MFP has changed

SunofaBeach14

OP needs a tackle hug and an e-noogie.

LoupGarouTFTs

I absolutely agree! It would be shameful if someone were to leave MFP because they felt attacked, and it DOES happen.
People are much nastier on the internet than they are in real life, and many were not taught to disagree tactfully and kindly. Sadly there's not much we can do. I mostly avoid the forums for this reason.

I just went back through my posts to see if I could find out when/in which thread this happened. It was on June 4. I couldn't find the thread in which it occurred, but I found a reference to it in a thread I'd posted to, in which a person used a big grin smiley because the thread in question had been started by a person with a deactivated account. I'd love to know if Big Smiley person was the same one who noted that "our work is done here" in the post on the thread that inspired the person to deactivate his/her account. I'm not even certain that thread still exists, but a really determined person could probably find it if it does. I'm not that person, since I need to go outside and do some yardwork before the Belmont runs.

sloth3toes

Gotta come back and check for gifs.

_Terrapin_

Human nature: For every great interaction you'll tell 3 people; for every negative interaction you'll tell 10. You make the site what you want, period.

CoffeeBugg

Ignore the jerks. You know, just like real life.

This^^

I think we too often tend to form opinions by focusing on the negatives. If 30 people offer kind words, and 10 people are nasty, the average person comes away with the feeling that the group is bad. It's like driving home from work and having 3 or 4 people cut you off. We don't get home and think of thousands of drivers that drove in a sensible manner, instead we feel like "Everyone out there drives like idiots these days!"

ChrisM8971

I have always found a lot of helpful people on MFP and blunt and matter of fact does not mean that they are being mean or nasty.

However there are some who do jump in with snarky comments containing no useful information whatsoever but that is just part of being on the internet

Just ignore the snarky non informative posts, while listening and considering all other information because a lot of it is extremely helpful

cwalflower

The responses to "law school made me fat" were brutal. I'm so glad when I joined MFP polite people were easier to find here. Now there are so many people that go about like they know all and only their approach to weight loss is correct. It makes MFP seem enapproachable if using it for some social support and not only to track.

Fujiberry

It is a little different but mostly improved. A few years back there were 30 threads a day on the benefits of idiocy like HCG. Eventually the bullies beat down a lot of the myths and craziness and I find MFP to actually be MORE useful and informative than in years past. There are a lot of prominent, knowledgeable members now and an army of people dedicated to destroying misinformation. Good changes all around. Some weak people see this as a bad thing but I don't know what world they are living in.

This.

I had MFP a long time ago and deleted my account due to the terrible misinformation on the forums.
It's much better now.

Fujiberry

It just bad manners.
If you can't be nice or helpful, don't write anything.

I find it very nice and helpful when bad information is corrected so that I am not duped into derailing my progress or giving up foods I love unnecessarily.

A+

SherryTeach

Well, what do you expect on a site run by people who are spending so much time obsessing over everything they put into their bodies, people who are constantly hungry, hangry, angry, and all the things in between?

That being said, people should stop being doushhhhnuggets.

Uh, you are here. Are you obsessed, hungry, hangry, and angry? As for me, I log my food because it helps me maintain. I satisfied with my food choices, happy, and grateful that I am where I am.

jofjltncb6

"If you are lonely and need a friend that does not judge you, get a dog or cat. "

I totally agree and whilst you are at it toughen yourself up. Its a cruel world outside of your home.

So MFP can't be different? Does everything need to be horrid?

It just bad manners.
If you can't be nice or helpful, don't write anything.

Even if nice or helpful means supporting something dangerous or inaccurate?

There are nice ways of communicating even if the message isn't particularly nice. Education works a lot better than a smackdown. Not too long ago, some people were smug and happy about chasing away another newbie through utterly horrible posts. I believe in honesty, sometimes extremely blunt honesty, but such nastiness is just sad.

Reference please. (I see these claims often, but almost never are they supported with an actual link to the egregious behavior. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but it would strengthen your argument considerably if you could provide some support.)

I can't remember the thread, but it did happen. It was a newbie being a jerk.

So the inevitable conclusion is that the site veterans are bad people though, right? I mean, that seems to be the consensus.

Athijade

"If you are lonely and need a friend that does not judge you, get a dog or cat. "

I totally agree and whilst you are at it toughen yourself up. Its a cruel world outside of your home.

So MFP can't be different? Does everything need to be horrid?

It just bad manners.
If you can't be nice or helpful, don't write anything.

Even if nice or helpful means supporting something dangerous or inaccurate?

There are nice ways of communicating even if the message isn't particularly nice. Education works a lot better than a smackdown. Not too long ago, some people were smug and happy about chasing away another newbie through utterly horrible posts. I believe in honesty, sometimes extremely blunt honesty, but such nastiness is just sad.

I have yet to see a "smackdown" when things start. What I see are people trying to educate at first and then getting frustrated and upset when the OP (and others) are not willing to take said advice or argue against it. THAT is when people get "mean" (though I wouldn't even use that word then honestly). That is the VAST majority of posts that people call "mean". How about instead of blaming those who try to help, we blame those who refuse to listen and continue to push their dangerous and unhealthy schemes?

AglaeaC

I have been on MFP for some time now and rarely post and know by posting this I am opening myself up for attacks. When I started on here other posters were encouraging and tried to motivate people now a lot just attack. I just finished reading the one "law school made me fat" and the op got attacked. I mean obviously the law school didn't make him eat bad, it did however cause a significant increase in stress which releases corticosteriods which increase belly fat and appetite. Studying did take away a lot of free time so maybe there wasn't much exercise. We also have no idea what else is happening in the posters life. In my opinion the op was looking for support and motivation not an attack on how there is no personal accountability. Just by coming to MFP the op is starting to take accountability. Wouldn't it be shameful if the op never came back because of the lack of kindness.
I am here to live better to maintain a healthy lifestyle not be shamed because in my past I gained weight because I lacked time to exercise while going through grad school, working full time, and raising a family not to mention the seasonal depression. I'm sure all of us started on here to live a healthier life and what is healthier for one may not meet the same definition for someone else.
It would be nice if the MFP community could be more welcoming and less bashing.

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

With a post count of 40 since 2009 I wonder how many times you have reached out to get help, how many of those have been good and how many have been bad?

And how often have you offered support? How many times has that support been declined rather than accepted?

These statistics are the same for nearly every yammering, whining poster accusing the community of being nothing but meanies. Doesn't it get boring to judge others so heavily when you sit up there on your fine shiny horse? Rhetorical question, don't bother replying.

sloth3toes

"If you are lonely and need a friend that does not judge you, get a dog or cat. "

I totally agree and whilst you are at it toughen yourself up. Its a cruel world outside of your home.

So MFP can't be different? Does everything need to be horrid?

It just bad manners.
If you can't be nice or helpful, don't write anything.

Even if nice or helpful means supporting something dangerous or inaccurate?

There are nice ways of communicating even if the message isn't particularly nice. Education works a lot better than a smackdown. Not too long ago, some people were smug and happy about chasing away another newbie through utterly horrible posts. I believe in honesty, sometimes extremely blunt honesty, but such nastiness is just sad.

Reference please. (I see these claims often, but almost never are they supported with an actual link to the egregious behavior. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but it would strengthen your argument considerably if you could provide some support.)

I can't remember the thread, but it did happen. It was a newbie being a jerk.

So the inevitable conclusion is that the site veterans are bad, pop tart eating people though, right? I mean, that seems to be the consensus.

Isn't that what you meant to say?

LoupGarouTFTs

So the inevitable conclusion is that the site veterans are bad people though, right? I mean, that seems to be the consensus.

I see a lot of veterans justifying their poor behavior because they've seen a kajillion billion zillion posts on the same topic before. My question is always the same: so? What is old news to a veteran might be new and scary to a newbie. A little courtesy couldn't hurt, even if it's just the courtesy of not posting.

I have yet to see a "smackdown" when things start. What I see are people trying to educate at first and then getting frustrated and upset when the OP (and others) are not willing to take said advice or argue against it. THAT is when people get "mean" (though I wouldn't even use that word then honestly). That is the VAST majority of posts that people call "mean". How about instead of blaming those who try to help, we blame those who refuse to listen and continue to push their dangerous and unhealthy schemes?

No offense, but if you haven't seen smackdowns, then you haven't been paying attention. Or maybe you're doing the smacking down. There are plenty of meangirls (and boys) out there, if you just look. I'm honestly not blaming anyone, since there are plenty of people who refuse to take good advice; however, there are just as many people who assume their advice won't be taken so they make nasty posts from the beginning.

jofjltncb6

"If you are lonely and need a friend that does not judge you, get a dog or cat. "

I totally agree and whilst you are at it toughen yourself up. Its a cruel world outside of your home.

So MFP can't be different? Does everything need to be horrid?

It just bad manners.
If you can't be nice or helpful, don't write anything.

Even if nice or helpful means supporting something dangerous or inaccurate?

There are nice ways of communicating even if the message isn't particularly nice. Education works a lot better than a smackdown. Not too long ago, some people were smug and happy about chasing away another newbie through utterly horrible posts. I believe in honesty, sometimes extremely blunt honesty, but such nastiness is just sad.

Reference please. (I see these claims often, but almost never are they supported with an actual link to the egregious behavior. I'm not saying it didn't happen, but it would strengthen your argument considerably if you could provide some support.)

I can't remember the thread, but it did happen. It was a newbie being a jerk.

So the inevitable conclusion is that the site veterans are bad, pop tart eating people though, right? I mean, that seems to be the consensus.

Isn't that what you meant to say?

Grenade!

QueenBishOTUniverse

So how heavily has that law school thread been sanitized, cause I just went through it and didn't see much of anything other than some people harping on about taking responsibility for your own habits and not blaming external forces. And the only time I've seen users cheer someone deactivating is when that person has first been thoroughly obnoxious and hateful to responders who were only being honest. Or when the OP starts a mean people thread, calls everyone a bunch of names and tells everyone how awful they are and how they should all be perfect and awesome like the OP.

LoupGarouTFTs

So how heavily has that law school thread been sanitized, cause I just went through it and didn't see much of anything other than some people harping on about taking responsibility for your own habits and not blaming external forces. And the only time I've seen users cheer someone deactivating is when that person has first been thoroughly obnoxious and hateful to responders who were only being honest. Or when the OP starts a mean people thread, calls everyone a bunch of names and tells everyone how awful they are and how they should all be perfect and awesome like the OP.

I have no idea how it's been sanitized, since I won't go back to read it again. I just remember being appalled at the treatment of a newbie and the celebration that he'd been run off. No matter how you look at it, that's heinous--a person comes in who obviously needs help and who now won't get it because some people were outrageous to him/her. Seriously: you're annoyed that a person has an external locus of control and the best you can do is give that person another reason to blame outside forces for being unmotivated to lose weight? That's the kind of person who most needs guidance to learn about taking responsibility, not derision, yet derision is the most common tactic used here. Whether the people who post here want to hear it or not, there is a lot of nastiness here and some that approaches bullying. I know, I know, no one forces anyone to read the forums, but I have yet to meet anyone whose knuckles have been rapped with a ruler for not making a cruel, snarky, or mean-spirited post, either.

Froggymcconnell

OP has a point - I understand people get frustrated at newbies for not using searching facility and for then getting annoyed when they don't get answers they want but seriously why is everyone so arrogant and *****y. it doesn't make you look hard just silly little kids

.

jofjltncb6

OP has a point - I understand people get frustrated at newbies for not using searching facility and for then getting annoyed when they don't get answers they want but seriously why is everyone so arrogant and *****y. it doesn't make you look hard just silly little kids

.

But to whom is this chastisement directed? If you don't specify, then everyone who has ever offered help that was vigorously rejected thinks they're the audience for it...when more realistically, it's a very small number of members.

TL;DR - Please direct your comments to those who deserve them.