Losing Weight While Your Partner Doesn't

It hasn't affected my relationship. I love my husband for more than just his body. He is fun, generous, smart and if he is a little portly that is his choice. He is healthy and happy and that is what matters the most to me.

I started dating my fiancé 2.5 years ago, and he was about 175 lbs overweight, or more. I was not physically attracted to him, but was very attracted to everything else about him. He's a wonderful man, & he treasures me. I had dated not so great men before him, & decided to go against my instinct and try something different. I was so nervous to become physical with him, as I'd never been with a man of his size before. We got through it, but we were both uncomfortable. He was self conscious, & I could feel that. After our failed attempt at sex, I thought I'd either have to break up with him, or do the hard thing and talk about it. Well, We talked about it. And he opened up to me and told me he's always struggled with his weight, & that its the only thing he's like to change. So I tried to gently coax him in that direction. We got better at the sex thing, but it was still never good. We were so limited, and still, both uncomfortable. 6 months in he'd made no progress, and I stopped wanting sex, he'd ask why, and I'd again have the painful task of telling him why. He'd then promise me he'd take better are of himself.
This exact cycle has repeated over the last 2.5 years. We broke up 8 months ago bc I had started to find myself attracted to other men, & I felt so incredibly guilty. We broke up, and he was heartbroken enough to work hard and lose 20lbs in 1 month. He again promised me, and I felt sure he meant it this time. 2 months later we got engaged, because again, everything else in our relationship is great. But here we are, 3 weeks away from our wedding day, not having sex, and he's made very little progress. He still swears it will change, & that he's working hard. But he in never consistent enough to make a big difference. It's been somewhat manageable bc we don't love together, but once were married & sleeping in the same bed every night, won't it get worse? I'm always honest with him, & he knows how I feel. I honestly don't understand why he still wants to be with me. Neither of us is happy with our sex life, and I know that If nothing changes we'll probably get divorced. Yet he promises me it will. I just hate walking down the aisle with even a shred of doubt. I don't want to be In a sexless marriage. That is going to open up too many doors to potential, much bigger problems. Yet, he still swears he will do better. Wtf do I do?

Courage them, but don't nag. ask them to join you, but don't push it. just give them the option. You know it yourself, you need some sort of spark to start and the motivation to keep at it. I started by myself, kept eating healthy and going to gym. Later my man started to become interested in it as well. (: We still don't workout much together, but he's picked up some healthier habits and has his own workouts and is interested in nutrition. Just give your partner some time, the decision is theirs!

No, I love my boyfriend, his weight isnt a consideration.

If it is real love on both your parts, stick it out and encourage him. True love is hard to find, don't take it lightly.

As the girlfriend that never exercised when my spouse was I can share my side.

One day he just decided he wanted to loose weight, I still wasn't there emotionally and physically. I just didn't get the will power and have that motivation no matter how much I barked about my fat butt. It had been a couple of months of him trying to get better (he lost 30pounds) and I didn't support him, I felt awful and felt like no matter how I tried I would still look ugly regardless. He tried to pry and pry into getting me to loose weight but I didn't. I feel I didn't support him because he had this "you should be like me I'm so healthy" after two weeks and it lasted forever.

Fast forward 6 months later, he is not dieting anymore and I decided to do it for myself, and not for him because you cant work your best under other peoples pressures (Or at least I can't). I have now lost 60 pounds on MLP and 75 all together, he cannot believe it. He always wonders why we didn't do it together and it's simple, I wanted to do it on my own time, under my own goals and without his nagging.

You have to remember you both got big together, he didn't leave you then so why when your loosing weight and gaining confidence are you thinking about breaking it off? It seems like there is more going on then the weight loss issue.

For me, personally, that alone would not be enough. We are each going to change and go through so many changes (physical and lifestyle) and part of a relationship is being there for each other in our good times and bad times. That said, if you are living fundamentally different lifestyles (ideal Saturday for you is going for a hike, compared to sitting on the couch all weekend being ideal for him/her), it's probably better to get out now while you are young.

I agree with this.

My ex husband and I were both (very) obese, but I lived a VERY different and way healthier lifestyle than he did. It didn't matter that we were both fat...it was as different as if I was thin/fit and he was the only one with a weight issue...same problems IMO.

Now I am with someone who is much more like me. I am so happy and fulfilled and inspired. It's like night and day.

The only thing I'd say is please don't make a hasty judgment on your SO. Sometimes people (not pointing fingers at OP or anyone else) get kind of high & mighty especially in the early days of a lifestyle change and are hypercritical of their SO. The situation I described above (divorcing someone with a less healthy lifestyle) is something that went on for 10 years.

Absolutely not.
I am working on myself and my husband doesn't seem to have the motivation to work on himself right now. I will do my best to encourage him but if he chooses not to then I will still love him. He didn't choose to leave me when I gained a ton of weight.
I don't understand this line of thinking. Obviously if you have decided to lose weight you were overweight and your partner stayed with you. What if it was the other way around and he decided that he didn't want to wait for you to get motivated all those months you were stuffing your face.
I've been with my husband for ten years, fat and thin, sick and healthy and the idea of throwing that relationship away over him being unmotivated to lose weight is ridiculous to me.