Chivalry is dead?

My husband is. He was also in the USMC for 5 years.

I do my best to always act this way. I also teach my children the same things. Yes ma'am, yes sir, please, thank you, no thank you, ect.

May I please have x, y or z. They do have lapses in judgment sometimes and I will have to repeat myself constantly but eventually I feel as if it will be second nature to them as it is for myself.

I find the problem with society is we allow ourselves to forget what our parents have taught us or we dismiss it as false truths. There are also times that I've been criticized for doing what come naturally to me. "Did you just ma'am me?!?" "Yes ma'am I did. I apologize if my being brought up correctly has offended you; I was only trying to be polite."

Or the old, "Ugh, I can open damn door myself *kitten*." "Yes ma'am, I understand completely have a great day."

I tend to dismiss those things or people as very troubled individuals and thank my good graces that I don’t have the need to act in such a way. I find that if you have standards for yourself, keep them high and do not let others dictate how you act or react to things. Then life tends to work itself out for the better in the long run.

It's dead for sure. It died with the hippies who gave rise to our generation, i'm not ashamed to admit that we gen xers are bad at parenting, and it's kept going downhill. It's just a sign of the overall decline of American society and civility. People have become so used to being handfed that they want someone to raise their kids for them, to tell them how, to tell them what to eat and when. It's all a product of social engineering started by the babyboomer hippies who now run things. My parents taught me to open doors for women, how to behave in public and everything their parents (strict old school parents) taught them.

*cough* My parents were hippies - my mom was in a commune for crying out loud. My father was a musician and had long hair and smoked dope...and still served in Vietnam voluntarily. I was taught chivalry and respect and that it goes for all people, not just opposite genders or generations. I was also taught that I was a reflection of them at all times.

I suspect the decline in civility has less to do with hippies and parenting than it does reality television and social media navel-gazing echo chambers.

OP, I fully agree with you. Especially with the internet, I feel there is a huge culture of disrespect and wanting to "own" or "pwn" or "serve" or generally show up others (especially strangers) is a big part of being cool these days. General respect seems out the door. I still call people "sir" or "ma'am," even my high school students, because I was taught that this is a respectful thing to do (and I like to model that behavior for my students). However, I get plenty of "ma'am"s who get offended because they think I'm calling them old, and "sir"s who just don't like it.

Personally, I open the door for any stranger if I'm at the door (man, woman, child, my SO, elderly, whatever, just the way I was taught)
I try to open the car door for my SO all of the time, but I can be kind of a space cadet (need to work on that)
I've been mowing my elderly, injured neighbor's lawn; she's threatened to pay, but I've avoided taking it, so far

I think it goes beyond chivalry or general respect, but also honesty, responsibility and accountability. It might be people not being fully aware of their actions, but I see considerate moves made all of the time. Wish I had better examples to give, but I guess I'm a pretty big stickler for behavior (especially in public).

ETA: Also, when I lived in San Francisco and rode the subway (BART), it is amazing how many times you'd see a woman (pregnant or otherwise), a senior, a disabled person, and no one would give up their seat. I'm happy to say that I gave it up. Another one, just about a week ago, I saw a woman struggling with her heavily loaded shopping cart. I kind of surprised myself by asking her if I could steer it back to her car and load it for her. Not bragging, but I made myself feel pretty good about doing that.

Another thing, since people have mentioned etiquette, please, thank you, etc. It's amazing how often people in restaurants say to their server, "Get me a..." instead of, "May I please have a...." I seriously want to ask these people if they were raised by wolves or something. I honestly don't care how much you tip your server (but karma...), but please treat them the way you'd like to be treated. No one wants to get you a anything.

I am teaching my sons this. And yes they do use "Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am, No Sir and No Ma'am" and I do not care if that is a "dated" term or not. It is the the PROPER terminology and sign of respect given to men and women.

In Texas and maybe a few other southern states. This is a purely cultural phenomenon and people outside of that culture ARE NOT being rude just because they don't understand or have experience with your culture.

My husband considers it very rude that students refer to teachers as Miss without including a name. I've had to explain to him that in certain cultures, addressing anyone senior to you by name (even last name) is considered highly offensive and rude, you must be given permission to use their name, so the students will simply say Miss because they think they are being polite.

I am curious which cultures your husband has noticed the "miss" or "mister" without a last name. This one really bugged me at first, until it was explained to me that it's something of a latino phenomenon (again, as it was explained to me). After getting the explanation, it was pretty hard to get upset with students about it (when they ARE trying to do what they were taught is respectful behavior).

I am teaching my sons this. And yes they do use "Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am, No Sir and No Ma'am" and I do not care if that is a "dated" term or not. It is the the PROPER terminology and sign of respect given to men and women.

In Texas and maybe a few other southern states. This is a purely cultural phenomenon and people outside of that culture ARE NOT being rude just because they don't understand or have experience with your culture.

My husband considers it very rude that students refer to teachers as Miss without including a name. I've had to explain to him that in certain cultures, addressing anyone senior to you by name (even last name) is considered highly offensive and rude, you must be given permission to use their name, so the students will simply say Miss because they think they are being polite.

I am curious which cultures your husband has noticed the "miss" or "mister" without a last name. This one really bugged me at first, until it was explained to me that it's something of a latino phenomenon (again, as it was explained to me). After getting the explanation, it was pretty hard to get upset with students about it (when they ARE trying to do what they were taught is respectful behavior).

It is mostly latino, he noticed it both in California and in Texas and grew up always thinking it was rude. When I started teaching in both of these states I explained to him what the issue was, because it was a cultural phenomenon I was not aware of previously either (didn't bug me, just didn't know about it). It still drives him nuts, but that's mostly the OCD at this point, things like that will still bug him even if he understands where the difference comes from.

And that's the problem with talking about things like "proper" behavior, it only counts in your own culture and its a bit unfair to judge someone harshly when they may not even be AWARE of your cultural standards.

Hmm. I tok my kids to Chick-fil-a last night. Hope it wasn't their bad behavior you area speaking of.

I grew up in the Northeast (New York/New Jersey) and while I don't think we had poor manners, I don't remember ever hearing kids say "yes m'am" or "no sir". But now that I live in the South (and in an area with a large military presence) I hear that all the time from children the age of my own boys. So while my kids do know to say please and thank you, and generally have good manners, the whole sir and m'am thing just feels unnatural to me...as does referring to adults as "Miss" or "Mister" Firstname.

Like you i work at it everyday and try to instill those values in my son

It's easy to teach men to be chivarous. Just stand at the door and smile sweetly. Try it, it works.

Manners are the grease of society - helps people not rub others the wrong way. It says, "i don't know you, but I respect you, bacause you are a fellow member of society." Or something like that. :happy:

I say "No Sir" to my dog... I don't think I could date someone who didn't let me open there door.

My kids have impeccable manners around other adults and strangers. They smart-mouth me all of the time at home. Sigh...at least other people think I am a good parent.

One time dude held a door open for me. His girlfriend went crazy, saying "I'm gettin' real tired of yo ole friendly *kitten*!"

Confession: I didn't read all the replies so this has probably been covered.

Can someone tell me why I need special help opening a door just because I'm a woman?

The whole 'woman" part of chivalry should be dead. It's 2014, not 1414.

it's not about need. it's about the whole "do something to make their life easier, even if it's a tiny gesture such as opening a door."

people thinking it's a knock on women are the reason that others stopped doing it. so stop complaining and learn to enjoy the little things in life.