never heard of someone in their 20's needing skin removal surgery after losing just 40 lbs after starting well over 200. I'm not going to say impossible, but it again seems like something's missing in this picture.
  • Mycrazypumpkins
    Mycrazypumpkins Posts: 7 Member
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    Like Cindig, I was underweight when I met my husband (amazing metabolism). I hit menopause and gained 30 lbs. He never said a word when I was skinny or about the weight gain. He tells me I am beautiful every day even though I know I need to lose weight and get in shape. He has cancer and has lost lots of weight...all I care about is his health and not his weight. He does support me by hiding the twinkles all over the house, lol. But I asked him to hide his junk food from me. Does he tell you he wants to take you out and show you off to his friends? Does he put pictures of you on FB saying, "Look at my beautiful girlfriend"?. These are things that let me know my husband still finds me hot even with the weight gain. You are so young ...I'd start looking around for a man who can love your curves.
  • Jade0529
    Jade0529 Posts: 213 Member
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    You know in your heart what the answer to your question is
    Pay attention to all of the red flags, this is not the only one
    Live your life for YOU. Love yourself as you are right now
    I am sorry for you losses. Take the time to grieve and know that it is okay to think of yourself first

    HUGS
  • lesteidel
    lesteidel Posts: 229 Member
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    Do you really want spend the rest of your life obsessing about your weight?

    Do you want a man whose partnership is conditional upon your weight?

    There is a difference between concern for health and just plain being a controlling *kitten*.

    If he won't marry you now because of your weight, once you lose the weight it will be another reason.

    I gained forty pounds since starting to date my guy two years ago, and I am almost back at the weight I was then,

    But his response when I mentioned feeling bad about my weight?

    "Darlin' you can lose, you can gain, but I want you to be healthy. I don't care what size you are, you are sexy small and sexy bigger, but I do want you to eat healthy and exercise. What you weigh is up to you, but just be healthy with whatever you decide "

    THAT actually got me up off my butt and I started losing again. I realized I wanted to do it for me. The added confidence that he would like me no matter what? That made it easier. I had one less thing to stress about and one less reason to eat my feelings. Your partner should build you up, not tear you down.

    It's your decision what you do, but please try to consider whether that is really a healthy relationship or not. Trying to control your weight is a warning sign for abuse. Please please think carefully before you marry this man. If he feels he can control something as intimate as what you weigh before you are even married, what else do you think he will try to control once you are married?
  • knittnponder
    knittnponder Posts: 1,954 Member
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    My daughter is just a couple of years younger than you and I can tell you if she were in that situation I would tell her to lose some weight quickly by dumping him. I've been married to the same man for almost 22 years. I've been fat, thin and everywhere in between and he's never been anything but loving and supportive. Never, ever demanded that I change for him because he loves me as is. Even if you lose the weight, are you really willing to spend the rest of your life worrying that if you gain a pound he's going to leave you?
  • Murf2014
    Murf2014 Posts: 12 Member
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    drop him like a hot potato. A man who refuses to commit to you until you reach his established goal of the right weight for you isn't worth your time.

    The first response nailed it for me! :drinker:
  • RevWirth
    RevWirth Posts: 14 Member
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    Run. And I don't mean exercise. This is a recipe for disaster and emotional turmoil. Run. Get out. I mean it.
  • animatorswearbras
    animatorswearbras Posts: 1,001 Member
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    Tell him to gain 3 inches on his d*ck and see how he responds to that, then regardless dump him because he sounds like a total *kitten*-weasel
  • DrKhaotica
    DrKhaotica Posts: 2 Member
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    A good quote from Charlie Chaplin:

    "Your naked body should belong only to those that fall in love with your naked soul."
  • chasetwins
    chasetwins Posts: 702 Member
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    First I am so sorry you are going through this. People suck sometimes!! With that said - first you are not going to be committed to losing weight all stressed out! You need a calm level head to be successful in this journey. As far as he is concerned...please tell me it is not as bad as it sounds and that he really said it differently than you posted it?!?!?! Because if he point blank said that...Peace out buddy!! If someone dictates your weight - it is not TRUE love! And my guess would be he is going to be harsh through your marriage about your diet beginning with that bite of wedding cake!!
    I have been with my husband since 1999 and have weighed anywhere from 150 to 225 and my husband has NOT once said anything about my size...our sex life has not changed...his personality did not change nadda!! That is love!!!
    This boy is materialistic! You have to lose the weight for YOU and no one and nothing else!!! Move home where you will have the real support you need and deserve!! Then lose the weight for YOU - when you feel all sexy take a pic and mail it to him LOL ;)

    Best of luck!!!
  • blueraffi
    blueraffi Posts: 8 Member
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    Kick him to the street.
  • kmclamb13
    kmclamb13 Posts: 220 Member
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    I don't understand why he has hung around for 5 years if he doesn't like your weight.You said you have never reached goal .Why is he sticking around?If there are ultimatums I would just be alone for a while until i got my life straight.Its about you being happy; and living in stress doesn't sound like a happy life.
  • lauriej143
    lauriej143 Posts: 8 Member
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    Your worth is more than just the size of your wedding dress. A husband should want to be by your side through thick and thin or fat and slim!!
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's easy for us to tell you what to do but only you know the details of your relationship and can make the final decision. That said, I'd drop him like a hot potato. A man who refuses to commit to you until you reach his established goal of the right weight for you isn't worth your time. Just my opinion.

    All of this ^^

    If this man is not wanting to marry you because he can't stand the thought of living without you, he's not the right man to marry.

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