Nagging about saving money for IVF

how about you just have a conversation with your husband and just your husband about it. I wouldn't consider dragging things like this into the public.

I understand the request for ideas but I am sure you can come up with something together. After all you are grown up and married and I am pretty sure also capable of sorting out your finances.

I was looking for SUPPORTIVE comments. NO need to comment if you are just going to be negative! Goodbye!

The supportive comments you are looking for are there. You're too wrapped up in the its my way or the highway mentality to see them.

Step back look at your situation as a whole. You're being childish by throwing tantrums, he's being it by being selfish. Is this how you want your kid(s) to be? Fix you first.

You actually sound kind of bitter. There really isn't anything wrong with her posting a relationship question on the internet.

Your supportive suggestion was to talk to her husband. That one has been covered in this thread. Life isn't always cut and dry. Some problems are more pervasive and troubling than others. Some people are better able to problem-solve by bouncing ideas off other people. The internet is a great place to do that as you are sure to get a variety of opinions. She has not put her husband down. She has not painted him in a bad light. I don't see at all that she has a "my way or the highway" mentality. She has said that she would not be leaving her husband because of this issue. Were you referring to the way she treated you? Because your suggestion, while a wise one, is only going to get her part way to the solution. And in the process of providing her with only a partial solution that has already been covered, you attacked her and called her childish.

Why don't you fix you before you give out advice on the internet? Especially since you have such a huge problem with people asking for it.

Life is that cut and dry. Communicate, make a decision and follow through. I'm not bitter at all. I called her childish because after 14 pages and the repeated advice of talk to your husband because there seems to be a difference in pages of what they both actually want out of life, has been ignored. I'm all for the internet and getting opinions and learning from others who are in different walks of life than yours. However if a majority are all telling you the same thing its called get a clue. She has painted her husband in a bad light. She basically has told us that he has no regard for how she feels. Because she said that they agreed on a budget and he won't stick to it. That being said to me screams that he doesn't actually care about what they agreed upon together and now she is trying to figure out how to get it to go back to her way. The only way for them to work this out isn't a money problem its a respect problem that only they can figure out. Maybe they can go spend some money first on couseling then IVF.

TIL no one is allowed to want their own biological children if unable to conceive naturally, adoption is free (lol), budgeting is a means of keeping your husband's balls in a vice grip, and my new favorite gif involves a cat and a hedgehog. I think I got everything.

Don't forget that children RUIN LIVES!!!

Oh I like you

Don't get attached b/c I definitely don't like you.

how about you just have a conversation with your husband and just your husband about it. I wouldn't consider dragging things like this into the public.

I understand the request for ideas but I am sure you can come up with something together. After all you are grown up and married and I am pretty sure also capable of sorting out your finances.

I was looking for SUPPORTIVE comments. NO need to comment if you are just going to be negative! Goodbye!

The supportive comments you are looking for are there. You're too wrapped up in the its my way or the highway mentality to see them.

Step back look at your situation as a whole. You're being childish by throwing tantrums, he's being it by being selfish. Is this how you want your kid(s) to be? Fix you first.

You actually sound kind of bitter. There really isn't anything wrong with her posting a relationship question on the internet.

Your supportive suggestion was to talk to her husband. That one has been covered in this thread. Life isn't always cut and dry. Some problems are more pervasive and troubling than others. Some people are better able to problem-solve by bouncing ideas off other people. The internet is a great place to do that as you are sure to get a variety of opinions. She has not put her husband down. She has not painted him in a bad light. I don't see at all that she has a "my way or the highway" mentality. She has said that she would not be leaving her husband because of this issue. Were you referring to the way she treated you? Because your suggestion, while a wise one, is only going to get her part way to the solution. And in the process of providing her with only a partial solution that has already been covered, you attacked her and called her childish.

Why don't you fix you before you give out advice on the internet? Especially since you have such a huge problem with people asking for it.

Life is that cut and dry. Communicate, make a decision and follow through. I'm not bitter at all. I called her childish because after 14 pages and the repeated advice of talk to your husband because there seems to be a difference in pages of what they both actually want out of life, has been ignored. I'm all for the internet and getting opinions and learning from others who are in different walks of life than yours. However if a majority are all telling you the same thing its called get a clue. She has painted her husband in a bad light. She basically has told us that he has no regard for how she feels. Because she said that they agreed on a budget and he won't stick to it. That being said to me screams that he doesn't actually care about what they agreed upon together and now she is trying to figure out how to get it to go back to her way. The only way for them to work this out isn't a money problem its a respect problem that only they can figure out. Maybe they can go spend some money first on couseling then IVF.

how about you just have a conversation with your husband and just your husband about it. I wouldn't consider dragging things like this into the public.

I understand the request for ideas but I am sure you can come up with something together. After all you are grown up and married and I am pretty sure also capable of sorting out your finances.

I was looking for SUPPORTIVE comments. NO need to comment if you are just going to be negative! Goodbye!

The supportive comments you are looking for are there. You're too wrapped up in the its my way or the highway mentality to see them.

Step back look at your situation as a whole. You're being childish by throwing tantrums, he's being it by being selfish. Is this how you want your kid(s) to be? Fix you first.

You actually sound kind of bitter. There really isn't anything wrong with her posting a relationship question on the internet.

Your supportive suggestion was to talk to her husband. That one has been covered in this thread. Life isn't always cut and dry. Some problems are more pervasive and troubling than others. Some people are better able to problem-solve by bouncing ideas off other people. The internet is a great place to do that as you are sure to get a variety of opinions. She has not put her husband down. She has not painted him in a bad light. I don't see at all that she has a "my way or the highway" mentality. She has said that she would not be leaving her husband because of this issue. Were you referring to the way she treated you? Because your suggestion, while a wise one, is only going to get her part way to the solution. And in the process of providing her with only a partial solution that has already been covered, you attacked her and called her childish.

Why don't you fix you before you give out advice on the internet? Especially since you have such a huge problem with people asking for it.

Life is that cut and dry. Communicate, make a decision and follow through. I'm not bitter at all. I called her childish because after 14 pages and the repeated advice of talk to your husband because there seems to be a difference in pages of what they both actually want out of life, has been ignored. I'm all for the internet and getting opinions and learning from others who are in different walks of life than yours. However if a majority are all telling you the same thing its called get a clue. She has painted her husband in a bad light. She basically has told us that he has no regard for how she feels. Because she said that they agreed on a budget and he won't stick to it. That being said to me screams that he doesn't actually care about what they agreed upon together and now she is trying to figure out how to get it to go back to her way. The only way for them to work this out isn't a money problem its a respect problem that only they can figure out. Maybe they can go spend some money first on couseling then IVF.

There could be any number of reasons that he is spending money that have absolutely nothing to do with his desire to have the IVF procedure. Your answer actually ISN'T the only right answer. And I don't see at all where the OP has stated that she plans to ignore the advice to talk to her husband. Not once anywhere has she stated that she doesn't want to have a discussion with him about it. Not once did she say that all she wanted was a way to manipulate her husband in wanting what she wants.

She actually agreed to talk to her husband and others went on to give her suggestions on how to save money and/or other alternatives to IVF. I'm not sure how any of that would give you the impression that she only cares about what she wants. But if you honestly think after 15 pages (or wherever it was that you eventually showed up in this thread) that the OP somehow missed that communicating with her husband was the FIRST step to solving the problem, well then you are either ignorant or you just came in here to pick a fight.

So which is it? Ignorant or bitter?

Well Said! Thank You! I wasn't even going to bother Yes, in many posts I said I should sit down and talk to him and figure something different out.

Maybe adopting would be a better financial descision. There are thousands of kids in the US alone that need a family, need love.

Also, for all those suggesting "just adopt an infant" I'd suggest you research it a bit more. It is incredibly difficult and expensive. As far as adopting an older child, you need to realize that they are available to be adopted for a reason - their parents have lost custody for a reason. There are not US orphanages just full of children who's parents have died. The older children available for adoption often have many special needs and issues. Even those with the best of intentions will find it terribly daunting.

EXACTLY. While it is incredibly admirable and wonderful that people are willing to take special needs children into their hearts and homes, it's not fair that people who can't conceive naturally are expected to do so, and that if they want to try and have their own instead of adopting they're somehow "selfish".

My husband and I actually did adoption classes with the intent of adopting through Children's Aid Society, and the workers there who ran the class said that we were pretty well guaranteed to get a child with a myriad of problems, potentially physical, behavioral, psychological, or all of the above. We were not ready or equipped for that, so we had to put a hold on it when the classes were done.

The other options, private or international adoption, are actually MORE expensive than IVF, and are NO guarantee of actually getting a baby at the end. Adoptions fall through all the time for various reasons. If I could go to some kind of baby drive-through and get a random baby handed to me, I would love it like I gave birth to it and be happy. But it is NOT that easy, and it's really ignorant to suggest it to an infertile person, especially if you've never dealt with it yourself. Believe me, the infertile person you're talking to has very likely already thought about it, and/or looked into it.

I also went through adoption training classes in MN through Children's Home Society. Each class I got more and more scared. A panel of parents who had already adopted through the program came to talk. Afterwards, about half the class was even more excited to adopt and half wanted to run away screaming. Some were dealing with multiple 3 letter diagnoses that were not disclosed until after adoption - ADD, ODD, RAD - you name it. You fill out a questionnaire describing what behaviors you could deal with and what you couldn't. Would it be ok if they had a history of fire-setting? Abuse of animals? Food hoarding?

The best part was that you can look through websites of waiting children, go through all the training and a homestudy, and not until nearly the very end of the process are you allowed to see their files or hear anything about their past. I went in with the best of intentions and abandoned ship near the end of the process. I cannot emphasize enough how much I respect those parents who were able to provide a home to a child, but anyone who thinks adoption would be "less stress" than IVF is sorely misinformed.

Ahem. And what health guarantee do you have when you have your child biologically? Because you carry it, they will be free from epilepsy, leukemia, asthma? please. My adoption cost less than what the OP says she is spending on IVF, and it was a helluva lot less painful.