rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

Its not his fault he isn't attracted to you. Its not a decision we get to make.

But still...to hell with him. Find someone who's really into you.

hi everyone

i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".

so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.

i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.

Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.

I'd think twice about someone that left in the middle of the night to drive four hours home. Sounds like he had someone waiting for/expecting him.

That said, I am sorry you were hurt. :frown:

He sounds like an *kitten*. I'm sorry, I know that's a judgment, but really - he couldn't even hang around for the evening? Over 40 pounds? What on earth is that kind of a person going to be like in an actual, human, messy, difficult everyday relationship? They sound like the person who would scram over the slightest difference from their expectation. Frankly, you're well rid of him.

thank you for your words of encouragement. i understand that, there are a lot of factors at play. its difficult to feel like anything could get better and waking up everyday with the cold, stark realization that it was all just a scam. i feel betrayed and played, he constantly promised and assured me that he would be with me through all the bad and good. now it's just an emptiness. i know he doesn't have anyone at home, i know he was honest in his feelings. but meeting me really skewed his perception, i know it did and i feel like maybe he feels deceived or betrayed. it's hard for either one of us to communicate emotions or put ourselves out there. i know he is capable of serious relationships. i just don't know if he is capable of actually loving someone on a deeper level and realistic level. it's sad and im finding it so difficult to move on, i just can't believe it went from 100 to 0 within hours. i feel like i fell from a cliff and survived, but left broken and he doesn't seem to care about how i feel anymore.