Nagging about saving money for IVF
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There could be any number of reasons that he is spending money that have absolutely nothing to do with his desire to have the IVF procedure. Your answer actually ISN'T the only right answer. And I don't see at all where the OP has stated that she plans to ignore the advice to talk to her husband. Not once anywhere has she stated that she doesn't want to have a discussion with him about it. Not once did she say that all she wanted was a way to manipulate her husband in wanting what she wants.
She actually agreed to talk to her husband and others went on to give her suggestions on how to save money and/or other alternatives to IVF. I'm not sure how any of that would give you the impression that she only cares about what she wants. But if you honestly think after 15 pages (or wherever it was that you eventually showed up in this thread) that the OP somehow missed that communicating with her husband was the FIRST step to solving the problem, well then you are either ignorant or you just came in here to pick a fight.
So which is it? Ignorant or bitter?
She doesn’t have to state it. Although I'm pretty sure she finally understands now what I was trying to get her to see. But the first 14 pages where the advice was given to "speak to your husband" was truly the only advice that was given that needed to be taken. I didn't even come up with it first. I like on many threads, read it saw she got the answer that I would have given and moved on. However when the thread is going to roll and has been going on for 14 pages after the answer to her question was given on page 1, I had to say something in a manner that may have be “extreme” to some because there are people who can’t see things any other way. So to answer your question, yes I came to pick a fight, because sometimes picking a fight with someone is the only way they know how to actually see advice.
The suggestions on how to save money start by sticking to a budget established between her and her husband. That starts with a conversation with her husband. The fact she continued to show up and ask, then defend him (which is good, she is a good woman) means she missed the fact she should talk with him. The issue isn’t money coming in it’s the money going out. They presented each other with a plan and agreed upon it. The issue isn’t the money or the flying over seas or IVF at all, the issue is her husband is currently not respecting her by his actions. Until she can see that and until she can get with him and help him fix that. No advice outside of “speak with your husband” applies anymore. If he needs help with his spending because he lacks self control that is on him, she can help him get that help but its ultimately on him.
Ignorant? Nope. Bitter? Not at all. Trying to help someone see the problem at its core? Sure. Taking unorthodox outside the box approaches to it? Sure. Bitter and ignorant? Not in the least.0 -
I think this is just something that unless you've been through it, no one will truly understand. And believe me, I've been there.
We've been trying to conceive for over 6 years, and it's been an uphill battle trying to get my husband to understand some things.
We talk all the time about it, but his go-to phrase is "I want you to be happy". Great, then can you go get that test done so we can eliminate you as a potential set-back? No, ok, wait two years then. Can we start looking for a larger home? No? This starter home with 1 bath and 2 bed in an ok neighborhood in a school district I will never let my kids go to...you want to stay another year or two? That's cool, it's only been 12 years now, despite the original plan of just five years here.
I get it. I truly understand your frustration.0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
It's also despicable that some people suggested fostering children because "they pay you money".0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...0 -
Wow, that's just disgusting and I had no idea this type of thing was even allowed. What a way to exacerbate already two monumental worldly problems.
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...
Too many people living outside their means these days.
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A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...
the government doesn't help you buy a car, clothes or TV, nor do they give you money to bail out of the debt for them0 -
Wow, that's just disgusting and I had no idea this type of thing was even allowed. What a way to exacerbate already two monumental worldly problems.
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Why do you have to say the things I am thinking? At first it was nice to see I wasn't the only one with these views... Now it is getting to point of "Get outtttt of my head!!!!!!" haha0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...
Too many people living outside their means these days.
Yes, yes they are... but that is a separate subject0 -
There could be any number of reasons that he is spending money that have absolutely nothing to do with his desire to have the IVF procedure. Your answer actually ISN'T the only right answer. And I don't see at all where the OP has stated that she plans to ignore the advice to talk to her husband. Not once anywhere has she stated that she doesn't want to have a discussion with him about it. Not once did she say that all she wanted was a way to manipulate her husband in wanting what she wants.
She actually agreed to talk to her husband and others went on to give her suggestions on how to save money and/or other alternatives to IVF. I'm not sure how any of that would give you the impression that she only cares about what she wants. But if you honestly think after 15 pages (or wherever it was that you eventually showed up in this thread) that the OP somehow missed that communicating with her husband was the FIRST step to solving the problem, well then you are either ignorant or you just came in here to pick a fight.
So which is it? Ignorant or bitter?
She doesn’t have to state it. Although I'm pretty sure she finally understands now what I was trying to get her to see. But the first 14 pages where the advice was given to "speak to your husband" was truly the only advice that was given that needed to be taken. I didn't even come up with it first. I like on many threads, read it saw she got the answer that I would have given and moved on. However when the thread is going to roll and has been going on for 14 pages after the answer to her question was given on page 1, I had to say something in a manner that may have be “extreme” to some because there are people who can’t see things any other way. So to answer your question, yes I came to pick a fight, because sometimes picking a fight with someone is the only way they know how to actually see advice.
The suggestions on how to save money start by sticking to a budget established between her and her husband. That starts with a conversation with her husband. The fact she continued to show up and ask, then defend him (which is good, she is a good woman) means she missed the fact she should talk with him. The issue isn’t money coming in it’s the money going out. They presented each other with a plan and agreed upon it. The issue isn’t the money or the flying over seas or IVF at all, the issue is her husband is currently not respecting her by his actions. Until she can see that and until she can get with him and help him fix that. No advice outside of “speak with your husband” applies anymore. If he needs help with his spending because he lacks self control that is on him, she can help him get that help but its ultimately on him.
Ignorant? Nope. Bitter? Not at all. Trying to help someone see the problem at its core? Sure. Taking unorthodox outside the box approaches to it? Sure. Bitter and ignorant? Not in the least.
Okay... so let's just say she had the CORE solution to her problem back on page 2. Once he answers that basic question about whether or not he really wants to do the IVF, she would have to know where she wants to take the conversation from there, hence the suggestions about saving money and alternatives to the IVF.
Furthermore, once she started this thread, she had no control over what people do with it. Sure, she came back and responded here and there, but only to the suggestions that others had posted.
I'm still really baffled why you needed to take an EXTREME approach to tell her what she already knows must happen. I mean, she can't stop the thread from rolling. She can't stop people from posting. And she has learned some things that will help her in the future, no matter what her and her husband decide.
Why do you need to expend the energy? What cause are you fighting for?0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...
Too many people living outside their means these days.
Yes, yes they are... but that is a separate subject
It is, and it isn't, all at once.... OP is trying to gather money she doesn't have for this IVF procedure; and it's been suggested they take out loans, put it on credit.... Awful idea0 -
Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.
In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...
Too many people living outside their means these days.
Yes, yes they are... but that is a separate subject
It is, and it isn't, all at once.... OP is trying to gather money she doesn't have for this IVF procedure; and it's been suggested they take out loans, put it on credit.... Awful idea
Agreed, sorry missed the point it the first post.
Its been a long day0 -
To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.
This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.
Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.
The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.0 -
I also went through adoption training classes in MN through Children's Home Society. Each class I got more and more scared. A panel of parents who had already adopted through the program came to talk. Afterwards, about half the class was even more excited to adopt and half wanted to run away screaming. Some were dealing with multiple 3 letter diagnoses that were not disclosed until after adoption - ADD, ODD, RAD - you name it. You fill out a questionnaire describing what behaviors you could deal with and what you couldn't. Would it be ok if they had a history of fire-setting? Abuse of animals? Food hoarding?
The best part was that you can look through websites of waiting children, go through all the training and a homestudy, and not until nearly the very end of the process are you allowed to see their files or hear anything about their past. I went in with the best of intentions and abandoned ship near the end of the process. I cannot emphasize enough how much I respect those parents who were able to provide a home to a child, but anyone who thinks adoption would be "less stress" than IVF is sorely misinformed.
wow I didn't know you could figure out if you're precious kidlet could be ADD pre-birth!!!! That's awesome!!! Good to know.
wow I didn't even know that could be done- but I'm totally right there with you.A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.
The lengths people go through to have children is so weird to me... it just proves how selfish people are honestly.
There isn't a logical reason to have children- much less multiple children at this point- so the only real reason is it's because it's something YOU want to do. Which is fine- but let's not get crazy with expenses and irrational justifications for having kids, it's a self serving choice and that's it.0 -
So you want to have your OWN child, yet would also consider an adopted child your OWN? Why not just take the step now and save a life?Why aren't you considering adoption? Why force your body to do something it's not naturally inclined to do in your case?
Plus, IVF isn't guaranteed. You could end up with 5 babies, or worse, have to "selectively abort" some until you have the choice amount. I all smacks of a puppy mill to me, to be honest.
There are children already existing out there that need you, don't understand why people have to force their hands with this, taking drugs and going into a lab for impregnation (shudder). And before you say "I want my OWN child", I have a little girl that I adopted when she was 8 months old that couldn't be more MINE if I had carried her myself. We have the closest, best bond and I couldn't love her an iota more than I already do.
In my previous posts, i mentioned adoption is my second option if IVF doesn't work. My body IS naturally inclined to have a baby. My husband is having issues with his semen. NO, I WONT end up with 5 babies. They select how many eggs they want to give me. One or two is usually the option. Which in my case, I would opt for 2. They WOULD NOT put 5 eggs back in me. That would just be silly and dangerous for me and the children. Yes, I am willing to go through all the drugs, injections, ect. to try to carry my OWN child. We want our OWN child. If it doesn't happen with IVF (we have 3 tries and get our money back if it doesn't work) then we will look into adoption. Yes, if I adopted a child, that child would be my OWN child regardless of weather I carried him/her or not. Just because we are having trouble getting pregnant doesn't mean we dont have the right to use the medical field to assist us.0 -
I want to be Pregnant AND be a MOTHER.! Is that selfish of me? I dont think so at all!
Bravo.not judging, just throwing this out there based my personal experience....
Infertility is a bi#ch and IVF is physically and emotionally draining. The financial drain with potentially no child at the end is a bitter pill to swallow too. I was deeply entrenched in infertility hell when a friend said this to me:
So do you want to be pregnant, or do you want to be a mother?
I am mom to two daughters adopted internationally, and I have never looked back.0 -
A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:
Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:
Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...
Too many people living outside their means these days.
Yes, yes they are... but that is a separate subject
It is, and it isn't, all at once.... OP is trying to gather money she doesn't have for this IVF procedure; and it's been suggested they take out loans, put it on credit.... Awful idea
And you've never bought a car with a loan? Having a loan with a small manageable payment is not that bad of an idea.0 -
How about taking that 21k and putting it into shares or real-estate, you can bet that neither of those things will never throw up on you or tell you how much of a S***ty parent you have been.0
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over spending money and having problems with his semen?
Are you SUuuuuuuureeeeeee you both want kids?0
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