MFP has changed
Replies
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If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
Stop pretending to be helpful, dapple.
Because if even one MFP member goes to bed with a sad, no matter the reason, we have failed.
I would rather not help 800 people if helping them meant that even one would go to bed sad.
These are real people with real feelings! If you had one extraordinarily stupid child in a classroom, would you not hold everyone back until he understood that week's concept? Would you really just let him fail for the selfish gratification of helping thirty others?
How does it even feel to not have a soul? Is your hatred for children the only thing left keeping you warm?
seriously?
Please tell me you forgot the /sarcasm
Yes, they were being sarcastic.0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
Well if your example of mean posts is folks calling others stupid, then the solution is simple - click the report post link. It may take a few hours due to the mods living busy lives themselves but it will be deleted. I also have people on my ignore list when it became clear we've reached the extent of positive contribution to each other's lives. Is this a simple case of needing to learn how to use the forum features???0 -
every day ...it seems we're wasting away.It's all the same.....only the names will change.
MFP is.....
Another place where the faces are so cold
I drive alll niiight
just to get back home.....
I'm a cowboy...
On a steel horse I ride....
0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
Boy am I glad to see you on here and know that you will be helping out in the future with the newbies. There are potentially dangerous ones that give very bad advice as gospel (there was one on here yesterday about vegans---you don't need to worry about your protien, can eat 3000cal and will be skinny etc., etc.). Now, I'd like to see you defuse a person like that---nicely---everyday. As I said we need you, and I will be waiting to read your future posts. Welcome. 0 -
It has changed...it seems a lot whinier than it was when I started. I believe it is the younger generation that needs all of this coddling and participating ribbons and what not. Your mommy told you that you were a special and unique snowflake and got A's for effort and it's turned you all into a bunch of pansies who've never been told no and never been told you are wrong...so when you are told that you are wrong you think it's bullying and unsupportive.
Grow a pair and stop being such a panty waist.0 -
It has changed...it seems a lot whinier than it was when I started. I believe it is the younger generation that needs all of this coddling and participating ribbons and what not. Your mommy told you that you were a special and unique snowflake and got A's for effort and it's turned you all into a bunch of pansies who've never been told no and never been told you are wrong...so when you are told that you are wrong you think it's bullying and unsupportive.
Grow a pair and stop being such a panty waist.
I like everything this post chooses to be0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
See that's the problem with these threads. They do target the group vs the one or few who should be called out at the time of the mean/rude post.
I've been called mean, because I was in a post where the OP was eating 500 calories a day, her profile said she's recovering from an ED, and I kept posting the link to the National Eating Disorders site where they could get free online help. Did the other poster look at the OP's profile and see that she had an ED? Nope. Just told me I was mean, being hateful and they were offended that I would insist the OP had an ED.
Recently I was called "sheep" because I was talking to someone who only wants to rely on weight loss pills to lose weight and not learn portion control. I was against taking the pills...
It's funny I started a thread thanking the people, any people on MFP that go in to threads day in and day out and give help, and fight the good fight. You know how many posts that got...like 5.
I'm to the point. I don't sugar coat. I'll go into the newbie threads and just post all of the links I now have saved on my profile, maybe they are only looking for a Hi! Add me! Someone might consider that I go into those threads and just post all those links uncalled for and maybe rude since that's not what the OP asked for. I don't do it just for the OP - but for the lurkers and the numerous others that will go in there and also comment with add me!0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
Boy am I glad to see you on here and know that you will be helping out in the future with the newbies. There are potentially dangerous ones that give very bad advice as gospel (there was one on here yesterday about vegans---you don't need to worry about your protien, can eat 3000cal and will be skinny etc., etc.). Now, I'd like to see you defuse a person like that---nicely---everyday. As I said we need you, and I will be waiting to read your future posts. Welcome.
If I can speak on the subject, I will gladly give advice. I honestly don't know squat about vegans etc., so I would not comment on a post like that. I'm pretty sure most newbs can't give advice for this very reason. I'm trying to lose weight and have not yet been successful, so really I can only comment on my journey so far, can't give no solid advice with facts.
So again, thanks to the veterans that have been there and can offer advice.
I understand that it must be frustrating seeing bad info. But mfp clearly states
"Posts by members, moderators and admins should not be considered medical advice and no guarantee is made against accuracy."
So if I believe said vegan, or even a seasoned educated mfper, that is my choice. I think debate is good, it weeds out bad info. But honestly, if your content is good, but your delivery sucks, I'll probably have less respect for you. The medium is the message (in some cases.)0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
Boy am I glad to see you on here and know that you will be helping out in the future with the newbies. There are potentially dangerous ones that give very bad advice as gospel (there was one on here yesterday about vegans---you don't need to worry about your protien, can eat 3000cal and will be skinny etc., etc.). Now, I'd like to see you defuse a person like that---nicely---everyday. As I said we need you, and I will be waiting to read your future posts. Welcome.
Oh yeah, that guy...man...I'm a vegetarian 24 years and that guy...I'm just gonna shut my mouth right now...0 -
It has changed...it seems a lot whinier than it was when I started. I believe it is the younger generation that needs all of this coddling and participating ribbons and what not. Your mommy told you that you were a special and unique snowflake and got A's for effort and it's turned you all into a bunch of pansies who've never been told no and never been told you are wrong...so when you are told that you are wrong you think it's bullying and unsupportive.
Grow a pair and stop being such a panty waist.
I think I love you.0 -
This is like the second "mean people" thread today. If you don't like the forums, join groups, write on your MFP blog, or in your newsfeed. There are several ways to steer clear of the "mean people".
so basically what you are saying that it's perfectly acceptable to be mean, if you are polite and friendly, pi$$ off, you're not the sort of person who should participate on mfp forums?
man oh man, It can't be easy being you.
I wasn't saying if you are polite/friendly pi$$ off at all. What I'm saying is that if you are sick of the so called meanies, want to start threads about meanies, but really only want sunshine and rainbows, the forums aren't the place for you and maybe groups/newsfeed would fit better.
I agree with other posters that have said "be the change you wish to see". Don't like what you see, then get in there, be the change. Try to help. Make this site what you want it to be. Will it always be what you want, no, but you have control over what you read, feel, want, see. I've always believed that people should lead by example. If you just start threads about mean people, are you really any better than those said mean people? Because these threads are a blanket statement, if you have a problem or see someone in the forums being what you believe is mean, then ask them about what they said? Call them out when it happens.
TL:DR - Be the change you want to see in the forums. Lead by example.
I think this is the most important take away. Get out there and lead by example. Be a force for positive change. Get in the arena instead of being a bystander hurling complaints.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
Probably one of the nicer things he's seen said about him0 -
Corn is food for chickens but if you throw it at them, they will run away from it. It will do us all good to remember this when advising people.0
-
Well, I have clicked off of posts because of the attacks. I think removing the Recent Posts from everybody's My Home page would go a long way to toning things down. Let's face it, it keeps posts like this visible longer. Most of us are 3-click people, we won't go digging for trouble.
I also find it annoying that items in the "Chit Chat Fun and Games" heading gets really ridiculous sometimes and almost always occupies 3 out of 4 of the Recent Posts list. But at least you know its not serious on that one.
Once upon a time I was a newbie. I didn't know my way around the gym, and I sure as heck couldn't tell you what the different types of carbohydrates were. I asked, I read, I learned. Besides, there's so much conflicting advice given here that posters really should be taking notes and doing research anyway.
I approach my replies on threads the same way I approach life, I'm going to treat people the way I want to be treated.0 -
The Law school thread I think is... a terrible example of meanness on this site. At least, up to the OP's second post to the thread where he used humor to categorize all the responses and thank everyone alike. I don't know what happened to the thread after that. He was asked some excellent questions. If you're gonna blame law school for weight gain, how about working 100 hours per week as a first year? How will you be successful then? Owning up to our actions has often been the first step in many of our weight loss journeys. What is wrong with helping the OP get there? Weight loss isn't easy? Of course it's hard!! And sometimes that means having to be butt sore a little bit when you look at your own actions in the mirror and evaluate how you got here. How can you do things differently and avoid the same mistakes in the future.
I have someone on my friend list, I know exactly what she's doing wrong and the changes she can make to lose weight. However I don't want to jeopardize a long term relationship we have and therefore have not said anything. Maybe she'll figure it out on her own in 3 or 10 years. Some of you complained about folks that go into hCG, I want to lose 50 lbs of weight in two months threads, etc and post bluntly. Know what I do when I see most of those? Roll my eyes and move onto the next thread. Think HARD about who the mean posters really are. And yes those of you with few [advice] post counts who know how it's done but have not shown it by your own compassionate helpful posts, you fall in the same bucket, too.
Agree with some of the posters about kid gloves. You're really going to say we should be somebody's therapy on this site?? I mean come on, it's free but you get what you pay for, right? :bigsmile:
Finally, I don't think [many of] the veterans are tired of the same posts over and over again. In fact, it seems they go in there repeatedly to answer questions
I think mainly everybody needs to judge the sole person, and not the whole group. Do not make broad assumptions based on stereotypes. As a newbie, I have seen newbies act.... "less than smart." When the OP started this thread, we cannot assume she is one of these newbies unless you go through each and every post of hers. I for one know I am a newbie, but will accept reasonable advice. I'm not going to debate someone who has had weight loss success and has been here long enough.
On the flip side, as a newbie, I will not judge veteran mfpers by one single "mean" person. As stated, I have an active thread where I am currently getting advice from veteran mfpers. All the awards go to you! Now I have also been talked down to by a veteran mfper, but I will not categorize the entire group this way. That is wrong.
Also I think people missed the part when I said "lead with a heavy hand." Trust me, there are no kid gloves. I have worked with 5 yr olds, but currently work with teenagers in high school. Trust me, even at 15, they are eloquently spoken like a grown adult. I definitely do not handle them with kid gloves. Actually I don't even handle 5 yr olds with kid gloves. To clarify, I don't think it's wrong to say "You ate an entire pizza in one sitting. That isn't good. You have to try and restrict yourself, because if you continue like this you will not lose weight. Try eating healthier foods with less sodium," That isn't rude, although that's up to interpretation. But if you say, "Wow, that was STOOPID!," I think that is considered mean. You didn't even provide any help in your post.
I understand tough love, but you can't be tough, and only tough. You need to have some wisdom to back that ish up. Otherwise, leave your comments at the door.
Boy am I glad to see you on here and know that you will be helping out in the future with the newbies. There are potentially dangerous ones that give very bad advice as gospel (there was one on here yesterday about vegans---you don't need to worry about your protien, can eat 3000cal and will be skinny etc., etc.). Now, I'd like to see you defuse a person like that---nicely---everyday. As I said we need you, and I will be waiting to read your future posts. Welcome.
If I can speak on the subject, I will gladly give advice. I honestly don't know squat about vegans etc., so I would not comment on a post like that. I'm pretty sure most newbs can't give advice for this very reason. I'm trying to lose weight and have not yet been successful, so really I can only comment on my journey so far, can't give no solid advice with facts.
So again, thanks to the veterans that have been there and can offer advice.
I understand that it must be frustrating seeing bad info. But mfp clearly states
"Posts by members, moderators and admins should not be considered medical advice and no guarantee is made against accuracy."
So if I believe said vegan, or even a seasoned educated mfper, that is my choice. I think debate is good, it weeds out bad info. But honestly, if your content is good, but your delivery sucks, I'll probably have less respect for you. The medium is the message (in some cases.)
Well see the vegans post was bad info and wrong. He also got very rude with people, and the others that usually would get called mean were doing what they do, told the right info, posted links and were very matter of fact to the point. So it's dangerous for someone to listen to the vegan telling people they don't need protein. I'm vegetarian and I lift heavy things, I need protein!!!
And you said you haven't been successful with weight loss yet, may I ask what you are doing? Are you restricting too much? On the 1200 calorie only diet? How much do you have to lose? How much are you trying to lose a week?
Here are the links I always post in newbie threads. Maybe they will help you.
Read these:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1235566-so-you-re-new-here?hl=so+you're+new+here
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1080242-a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/974888-in-place-of-a-road-map-2k13
TL:DR the link right above this one then ->http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/975025-in-place-of-a-road-map-short-n-sweet
Excuses??? http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2014/06/02/the-no-excuses-play-like-a-champion-challenge/
If you have 75+ lbs to lose 2 lbs/week is ideal
If you have 40-75 lbs to lose 1.5 lbs/week is ideal
If you have 25-40 lbs to lose 1 lbs/week is ideal
If you have 15 -25 lbs to lose 0.5 to 1.0 lbs/week is ideal
If you have less than 15 lbs to lose 0.5 lbs/week is ideal
Want to lift heavy things?
http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/07/21/meet-staci-your-new-powerlifting-super-hero/
Stronglifts Summary
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/560459-stronglifts-5x5-summary
Stronglifts Womens Group
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/4601-stronglifts-5x5-for-women0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
Thankyou Gracie----there is something there that's not true, if you know what I mean. Is he selling something that he needs all these followers? He said he mods on countless other sites---that are "infinitly" more polite than MFP. Will be watching what he says in the future. However--I will not be rude to him.
0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
No, it was in a PM and what I had said was that I had been considering it, but she's pretty cool...what's funny is she replied back saying she can't take his constant whining about everything. She'd only been his friend for like 2 days and had had enough.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
No, it was in a PM and what I had said was that I had been considering it, but she's pretty cool...what's funny is she replied back saying she can't take his constant whining about everything. She'd only been his friend for like 2 days and had had enough.
Lol sorry I was slowly realizing I must have misunderstood. I thought the conversation was happening on a newsfeed and the poor guy went ape ****0 -
It's why I don't post anymore. When I was really motivated, I was getting tons of praise. A lot happened in my life in 2012, 2013 was a transition year, and I'm finally starting to get my head turned around. I gained 10lbs, but then I've maintained. I don't talk about my struggles because when I did, I got blasted.
I don't even read the forum (that much) anymore. A place that used to be great for motivation, inspiration and tips is now a place for haters and for some who only want to make others feel bad.
I think there are people who use this who have been through enough of that.0 -
No, no one is missing the point. But the point I've made several times already is that not everyone is able to take control for themselves. They rely on outsiders to help and to support them. He wasn't being stupid or uncooperative. He just needed support and education. No one would be on this site if everyone were perfect and had always had control over their diets and their weight.
The thing is that they are able to. If they choose to is a completely different issue.
Yes. Just like every depressed person should just be able to suck it up and get over what is bothering them.
Get real.
Sometimes people can't just decide to do better on their own. Would it kill people to try to offer them some assistance?
Nobody making a post on an internet forum can change another person. That person has to take action and make that change. Tips, advice, guidance, prodding, or all out directing online are useless until the person on the other end takes action. For the depressed person, nothing changes until they take action. For the overeater, nothing changes until they take action. For the inactive, nothing changes until they take action. For the person with an ED, nothing changes until they take action.
Quite often assistance requires telling a person what they don't want to hear in a way that doesn't fit their world view. Every day there are new threads here started by people deluding themselves into a world where their actions are safe, healthy, and effective in the long term when the fact is they are risking their health, frequently with foolish choices. Some people play word games and dance around issues, others make direct statements that address the behaviors and choices.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
Thankyou Gracie----there is something there that's not true, if you know what I mean. Is he selling something that he needs all these followers? He said he mods on countless other sites---that are "infinitly" more polite than MFP. Will be watching what he says in the future. However--I will not be rude to him.
Good point. He may be selling something. He knows it's against the TOS here, so maybe he's just trying to lure people to those other sites.0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
There are ways around the nastiness, though, for the most part. For starters, make friends who are kind and supportive then ignore most of the rest of the community.0 -
My take on the infamous Law School thread:
It got rough in there. I thought the OP was joking in his OP but the first response answered him seriously (but truthfully) and then 95% of the thread after that was posters going back and forth at each other about blame and responsibility. It was more infighting than outright putting the OP down IMO. Still wouldn't have been any fun to be the OP tho.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, there are hundreds upon hundreds of posts on this site every single day where that doesn't happen. I guess I just don't understand this mindset of, "Well, that one time, something happened and I didn't like it, SO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE SITE IS BROKEN." Law School thread is what, two weeks old? How many years have been created in the meantime? How many people helped figure out a way to achieve their goals?
If you're going to be read 800 threads and then be soooooo upset about the 1 thread that you didn't like, you're going to have a bad time.
What's funny, is the guy who was all upset about that thread - also went to create a "meanies" thread...
The thing I thought was interesting was when he said he did it to get more people on his friends list. We hardly ever see him on here giving advice, so I'm curious as to why he wants more "nice" or "butthurt" people on his list.
I can't help it--I'm curious.
When I get a rare sighting of that guy I instantly roll my eyes and usually don't read what he has to say. Not worth the strike.
He was on one of my MFP friends' list (a new friend to me) and she and I were talking and I mentioned I thought about deleting her because I didn't want to even see him on my newsfeed. He throws out the word mean or bully like it's candy. If you ask me, that just lessons the meaning of those words and when it really happens, may not be dealt with like it should be because the boy who cried wolf. I think they do more of a disservice here than anything. I'm actually glad his time on the forums is far and few.
I'm sorry, you said you were going to delete her because of her awful friend where he could read it?
No, it was in a PM and what I had said was that I had been considering it, but she's pretty cool...what's funny is she replied back saying she can't take his constant whining about everything. She'd only been his friend for like 2 days and had had enough.
Lol sorry I was slowly realizing I must have misunderstood. I thought the conversation was happening on a newsfeed and the poor guy went ape ****
Haha. No, but had it happened on her newsfeed it might have. He's a whiner and I'm sure he'd call me a bully. He had posted on one of her posts about bullies, I later posted I think that word gets thrown around on this site way too much...No response from him, but I could see where that would get ugly and I wouldn't want to turn her newsfeed into that. I have little tolerance for whining.0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
If only such a thing existed0 -
I agree with the OP. You do need thick skin around here sometimes.
An ignore feature would be nice. Anyone who's on your ignore list wont have the posts visible to ther person who ignored them.
There are ways around the nastiness, though, for the most part. For starters, make friends who are kind and supportive then ignore most of the rest of the community.
The ignore feature does exist on this forum.0 -
Oh my...
I am an equal opportunity hater.
People out there who intentionally mean to others are just venting their frustrations on others. I was taught if you didn't have anything nice to say don't say it. Wise words to fall on deaf ears.0
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