husband jokes' about my body

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Replies

  • grandmothercharlie
    grandmothercharlie Posts: 1,363 Member
    After your last post, some things are clearer. I agree with what everyone is saying that his behavior regarding this is unacceptable, but then I'm a liberated American female. It seems it is a cultural problem; he probably comes by this attitude from what he has witnessed his whole life and how he was raised. These things are hard to change. I'm not a marriage counselor, nor am I in your shoes. I think the likelihood of him changing is very slim. He is happy with himself and how he deals with you so there is no incentive for him to change. You are the unhappy one, so it will be up to you to change your attitude, your response to his attitude, or your situation. It doesn't seem fair, nor do I feel it is right, but it is the reality. We can only change the things we can control.

    As most of us live where it is not acceptable, we must remember when giving advice that there are countries in this world where women have no rights some of your suggestions can lead to beatings, being cast-out, or worse.
  • I have a great solution!! No more sex, no more bj's (if you do that:wink: ) and no more cooking for him!! That'll teach him not to mess with women about weight, especially pregnant women!!!
  • steviewd
    steviewd Posts: 3 Member
    Agree with claudiak.; you should be proud of your pregnancy and body!
  • sianp3
    sianp3 Posts: 10 Member
    I have read through every reply on here and I want a like button!!!! Just focus on you.. To be honest taking a few days out of the house might make you feel more in control of your emotions and may also give him time to realise what he is doing. Ask him how he would feel if you said he looks fat or got a wobbly bit!!! maybe he'll think twice. My friends husband id the same. He's not got a good body but if she puts on a few pound he'll tell her and she has to keep a size 0 figure to avoid these remarks. If my Hubby was like that he'd be out the door!!

    Take care
    S X
  • SherryTeach
    SherryTeach Posts: 2,836 Member
    As soon as you return to an English-speaking community, seek counseling to figure out why you married a man like this. And then figure out your options. Otherwise, you have signed up for a miserable life. I'm so sorry.
  • Cranquistador
    Cranquistador Posts: 39,744 Member
    Thank you all for your messages and your advices. It actually made me feel way better. We live overseas, and all my family is in the US, but I will go away at least for the week end, I wont try to explain anything to him, just tell him that I need a break for a couple of days, we are supposed to be gettkng a heat wave over the weekend, so I will get some Quality me time before the work week starts.. Hopefully having some time by himself will makes him realize that his Jokes arent actually funny !!
    I just cant belive he is sleeping soundly, no guilt or concern what so ever....grrrrrrrrr
    throw water on him.
  • Noogynoogs
    Noogynoogs Posts: 1,028 Member
    When your self esteem is intact - no amount of insults can get to you.
  • diamier
    diamier Posts: 66 Member
    Well that's silly, how your husband is so pricky. Just have in mind that you must not forget that your actions do bigger influence on the baby, not husband, so it's stupid to talk like this 'to be beautiful for husband', when he acts like a total frog himself! Just have in mind, that all pregnant women are extremely beautiful and of course there's nothing wrong with teasing once in a while, but not that harshly! Everyone would go insane after few days of this! Just keep calm and have quality time for yourself and the little one.

    People are so strange and obscure sometimes...
  • sue_stef
    sue_stef Posts: 194 Member
    step 1) buy a pair of steel toe boots
    step 2) kick him hard in the goodie box
    step 3) "stop being a whiny baby I was only kidding"

    I am a mom of 5 after having a baby your body shape changes it will never be what it was pre pregnancy
    during pregnancy it is a beautiful thing you are growing a life your child that make you a stunning beautiful creature
    he is an *kitten* tell him I said he is an *kitten* he should be groveling right now and stop with his childish behavior
    as your husband the father of the child he should be taking care of you
    making certain that you are not experiencing extra stress
    he should be telling you how fantastic you look
    because no matter what the package looks like a pregnant woman is a miracle of nature and is beautiful

    I also like the idea of taking off for a few days to your moms till he grows up leave him a note and say "not kidding Im gone till you straighten up" Do not tolerate this treatment for "love"
  • taiyola
    taiyola Posts: 964 Member
    This would be divorce for me. This is basically bullying and abusive behaviour.
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,723 Member
    step 1) buy a pair of steel toe boots
    step 2) kick him hard in the goodie box
    step 3) "stop being a whiny baby I was only kidding"

    I am a mom of 5 after having a baby your body shape changes it will never be what it was pre pregnancy
    during pregnancy it is a beautiful thing you are growing a life your child that make you a stunning beautiful creature
    he is an *kitten* tell him I said he is an *kitten* he should be groveling right now and stop with his childish behavior
    as your husband the father of the child he should be taking care of you
    making certain that you are not experiencing extra stress
    he should be telling you how fantastic you look
    because no matter what the package looks like a pregnant woman is a miracle of nature and is beautiful

    I also like the idea of taking off for a few days to your moms till he grows up leave him a note and say "not kidding Im gone till you straighten up" Do not tolerate this treatment for "love"

    Came here to suggest this type of sensitivity training. I'm surprised it hasn't already happened to him given how hormonal pregnant women are. My wife punched me when she was pregnant, for a lot less than what he said.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
    When your self esteem is intact - no amount of insults can get to you.


    No amount of self esteem gives others the right to treat you poorly. Good self esteem helps to ensure that you don't feel like **** when others (who are supposed to love, honor and cherish you) treat you like ****.
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Ask him to drop his pants. Look at him for a second, then smirk a little, shake your head and walk away.

    When he mentions it, tell him you are just teasing and he should quit be so super sensitive.

    And repeat frequently.

    lol
  • WVmom24
    WVmom24 Posts: 266 Member
    Emotional abuse at it's finest. If you want to put up with that, that's your prerogative. Did I read right you weight 120-something at 5'8"? That's underweight, for one. I don't understand.
  • LizN63
    LizN63 Posts: 129 Member
    I hate to say this but in my opinion it's only going to get worse if he 'gets away with it' now. You might get swollen feet, or a condition in your pelvis that means you're unable to walk, or any number of pregnancy-related conditions. And trust me, when you have a newborn baby in the house you will be lucky to have the time/energy to shower let alone do your hair and nails.

    I worry about what he would do too with a child who does not conform to his ideals.

    Is there anything you do like about this guy? You haven't said.

    PS I would also check with your GP about when is best to fly if you're flying back to your family after your 2nd trimester. Some airlines ask for a letter from your midwife after a certain number of weeks.
  • WIChelle
    WIChelle Posts: 471 Member
    As someone that has been married forever to a man who never said a bad word about me getting really fat, thin and fat gain and now shrinking.. Same nice words if I am fat or thin. I would expect NO less ever. I am shaking my head wondering why you are putting up with him one more second. I personally would put some fear in him by taking some time alone and explaining why. If he ever puts you down again after a warning kick his manipulative butt to the curb. If he is so into perfection in your body and his what is he going to say about a slightly chunky toddler with their cute little fat thighs? Your a big girl and can walk away. A child he decided to erode their confidence cant.
  • stiobhard
    stiobhard Posts: 140 Member
    :grumble:

    ...
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    No one should call you a whale, a tennis racket or anything else. You're a person. More importantly, you're his wife and soon-to-be mother of his child. If you did have a daughter, can you imagine him nitpicking at her, making her cry, possibly giving her body image issues or an eating disorder, and constantly making her feel not good enough? If a friend told you that their husband was doing this, how would that make you feel? That's not fair or right... I agree about needing to set boundaries and clearly explain that calling you names, pinching you, and commenting negatively are not acceptable behaviours, but you have to first believe yourself that you have the right to set those boundaries and choose what you will and will not tolerate.

    Best of luck...
  • alleycat41
    alleycat41 Posts: 19 Member
    this is verbal abuse..simple as that. what he says makes you feel small and worthless and you have told him it hurts and he's still doing it ,that makes it verbal abuse in my opinion.
  • jesiann2014
    jesiann2014 Posts: 521 Member
    Honey, you've been inundated with advice and opinions here and probably don't need another... I can't help myself tho. Day in and day out I see girls and women living and breathing for one main purpose, to be noticed! Recognized! Complimented!! It's such a vicious mindset and only spirals downward... You aren't going to change your husband. But you can take control of this situation. Determine within your heart that YOU are a priority in your life. WHEN THIS SWEET BABY GETS HERE, HE OR SHE WILL DRAW THEIR OWN CONFIDENCE FROM THEIR MAMA. That's a big heavy load to lay on your shoulders, but there you have it. Beginning this moment, refuse to stand still for him to criticize and judge you. Also, I have to say that 2 wrongs never make a right. It is imperative that you never lower yourself to his actions. I'm guessing that his confidence is even lower than yours. I'm certainly not saying to pile on on the compliments to him. But if you notice that he looks especially nice, tell him! And never voice out loud your own body insecurities. Speak life, girl! It's your choice. Speak life and light or death and darkness. Bottom line, you can own this situation! When he speaks negative to you, walk away and refuse to respond. Refuse to moan and groan and make him say "oh honey I was just kidding". That gives him the upper hand. Don't absorb his negative comments! Rather, throw your shoulders back, chin up and let them bounce right off of you. YOU can be the person that will ultimately show your man the correct way to treat others. Before I end this, I must also say that in most situations like this, how your husband treats you will also be the way that he treats your children. You need to think long and hard about this. I wish you the very best.