MFP has changed

LoupGarouTFTs

I see it as par for the course. Posts like this were made all the time when I joined in August. I even chastised that people on here could be nicer in a few mean people threads myself. I was probably even thinking of some of the exact people you're thinking of when I made those comments. Now I have several of those exact same people on my friends list and interact and joke around with others on a regular basis, because the more time I've spent here, the more I realize that the experienced people on here giving regular solid advice are actually a lot of fun and helpful, but they don't much care for being talked down to by OPs who rarely give advice or clearly have no idea (nutritionally or fitness wise) what they are talking about.

Translation: I'm going to justify the rudeness here because I've chosen to become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

gypsy_spirit

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

QueenBishOTUniverse

I see it as par for the course. Posts like this were made all the time when I joined in August. I even chastised that people on here could be nicer in a few mean people threads myself. I was probably even thinking of some of the exact people you're thinking of when I made those comments. Now I have several of those exact same people on my friends list and interact and joke around with others on a regular basis, because the more time I've spent here, the more I realize that the experienced people on here giving regular solid advice are actually a lot of fun and helpful, but they don't much care for being talked down to by OPs who rarely give advice or clearly have no idea (nutritionally or fitness wise) what they are talking about.

Translation: I'm going to justify the rudeness here because I've chosen to become part of the problem instead of part of the solution.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

LoupGarouTFTs

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

SezxyStef

I've been here a year...and have seen some smack downs...

Usually it involves one poster who demonizes sugar in a post then disappears...

Or another poster comes into a thread and posts article about the quality of food being more important than the quantity to lose weight...smack down...

I've seen members promote HCG or VLCD...smack down...

I've seen members troll and eventually get caught...smack down...

Rudeness...yes it is here..usually from posters who disagree with the "mean bullies" and call them name...ie d**k heads or *kitten*...and my personal favorite...fruit loop girl...(oh btw from a poster who claimed said girl was being mean but said girl had not called names just used an emote)

Snarky...yes I've seen that too...from people who took text and added their own "tone" to it when it wasn't meant that way...I've done it myself...

Most reports on these "mean" people are not done by the OP...but by others who come in and either have an agenda or just take something the wrong way...

I have been called a lot of names...mean being one of them...I am matter of fact and will not coddle those who are asking for information...I lay it out as I understand and often times say "please correct me if I am wrong". I personally do not suffer willful ignorannce well...ie people who insist they lost weight because of green coffee beann extract...

And to be frank (oh here we go with the frankness) I am not here to pat people on the head..I am not their therapist...I don't even pat my own child on his head when he is doing something stupid/unhealthy or says something that is just not true.

If you are asking strangers for help in a very personal thing....ie weight loss...leave your baggage at the door...if you want help be open to the help, don't argue with those offering the help. If you are there offering help and you are disagreed with a lot...look at your information and see why 75% of the people are disagreeing with you...chances are you are wrong.

As for the reason for the post..I read that thread...not sure if I participated but to be frank to blame anything but yourself for gaining weight is not a sign of being ready to lose weight...and if that OP left there is proof...

I have also seen these "mean" people come to the defense of others who were being attacked ...unjustifiably attacked...I have seen these "mean" people take time out of their day to help posters find sites, numbers (BMR/TDEE) explain to them certian facts etc...and this went on for hours as the poster was having a hard time understanding...These people who are here help more than those who aren't here much ever will/could....proof is the emails they get, the friend requests with write ups saying your posts brought me here as they have helped so much...but I know for a fact they don't do it for the thanks or the "friends" they do it because they actually do want to help...and if you looked at their posting history you would see some pretty indepth movtivational posts that turned someone around...picked someone up who was in the dirt...

So perhaps the next time someone wants to call people "mean" or "bullies" or say "they need more tact"...think about the above...and think about what it would be like here if they all threw their hands up in the air and said fine..we are done...no more advice, no more help...nothing...you figure it out...

I personally would leave MFP forums for good as the information would be crap if that happened...

PS the gifs are funny as heck and do lighten the mood and sometimes has me in tears I am laughing so hard and if someone can't see that...wow...

QueenBishOTUniverse

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

_Terrapin_

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

See this is it right here. Two people who may or may not be arguing. Understand, ambermglovers friends from the FL may see the thread and see what is happening. They see a friend being attacked and called names. So usually by page 4 we have cat gifs or at least bunny gifs. Understand folks, whether the poster above is attacking ambermglover it sure seems this way. BTW M-Fri 9-4PM EST is the height of this back and forth since people are actively avoiding work. Enjoy MFP people.

LoupGarouTFTs

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

No one's asking you to be a therapist, but you certainly do seem to enjoy justifying bad behavior.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

You find gifs funny, but not everyone does. A lot of them are humorous, but just as many if not more are mean-spirited and passive-aggressive. I do find your interpretation of other people's posts odd, though, implying that others have called you bad things. Do you mean that you can be annoyed by things other people say, even though they're only being frank and what they perceive as honest? Shocking. It must be you who is the problem, since there are no mean people on the forums.

LoupGarouTFTs

See this is it right here. Two people who may or may not be arguing. Understand, ambermglovers friends from the FL may see the thread and see what is happening. They see a friend being attacked and called names. So usually by page 4 we have cat gifs or at least bunny gifs. Understand folks, whether the poster above is attacking ambermglover it sure seems this way. BTW M-Fri 9-4PM EST is the height of this back and forth since people are actively avoiding work. Enjoy MFP people.

I'm actually just making a point. If I've called names, though, I apologize. I do my best not to do so.

SezxyStef

I wanted to add this...

Why is it that we never see posts about posts where people were helped...where people were told that they weren't alone and that "they" had support here...or where a person spent a lot of time helping one person...back and forth back and forth?

Why is it that it's only the "odd" thread and yes they aren't the norm that are "noticed"...and brought forth and discussed...and where people are chastized?

Food for thought...if you want this site to be motivating...start with yourself...movtivate others to continue to help, motivate good behaviour etc...

George_Baileys_Ghost

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

On the plus side, your butt in yoga pants is really top shelf.

LoupGarouTFTs

I wanted to add this...

Why is it that we never see posts about posts where people were helped...where people were told that they weren't alone and that "they" had support here...or where a person spent a lot of time helping one person...back and forth back and forth?

Why is it that it's only the "odd" thread and yes they aren't the norm that are "noticed"...and brought forth and discussed...and where people are chastized?

Food for thought...if you want this site to be motivating...start with yourself...movtivate others to continue to help, motivate good behaviour etc...

Very true! However, it's human nature to complain about bad treatment rather than to praise good treatment. How many times do you go to a store and walk up to the customer service counter to praise the service you get? By contrast, how many times do you complain about service? How much news on the news is GOOD news? There's a reason that human interest stories are generally held to the last five minutes of the broadcast.

gypsy_spirit

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

Yes, I understand that concept. There are also mentally ill people on this site. There are prejudiced people on this site. There are people who overreact to everything on this site. The thing is, no profile gives you a head's up about exactly who is posting or replying. The odds of someone getting their feelings hurt on a site as large as MFP, are huge.

There are stop gap measures in place to deal with most situations. The moderators do a good job monitoring all the posts that flow through the forums over the course of a day. Sometimes the gifs are the only thing that de-escalates an all out battle in a thread. Those are the times I make the adult choice to move on.

As far as you being born in a different time, I am 3 years older than you. It's not an age thing, again, it's a maturity thing.

diamonddaveperry

I don't use the forums much because I don't care what any of you think.

Dgydad

While the OP has a point, it matters little to me personally. It just illustrates that many folks in here are *kitten*, and are not here primarily for weight loss and fellowship. They're looking for people to run down b/c it's the lazy man's way to build one's self up. Ignore them.......................

jofjltncb6

I wanted to add this...

Why is it that we never see posts about posts where people were helped...where people were told that they weren't alone and that "they" had support here...or where a person spent a lot of time helping one person...back and forth back and forth?

Why is it that it's only the "odd" thread and yes they aren't the norm that are "noticed"...and brought forth and discussed...and where people are chastized?

Food for thought...if you want this site to be motivating...start with yourself...movtivate others to continue to help, motivate good behaviour etc...

Very true! However, it's human nature to complain about bad treatment rather than to praise good treatment. How many times do you go to a store and walk up to the customer service counter to praise the service you get? By contrast, how many times do you complain about service? How much news on the news is GOOD news? There's a reason that human interest stories are generally held to the last five minutes of the broadcast.

I can't speak for everyone else, but I praise good service *far* more frequently than I complain about bad service.

Perhaps this is an important distinction between the two camps in this particular disagreement.

_Terrapin_

MFP has over 4 millions users. To think that you will find all of them to be well mannered, tactful, helpful, & respectful is naïve. 3 users deactivating in one day is a very low number. For the life of me, I can't understand why someone would let another person prevent them from being on this site. If nothing else you could stay off the forums and enjoy the people you have chosen on your friend's list.

I doubt stricter guidelines is the answer. You do have to be 18 years old to access MFP - but there is no measure for maturity.

Because not everyone has an internal locus of control--they can't find satisfaction from inside themselves and need external gratification. If they perceive that people who they feel should be helpful to them and supportive to them are derisive to them then they figure they're not good enough and may as well pack it in. Psych 101.

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

Find a post where I've said something hurtful. I make jokes, if you choose to interpret them as rude fine, I'm rude, I've certainly been called worse for giving honest advice.

Nope, don't feel the need to search any post out, but thanks for the offer. It's funny, but I find passive-aggressive gifs to be pretty rude, too. I guess I was raised in another time.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

On the plus side, your butt in yoga pants is really top shelf.

Can we see the shark in yoga pants?

QueenBishOTUniverse

I am not a therapist, I am a random person on the internet. I am not going to entirely modify my personality and sense of humor because someone *might* interpret my comment in a way I did not intend.

No one's asking you to be a therapist, but you certainly do seem to enjoy justifying bad behavior.

I post gifs of sharks, because I like sharks, I'm not sure how that's passive-aggressive. I *do* find it funny that it's been implied so far that I'm rude, passive-aggressive, immature and part of the problem.

You find gifs funny, but not everyone does. A lot of them are humorous, but just as many if not more are mean-spirited and passive-aggressive. I do find your interpretation of other people's posts odd, though, implying that others have called you bad things. Do you mean that you can be annoyed by things other people say, even though they're only being frank and what they perceive as honest? Shocking. It must be you who is the problem, since there are no mean people on the forums.

I call out bad behavior when I see it. If you are implying that I have exhibited bad behavior, then again, please point me to where this has occurred.

And I'm glad you enjoyed having the tables turned on you. There are a million different ways a statement can be interpreted, clearly you need to spend more time working on your delivery and tact, otherwise you might hurt someone's feelings.

And all of the above (including my statements) are why mean people threads are pointless and why I now circle back to what Jof originally said, which is that if you have a problem with a poster, it needs to be addressed directly, not in blanket statements, because lumping entire groups of people together and making generalizations is *also* wrong mmmk.

Now off to dinner. Enjoy.

DavPul

OP has a point - I understand people get frustrated at newbies for not using searching facility and for then getting annoyed when they don't get answers they want but seriously why is everyone so arrogant and *****y. it doesn't make you look hard just silly little kids

.

But to whom is this chastisement directed? If you don't specify, then everyone who has ever offered help that was vigorously rejected thinks they're the audience for it...when more realistically, it's a very small number of members.

TL;DR - Please direct your comments to those who deserve them.

its not aimed at individuals it is a general observation/statement in regards to several people on the forums. As I said I understand why people get frustrated but then why do people feel need to be aggressive about it. you can easily make a point without acting like children.

Go out and lead by example or you're part of the problem.

George_Baileys_Ghost

I wanted to add this...

Why is it that we never see posts about posts where people were helped...where people were told that they weren't alone and that "they" had support here...or where a person spent a lot of time helping one person...back and forth back and forth?

Why is it that it's only the "odd" thread and yes they aren't the norm that are "noticed"...and brought forth and discussed...and where people are chastized?

Food for thought...if you want this site to be motivating...start with yourself...movtivate others to continue to help, motivate good behaviour etc...

Because praising others for their good deeds will starve a high-horse to death. Complaining and finger-wagging, on the other hand...