MFP has changed
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People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.0
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Bye the bye there was a lurker a couple of days back who thanked everyone for all the great things learned and others came forward (out of lurkerdom to say the same). Not all lurkers are "afraid" to post, sometimes they just don't have anything to say.0
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You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.
We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.
Could someone explain exactly why saying "Law school didn't make you fat, your choices did" is nasty?
I also assume in your next fifteen posts over the next year and half you'll show us how to do what you've explained via your own helpful posts???
Honestly, I get that some people are hyper-sensitive, but I'm beyond amused at future lawyers complaining about mean people and long hours in law school. As an attorney, I'm left just shaking my head knowing that the poster is in for a very rude surprise the first time a judge dresses him/her down and all he/she can say is "yes, your honor" or when, at 3:00 a.m., he/she is sitting around a conference table while the other side loses it and tells them either take the offer or the deal dies. There is always room for improvement when it comes to manners, but a thick skin also goes a hell of a long way to making the world easier to live in.
In the end, all these threads do is waste everyone's time. The posters who actually do contribute to the forums by giving helpful advice are distracted by defending themselves, and the whiners simply whine. They don't contribute. If someone wants change then they need to stand up and actually contribute.0 -
People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.
:noway:0 -
People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.
Did you really just start with tact and then make an asshat sad life testicle soufflé?
It's funny because some people I would trust enough to have done that intentionally for comedic effect.
You, I think, are dead serious.0 -
In all my time on MFP (I recently made a new account for myself), I don't think MFP has changed for the worse. The advice has gotten better, and there is less misinformation floating around. Since I joined MFP again last month, I have seen two forum posts (and I spend a lot of time lurking) where people were flat out rude, apart from the seemingly never ending train of mean people threads, with no provocation. Two posts where people were deliberately mean without question. That is it. For an Internet forum, that is incredible. Do people get frustrated when their feedback is ignored? Yes. Do they get even snarkier or more sarcastic when they run into a brick wall of excuses, denial, and anger that they aren't validating some poster's bad idea? Yes. Is that mean? I don't think so.
Most of what passes for "mean" in MFP is sarcasm, snark, and bluntness. As some have pointed out, emotionally fragile people may interpret this as mean, or disagreement with ideas as mean, taking comments personally when people respond negatively to the ideas that they have put forth, as though thinking something was a bad idea (or stupid) is an insult to them. It isn't. As a formerly emotionally fragile person, if you need sunshine and rainbows and unicorns, most internet forums are not the right place for you. Especially not ones related to a topic with as much baggage as weight loss and eating patterns where opinions are strong and misinformation and bad ideas are rampant. It is the ideal place for emotionally fragile people to feel brutalized. This is not an appropriate place for therapy. If you can't handle communication that lacks facial and voice expression, then you shouldn't be participating in a communication medium on a subject as loaded as weight that is nearly completely devoid expression markers.
I for one value the "mean people" with no tact because I don't need sunshine blown up my a**. I'd rather get straight information, and if I'm doing something stupid, be told. I'm an adult and can handle directness. I don't take it personally, and more often than not like the snark and sarcasm, since I lean that way myself. But when I was depressed and emotionally fragile? I read the forums, and there is no way I would ever have posted, since I wasn't emotionally strong enough to handle snark, sarcasm,bluntness, and disagreement without taking it personally. You have to know yourself and know the forum. Not every forum is right for everyone.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.0 -
People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.
The tact contained within this post literally, LITERALLY, leaps from the page.0 -
People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.
The tact contained within this post literally, LITERALLY, leaps from the page.
Seriously. :noway:0 -
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
Stop pretending to be helpful, dapple.
Because if even one MFP member goes to bed with a sad, no matter the reason, we have failed.
I would rather not help 800 people if helping them meant that even one would go to bed sad.
These are real people with real feelings! If you had one extraordinarily stupid child in a classroom, would you not hold everyone back until he understood that week's concept? Would you really just let him fail for the selfish gratification of helping thirty others?
How does it even feel to not have a soul? Is your hatred for children the only thing left keeping you warm?0 -
You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.
We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.
Would you like some advice?
Of course. That's also part of why I'm here. But without being insulted would be nice.
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If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
Stop pretending to be helpful, dapple.
Because if even one MFP member goes to bed with a sad, no matter the reason, we have failed.
I would rather not help 800 people if helping them meant that even one would go to bed sad.
These are real people with real feelings! If you had one extraordinarily stupid child in a classroom, would you not hold everyone back until he understood that week's concept? Would you really just let him fail for the selfish gratification of helping thirty others?
How does it even feel to not have a soul? Is your hatred for children the only thing left keeping you warm?
Bro DYESotF*?
*Survival of the Fittest (for that 1 child).0 -
All this talk about how "supportive" we all should be just begs for clarification:
One person's idea of support may be "Everybody slips up once in a while. Don't beat yourself up. Just log the whole pizza and call it a day".
Another person's idea of support "Do you have any idea how much sodium is in that pizza? When you wake up tomorrow and the scale says you have gained 5 pounds--it's not because you gained 5 pounds of fat--it's water retention. So log that pizza, drink some more water, learn from it and move on".
Don't know about everyone else, but I'd rather have the 2nd person giving me advice personally.0 -
You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.
We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.
Could someone explain exactly why saying "Law school didn't make you fat, your choices did" is nasty?
I also assume in your next fifteen posts over the next year and half you'll show us how to do what you've explained via your own helpful posts???
I have to be honest, I didn't read the Law school thread, but in general, I know how forums work and how it can quickly spiral into negativity, when all the OP wanted was some encouragement or advice or support.
I know some people are a bit more sensitive than others (might have something to do with selfworth in the end.. might sound familiar to those of use being overweight and trying to finally lose the pounds for good this time), and that others might not get your (general 'your', not you personally) sense of humour etc. etc.
But being outright nasty (yes, I have seen that in the time I've been lurking here) is not going to help anyone.
I'm a moderator for a very busy Dutch forum for people suffering from eating disorders. I can be pretty direct and strict sometimes. But I don't burn people down and don't take pleasure in catty remarks.
As far as I know, these forums are about helping each other out in trying to lose weight the sensible, healthy way. Not about clever come-backs and being mean. You can tell someone they've made a bad choice without doing either.0 -
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Well, what do you expect on a site run by people who are spending so much time obsessing over everything they put into their bodies, people who are constantly hungry, hangry, angry, and all the things in between?
I'm most defnitely not hungry nor do I obsess over everything I put in my body. I'm a lazy, IIFYM person who doesn't like whining, Paleo, raspberry ketones, monomeals, detoxes and any other BS.0 -
You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.
We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.
Would you like some advice?
Of course. That's also part of why I'm here. But without being insulted would be nice.
It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your weightloss ticker. If you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.
I'm not saying you would, but if you started a thread stating that you were going to kick off your weight loss with a juice fast, including debunked assertions about the benefits therefrom, and if you were to respond with hostility to the feedback you received . . . I would not be kind.
That thread has happened too many times; about twice a day.
I am also not asserting that you have done that; I expect you wouldn't be so presumptuous.0 -
Oh, and to be clear, I don't like sugercoating either. I do appreciate honest advice.
And on that note, I'm out. There's calories to be burned! 0 -
You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.
We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.
Would you like some advice?
Of course. That's also part of why I'm here. But without being insulted would be nice.
It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your task bar. It you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.
Thank you.
Slightly OT, but, I've set up this account a while ago before I actually started to do some real work. I haven't got scales at home (I know, I know...) but do measure myself to keep track and log honestly. There's no point otherwise. Once I've had my weigh-in at the doctor's again I will of course update my task bar.
Riiight, off out now, making the most of what could be the only Summer's day here in the UK. 0 -
You can be supportive without being fake-'nice'. You can be a motivator without having to rip an OP a new one. You can ask questions or make observations without burning someone to the ground.
We all know we got overweight because we made bad choices. We're here to change that. Being nasty to someone who is finally ready to change their life around doesn't help at all.
Would you like some advice?
Of course. That's also part of why I'm here. But without being insulted would be nice.
It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your weightloss ticker. If you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.
I'm not saying you would, but if you started a thread stating that you were going to kick off your weight loss with a juice fast, including debunked assertions about the benefits therefrom, and if you were to respond with hostility to the feedback you received . . . I would not be kind.
That thread has happened too many times; about twice a day.
Separately if you have been a member since 2011 and have lost just one of your desired fifty pounds, and don't tell everyone else how to behave or what to do.
I am also not asserting that you have done that; I expect you wouldn't be so presumptuous.
To be fair, my join date is not the date I started losing weight. It's the date someone told me I should look into a site like this. My actual start date is 114 days ago. Looks can be deceiving.0 -
It looks like you're off to a rocky start based on your join date and the progress on your task bar. It you would like to discuss what you are currently doing and how to improve it, I can help.
Thank you.
Slightly OT, but, I've set up this account a while ago before I actually started to do some real work. I haven't got scales at home (I know, I know...) but do measure myself to keep track and log honestly. There's no point otherwise. Once I've had my weigh-in at the doctor's again I will of course update my task bar.
Riiight, off out now, making the most of what could be the only Summer's day here in the UK.
Well, okay I guess. I was just noticing an issue with progress and offering to help troubleshoot.
Best of luck in all your fitness goals.
And no one was helped that day. Do you all see how that works? Can you imagine how exhausting that is???0 -
So you are actively trying to break someone's morale as stated by you and don't see how that is perceived as mean?
Other's "emotional weaknesses" are not your problem? So that means I can tell someone over the internet "go kill yourself," and if they do, I have no part in the blame because they are emotionally weak? So if you cry over 'x' and I don't cry over 'x' can I call you emotionally weak?
Umm, ok...
I think what she's saying is that trying to respond to posted questions in a manner that would *never offend anyone* is folly. There's someone who will get offended by anything. Hell, I can think of dozens of threads where the OP was thankful for the brutally honest responses because the finally realized what they were doing wrong....but someone lurking the thread was offended for them and sent reports to the mods. I'll get a thank you and a FR from the OP and an hour later get a warning from the mods.
There's nothing that won't offend someone. If I make an egg sandwich and give it to a homeless person in my way to church, one person will call me a saint and another person will say I'm enabling lazy people while before participating in tired pagan rituals designed to exert control over the populace
Hmm. Yeah, that seems like a pretty good translation.
Except the pagans thing. I think that was you0 -
This is like the second "mean people" thread today. If you don't like the forums, join groups, write on your MFP blog, or in your newsfeed. There are several ways to steer clear of the "mean people".
so basically what you are saying that it's perfectly acceptable to be mean, if you are polite and friendly, pi$$ off, you're not the sort of person who should participate on mfp forums?
man oh man, It can't be easy being you.
I wasn't saying if you are polite/friendly pi$$ off at all. What I'm saying is that if you are sick of the so called meanies, want to start threads about meanies, but really only want sunshine and rainbows, the forums aren't the place for you and maybe groups/newsfeed would fit better.
I agree with other posters that have said "be the change you wish to see". Don't like what you see, then get in there, be the change. Try to help. Make this site what you want it to be. Will it always be what you want, no, but you have control over what you read, feel, want, see. I've always believed that people should lead by example. If you just start threads about mean people, are you really any better than those said mean people? Because these threads are a blanket statement, if you have a problem or see someone in the forums being what you believe is mean, then ask them about what they said? Call them out when it happens.
TL:DR - Be the change you want to see in the forums. Lead by example.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
:laugh:
Yes, the in fighting. My favorite being, [paraphrasing] "most of these jerks beating you down OP probably didn't even finish grade school, they don't know what it's like to have a challenging education, life, or career". That's it. Whomever said that gets a time out NOW!!!0 -
Frankly I don't care if some people dislike my tone. I generally consider those who let their feels get hurt over the internet too weak in personality to be worth while anyway and too wishy washy to have been interested in anything I had to say anyway. Frankly I find the insistence that people must be cordial (as determined by someone else's standards and not my own) to be rather disgusting.
I'll just keep on being helpful as normal. The full inbox, daily friend requests, and heartfelt responses to my blogs make me feel like there are more than enough people who hear what I have to say as I say it without me having to speak to them like I speak to the toddlers at my daycare. You (general you) might not like it but plenty of people do so why would I change? I'm sure there are plenty of people willing to pat your head and give you a treat without trying to shame me into being 'cordial'.
Tl;DR: The gifs will continue until morale is totally broken down, your emotional weakness isn't my concern.
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People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.
Madame, I assure you my in real life balls are even more impressive than my internet ones. I will thank you to not speak on the quality or size of them in the future0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...0 -
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
Stop pretending to be helpful, dapple.
Because if even one MFP member goes to bed with a sad, no matter the reason, we have failed.
I would rather not help 800 people if helping them meant that even one would go to bed sad.
These are real people with real feelings! If you had one extraordinarily stupid child in a classroom, would you not hold everyone back until he understood that week's concept? Would you really just let him fail for the selfish gratification of helping thirty others?
How does it even feel to not have a soul? Is your hatred for children the only thing left keeping you warm?
seriously?
Please tell me you forgot the /sarcasm0 -
People have lost the meaning of the word tact...and at least the way I look at it is if they have to be asshats to some stranger online than their life is pretty sad b/c its the only way they can make themselves feel good...The internet gives people balls they wouldn't have in real life.
Madame, I assure you my in real life balls are even more impressive than my internet ones. I will thank you to not speak on the quality or size of them in the future
x2...and I am a woman...trust me how I am here is exactly how I am irl...
I have patience and tact until I run into someone who is being willfully ingnorant then no holds barred...0
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