Nagging about saving money for IVF

I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:

Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:

A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.

Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...

Too many people living outside their means these days.

Yes, yes they are... but that is a separate subject

It is, and it isn't, all at once.... OP is trying to gather money she doesn't have for this IVF procedure; and it's been suggested they take out loans, put it on credit.... Awful idea

And you've never bought a car with a loan? Having a loan with a small manageable payment is not that bad of an idea.

How about taking that 21k and putting it into shares or real-estate, you can bet that neither of those things will never throw up on you or tell you how much of a S***ty parent you have been.

not judging, just throwing this out there based my personal experience....

Infertility is a bi#ch and IVF is physically and emotionally draining. The financial drain with potentially no child at the end is a bitter pill to swallow too. I was deeply entrenched in infertility hell when a friend said this to me:

So do you want to be pregnant, or do you want to be a mother?

I am mom to two daughters adopted internationally, and I have never looked back.

Bravo.

I want to be Pregnant AND be a MOTHER.! Is that selfish of me? I dont think so at all!

How about taking that 21k and putting it into shares or real-estate, you can bet that neither of those things will never throw up on you or tell you how much of a S***ty parent you have been.

How about leaving this thread now? You have done nothing but give sh*tty responses the entire thread.

Have you considered trying to earn extra money as opposed to just saving the money you currently earn? There are a lot of little ways you can earn extra money. It might sound juvenile, but babysitting/nanny-ing in your spare time could be an option. Maybe dog sitting/walking? Plus, keeping busy might help keep you from obsessing about the issue of fertility.

Have you checked into HSA's (health savings accounts)? From what I understand, if you use the money for approved procedures it's not taxed.

To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.

This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.

Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.

The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.

Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.

I had IVF so let me put in my two cents. Don't stress, it's not gonna help. Put it on a credit card, once you give birth, you can claim your child tax credit then pay off your CC. That's what we did. My son is almost 2 and he's paid off Yaay! :drinker:

Oh and my husband only gets $20/week and no gas money :glasses:

A child tax credit is to invest in your kid's future, not pay off his creation. It is absolutely despicable that people are allowed to go into debt to procreate.

Right. People should only go into debt for new cars and clothes and T.V.s...

LOL! Exactly. I can't be in debt to have a baby!? But people can for cars, toys, t.v., fancy phones?! Pretty sure 95% of everyone in the world is in debt. Unless you own every single thing you have, more power to ya then!

There could be any number of reasons that he is spending money that have absolutely nothing to do with his desire to have the IVF procedure. Your answer actually ISN'T the only right answer. And I don't see at all where the OP has stated that she plans to ignore the advice to talk to her husband. Not once anywhere has she stated that she doesn't want to have a discussion with him about it. Not once did she say that all she wanted was a way to manipulate her husband in wanting what she wants.

She actually agreed to talk to her husband and others went on to give her suggestions on how to save money and/or other alternatives to IVF. I'm not sure how any of that would give you the impression that she only cares about what she wants. But if you honestly think after 15 pages (or wherever it was that you eventually showed up in this thread) that the OP somehow missed that communicating with her husband was the FIRST step to solving the problem, well then you are either ignorant or you just came in here to pick a fight.

So which is it? Ignorant or bitter?

She doesn’t have to state it. Although I'm pretty sure she finally understands now what I was trying to get her to see. But the first 14 pages where the advice was given to "speak to your husband" was truly the only advice that was given that needed to be taken. I didn't even come up with it first. I like on many threads, read it saw she got the answer that I would have given and moved on. However when the thread is going to roll and has been going on for 14 pages after the answer to her question was given on page 1, I had to say something in a manner that may have be “extreme” to some because there are people who can’t see things any other way. So to answer your question, yes I came to pick a fight, because sometimes picking a fight with someone is the only way they know how to actually see advice.

The suggestions on how to save money start by sticking to a budget established between her and her husband. That starts with a conversation with her husband. The fact she continued to show up and ask, then defend him (which is good, she is a good woman) means she missed the fact she should talk with him. The issue isn’t money coming in it’s the money going out. They presented each other with a plan and agreed upon it. The issue isn’t the money or the flying over seas or IVF at all, the issue is her husband is currently not respecting her by his actions. Until she can see that and until she can get with him and help him fix that. No advice outside of “speak with your husband” applies anymore. If he needs help with his spending because he lacks self control that is on him, she can help him get that help but its ultimately on him.

Ignorant? Nope. Bitter? Not at all. Trying to help someone see the problem at its core? Sure. Taking unorthodox outside the box approaches to it? Sure. Bitter and ignorant? Not in the least.

Okay... so let's just say she had the CORE solution to her problem back on page 2. Once he answers that basic question about whether or not he really wants to do the IVF, she would have to know where she wants to take the conversation from there, hence the suggestions about saving money and alternatives to the IVF.

Furthermore, once she started this thread, she had no control over what people do with it. Sure, she came back and responded here and there, but only to the suggestions that others had posted.

I'm still really baffled why you needed to take an EXTREME approach to tell her what she already knows must happen. I mean, she can't stop the thread from rolling. She can't stop people from posting. And she has learned some things that will help her in the future, no matter what her and her husband decide.

Why do you need to expend the energy? What cause are you fighting for?

To all those that have adopted: Thank you for taking an emotional and financial risk to rescue a pre-existing child that desperately needed a loving home. You saved and enriched a life and had yours enriched in the process.

This sort of mentality really bugs me too, adoption isn't "rescuing" a kid like they're a stray dog. I wanted to adopt because we wanted a child, I wasn't doing it to be heroic, but there were a million roadblocks and it's not as black and white as everyone seems to think.

Yes it's true there are no guarantees either way, but at least if a person is able to conceive and carry a child they can do their best to take care of themselves before the baby is born, and then to raise them well. There's always a chance of health problems, but what I'm saying is when I went to adopt through CAS they said we were literally almost 100% sure to get a child with not one but several serious problems. We just wanted to have a regular family like other people have, like all our friends were starting to have, we weren't ready to take that on.

The thing that I find very frustrating is people seem to think that infertile people have to bear the burden of society's unwanted children, and to do anything other than that is somehow selfish or greedy or whatever. If fertile people want kids, they have a kid and don't think twice about it, no one is looking at them going "well why didn't you adopt instead of trying at all?" It would never even be a question, but the second someone has trouble conceiving and has to seek medical help, suddenly they're terrible people if they don't want to adopt before trying anything else first.

Not true at all. I question anyone who has a child; fertile or through medical assistance.... I also question who anyone would support and buy an animal like a dog or cat from a breeder. My thought is, if you want a child, or a pet... Don't have one created when there are so many out there already in need of a loving home. We need to stop bringing more unnecessary life into this world and take better care of the lives already existing.

Generally, it's human instinct to want to procreate. Just because you had some ****ed up childhood where you were an unwanted child in an unloving home and has caused you to have some pessimistic, narrow-minded view of the world doesn't mean that is true of everyone. You have established that you think OP should adopt. You can move on now.