Came for support....so disappointed

Been here for almost 2 years. I've read everything on the forums and I've learned A LOT. Most of the people I listened to were snarky. They gave the information, had no time for excuses, but they were most encouraging when you were open to changing your mind.

I have lost over 100 pounds and I have another 35 or so left. Without those people, I would still be eating < 1200 calories and killing myself with tons of cardio. Never going back there.

But, if you feel like people are being mean - as others have said - add like minded friends to your profile and stick to groups.

Read more carefully. I said that the MFP method (which is eating at deficit) is how I lost the 45 lbs. but suddenly, about a year into maintenance, the rules for my body evidently changed. I did not change anything, but started to gain while eating at maintenance. Then I tried going back to MFP method. No loss. Tried "eat more to weigh less" and other similar ideas, gained 15 lbs, and I'm still searching. (Btw I never stopped logging)

Technically eating at a deficit will still work for me. The problem is no calculator or device seems to give me a reliable TDEE for MY BODY. And there is no reasonable explanation for why. So if I can find the deficit number. . .

The problem seems to ultimately be that my deficit number will be smaller than anyone seems to think is healthy. For instance, I have been eating about 1400-1450 cals a day for about 8 weeks, while exercising about 35 minutes a day, vigorously ( run 10 min miles or do boot camp style circuit training mixed with strength training). So next I drop down to 1300-1350 a day while exercising. That'll get plenty of people on here worked up.

The point I am trying to make is just that there are a small percentage of us whose bodies don't play by exactly the same rules. I know this because I know how it has been when the "rules" changed! Maybe it's menopause, maybe thermogenesis adaptation , who knows. But for some of us it is real. When you are struggling with this over the long haul it can make you overly sensitive to all the unkind feedback. You can get a bit defensive,as the OP may be. I am just posting to let her know I understand, and hopefully to help others see another point of view. I guess I've always advocated for the underdog. . .

1. have you had your thyroid checked? have you been tested for other conditions like PCOS that can affect the metabolism? If you really are burning that much fewer calories than the calorie calculators predict and you're being realistic about your activity factor, then this could be an indication of

2. if 1. is what's happening, then drugs like phentermine will make the problem worse, not better. e.g. if you have an underactive thyroid, you need thyroid medication to get your metabolism back to where it should be, then you will be able to lose weight on a more reasonable amount of food.

3. if adaptive thermogenesis is the issue, phentermine and low calorie diets will make it worse, not better. You need to eat a lot more and do strength training to rebuild your muscles in that situation... but if you never did any VLCDs it's probably not this

4. are you weighing and measuring everything accurately? YOu may be eating more than you think. You may have been in deficit in spite of overestimating your portions initially, hence the 45lb weight loss followed by a plateau. Weigh your food, cups are not that accurate.

Also, re weight gain at maintenance calories.... how long did you wait before deciding that you're gaining weight? Because after eating at a calorie deficit then returning to maintenance, you can expect to gain as much as 5lb in glycogen and water weight only. It's common for people when switching to maintenance calories to see this gain and freak out, thinking that they're in a calorie surplus, then they're scared they "wrecked" their metabolism. If you're sure that this is not what's going on, and you really are gaining *fat* when you're eating at maintenance,

OR if you suddenly started gaining weight after successfully maintaining.... what changed? Did your activity levels change (e.g. change of a job, not walking as much? - this can lower your TDEE and cause you to start gaining weight on the same number of calories as you previously maintained on.

If you're 100% certain that you measured all your food accurately, and calculated your TDEE correctly with the a reliable calorie calculator, and you were realistic about your activity factor, and your real world results suggest you're burning way fewer calories than predicted (100-200 calories different could be explained by normal biological variation so just subtract this amount from your calorie goal and go from there) - really big differences can be indicative of problems such as underactive thyroid which need to be treated with the right kind of medication. If you're not 100% certain you did all that, then that's what you have to do for a few weeks to see if your weight loss starts again. I know it seems really anal weighing everything you eat, but sometimes that's what you've got to do and plenty of people on this site needed to do that before they succeeded.

I think you missed the first part of my post which answers some of your questions. I am not the OP, just dropped into tell her my story in support of frustration at feeling that nothing works!

Your responses make a lot so sense, though, and are said courteously. I will follow up on the new ideas. I always appreciate pointers from people who post in this manner. Unfortunately this is not a new change. It is a change that started over two years ago, and I have been documenting the struggles. I haven't had thyroid test anytime in the pat 5 years, mostly because I don't have any other symptoms. I do likely have pcos.

Anyway, as far as rude vs helpful but critical posts, I am guessing it is not this kind of post the OP was talking about! This kind of constructive criticism is helpful and thought provoking.

if you're doing everything and not losing then two words come to mind: 'secret eater''? (we have a reality series on tv about this in the UK - its enlightening! people forget about what they have eaten etc) i'm sorry and i dont mean to hurt you but its cos there's too many calories being consumed, its all something we had to open our eyes to its why i joined mfp ☺ but so many of us have and been successful with counting our cals so there's no reason why you can't either ☺
I wish you every success.
Ruth

I don't know who you are, but I feel the same as you do. I have been working hard for the past 3 months, doing things "right" and am so frustrated with lack of progress.

Our bodies get very, very well adapted to holding on to extra pounds. I cannot lose weight. I can get fit. I can cut calories! But my body will not lose weight.

Very frustrated, here. Kind of angry that other folks do not seem to be honest that my same situation applies to many very hard working ladies who are doing things RIGHT, yet see no results from their honest efforts.