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My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
No, it was in a PM and what I had said was that I had been considering it, but she's pretty cool...what's funny is she replied back saying she can't take his constant whining about everything. She'd only been his friend for like 2 days and had had enough.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
No, it was in a PM and what I had said was that I had been considering it, but she's pretty cool...what's funny is she replied back saying she can't take his constant whining about everything. She'd only been his friend for like 2 days and had had enough.
Lol sorry I was slowly realizing I must have misunderstood. I thought the conversation was happening on a newsfeed and the poor guy went ape ****0 -
It's why I don't post anymore. When I was really motivated, I was getting tons of praise. A lot happened in my life in 2012, 2013 was a transition year, and I'm finally starting to get my head turned around. I gained 10lbs, but then I've maintained. I don't talk about my struggles because when I did, I got blasted.
I don't even read the forum (that much) anymore. A place that used to be great for motivation, inspiration and tips is now a place for haters and for some who only want to make others feel bad.
I think there are people who use this who have been through enough of that.0 -
No, no one is missing the point. But the point I've made several times already is that not everyone is able to take control for themselves. They rely on outsiders to help and to support them. He wasn't being stupid or uncooperative. He just needed support and education. No one would be on this site if everyone were perfect and had always had control over their diets and their weight.
The thing is that they are able to. If they choose to is a completely different issue.
Yes. Just like every depressed person should just be able to suck it up and get over what is bothering them.
Get real.
Sometimes people can't just decide to do better on their own. Would it kill people to try to offer them some assistance?
Nobody making a post on an internet forum can change another person. That person has to take action and make that change. Tips, advice, guidance, prodding, or all out directing online are useless until the person on the other end takes action. For the depressed person, nothing changes until they take action. For the overeater, nothing changes until they take action. For the inactive, nothing changes until they take action. For the person with an ED, nothing changes until they take action.
Quite often assistance requires telling a person what they don't want to hear in a way that doesn't fit their world view. Every day there are new threads here started by people deluding themselves into a world where their actions are safe, healthy, and effective in the long term when the fact is they are risking their health, frequently with foolish choices. Some people play word games and dance around issues, others make direct statements that address the behaviors and choices.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
Thankyou Gracie----there is something there that's not true, if you know what I mean. Is he selling something that he needs all these followers? He said he mods on countless other sites---that are "infinitly" more polite than MFP. Will be watching what he says in the future. However--I will not be rude to him.
Good point. He may be selling something. He knows it's against the TOS here, so maybe he's just trying to lure people to those other sites.0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
There are ways around the nastiness, though, for the most part. For starters, make friends who are kind and supportive then ignore most of the rest of the community.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
No, it was in a PM and what I had said was that I had been considering it, but she's pretty cool...what's funny is she replied back saying she can't take his constant whining about everything. She'd only been his friend for like 2 days and had had enough.
Lol sorry I was slowly realizing I must have misunderstood. I thought the conversation was happening on a newsfeed and the poor guy went ape ****
Haha. No, but had it happened on her newsfeed it might have. He's a whiner and I'm sure he'd call me a bully. He had posted on one of her posts about bullies, I later posted I think that word gets thrown around on this site way too much...No response from him, but I could see where that would get ugly and I wouldn't want to turn her newsfeed into that. I have little tolerance for whining.0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
If only such a thing existed0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
There are ways around the nastiness, though, for the most part. For starters, make friends who are kind and supportive then ignore most of the rest of the community.
The ignore feature does exist on this forum.0 -
Oh my...
I am an equal opportunity hater.
People out there who intentionally mean to others are just venting their frustrations on others. I was taught if you didn't have anything nice to say don't say it. Wise words to fall on deaf ears.0 -
No, no one is missing the point. But the point I've made several times already is that not everyone is able to take control for themselves. They rely on outsiders to help and to support them. He wasn't being stupid or uncooperative. He just needed support and education. No one would be on this site if everyone were perfect and had always had control over their diets and their weight.
The thing is that they are able to. If they choose to is a completely different issue.
Yes. Just like every depressed person should just be able to suck it up and get over what is bothering them.
Get real.
Sometimes people can't just decide to do better on their own. Would it kill people to try to offer them some assistance?
Nobody making a post on an internet forum can change another person. That person has to take action and make that change. Tips, advice, guidance, prodding, or all out directing online are useless until the person on the other end takes action. For the depressed person, nothing changes until they take action. For the overeater, nothing changes until they take action. For the inactive, nothing changes until they take action. For the person with an ED, nothing changes until they take action.
Quite often assistance requires telling a person what they don't want to hear in a way that doesn't fit their world view. Every day there are new threads here started by people deluding themselves into a world where their actions are safe, healthy, and effective in the long term when the fact is they are risking their health, frequently with foolish choices. Some people play word games and dance around issues, others make direct statements that address the behaviors and choices.
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The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
Boy am I glad to see you on here and know that you will be helping out in the future with the newbies. There are potentially dangerous ones that give very bad advice as gospel (there was one on here yesterday about vegans---you don't need to worry about your protien, can eat 3000cal and will be skinny etc., etc.). Now, I'd like to see you defuse a person like that---nicely---everyday. As I said we need you, and I will be waiting to read your future posts. Welcome.
If I can speak on the subject, I will gladly give advice. I honestly don't know squat about vegans etc., so I would not comment on a post like that. I'm pretty sure most newbs can't give advice for this very reason. I'm trying to lose weight and have not yet been successful, so really I can only comment on my journey so far, can't give no solid advice with facts.
So again, thanks to the veterans that have been there and can offer advice.
I understand that it must be frustrating seeing bad info. But mfp clearly states
"Posts by members, moderators and admins should not be considered medical advice and no guarantee is made against accuracy."
So if I believe said vegan, or even a seasoned educated mfper, that is my choice. I think debate is good, it weeds out bad info. But honestly, if your content is good, but your delivery sucks, I'll probably have less respect for you. The medium is the message (in some cases.)
Well see the vegans post was bad info and wrong. He also got very rude with people, and the others that usually would get called mean were doing what they do, told the right info, posted links and were very matter of fact to the point. So it's dangerous for someone to listen to the vegan telling people they don't need protein. I'm vegetarian and I lift heavy things, I need protein!!!
And you said you haven't been successful with weight loss yet, may I ask what you are doing? Are you restricting too much? On the 1200 calorie only diet? How much do you have to lose? How much are you trying to lose a week?
Here are the links I always post in newbie threads. Maybe they will help you.
Read these:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here?hl=so+you're+new+here
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/974888-in-place-of-a-road-map-2k13
TL:DR the link right above this one then ->http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/975025-in-place-of-a-road-map-short-n-sweet
Excuses??? http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2014/06/02/the-no-excuses-play-like-a-champion-challenge/
If you have 75+ lbs to lose 2 lbs/week is ideal
If you have 40-75 lbs to lose 1.5 lbs/week is ideal
If you have 25-40 lbs to lose 1 lbs/week is ideal
If you have 15 -25 lbs to lose 0.5 to 1.0 lbs/week is ideal
If you have less than 15 lbs to lose 0.5 lbs/week is ideal
Want to lift heavy things?
http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/
Stronglifts Summary
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/560459-stronglifts-5x5-summary
Stronglifts Womens Group
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/4601-stronglifts-5x5-for-women
Maybe that was my fault. I guess I am losing. My mistake is thinking that weight would be falling off of me because I have so much to lose. But I guess 7 pounds in less than a month isn't bad. And that's 7 pounds with me not eating at my best, so that's my fault.
But thank you kindly for the links, I will look through all of them!0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
There are ways around the nastiness, though, for the most part. For starters, make friends who are kind and supportive then ignore most of the rest of the community.
There is an ignore feature. By anyone's username there's a square with a triangle in it. Click on that - you can send them a PM, go to their profile or ignore user.0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
There are ways around the nastiness, though, for the most part. For starters, make friends who are kind and supportive then ignore most of the rest of the community.
There is an ignore feature. By anyone's username there's a square with a triangle in it. Click on that - you can send them a PM, go to their profile or ignore user.
Think it was said in sarcasm.0 -
Seems appropriate that you'd choose a gif of two of the most hateful people on television.
I think people are not understanding "external locus of control." Maybe you need to look it up. Beating up such a person or a person with chronic depression (situational depression can be different) just isn't the way to go. And certainly celebrating the fact s/he has deactivated an account and stating "our work is done here" is just heinous in my opinion. It was the joy at driving a person away that really shocked me, as if it were that person's mission to make a person so miserable that s/he gave up in despair. Admit what you will, but to me that fits the definition of bullying and shouldn't be tolerated here.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
Maybe because being active in the forums and being active on one's own FL are two completely separate things.0 -
Maybe that was my fault. I guess I am losing. My mistake is thinking that weight would be falling off of me because I have so much to lose. But I guess 7 pounds in less than a month isn't bad. And that's 7 pounds with me not eating at my best, so that's my fault.
But thank you kindly for the links, I will look through all of them!
FIFY - I changed your paragraph a bit. Read this and let me know now how you feel about your weight loss.
I am losing. I understand weight loss isn't linear, some weeks I'll lose 2 lbs, some 1, and some none. That's okay. I'll stick with it because I am losing and that's awesome. Losing 7 pounds in less than a month is awesome progress. And that's 7 pounds with me not eating at my best, so that's also pretty awesome.
Losing any amount is better than not losing. Maintaining should also be celebrated because you are not gaining any weight.
Remember weight loss (that's lasting and for your life) is about moderation not deprivation. You have to be able to live your life while losing weight. So that's why so many say it's about lifestyle changes. I won't say you not eating your best is a mistake, I'd say maybe it was a little detour. I took a 4 month detour that I was very mad at myself about (I had lost 50 lbs...I gained 21 back in those 4 months), I was down on myself until I said enough, that's not getting me anywhere. I got back on the wagon, but doing it differently and stronger than before.
I started lifting heavy things (if you haven't started strength training, please look into it. You want to try to save some lean muscle while losing weight). I started 7 weeks ago, I've lost inches everywhere. 2" in my leg!
Read those links, see what makes sense. If you have any questions let me know. I'll do my best to try to help.0 -
Seems appropriate that you'd choose a gif of two of the most hateful people on television.
I am now convinced you're trolling in the deep0 -
Seems appropriate that you'd choose a gif of two of the most hateful people on television.
I am now convinced you're trolling in the deep
^this...and high level stuff too.
I'm not even mad. That's amazing.0 -
Seems appropriate that you'd choose a gif of two of the most hateful people on television.
I am now convinced you're trolling in the deep
I am now convinced I still don't care what you think. 0
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