rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight
Options
Replies
-
best advice is hop on tinder. get attention from tons of players that look like me instantly and then move on-because there really are tons of people out there.
bonus points if you let one of us studs tinder ya from behind ;PPP
seriously I prob get to date 10 different ppl a month and 6-7 come from that app. Some will become friends and then introduce you to your friends.
And this, my friends, is why I was hesitant to get on Tinder.0 -
To people who are cringing that I cried for two hours.... First of all, I had zero emotional control let alone could say those words to him without bawling and breaking down. My heart literally broke, it felt like a suction in my stomach and chest. It physically hurt. I felt broken and shattered and cry was all I could do
It was his decision to stay and hug me and say things and hold my face in his hands, etc. But he left. Its easy to say you should have said oh that's fine you don't like me I'll get over it, when you aren't in the actual moment
Problem is, we had discussed the depths of ourselves to one another, we literally had the most open communication. Me crying was not something that would have shocked him as a response, it was a raw and honest response. I still cry Noe when I think of our communication and plans and shared experience and love. This is what feeling deeply and rawly for someone is like, its not a switch I can turn off
as I guy, I can relate about this concerning a 4year+ relationship.. incredibly tough.. literally googled too make sure you can't die of a broken heart.
good news, after 6 months and many new partners the individual will still bring a smile to your face, but you'll notice your dates have improved drastically and you as an individual have evolved into a better person.
the worst times give you the most material to make the best changes on yourself the fastest.0 -
To people who are cringing that I cried for two hours.... First of all, I had zero emotional control let alone could say those words to him without bawling and breaking down. My heart literally broke, it felt like a suction in my stomach and chest. It physically hurt. I felt broken and shattered and cry was all I could do
It was his decision to stay and hug me and say things and hold my face in his hands, etc. But he left. Its easy to say you should have said oh that's fine you don't like me I'll get over it, when you aren't in the actual moment
Problem is, we had discussed the depths of ourselves to one another, we literally had the most open communication. Me crying was not something that would have shocked him as a response, it was a raw and honest response. I still cry Noe when I think of our communication and plans and shared experience and love. This is what feeling deeply and rawly for someone is like, its not a switch I can turn off
as I guy, I can relate about this concerning a 4year+ relationship.. incredibly tough.. literally googled too make sure you can't die of a broken heart.
good news, after 6 months and many new partners the individual will still bring a smile to your face, but you'll notice your dates have improved drastically and you as an individual have evolved into a better person.
the worst times give you the most material to make the best changes on yourself the fastest.
OR, you can work on the things that make you feel stronger and not let your self-worth be determined solely by men and sex.0 -
best advice is hop on tinder. get attention from tons of players that look like me instantly and then move on-because there really are tons of people out there.
bonus points if you let one of us studs tinder ya from behind ;PPP
seriously I prob get to date 10 different ppl a month and 6-7 come from that app. Some will become friends and then introduce you to your friends.
And this, my friends, is why I was hesitant to get on Tinder.
Hey! I treat the ladies like little queens, I pay for the meals, open the doors and give them a wonderful time, being witty, the shogun of sarcasm, and the king of glib.
However I see your point because- its typically just samplers though! ;PPP0 -
To people who are cringing that I cried for two hours.... First of all, I had zero emotional control let alone could say those words to him without bawling and breaking down. My heart literally broke, it felt like a suction in my stomach and chest. It physically hurt. I felt broken and shattered and cry was all I could do
It was his decision to stay and hug me and say things and hold my face in his hands, etc. But he left. Its easy to say you should have said oh that's fine you don't like me I'll get over it, when you aren't in the actual moment
Problem is, we had discussed the depths of ourselves to one another, we literally had the most open communication. Me crying was not something that would have shocked him as a response, it was a raw and honest response. I still cry Noe when I think of our communication and plans and shared experience and love. This is what feeling deeply and rawly for someone is like, its not a switch I can turn off
I don't think you were completely honest with him (as I said a post back you probably sent him older pictures), and I think it was a little more than he was prepared to take. Don't let that phase you though, it sounds like you are a great person if you were able to keep him that interested sight unseen. In my book that is the hard part to have.
Get your health issues sorted, get some self respect and dignity back, hit that gym, and never look back. maybe you guys are still possible, nothing wrong with that, lose that weight and keep rocking. Be happy with you before you worry about anything else though.
Feel free to add me for encouragement, and no bs lies or anything advice if anything I said at all works for you. Take care of number #1 (YOU!) and #2 will follow.0 -
To people who are cringing that I cried for two hours.... First of all, I had zero emotional control let alone could say those words to him without bawling and breaking down. My heart literally broke, it felt like a suction in my stomach and chest. It physically hurt. I felt broken and shattered and cry was all I could do
It was his decision to stay and hug me and say things and hold my face in his hands, etc. But he left. Its easy to say you should have said oh that's fine you don't like me I'll get over it, when you aren't in the actual moment
Problem is, we had discussed the depths of ourselves to one another, we literally had the most open communication. Me crying was not something that would have shocked him as a response, it was a raw and honest response. I still cry Noe when I think of our communication and plans and shared experience and love. This is what feeling deeply and rawly for someone is like, its not a switch I can turn off
as I guy, I can relate about this concerning a 4year+ relationship.. incredibly tough.. literally googled too make sure you can't die of a broken heart.
good news, after 6 months and many new partners the individual will still bring a smile to your face, but you'll notice your dates have improved drastically and you as an individual have evolved into a better person.
the worst times give you the most material to make the best changes on yourself the fastest.
OR, you can work on the things that make you feel stronger and not let your self-worth be determined solely by men and sex.
hear hear! not arguing with you, you can work on improing your character and the relationships with current friends and family.. and even tell your family and friends about your struggles... I mean its family so they will act as a support group.
-_- .. jeez paige tough on dudes much?0 -
hear hear! not arguing with you, you can work on improing your character and the relationships with current friends and family.. and even tell your family and friends about your struggles... I mean its family so they will act as a support group.
-_- .. jeez paige tough on dudes much?
Actually, no. I'm not that tough on dudes. I like men. I'm even on Tinder.
I just don't think that having a bunch of casual relationships with a variety of different men is what the OP needs right now. I think she needs to build her self esteem and her worth beyond what men think about her.0 -
I think she needs to build her self esteem and her worth beyond what men think about her.
Yes this. Get her stuff sorted out, health, heart, weight... then worry about the other stuff after. You can't build a house on half a foundation.0 -
hear hear! not arguing with you, you can work on improing your character and the relationships with current friends and family.. and even tell your family and friends about your struggles... I mean its family so they will act as a support group.
-_- .. jeez paige tough on dudes much?
Actually, no. I'm not that tough on dudes. I like men. I'm even on Tinder.
I just don't think that having a bunch of casual relationships with a variety of different men is what the OP needs right now. I think she needs to build her self esteem and her worth beyond what men think about her.
hey, I said bonus points referring to the casual relationships. - I see your point though, your entirely right, but tinder is great for just meeting new people, and the girls I end up repeatedly dating never turn it over in the first 3-5 dates.
OP could use it as a tool for networking to get her mind off the heartbreak, its not healthy to focus on one problem, and new relationships even if it is just as friends is super healthy.0 -
You remind me of myself.. I've been in nearly the same situation before and it hurts like hell.
Online dating can be a *****, and you will get hurt, sometimes more so than regular dating because online dating can go on for months even years before you can truly meet depending on circumstances. That's a long time and you really can fall in love hard during that time.
But, seriously, **** that guy, he's a jerk. 40 pounds isn't that much weight and he's clearly shallow. You need someone that loves you for more than just your appearance.
You should not use him as your motivation, you should use yourself and you should definitely not try and win him back when you lose the weight. He clearly isn't worth it.
I meet my current bf online, and we've been together for nearly 4 years now, we live together and we're quite happy and have made a decent life for ourselves. So it does get better, and online dating isn't all bad, you just need to weed out the bad ones.
Feel free to add me if you need someone to talk to.0 -
Hello everyone
Its me the op, I've been following this thread through out the day at work and its been helping me so much, all of your opinions, stories, advice and views. I can't even begin to express how grateful I feel that people are so supportive and understanding, this truly makes a difference in my perception of the situation.
I believe that we are both to blame, and I do believe he felt duped and shocked. It is a strange situation because as soon as he came through the door. He embraced me and said he loved me and we kissed. That connection was there, temporarily. Over the night it started to fade for him and I felt like in the air, a change in energy. Needless to say he said I didn't look like my pictures and I didn't have the courage to say he didn't as well, granted he is attractive but even so. I am in shock over how quickly it went downhill. I made the error of contacting him and asking him to not tear this apart because he knew the deep me and our connection. I feel foolish and while yes, I am insecure, I do not think I am a hideous monster. To people asking me why I don't have my.photo, it has nothing to do with appearance, I prefer to be anonymous in this personal and hurtful matter. It is hard for me to open up without feeling embarrassed and sick to my stomach about what happened. I am still reeling, my feelings were pure. I think about if he showed up big and puffy, not like his pictures, how I'd react. I can be judgmental too, but considering what I felt, I would have given him a chance. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable out of the blue and run off. I am beginning to see reality here through these posts.
I am recognizing that maybe I was delusional and living in a dreamland where I haven't come to terms about my weight gain. This is like a realty check, slap in the face. Maybe a wake up call, like oh wow, you are unattractive right now and you tricked yourself and him into thinking you were the old, great you. I know how that sounds, people will think I am beating myself up. I think its understandable at this point. After such a hurtful rejection.
The worst is coming to terms that he didn't love me unconditionally, and now I can't even bear to hear that Katy Perry song without feeling like I am going to vomit. That was our theme song or so I thought. We are sparesely communicating, as though things are normal like how was your day, etc. But it feels different and forced, polite.
He tells me he still cares for me. But what kind of caring is that, when the person can't even be a friend, to just ignore the past several months of deep deep connection and openness. Yes I did tell him I gained weight and that I hated how I looked. I told him all my insecurities including how I was treated in past relationships, how many times I've been **** on. I made no fantasy when it came to my emotions and my illness. He knew allllll of that. The mistake I made was being delusional about my own appearance. I was still living in the past and figured I could change quickly. Wrong. It isn't until now that I got medication in which I can propel my weight loss. I am 27 years old by the way.
I will be seeking therapy and trying to become the best and happy me, that I was when I first started talking to him. It seems unfortnatue that he had to experience me spiral, but I honestly thought we would survive it. He was my rock and really offered a lot of support. I should mention, he recently told me that its not just my weight but that I'm negative sometimes and deny things which makes it seem like I don't listen. This was something completely out of the blue that I never ever felt was an issue for he specifically told me to tell me about all my negative feelings as they came. So I said, I won't bother you with negatives anymore in which he replied, no please do because its good to get it off your chest. Seems like a mindfcxk at this point. He doesn't seem to care too much that he hurt me, he hasn't mentioned it since. Things are still fresh but I'm hoping over time I will heal and love myself. He knows this because he recognizes that I'm self aware, I told him its not fair to him.to experience me this way. However, there is nothing coming from him that would seem supportive or understanding or kind or compassionate. I must have really really turned him off.
I know a guy just like this. It was really hard for me to get over him. Honestly, I think the problem is completely his. He can pick you apart and declare all the little things about you that he thinks is interferring with this relationship, all while telling you that he still cares. The truth is, he can't commit to you. He is probably not even in a place in life where he can commit to anyone. He probably deluded himself into believing that he could commit to you, until he was faced with the reality of it, and he balked. He doesn't want to be a bad guy so he cajoles you and continues to be polite and lays the blame "gently" on you. But the reality is that it is him... just him.
Now I'm sure a bunch of people are going to jump in and say that I'm projecting, and maybe I am. Sure, I don't know this guy. But this guy is demonstrating a certain pattern of behavior and you all know it. If you don't, then you have probably never encountered someone like this.
Either way, OP, this really is him and not you. There is nothing that you can fix to make it better. Like I said before, if you feel like you need to make changes, make them for you. Because you are the one that is worthy of the benefit of those changes... not him.0 -
hear hear! not arguing with you, you can work on improing your character and the relationships with current friends and family.. and even tell your family and friends about your struggles... I mean its family so they will act as a support group.
-_- .. jeez paige tough on dudes much?
Actually, no. I'm not that tough on dudes. I like men. I'm even on Tinder.
I just don't think that having a bunch of casual relationships with a variety of different men is what the OP needs right now. I think she needs to build her self esteem and her worth beyond what men think about her.
hey, I said bonus points referring to the casual relationships. - I see your point though, your entirely right, but tinder is great for just meeting new people, and the girls I end up repeatedly dating never turn it over in the first 3-5 dates.
OP could use it as a tool for networking to get her mind off the heartbreak, its not healthy to focus on one problem, and new relationships even if it is just as friends is super healthy.
Oh please. No one is going on Tinder to "make friends." The entire premise behind Tinder is completely superficial - it's basically, the "hot or not" of the dating world.0 -
I do NOT think you should try at this relationship again when you're in better shape and are feeling more confident about yourself. This guy is being very shallow. Of course, everyone wants to be physically attracted to their partner, but if he can't even be understanding of your situation and health issues, then he isn't worth it.
If he can't love you at your "worst," he doesn't deserve you at your best.
Get motivated and get healthy. The right person for you will come along in time.0 -
If he can't love you at your "worst," he doesn't deserve you at your best.
am I the only one who hates this saying?0 -
You are worth more than enough to consider such a jerk a"soulmate"! good riddance, you are outta it.take good cre of yourself and never ever in your life let anyone walk all over you.
Good luck,love yourself:flowerforyou:0 -
I know a guy just like this. It was really hard for me to get over him. Honestly, I think the problem is completely his. He can pick you apart and declare all the little things about you that he thinks is interferring with this relationship, all while telling you that he still cares. The truth is, he can't commit to you. He is probably not even in a place in life where he can commit to anyone. He probably deluded himself into believing that he could commit to you, until he was faced with the reality of it, and he balked. He doesn't want to be a bad guy so he cajoles you and continues to be polite and lays the blame "gently" on you. But the reality is that it is him... just him.
Now I'm sure a bunch of people are going to jump in and say that I'm projecting, and maybe I am. Sure, I don't know this guy. But this guy is demonstrating a certain pattern of behavior and you all know it. If you don't, then you have probably never encountered someone like this.
Either way, OP, this really is him and not you. There is nothing that you can fix to make it better. Like I said before, if you feel like you need to make changes, make them for you. Because you are the one that is worthy of the benefit of those changes... not him.
Or, she is overwieght, hide that she was as much has she is, sent him old pictures which is basically lying to him no matter how one wants to sugar coat it. She did not mention her weight before this, and 40 lbs is a LOT on a lot of people.
You don't know him, you don't anything about him, and you have zero basis except your own past experience you had to say such vile and crude things about someone else. You think trying to put all the blame on evil evil man is going to somehow help this poor girl get her issues corrected, find peace with herself, and move on? No, deflecting blame leads to the horribly overweight person that blames McDonalds for them being fat. Nothing has ever been solved by blaming someone else and not being honest with yourself. NOTHING. She herself has already admitted to a lot of her own faults, and has said she will get help and try to be a better person for her own good... what possibly do you think posting hate towards the guy and sainthood to her os going to solve besides trying to make yourself feel better for the past you had?
No he could NOT commit to her. Her weight and attitude were in the way for HIM. Relationships are not just about one person, BOTh people have to be happy and want what they see. He did not. He broke it off quickly, did not string her along and even offered to continue to talk to her, perhaps he is still interested in her after her great history on the phone. Sounds to me like he likes her a lot, but cannot get over the physical, which news flash, is every bit as important as the rest. Disney can only tell you otherwise for so long, then life comes in and straightens you out.
At least the OP has her head on straight now and is already working forward to being a better "her" would love to see some of these other jokers start
0 -
I know a guy just like this. It was really hard for me to get over him. Honestly, I think the problem is completely his. He can pick you apart and declare all the little things about you that he thinks is interferring with this relationship, all while telling you that he still cares. The truth is, he can't commit to you. He is probably not even in a place in life where he can commit to anyone. He probably deluded himself into believing that he could commit to you, until he was faced with the reality of it, and he balked. He doesn't want to be a bad guy so he cajoles you and continues to be polite and lays the blame "gently" on you. But the reality is that it is him... just him.
Now I'm sure a bunch of people are going to jump in and say that I'm projecting, and maybe I am. Sure, I don't know this guy. But this guy is demonstrating a certain pattern of behavior and you all know it. If you don't, then you have probably never encountered someone like this.
Either way, OP, this really is him and not you. There is nothing that you can fix to make it better. Like I said before, if you feel like you need to make changes, make them for you. Because you are the one that is worthy of the benefit of those changes... not him.
Or, she is overwieght, hide that she was as much has she is, sent him old pictures which is basically lying to him no matter how one wants to sugar coat it. She did not mention her weight before this, and 40 lbs is a LOT on a lot of people.
You don't know him, you don't anything about him, and you have zero basis except your own past experience you had to say such vile and crude things about someone else. You think trying to put all the blame on evil evil man is going to somehow help this poor girl get her issues corrected, find peace with herself, and move on? No, deflecting blame leads to the horribly overweight person that blames McDonalds for them being fat. Nothing has ever been solved by blaming someone else and not being honest with yourself. NOTHING. She herself has already admitted to a lot of her own faults, and has said she will get help and try to be a better person for her own good... what possibly do you think posting hate towards the guy and sainthood to her os going to solve besides trying to make yourself feel better for the past you had?
At least the OP has her head on straight now and is already working forward to being a better "her" would love to see some of these other jokers start
great post.0 -
If he can't love you at your "worst," he doesn't deserve you at your best.
no offense but don't take that advice, the worst you should ever be is when your looking over facebook profile pics from years ago -constantly improve and constantly adapt or your ganna get stuck with crappy guys.0 -
best advice is hop on tinder. get attention from tons of players that look like me instantly and then move on-because there really are tons of people out there.
bonus points if you let one of us studs tinder ya from behind ;PPP
seriously I prob get to date 10 different ppl a month and 6-7 come from that app. Some will become friends and then introduce you to your friends.
Tell your friends, to get with my friends, and we can be friends...
This thread is finally starting to go off the rails. I've been waiting forever! Seriously there's one cat gif, what's wrong with you people??
i've been busy. :ohwell:
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.6K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 913 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions