Lose weight or no wedding--- is this right?

Options
1…89101214

Replies

  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
    Options
    Geez, what a douche !

    And he'll get even worse over time ......

    Save yourself while you still can :drinker:
  • DeliriumCanBeFun
    DeliriumCanBeFun Posts: 313 Member
    Options
    I know that I'm only echoing what others have already said at this point, but I just wanted to chime in. I know it's tempting to believe that he will finally approve/love/cherish/respect you once you reach that magic number, but believe me, someone like that never, ever will. Anyone who puts conditions on love at the outset has no idea what a marraige requires. Marraige is HARD. There are times when you hate each other, when you annoy the heck out of each other, when just the sound of their breath at night makes you want to scream. And just wait until kids come into the picture. It takes a very solid backbone of MUTUAL respect - and respect for the institution of marraige itself - for one to succeed.

    I promise you, someone like him will always be adding new conditions for you to try to live up to. You will, never, ever - repeat EVER - live up to all of this person's expectations, because really, he doesn't want you to. Honestly, ask yourself if it isn't possible that he really loves haing the upper hand in the relationship? Of course I don't know him, but I know people just like him, and I'm saying run, don't walk, away from him. I know you've invested a lot in this relationship, and maybe you think it's your only chance.

    It's not.

    Let me repeat that. IT"S NOT.

    I promise you, there is a sweet, kind, loving, respectful man out there just waiting for you to dump this guy. Remember, people usually live up to your expectations of them. So if you hold out for a man who will treat you like a queen, you'll get him.

    Continue to take care of your body, eat smart and splurge occasionally. Find your joy. It's out there, and I guarantee you, it's NOT with this guy.

    I wish you all the wonderful things. Good luck! ♥
    So well said!!
    I used to have the absolute worst taste in men and went through hell because of it, but I finally got it right. Just last night I was looking at a wedding picture on my desk. I was almost 20 pounds heavier, and the look in my husband's eyes shows how deeply in love with me he is. Takes my breath away every time. And yet our marriage takes lots of work every single day. Don't settle for less than a man that would marry you no matter what.
  • leggup
    leggup Posts: 2,942 Member
    Options
    How to spot a troll:

    1. Posts inflammatory thread and then nothing else.
    2. Post is internally inconsistent re: calling him a boyfriend even though they're engaged.
    3. Had surgery at age 21? Boyfriend from age 18, but she's from Puerto Rico? Is at 209 lbs but was down to
    4. Only has 1 post ever.

    Trololololooloooo
  • pbelton
    pbelton Posts: 3
    Options
    That does not sound like a supportive companion. So, what will happen if you gain weight during the marriage, will he leave you? How is going through that kind of stress helpful or supportive to your goals in life? It does not sound like you are happy now with the demands being placed on you, and frankly it won't get easier in marriage. Do yourself a favor and don't enough the signs. You don't need hindsight to see 20/20. It is right before you, and the answer is clear. If you have to ask the question, you probably already know the answer.
  • pbelton
    pbelton Posts: 3
    Options
    that was suppose to be ignore the signs.
  • fitkatb
    fitkatb Posts: 14 Member
    Options
    Hey! I married that *kitten*! Or someone just like him anyway. I've been happily divorced for several years now. I never could get to my goal weight, in fact, just kept getting bigger under the weight of his disapproval. Check out my profile pic. Guess who's eating his heart out now? Dump him. He is dangling commitment like a reward as if he himself is some perfect prize. If he loves you, he's in. You'll both grow and change together. He is demanding that YOU change to be good enough for him.

    I know this, the only thing about you that will absolutely positively change over the course of your life is the way you look. (wrinkles, gray hair, weight flux) If he's that hung on the weight, how do you think he'll feel about wrinkles? But if you're down for plastic surgery and therapy for the rest of your life, sounds like he's quite a catch.
  • pavenewpaths
    pavenewpaths Posts: 28
    Options
    Dump him, keep his number, lose the weight for yourself and at your own pace, then text him an "eff you" with a photo attached :happy:
  • Vicxie86
    Vicxie86 Posts: 181 Member
    Options
    Are you telling the full story? for example maybe the money for the surgery came from him based on a promise that you will lose the weight but you haven't kept the end of your bargain? I'm just speculating here because i cannot believe a man who got into a relationship with you while being who you are now will suddenly turn around and say you're not good enough for marriage. I just feel like there's more to it, that's my opinion
  • Buff2022
    Buff2022 Posts: 373 Member
    Options
    I have not read through all the responses. But all I can say is HE NEEDS TO GO! Really he won't marry you if you don't weigh a certain number. So that means if you gain the weight back he will leave you.

    How will he act if:
    You have a major accident and need to be cared for.
    You have a special needs child who needs constant care.
    You lose your job.
    Your house burns down.

    Weight is a number. Yes you need to lose weight to be healthy. But not to marry you because of that. Go pawn the ring and take the money and treat yourself to a spa day.
  • SarahWSU36
    SarahWSU36 Posts: 19 Member
    Options
    I am so sad for you. :(

    I am 37 years old and when I met my fiance 5 years ago I was about 60lbs lighter. He has never once mentioned anything about my weight in regards to getting married, etc.

    Please take care of yourself and remember your self worth should not be dictated by a number on the scale.
  • jackilync
    jackilync Posts: 30 Member
    Options
    Here's the thing, if he really truly was in love with you, and he wanted to marry you, your weight would NEVER be a reason to avoid it. It honestly sounds to me like he's a jerk. Without knowing your relationship, I can't really tell you what you should do either, I will say though, my husband met me when I was around 240lbs, married me when I was 284lbs, and still loved me when I was at my heaviest of 294 lbs. He wants me to reach my goals but he wants it because I want it. He has told me a thousand times that if I never lost a lb he would still think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world. You DESERVE a man who loves you like that. If he's willing to refuse to marry you over your weight, he DOESN'T deserve you! I'm sorry that you have had so much going on and that he's being that way. It's really sad. Good luck with whatever decision you choose and good luck with your weight loss journey.
  • sushisuzi2
    sushisuzi2 Posts: 111 Member
    Options
    I have been with 2 men like that in my life. Both who have had NO reason to talk about appearances.

    I can't help but think underneath that horrifying way of speaking to your fiance, is a mountain of worms that will only get worse.
    I don't think he is good husband material. Save yourself the hassle. Let the relationship die on it's own.
    His words killed it anyway.
  • hig17
    hig17 Posts: 159 Member
    Options
    Drop him like a bad habit! "If you can't love me at my worst, you certainly don't deserve me at my best!"
  • canadjineh
    canadjineh Posts: 5,396 Member
    Options
    That's pretty effed up. Why does he need/want you to be some special weight to marry you? That doesn't seem very loving or supportive. I don't normally say this kinda thing but...seriously? Dump him! This is emotional blackmail at best, and emotional abuse at worse.

    And again, I'm not normally one to say such things

    ^^ THIS^^

    If you are wondering if it is just his way of saying he cares deeply about your health... look at how he has treated female members of his family, how he talks to them (ask them privately) and listen carefully when he interacts with them on other occasions. That will tell you whether he is a emotional abuser. All sweet & loving one minute/all controlling and emotionally abusive the next? No problem to figure the right road out...
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    Options
    He wants to put off the wedding indefinitely. Period. He will keep finding reasons even if you lose the weight.

    This. You've been with him six years and he says he'll marry you when you hit some magic number? No. I'm sorry OP. I hope things get better for you. You're young. Do not settle. I did when I was 23 and he's now an ex-husband.
  • fitready1
    fitready1 Posts: 5
    Options
    Hi Blc281!!!! I am so sorry that you have this added stress on you!! Everything is going to be ok. If you can take some time out and think for a minute, is this person helping me or hurting me? How do I feel when he say those things to me? If your initial answer is that you feel bad then is that someone you want to be with? Do you want to be with someone that make you feel bad or inspire you? This is just my opinion, if I am trying to loose weight and I have a companion that wants me to loose weight and if he is trying to help me I would think that he would suggest that WE both work out together and WE both change our eating habits together. He may try and say well I'm just saying it to inspire you but that isn't inspiration at all. No one can help you figure out your situation but you, its your decision on what you want and how you want your life to be. Have you considered going to the doctor to see what the issue may be? There are products that a doctor can prescribe for you as well as weight lose programs under a doctor's care that can help. If you really want to loose the weight do this for YOU and no one else. This is a wonderful app and there are some amazing people on here that will support you. I hope and pray my post as well as others help. You are important and you do matter!!!! You can do it the sky is the limit and anyone that beat you down and not build you up shouldn't be in your space :) Take Care!!!
  • HannahLynn91
    HannahLynn91 Posts: 238 Member
    Options
    Don't lose weight for the sake of your relationship... Lose weight because you want to be strong and healthy. And yes, leave your pathetic boyfriend. I have been in that situation before... and I left him. When I met my husband I was about 20lbs less than what I'm now, he has loved me from the beginning, loved me when I gained weight and is loving me while im losing it.

    Your boyfriend should want to marry you because he loves YOU. Giving the reason of not marrying you because your not at your goal weight is RUDE and SHALLOW!!!

    A relationship isn't supposed to add stress into your life. Your boyfriend is supposed to be there to support you and make you feel loved no matter what.

    It doesn't sound like he is delivering.

    Sorry your in this situation girl, just know that weight loss isn't about anyone but YOU. If you want it bad enough, you will get it. If someone else wants it FOR you, it's not going to come off and stay off the way you want it too.
  • bobbiejof33
    bobbiejof33 Posts: 55
    Options
    I'm sorry you are in this situation. It's easy for us to tell you what to do but only you know the details of your relationship and can make the final decision. That said, I'd drop him like a hot potato. A man who refuses to commit to you until you reach his established goal of the right weight for you isn't worth your time. Just my opinion.

    I agree. You are worth more then your scale, and what HE thinks you should weigh. Do what makes YOU happy. Life is hard, and full of hard choices. Sit back and do some soul searching, some writing always helps me. But if my fiancé put off our wedding due to my weight, I would leave him in a minute, because he wouldn't love me for me, and he wouldn't appreciate who I really am.
  • shmulyeng
    shmulyeng Posts: 472 Member
    Options
    And what happens if you gain back 5 pounds?
  • PennyM140
    PennyM140 Posts: 423 Member
    Options
    Seems like there is more to this story. Where is the OP?

Categories