rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

happymomma454 · May 2014

lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.

I hate to burst your bubble, but it is YOU who are pimping yourself out. Also, it seems a bit conceited of you to think you are "God's gift to women" (reading between the lines of your posts). You may have wined and dined and bedded many women but that is not what a real relationship is made of. It takes a very shallow and possibly fake person who has an over-inflated view of himself (or no real self-esteem that he is trying to cover up) to use women that way for your own satisfaction. Just sayin'

jofjltncb6 · May 2014

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

MrTolerable · May 2014

show previous quotes

Now, I'm going to give you some personal experience. I've met several people whom I've met online. Most are great, others don't live up to your expectations or the image you build up of them. It's entirely possible your friend likes your personality but isn't physically attracted to you. In this case, it's probably not meant to be. If a person cannot accept you 100% the way you are, then you need to move on.

^^ This!

Online relationships never work out because the person that people make up in their mind and the person they are in reality usually always clash. See this as a learning experience and work on getting yourself healthy for YOU, not for anyone else.

I'll let my wife of 23+ years know this valuable information...that since she and I met online 24 years ago and started developing a relationship online prior to meeting in person many months later, that it's just not going to work out.

She'll be devastated...

...or relieved. One of these. Maybe both. But it was inevitable that it wasn't going to work out...because never.

need to tell my BF as well- we met through a forum and didn't date for some time- mutual interests kept us in communication- its' been three years- he buys me bike parts and steaks I'll be sad when I have to find a new one.

nha its easy and fun over Tinder

.. and when I say easy... I mean we really are easy ;bbbb

...shhhh.. make sure you say I sent you so I get the referral money

MissJenniLee · May 2014

#1. You're awesome for coming here, opening up, and trying to find a solution to your problem.

#2. You don't want that guy. I think you were in love with the idea of him and the life you created in your head (we all do it) and not the reality of who he is. If you were to stop and think about all you have learned about him through recent events, are they really things you love?

#3. there are guys out there that love a thicker woman. You do what YOU want to do with YOUR body. After all, you want a guy to love you for who you are and not someone you have to try to be for them.

But all-in-all, starting a relationship off that way would of meant disaster. If you can't feel comfortable being you, you will become unhappy in the relationship. And believe me, we all deserve to feel comfortable in a relationship. Not to mention the lack of appreciation for who you really are will wear thin on you and you may gain resentment. I could go on, but, as you can see, it would be problematic.

I suggest you count your lucky stars that this relationship didn't go further causing far more emotional damage.

You teach people how to treat you. If you were to lose the weight and he accepted you, then you have just taught him that it was okay to make your weight a relationship standard. I couldn't imagine that would've made for a healthy relationship.

I hope this helps you feel better. Know that you deserve more than what he has to offer. It sucks, but in time you will be stronger for it.

JoRocka · May 2014

show previous quotes

Now, I'm going to give you some personal experience. I've met several people whom I've met online. Most are great, others don't live up to your expectations or the image you build up of them. It's entirely possible your friend likes your personality but isn't physically attracted to you. In this case, it's probably not meant to be. If a person cannot accept you 100% the way you are, then you need to move on.

^^ This!

Online relationships never work out because the person that people make up in their mind and the person they are in reality usually always clash. See this as a learning experience and work on getting yourself healthy for YOU, not for anyone else.

I'll let my wife of 23+ years know this valuable information...that since she and I met online 24 years ago and started developing a relationship online prior to meeting in person many months later, that it's just not going to work out.

She'll be devastated...

...or relieved. One of these. Maybe both. But it was inevitable that it wasn't going to work out...because never.

need to tell my BF as well- we met through a forum and didn't date for some time- mutual interests kept us in communication- its' been three years- he buys me bike parts and steaks I'll be sad when I have to find a new one.

nha its easy and fun over Tinder .. and when I say easy... I mean we really are easy ;bbbb

...shhhh.. make sure you say I sent you so I get the referral money

you're a guy- that means you are automatically easy- it kind of goes without saying

dixiewhiskey · May 2014

Some "soulmate".

F that guy and I don't mean the good "F". Count your lucky stars

KseRz · May 2014

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

This might have been covered somewhere between pages 2 and 5?

Cranquistador · May 2014

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respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!

and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

devastating, no?

MissJenniLee · May 2014

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Because it's highly unlikely that he would turn her down because of her weight?

The only thing I could think that would change his mind so quickly is her self esteem and maybe how much she pointed out her own weight. Girls seem to draw more attention to their flaws than guys would ever notice.

PRMinx · May 2014

show previous quotes

respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!

and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

devastating, no?

It's just....I thought it was meant to be. He's so charming.

MrTolerable · May 2014

show previous quotes

lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.

I hate to burst your bubble, but it is YOU who are pimping yourself out. Also, it seems a bit conceited of you to think you are "God's gift to women" (reading between the lines of your posts). You may have wined and dined and bedded many women but that is not what a real relationship is made of. It takes a very shallow and possibly fake person who has an over-inflated view of himself (or no real self-esteem that he is trying to cover up) to use women that way for your own satisfaction. Just sayin'

I'd say all of your observations are correct! bedded many women though?. .. nha I only let girlfriends get the d.. the other girls only get to give me dome. ;bbbbbbb

lmao.. In all honestly real relationships are awesome! And the day I sit across the table on a first date with the women who finally has the wow factor, then I'd totally embrace that.. till then I got to play the game.

..tonight its a little cutie from Brazil thats only been in the states 2 months, so cross your fingers for me cause mine will all be straight ;PPPPPPPP

Cranquistador · May 2014

show previous quotes

respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!

and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

devastating, no?

It's just....I thought it was meant to be. He's so charming.

and humble.

MrTolerable · May 2014

show previous quotes

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Because it's highly unlikely that he would turn her down because of her weight?

The only thing I could think that would change his mind so quickly is her self esteem and maybe how much she pointed out her own weight. Girls seem to draw more attention to their flaws than guys would ever notice.

true that!

I've dumped chicks for getting their hair cut too short... it could be anything, I wouldn't try to figure that out.. I'd tell OP to work on improving her character and herself for herself.

and get half the confidence I have and you will walk in a room, and notice the heads just turn.. you won't be able to look in a mirror without it catcalling and winking back... its seriously not as easy as you all think ;PPP

BrainyBurro · May 2014

i wonder how people ever dated before tinder? :huh:

Onderwoman · May 2014

Hello everyone
Its me the op, I've been following this thread through out the day at work and its been helping me so much, all of your opinions, stories, advice and views. I can't even begin to express how grateful I feel that people are so supportive and understanding, this truly makes a difference in my perception of the situation.

I believe that we are both to blame, and I do believe he felt duped and shocked. It is a strange situation because as soon as he came through the door. He embraced me and said he loved me and we kissed. That connection was there, temporarily. Over the night it started to fade for him and I felt like in the air, a change in energy. Needless to say he said I didn't look like my pictures and I didn't have the courage to say he didn't as well, granted he is attractive but even so. I am in shock over how quickly it went downhill. I made the error of contacting him and asking him to not tear this apart because he knew the deep me and our connection. I feel foolish and while yes, I am insecure, I do not think I am a hideous monster. To people asking me why I don't have my.photo, it has nothing to do with appearance, I prefer to be anonymous in this personal and hurtful matter. It is hard for me to open up without feeling embarrassed and sick to my stomach about what happened. I am still reeling, my feelings were pure. I think about if he showed up big and puffy, not like his pictures, how I'd react. I can be judgmental too, but considering what I felt, I would have given him a chance. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable out of the blue and run off. I am beginning to see reality here through these posts.

I am recognizing that maybe I was delusional and living in a dreamland where I haven't come to terms about my weight gain. This is like a realty check, slap in the face. Maybe a wake up call, like oh wow, you are unattractive right now and you tricked yourself and him into thinking you were the old, great you. I know how that sounds, people will think I am beating myself up. I think its understandable at this point. After such a hurtful rejection.

The worst is coming to terms that he didn't love me unconditionally, and now I can't even bear to hear that Katy Perry song without feeling like I am going to vomit. That was our theme song or so I thought. We are sparesely communicating, as though things are normal like how was your day, etc. But it feels different and forced, polite.

He tells me he still cares for me. But what kind of caring is that, when the person can't even be a friend, to just ignore the past several months of deep deep connection and openness. Yes I did tell him I gained weight and that I hated how I looked. I told him all my insecurities including how I was treated in past relationships, how many times I've been **** on. I made no fantasy when it came to my emotions and my illness. He knew allllll of that. The mistake I made was being delusional about my own appearance. I was still living in the past and figured I could change quickly. Wrong. It isn't until now that I got medication in which I can propel my weight loss. I am 27 years old by the way.

I will be seeking therapy and trying to become the best and happy me, that I was when I first started talking to him. It seems unfortnatue that he had to experience me spiral, but I honestly thought we would survive it. He was my rock and really offered a lot of support. I should mention, he recently told me that its not just my weight but that I'm negative sometimes and deny things which makes it seem like I don't listen. This was something completely out of the blue that I never ever felt was an issue for he specifically told me to tell me about all my negative feelings as they came. So I said, I won't bother you with negatives anymore in which he replied, no please do because its good to get it off your chest. Seems like a mindfcxk at this point. He doesn't seem to care too much that he hurt me, he hasn't mentioned it since. Things are still fresh but I'm hoping over time I will heal and love myself. He knows this because he recognizes that I'm self aware, I told him its not fair to him.to experience me this way. However, there is nothing coming from him that would seem supportive or understanding or kind or compassionate. I must have really really turned him off.

Well you are going about it wrong honey. You need to lose weight for you. And I know a guy who had the other side of this: he was lied to by the girl he was talking to online, and he still tried to make it work even though she was much bigger than her pics, then found she was married and had kids! Once there is one lie, there is probably more, you cant blame someone to want to run, run far away when they detect something that doesn't seem right, and showing him pics of you before, then showing up a lot heavier sure doesn't set well, I'm not so sure he's an a-hole, you don't know what's in his history or friend's history.

I sympathize with you, and you sound like you aren't one of those girls, but I'd probably tell my guy or girl friend to run away too if I saw something like this happen to them. Think about maybe your brother talking to someone, getting involved online, then the girl shows up very different than what you saw before...I bet you'd be concerned.

When you meet someone, that's where you see if there is attraction, you let it get way to far before even seeing if there was anything there for both of you. Definitely don't show past pics, and if you've changed, show pics from today. Then you could see if he's running off because of your pics too, and you don't need that, good riddance. He coulda been just a duche, maybe he got scared off and thinks you lied to him and will lie more, but it doesn't matter now honey, just put it aside and get healthy for you, and meet people before getting attached!

MrTolerable · May 2014

show previous quotes

respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!

and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

devastating, no?

It's just....I thought it was meant to be. He's so charming.

and humble.

Please... this is going to start going straight to my head..

BusyRaeNOTBusty · May 2014

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

So, I met this girl online. We really connected and I thought I was in love. She was pretty attractive from all the pictures, but we never did video chat or anything. She told me she had gained some from illness but I didn't think it would matter to me. We finally met in person and yeah, she had gained weight but again, I thought I could let it go. However as the night went on it was apparent that she was really self conscious and not the confident, sexy, assertive woman I thought she was and I started noticing the weight more and more. I really thought I could get over it but it seem to really change her personality as well. Finally, at the end of the night I made the decision that it would be horrible to lead her on and pretend that the feelings I thought I had for her prior to our meeting were still there. They just weren't. I can't really explain why. I did what I thought was right and let her know how I felt. Now I feel horrible about the whole thing. I do care about her. I know I hurt her and wish I could help her feel but I don't know how so I guess for now all I can do is try to keep being friends with her.

ValGogo · May 2014

I love how this guy is being demonized for not being attracted to her, lol.

Women do that crap all the time. As a woman, I think it is unfair to demonize him too.

Someone above wrote something to the effect that maybe he really does love who she is as a friend and maybe when they were face to face, he caught some things that only can be caught by being in the persons presence that made him think twice.

Maybe he saw something hungyry and desperate in her, a willingness to put her own needs aside for him and that may have just turned him off.

However, he could have been a little nicer about it. He could have waited a few dates to decide decide to dump her. He really dropped it like it was a hot potato which makes me think he was gassing her. People are good at gassing.

Cranquistador · May 2014

show previous quotes

lmao.. I'm sure.. but for the pleasure I've graced some women with Tinder should be throwing some money at me for pimping me out.

I hate to burst your bubble, but it is YOU who are pimping yourself out. Also, it seems a bit conceited of you to think you are "God's gift to women" (reading between the lines of your posts). You may have wined and dined and bedded many women but that is not what a real relationship is made of. It takes a very shallow and possibly fake person who has an over-inflated view of himself (or no real self-esteem that he is trying to cover up) to use women that way for your own satisfaction. Just sayin'

I'd say all of your observations are correct! bedded many women though?. .. nha I only let girlfriends get the d.. the other girls only get to give me dome. ;bbbbbbb

lmao.. In all honestly real relationships are awesome! And the day I sit across the table on a first date with the women who finally has the wow factor, then I'd totally embrace that.. till then I got to play the game.

..tonight its a little cutie from Brazil thats only been in the states 2 months, so cross your fingers for me cause mine will all be straight ;PPPPPPPP

i really am old. I don't understand half of what you write.

PRMinx · May 2014

show previous quotes

respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!

and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

LMAO!!! you are hilarious. friend request will be sent!

BobOki · May 2014

You teach people how to treat you. If you were to lose the weight and he accepted you, then you have just taught him that it was okay to make your weight a relationship standard. I couldn't imagine that would've made for a healthy relationship.

I hope this helps you feel better. Know that you deserve more than what he has to offer. It sucks, but in time you will be stronger for it.

I got some small problems with this, but am completely open to discussion. A relationship is give and take, and this advice seems like nothing but take. I dictate how it will be and you take it or leave it. In real life most things should be a happy medium. Kinda sounds like he was not willing to take a chubbier girl and so he was leaving it.

I don't think what he did sounds like he had less to offer, it sounds like he took it or left it, and his idea was to leave it.

Cranquistador · May 2014

show previous quotes

respectfully this is such a stereotypical take it cracks me up. no no no no no... I had an ex that would mindtease me for two months after a 4year thing, and guess what... it was MY FAULT for even answering back... forget that, she should not be in any contact at all because I have been were the guy has been.. had this freak of nature with rotting teeth on a date and of course all her pics were ubber hot, and then this thing smiles and I wanted to bolt.. instead I told her respectfully I needed to leave... (a guy has to keep his lunch down) and she started to cry and sob... next thing you know this chick is blowing up my phone like a nut and saying she was going to off herself... so I kept talking just like this guy being nice and considerate...

no its the chicks responsibility if he declined her to quit talking, and if the dude is prompting the convo then he really is a scum bag and should certainly be ignored..

and as I said... ummm with tinder you can date anyone you want in any city you want whenever you want... its easy, its timely, its fast, its fun, its witty.. use the app and get happy and get dating!

and last bit of advice.. the only time ever feel hesitant about making the decision to move on with a chick is on the random chance encounter after I ignore her for a few days I notice the girl is ignoring me as well - it is only and only then that you would have a chance at getting him to come back.. but even then I'd say in this case its over over over so run run run away.

I mean, with a nice guy like you out there, who wouldn't want to get on the Tinder saddle?

when i'm the saddle... lots of ladies here would babe.

lmao, your the exact example of a chick over Tinder that I would have absolutely zero ulterior motives with, but manage to be witty enough for me to be friends with... its just a different type of entertainment factor.

thanks for the example!!

lol what the hell?

I'm pretty sure I just got friend-zoned.

devastating, no?

It's just....I thought it was meant to be. He's so charming.

and humble.

Please... this is going to start going straight to my head..

the little one or the big one?

jkal1979 · May 2014

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Of course he is being unfairly judged. Even though the OP has already admitted that she wasn't honest with him he is still the bad guy in this situation.

PRMinx · May 2014

Please... this is going to start going straight to my head..

the little one or the big one?

:laugh:

brower47 · May 2014

show previous quotes

Now, I'm going to give you some personal experience. I've met several people whom I've met online. Most are great, others don't live up to your expectations or the image you build up of them. It's entirely possible your friend likes your personality but isn't physically attracted to you. In this case, it's probably not meant to be. If a person cannot accept you 100% the way you are, then you need to move on.

^^ This!

Online relationships never work out because the person that people make up in their mind and the person they are in reality usually always clash. See this as a learning experience and work on getting yourself healthy for YOU, not for anyone else.

I'll let my wife of 23+ years know this valuable information...that since she and I met online 24 years ago and started developing a relationship online prior to meeting in person many months later, that it's just not going to work out.

She'll be devastated...

...or relieved. One of these. Maybe both. But it was inevitable that it wasn't going to work out...because never.

need to tell my BF as well- we met through a forum and didn't date for some time- mutual interests kept us in communication- its' been three years- he buys me bike parts and steaks I'll be sad when I have to find a new one.

They should tell my oldest brother and his wife of 14 years and their five kids. It's going to be tough but better now before the kids hit puberty.

Cranquistador · May 2014

oops

wheird · May 2014

Could someone please write up this story from the guy's perspective? I have a feeling that he's being unfairly judged in this scenario and I think it would help to have some balance. (Ideally, we'd actually hear from him...but given that that's unlikely, perhaps someone could just make it up using a few likely assumptions?)

Exactly.

"Hi, I have been talking to this girl for several months and we were really falling for her. She was funny, engaging, and lead an active lifestyle. She recently moved and I started pressing to meet in person. She was really hesitant and told me she didn't want to because she recently got sick and gained a few pounds. Based on some older photos she sent, I decided that a few pounds didn't matter and set up the meeting anyway.

Well, when I got there, 'a few pounds' was really 60 and I was starting to doubt that this was recent as it's nearly impossible to gain weight that quickly, but I tried moving past it since we have such a great connection. A few hours passed and I kept thinking back to it and I just couldn't let it go. I tried making an excuse so I could go home and think things over but she kept asking what was wrong. I decided to be upfront with her and she started crying. I care for her so I spent the next two hours holding her and saying things will be ok, but I'm not sure they will be."

Cranquistador · May 2014

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Please... this is going to start going straight to my head..

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the little one or the big one?

:laugh:

missdibs1 · May 2014

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hi everyone

i cant think straight right now but here is the story that leads up to my issue... i met this guy several months online while i wasn't looking for anyone or anything. back then, i was fit (running everyday, yoga, etc.) and confident, really content with myself but due to circumstances in my life, i was unable to see him. we continued talking for months, falling deeper and deeper into one another. it reached a point where we were talking marriage, and i never felt this way for anyone. our emotional and mental bond was beyond anything i imagined or dreamed of in another human being. i am still deeply in love and i feel i'd do anything for this man, also love him despite all his flaws. he promised and reassured me the same thing, we had open communication through-out the relationship and he swore he wouldn't hurt me, and always be with me through the worst. Well, i ended up moving about four hours away and got sick, therefore gained some odd 40 pounds within a few months. he kept pressing on for meeting yet at this point i was making excuses so i wouldn't have to see him like this, for i stopped being happy with myself. i finally got the medical attention my condition needed and i am confident in losing the weight within the next few months. however, i decided to meet him anyway because i truly believed he would accept me no matter what, considering this would be "me at my worst".

so despite feeling ill about it and kinda having a bad feeling, we met. it seemed fine at first but then over the night he started getting cold. eventually he said he needed to go home because he wasn't feeling well (he drove four hours to see me). i ended up pressing him because i knew it was something else. he admitted it being my physical appearance, which i fully knew. however, i wasnt prepared how hard it would hit me. i ended up bawling for two hours while he hugged me and said he needed time to think when i asked him if he loved me. he called me a "beautiful person" while i said "not beautiful enough for you", and other things like "i think it's going to be okay", "i think i love you" (note: we had been saying we loved each other for months and when he first stepped into the room, he said he loved me). then after two hours of us sitting in the dark with me crying, he left.

i didn't sleep the entire night and i feel numb, empty like a shell. he said he would continue talking to me. i told him i'd "fix" myself and change, learn to love myself again and be the happy, fit me again. however, i don't know what to do now. i feel conflicted and sick, my heart hurts, my head hurts, everything makes me cry. when he said he would love me unconditionally, i believed it. i haven't been this hurt in seven years, and it stings more then any other "relationship" i've been in. while online relationships seem sketchy and unrealistic, our connection was unprecedented. until he saw me, that is. We have communicated recently and decided to keep talking, but it's clear as day that he wants nothing more then friends... if i can even manage that.

Now, from an objective point of view should i look at this as motivation to lose/a giant reality check? I'm not sure if this is the case, if i have been delusional about my body. I don't think I know how big i am, I know I'm overweight but I don't feel "fat". When I work out, I have intense stamina and power. I don't feel like dying exercising and no one has previously rejected me based on weight. Yet, evidence proves otherwise (scale, rejection). I'm devastated and know that fantasy became reality, and reality sucked. I am wondering, should I get myself "fixed" and try for this guy again? It feels like nothing will get better at the moment, like i'm spiraling down a hole and my heart is permanently broken. please. no judgements, thank you.

while I agree that this man was a jerk....I am sorry you kind of were one too

What were you thinking ? Penpals do not lovers make

Words are only a very very small part of attraction

You were lying to yourself

At least admit this?

Yes in my follow up posts I mention that I was probably delusional and not coming to terms about how I looked so I weaved a fantasy. But I truly believed he meant what he said. My pictures weren't fabricates or of someone else. They were me, just a lighter me. I recognize that I should have sent me a very recent one of my body without angles. The weight probably changed my face too. However I never lied to him about how I felt the weight gain and my illness. I regret it. But I saw the true him, while it hurts because I still love him. So much. Yet I know, he is done and will move on quickly. It makes my stomach turn to think of him with anyone else.

this was a truth pill it took me a long time to swallow

you cannot love another until you love yourself

sweetie you are not there yet but I think you know this? that's step one!

seltzermint555 · May 2014

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I love how this guy is being demonized for not being attracted to her, lol.

Women do that crap all the time. As a woman, I think it is unfair to demonize him too.

I think men do the same thing. I've known plenty of men who were turned down, or dumped by a woman and automatically demonized her as being "too materialistic and a gold digger" when there were no signs to lead them to that conclusion.

rejected by online soulmate b/c of weight

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