what is it with my wife?!

SAHM here! My issue with my DH is that he doesn't clean up after himself. He works 9 hours minimum, sometimes 10-12 hours, and third shift at that. I don't expect him to do much during the week but take the trash out. However, it makes me see red that he doesn't clean up messes that he makes. He gets a bowl of cereal, leaves the cereal out and the bowl on the table. Empty milk jug on the table. Laundry is on the floor half the time. He leaves empty cans by his side of the bed. I don't mind doing 90% of the housework, but I'm not a maid! I refuse to go around cleaning up behind him.
So, if you are slacking cleaning up messes that you make, improve on that. If you and your wife both clean up as you go, that cuts down on how long it takes to do the chores.

Mine too! He is a pig! (Oh I work F/T) but before him, I was a single Mom of three teenagers, and worked two jobs. Now We have a 4 year old (my older 3 are grown.) My house was NEVER as dirty as it is now. I cannot keep up.

Work can be done while the kid is awake to, I did it.

S wel as doing all the yard work

We have three kiddos and it can get pretty crazy. We take turns with giving the kids bath, turns reading the bedtime story, and most importantly we divide the household duties up. Seriously, either way you slice it you both deserve respect and consideration. I would let her know how I feel and ask her for suggestions. Try to be as sincere as possible.
Ex: Honey, I really want to spend more time helping take care of our daughter. She is amazing and I feel like I am missing out. What do you think about trading duties every other night? I could take care getting her ready for bed and perhaps you could finish the dishes or fold the laundry?

If I were you, I would not sacrifice one minute away from my daughter. Period. Now after her bed time, I suggest the two of you team up, and do the chores together.

That's what my wife and I do now, and will do once we have children. No way around it. You're married. You got to work through this together.

Dude, you are the man of the house tell her what her place is and let her know if she doesn't do what you say you will cut her allowance..

Seriously, just talk to her. She needs to know your expectations, and you need to know hers. If you say nothing, she assumes everything is cool - and vice versa.
I'm a SAHM of 18 month old twins. I am typing this while my babies nap, because when they rest so do I. I spend a portion of their nap time dealing with 'quiet' chores (depends on your house layout as to what can get done), and the rest is my time for noodling around on the internet, emails, etc. because some nights I don't get a lot of sleep so some mental health time is needed.
I do as much as I can around the house, but also want to spend time with my girls doing activities like playing at home or going out for walk in the neighborhood.
My husband is NOT working at the moment, but he keeps his schedule as if he was (he is in diagnosis/treatment for an autoimmune condition). So while he is in and out, he is doing his own stuff.
My house isn't spotless now, and wasn't when he was working 13 -14 hour days. On the weekends (when he was working) he would take the girls out for a few hours so he got time with them, and I cleaned the house more thoroughly.
Does the baby eat well? Sleep Well? These things add considerable load to your day. If she has a screaming, colicky baby the quiet time might be the only option to stop her losing her mind.

But only you and your wife will know that. Be grown ups and have a chat.

Remember that Flintstones episode where they switched jobs?

FYI, most moms are also up half the night with the little ones.

Maybe you could sit her down for a nice dinner one night and tell her you'd like to discuss something. Especially since you work long hours it's unfair for you to have to come home and do chores when you've been playing the bread winner all day. She is a SAHM so she needs to realize that her job is taking care of the house while yours is making money to make ends meet. When I was a SAHM I cooked, cleaned, watched our son, everything. I didn't ask for much help from my husband because I knew that he was tired and busy. Now that I have a full time job and work 40 hours a week just as he does, we both pitch in and do equal amounts of housework. Our 5 year old even helps out a little. This is a touchy situation, though..

I don't know if you're Christians or not, but there is some supporting scripture for this area. If you are Christians, maybe you both can do a bible study together? There's a wonderful couple by the name of Debi and Michael Pearl who have counseled hundreds of married couples and have had wonderful success rates. I've read their books and it's amazing. The one for the wife is written by Debi Pearl and it's called "Created to be his help meet". Michael Pearl also wrote one, you'll have to google the name of it. Very worth reading them both. It most certainly helped my marriage In Debi's book, some of it talks about this very subject and explains it in great detail!