what is it with my wife?!
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Dude, you are the man of the house tell her what her place is and let her know if she doesn't do what you say you will cut her allowance..0
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Dunno if I missed it but I'd be curious to know what she's asking you to do that you feel is "80%" of the chores... You may have no idea exactly how much she's done throughout the day compared to what she's asking your help with.
There is truth here.0 -
Seriously, just talk to her. She needs to know your expectations, and you need to know hers. If you say nothing, she assumes everything is cool - and vice versa.
I'm a SAHM of 18 month old twins. I am typing this while my babies nap, because when they rest so do I. I spend a portion of their nap time dealing with 'quiet' chores (depends on your house layout as to what can get done), and the rest is my time for noodling around on the internet, emails, etc. because some nights I don't get a lot of sleep so some mental health time is needed.
I do as much as I can around the house, but also want to spend time with my girls doing activities like playing at home or going out for walk in the neighborhood.
My husband is NOT working at the moment, but he keeps his schedule as if he was (he is in diagnosis/treatment for an autoimmune condition). So while he is in and out, he is doing his own stuff.
My house isn't spotless now, and wasn't when he was working 13 -14 hour days. On the weekends (when he was working) he would take the girls out for a few hours so he got time with them, and I cleaned the house more thoroughly.
Does the baby eat well? Sleep Well? These things add considerable load to your day. If she has a screaming, colicky baby the quiet time might be the only option to stop her losing her mind.
But only you and your wife will know that. Be grown ups and have a chat.0 -
Remember that Flintstones episode where they switched jobs?0
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Remember that Flintstones episode where they switched jobs?
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That was so funny lol0
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FYI, most moms are also up half the night with the little ones.0
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Don't try to get this man murdered.. JEEEZ!!Dude, you are the man of the house tell her what her place is and let her know if she doesn't do what you say you will cut her allowance..0 -
Maybe you could sit her down for a nice dinner one night and tell her you'd like to discuss something. Especially since you work long hours it's unfair for you to have to come home and do chores when you've been playing the bread winner all day. She is a SAHM so she needs to realize that her job is taking care of the house while yours is making money to make ends meet. When I was a SAHM I cooked, cleaned, watched our son, everything. I didn't ask for much help from my husband because I knew that he was tired and busy. Now that I have a full time job and work 40 hours a week just as he does, we both pitch in and do equal amounts of housework. Our 5 year old even helps out a little. This is a touchy situation, though..
I don't know if you're Christians or not, but there is some supporting scripture for this area. If you are Christians, maybe you both can do a bible study together? There's a wonderful couple by the name of Debi and Michael Pearl who have counseled hundreds of married couples and have had wonderful success rates. I've read their books and it's amazing. The one for the wife is written by Debi Pearl and it's called "Created to be his help meet". Michael Pearl also wrote one, you'll have to google the name of it. Very worth reading them both. It most certainly helped my marriage
In Debi's book, some of it talks about this very subject and explains it in great detail! 0 -
Or maybe you can stay home and she can go to work. 0
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Can't catch up on the weekends? Thats what I do. . then again, I only clean, really, when I'm pissed, upset, or I know someone is coming over.0
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I like this one.Or maybe you can stay home and she can go to work.0 -
Okay, I'll probably get some feedback on this but I say, she's a stay at home mom. That's her job. Take care of the kids and clean. I'm not saying she should do ALL of the housework. You live there too so you should contribute. But I think she needs to do the majority since she stays home. Just my opinion. I've always worked outside of the home so maybe I haven't walked in her shoes.
THIS!
I was a nanny for a 3 month old and 3 year old. I still managed to clean throughout their 4,500+ sq. feet home. Therefore, there's absolutely no excuse as to why she's incapable of doing a majority of the housework.0 -
I am a teacher plus I have 3 kids..........I work 5 minutes from home husband works 40 min away from home, he is gone 6:30am-6pm on most days and every 3rd Saturday. I am gone roughly 8-5 m-f........... We do general pick up/clean up daily, but major house cleaning on Saturdays, and we split the work. I cook almost nightly, he does the dishes with the kids after dinner. During the summer months when I am a SAHM, I clean, cook, do laundry, tend the garden, and mow the lawn so we can have family time in the evenings and on weekends. Occasionally I don't get to it all, but 99% of the time I do. I told my husband I'm HOME all summer, the least I can do is clean, cook, and tend the lawn........our marriage is a lot happier with this arrangement, plus I am not siting around all day long. My kids are a bit older, however (5, 11, 12) but I've done things this way for so long it's routine. Probably helps that I grew up with a single mother and I too was a single mom with a home for 3 years- with a newborn and 6 year old.
I'm sorry I just don't get women who stay home and don't do anything around the house. Shocking they don't respect their husband enough and their marriage to do these things....... SMH......hope it all works out for you.0 -
she sounds like a lazy and spoiled b word. Sorry but I worked full time with three kids and kept my house sparkly clean. WHen I ever took on a part time job or was in between jobs but my husband remained working full time then I did al the work. Sorry but if your house is dirty and she isn't working, you have a serious problem. I know, maybe she needs to have cable and internet canceled. Probably watches tv all day. Just speaking the truth. Be a man. A woman should take pride in her home and do what it takes to show it off and have it presentable at all times. Especially if she is jobless0
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she sounds like a lazy and spoiled b word. Sorry but I worked full time with three kids and kept my house sparkly clean. WHen I ever took on a part time job or was in between jobs but my husband remained working full time then I did al the work. Sorry but if your house is dirty and she isn't working, you have a serious problem. I know, maybe she needs to have cable and internet canceled. Probably watches tv all day. Just speaking the truth. Be a man. A woman should take pride in her home and do what it takes to show it off and have it presentable at all times. Especially if she is jobless
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As someone who has had the privilege of staying home for more that 23 years, I fully believe that I have the responsibility of the home!!! I've done most of the cooking and all the cleaning during this time! I not only had 2 small children but I continued on to homeschool them - a total of 16 years. But when my husband comes home the house is clean and neat!! It's not what he demands but if I can stay at home, it should reduce some of his responsibility after a long day! Or in our case, weeks away working on oil rigs!!!
I think women should think it's an honor to keep our homes very livable! Not only for our families but for ourselves!! I stay on top of things so it's never overwhelming at all!!
It's the least we can do!!0 -
wow i really cannot believe some of these responses.... i think everyone needs to go back into their little bubbles and OP you just need to talk to your wife. :noway:0
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So you want her to work during her 3-4 hours of free time, but you are complaining because she asks you to help out during your free time? Maybe y'all should talk about it, nicely and calmly, and decide on a compromise that you both are happy with...
or the housekeeper idea.
Originally before our baby when she was working part time, we had a deal that she would do all the housework except cleaning the kitchen and I would take care of that.
Now that she is not working away from home at all, she wants me(who has taken on extra work hours to survive on a single income) to do more than just clean the kitchen, which I still do daily...
She asks me not to help out, but to do it instead of her...helping is one thing, being a slave entirely different...she also gets all day with our daughter, I get less than 2 hours per day.
Just adding perspective.
dude. seriously grow a pair. you only have ONE kid. I hope you don't have more. Shoot. I did it and had three. She is lazy. Bottom line. THat baby could go in a playpin or one of those activity things that looks like a walker and she could be cleaning. There is no excuse. You are already working. IF taking care of the kid and the house is her job then she isn't doing a good job. SHe needs to be dropped down a peg. There is nothing I hate more than lazy chicks who think they don't have to work while mooching off their men0 -
So you want her to work during her 3-4 hours of free time, but you are complaining because she asks you to help out during your free time? Maybe y'all should talk about it, nicely and calmly, and decide on a compromise that you both are happy with...
or the housekeeper idea.
Originally before our baby when she was working part time, we had a deal that she would do all the housework except cleaning the kitchen and I would take care of that.
Now that she is not working away from home at all, she wants me(who has taken on extra work hours to survive on a single income) to do more than just clean the kitchen, which I still do daily...
She asks me not to help out, but to do it instead of her...helping is one thing, being a slave entirely different...she also gets all day with our daughter, I get less than 2 hours per day.
Just adding perspective.
dude. seriously grow a pair. you only have ONE kid. I hope you don't have more. Shoot. I did it and had three. She is lazy. Bottom line. THat baby could go in a playpin or one of those activity things that looks like a walker and she could be cleaning. There is no excuse. You are already working. IF taking care of the kid and the house is her job then she isn't doing a good job. SHe needs to be dropped down a peg. There is nothing I hate more than lazy chicks who think they don't have to work while mooching off their men
You sound angry.0 -
FYI, most moms are also up half the night with the little ones.
TIL that most moms are up half of the night with toddlers. :huh:0 -
You don't. You suck it up for the time being. As your kid gets older, it'll be easier for her to get more chores done throughout the day.
I've done the 60 hour work weeks, and I've done the stay at home mom thing (still currently). The 60 hour work week was less mentally exhausting...0 -
she sounds like a lazy and spoiled b word. Sorry but I worked full time with three kids and kept my house sparkly clean. WHen I ever took on a part time job or was in between jobs but my husband remained working full time then I did al the work. Sorry but if your house is dirty and she isn't working, you have a serious problem. I know, maybe she needs to have cable and internet canceled. Probably watches tv all day. Just speaking the truth. Be a man. A woman should take pride in her home and do what it takes to show it off and have it presentable at all times. Especially if she is jobless
Where do you think your anger issues stem from?0 -
I pay my housekeeper 15 dollars an hour and she comes every other week and does all the scrubbing..... that's 60 bucks a check. totally worth it!0
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I do it when I feel like it and husband doesn't complain. It gets done. The only thing he is required to clean is his bathroom.0
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ok I used to be a stay at home mom/ daycare provider. I watched on average 4 kids under 5 everyday. I still managed to clean the house. I didn't expect my husband who worked from 6am-4pm or 5pm, sometimes even later than that to come home and have to worry about cleaning "his" share of the house. I still worked having the daycare and brought in money but I still was responsible for cleaning the house also. What shes proposing for you to do is not fair in my opinion because honestly staying home with kids is kinda busy but its not hard work so when they are napping she should be fully capable of getting the cleaning done. Maybe just leave the supper dishes for you to wash. Good luck. I hope she not trying to take advantage of you, cause that's what it sounds like.0
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I recently left my job because my husband asked me to. He started a new position where he is gone 12 hours of the day 4am to 4pm. I was working evenings and not getting off til 10pm so it was hard on both of us. We have 4 kids now and I get them all to bed, and my 2 year old is going through a phase and sometimes it's midnight to 2am before I have him asleep and the kitchen cleaned and finally in bed myself. Then I get my husband up, make his lunch and get him out the door by 4am. He leaves, I do my workout, 30 minutes then crawl back in bed, this is usually 5am. Usually the kids will sleep in til 9:30-10. I don't get much done during the day because our youngest is super high maintenance so it's all done after he's asleep or if he happens to nap during the day, which is rare. After dinner I usually run 3 miles. I hardly ever ask my husband to do anything, but he likes to cook and I will admit he is better so he does cook alot and handles the garbage after I ask oh 54 times or so lol. I do wish he'd offer to help more, because I literally have no time to do anything for myself. But he's the sole bread winner, and even though he asked me to stay home, I still don't feel right asking. If I can do it, she can do it with one kid that can't be that much of a handful yet..0
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And just to add, that I am lazy and horrible at being domestic. But I do what I gotta do for our family. It's called being an adult. It did take me quite a few years to get there though.0
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I feel like I stepped back in time to the 1950's :noway:0
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I feel like I stepped back in time to the 1950's :noway:
There are many people who believe the traditional marital roles from the 1950's were better.0
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