Hubs finds me physically unattractive i need motivation.

Hi everyone,
this is my second attempt to lose weight and get back in shape. Last night i had a conversation with my husband, he confessed to me that he doesn't find me physically attractive! He loves my personality and my "beautiful" face other than that... my physical appearance is an eye sore. I have 4 kids, I'm the biggest i've ever been!
His words might seem cruel but i know its his honesty, which I admire.
I need help! I need to get fit!
I lack the motivation and the knowledge when it comes to exercise and nutrition.

He should find you even sexier cause you gave him 4 KIDS! Hes a loser. Seriously. Thats my honesty.

Seriously, this really bothers me! Your a beautiful woman, he shouldn't be telling you this! You want me to beat him up for you? Don't worry I wont break any bones...

:yawn: :yawn: :yawn: :yawn:

Judging from your pics the man is bonkers. But, my opinion isn't exactly relavent.

We don't get to choose who we're attracted to, but I fail to see where there is ever any value added when a man tells his wife he isn't attracted to her.

Best of luck with your goals. But I cry foul.

If your bf doesn't love you at your "worst" he most CERTAINLY doesn't deserve you at your best. You need to do this for YOU and YOU alone. Yes, do it for your kids, yes, your hubby/bf will benefit by your self confidence gain, but sorry, he sounds like a douche nozzle for even saying that to you. YES he should make her feel good about who she is. PERIOD. This comes from a happily married 8 years, together for 13 years couple. My hubby has always told me he "doesn't mind" those extra rolls as long as I am "into" our intimate relationship. I know OBVIOUSLY he is more attracted to my more fit body (which has more to do with my confidence), BUT, the fact that he loves me no matter what, made me realize I am worth it for ME. I don't NEED to change for HIM! Our relationship can only improve when I improve me, but I know we are still ok if I stay just the way I am. Seriously. He's a douche nugget. Can't get over it.

:yawn: :yawn: :yawn: :yawn:

How is this helpful? Why even bother posting? ****!

I just want to say that the way you are handling this is admirable.

I think that we should all be honest in your relationships, even when honesty hurts. That apparently is not the norm here.

I do realize you didn't ask for marital advice.


Now, I wish you nothing but the best in your goals.

My advice is simple, and that is eat a little less, move a little more.
Get out and walk/jog/run with your husband and kids
Take a few weeks and track everything that you are eating, and figure out where you can cut some calories.

Take it slow, it's not a race.

& good luck.

How is this helpful? Why even bother posting? ****!

It's about has helpful as you wanting to "beat him up"

If your bf doesn't love you at your "worst" he most CERTAINLY doesn't deserve you at your best. You need to do this for YOU and YOU alone. Yes, do it for your kids, yes, your hubby/bf will benefit by your self confidence gain, but sorry, he sounds like a douche nozzle for even saying that to you. YES he should make her feel good about who she is. PERIOD. This comes from a happily married 8 years, together for 13 years couple. My hubby has always told me he "doesn't mind" those extra rolls as long as I am "into" our intimate relationship. I know OBVIOUSLY he is more attracted to my more fit body (which has more to do with my confidence), BUT, the fact that he loves me no matter what, made me realize I am worth it for ME. I don't NEED to change for HIM! Our relationship can only improve when I improve me, but I know we are still ok if I stay just the way I am. Seriously. He's a douche nugget. Can't get over it.

This right here is what its about! You hit it right on the head! I personally think its not about just the weight, I think her relationship may be in trouble..

I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...

Caesar,
Thank you for being the first man to speak some real truth. I am disturbed by this as well.

Never... ever... never should a man speak to his woman as this. Truth or not. I would hope to heavens it wouldn't be true, cuz love is supposed to go well beyond just mere physical attraction and what KEEPS you physically attracted to your mate. Its a choice to love and with that decision is a commitment to everything that comes with it, including physical attraction. It is a choice to continue to love someone your entire life, which is what you committed to when you said your marriage vows.

Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

Should he have lied?

He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."

What if she asked him?

Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

So if she fails, it's his fault?? You are already setting the stage for scapegoating.

I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...

Caesar,
Thank you for being the first man to speak some real truth. I am disturbed by this as well.

Never... ever... never should a man speak to his woman as this. Truth or not. I would hope to heavens it wouldn't be true, cuz love is supposed to go well beyond just mere physical attraction and what KEEPS you physically attracted to your mate. Its a choice to love and with that decision is a commitment to everything that comes with it, including physical attraction. It is a choice to continue to love someone your entire life, which is what you committed to when you said your marriage vows.

I don't THINK he ever said he didn't love her anymore?

I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...

Caesar,
Thank you for being the first man to speak some real truth. I am disturbed by this as well.

Never... ever... never should a man speak to his woman as this. Truth or not. I would hope to heavens it wouldn't be true, cuz love is supposed to go well beyond just mere physical attraction and what KEEPS you physically attracted to your mate. Its a choice to love and with that decision is a commitment to everything that comes with it, including physical attraction. It is a choice to continue to love someone your entire life, which is what you committed to when you said your marriage vows.

I don't THINK he ever said he didn't love her anymore?

If he truelly loved her he wouldn't be so hurtful and insensitive! You know how devastating for the person that you love to tell you he or she doesn't find you attractive?? You have ice running through your veins...

Not sure why you shared your husbands feelings with us. I find it hard to believe anyone would find his "honesty" to be "admirable."

I find how honest he was, and how she took his honesty to be very admirable.

Should he have lied?

He shouldn't have even gone there. Now she's gonna go try and lose weight, might fail, and there he will be with his honesty and it will be her fault that "he's not attracted to her."

What if she asked him?

Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

If she fails, he'll still love her and support her when she's ready to give it another go because it sounds like that's the kind of healthy relationship they have.
Physical attraction is not the end all be all, companionship and friendship are.

Though it is a nice bonus to be sexy and see sexy in those relationships.

Not then either. For her own sake as well. What if she fails?

So if she fails, it's his fault?? You are already setting the stage for scapegoating.

Why would it be his fault if she fails? I never made that suggestion, I'm not sure how you inferred that from anything I've said. If she fails, because of this "honesty", it will be her fault her husband continues to not be attracted to her. She'll only have herself to blame. That's the entire logical flow of his "honesty". which is why he shouldn't have ever gone there. It's either blackmail or a recipe for an unloving, even a spiteful marriage.
You can see where this kind of honesty goes. All the way to "Hey, baby, you stayed fat, so it's your fault that I jerk off to other woman, fool around, etc etc."
Why invite that?
Not all honesty is good, Not every feeling anyone has needs to be shared in the share circle.

I would never say that to my wife, even if it were true... That's ****ed up, I would find a way to motivate her more, not put her self esteem down to the ground.... Its just not cool! Hey listen, there's men that like big woman, so if he goes, you'll find someone better...

Caesar,
Thank you for being the first man to speak some real truth. I am disturbed by this as well.

Never... ever... never should a man speak to his woman as this. Truth or not. I would hope to heavens it wouldn't be true, cuz love is supposed to go well beyond just mere physical attraction and what KEEPS you physically attracted to your mate. Its a choice to love and with that decision is a commitment to everything that comes with it, including physical attraction. It is a choice to continue to love someone your entire life, which is what you committed to when you said your marriage vows.

I don't THINK he ever said he didn't love her anymore?

If he truelly loved her he wouldn't be so hurtful and insensitive! You know how devastating for the person that you love to tell you he or she doesn't find you attractive?? You have ice running through your veins...

I have lived it first hand.

My Ex-fiance left me because I let myself go, turned into a drunk, and she wasn't attracted to me anymore.

Her doing that was the best thing that ever happened to me. A wake up call.

That's good that it motivated you to change, but this is different, she's not stinking drunk or a meth addict,she's a mother of four!! There's a difference, you letting yourself go and being a drunk, you pretty much wanted her to leave, no one is going to put up with that, and you sound like you were a mean, and condescending drunk...